Vindicated
by g33kg1rl
Summary: Ten years in the future after the 'Leave it to Raphie' series. Over the years, Raph and Donnie have kept their promise to Splinter to stay apart, but as time passes and they grow up, slowly realizing who they are, what they want, and who, they have to come to terms they may have to break the rules; or stay apart forever. turtlecest RaphxDon Lemon & LeoxMikey Lemon - angst-galore
1. Runaway

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the TMNT or anything associated with them. I'm writing these stories for... some... twisted... reason... that even I am not fully sure as to why I am o.0 but here they are. All-in-fun-&-Games, my TMNT fan fiction.

Author note: The first few chapters will be Raph and Don as children - but that is only to set the mood and get you all prepared for what happens at the 10 years later mark. maybe if I get some nice reviews I'll post chapter three sooner than later :D (and please no flames. Constructive Critism yes, but if you don't like Turtlecest or RaphxDon aren't you're favorite chars, please don't complain, I'm giving you ample warning... and yes, there will be lemons later on; so if that squirks you, ... why are you here? o.0 ) thank you.

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small **Author Note:** The kids are 9 years old in this chapter.

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**--Runaway--**

By: Melissa the Damgel

He had had enough! If it wasn't Leo showing off and being all perfect, then Splinter was scolding him, and Mikey was just being annoying. Even Donnie was being a know-it-all… though he really wasn't _too_ mad at him; Don had smiled at him and kissed his cheek after he said he didn't understand.

But it was mostly because of Leo. He was acting all high and mighty just because Master Splinter had complimented him on learning a really hard kata and getting it right. Just cause no one else had done it perfectly yet, it didn't mean they wouldn't! It was so unfair that Leo got all the praise all the time for stuff. He tried hard too! He just didn't want to spend all day doing it like _Leonardo_. Leo was such a brownnoser.

Glaring at the walkway next to the rushing sewer water, Raphael stomped his way through the tunnels with a duffel bag over his shoulder.

'_It isn't fair;'_ he grumbled in his head and kicked at a rock. He was stronger than Leo, and he was a fast learner! Leo just showed off and tried to be all perfect. It was like Leo didn't want to ask questions when told to do stuff – he just bowed and did whatever Splinter told him to do. Wasn't asking questions important?

Raph turned a corner, heading deeper into the unexplored sewers outside of their normal scavenging area.

Today had been the last straw. He wasn't going to put up with _perfect Leonardo_ anymore, and he wasn't going to play with Mikey anymore because Mikey cheated all the time, and he wasn't going to listen to Splinter anymore because Splinter only liked Leo.

He frowned and peeked over his shoulder back towards the corner. He would miss Donnie… but after he got his own place, he'd tell Donnie were it was and they could play there together all the time. Maybe they could even have sleepovers and then they could kiss each other without being nervous of another brother walking in. Maybe running away had more than one perk.

Letting loose a sigh before he turned again to continue his escape, Raph stopped suddenly and paused as he took a moment to study the tunnel he was currently in. It was dark and shadowed, the walls were more cracked and caked in grime than the tunnels Splinter had them live in, and the tunnels that broke off in branches throughout the area, were smaller and lower to the ground than he was typically used too. Raph glanced up at the pipes above his head curiously and he took note of the various colors that marked different pipe lines leading to different areas in the sewers.

Looking back down the sewer he was in, Raphael narrowed his eyes, his mind chugging along as it slowly began to list options for what he should do. Looking back up at the pipes up above, a red marked pipe jumped out at him and he nodded, deciding that one looked like a good one. With his problem solved just like that, Raph went with his gut instinct and followed the red one that took him on a twisted and aimless journey that was geared towards searching for his own place to eventually live in.

"Raphie?" a voice called behind him suddenly out of the darkness and gloom he was trudging through.

Twirling around in surprise, Raphael's eyes went wide and his jaw dropped as he stared at Donnie just a few yards down the tunnel from him.

Donnie stared back at him, tilting his head to the right with his hand resting upon the corner of the sewer wall, dark eyes silently questioning Raph as to what he was doing.

"What the shell are you doing out here?" Raph shot at him, his eyes remained wide as he stomped towards him a few feet, trying to appear threatening as he as he asked his question.

Fidgeting and looking down at the ground for a moment, Donnie hesitated – and in the process making Raph blush deeply; Donnie just made too cute of a picture framed down the hall by the corner of the tunnel opening he was in; his hand on the wall, one of his knees bent and his foot rolling lightly atop his toes behind him in a rather feminine way.

"You seemed like you were mad after practice… and then you left the lair really fast. I wanted to make sure you were okay." He explained sheepishly before raising his dark eyes to gaze up at him.

Raph felt his face warm up again and he turned away suddenly, "Um… I was mad." He grunted and raised his duffle bag higher onto his shoulder once again, Raph got his bluster back and he stomped down the tunnel, "I'm sick of having to listen to Master Splinter and watching Leo show off in front of him. I know Splinter hates me so I'm just going to run away and save them the trouble of kicking me out later."

He felt more than heard Donnie hurry after him and join him at his side as he peeked back up at the red pipe and followed it deeper into the unexplored tunnels.

"I don't think they hate you." Don said quietly.

Raph scoffed and glanced down at the purple banded turtle at his elbow. "Sure they do. You seen the way they look at me – Leo looks like he's annoyed or something crawled up his butt, and Splinter looks all disappointed and shakes his head… you know… how he grips his cane and looks at the ground." Raph waved a hand out at his side as he explained. "I know they do. And Mikey, he's fun, but he's so annoying right now!"

Staring up at him as he walked beside him, Donnie tilted his head slightly and dragged his dark eyes away, "And what about me?"

"You think-" Raph stopped himself immediately and turned to stare at Don. Amber eyes widened as a wave of nervousness washed over him due to the fact Donnie had caught him and was now looking back at him all emotionless and looking as studious as ever as though he were watching him like one of those nature programs he likes so much and was waiting to hear the answer to the question he already knew. "W… what makes you think you did anything?" he laughed weakly and darted his eyes back and forth in an attempt to avoid Don's eyes. And of course, if all else fails, deny everything.

"Raphie, you're running away from home. What did I do?" Donnie asked simply, dark eyes burrowing into him and picking at his conscious in the most delicate of ways.

Growling loudly and looking away as he scratched at his head, Raph stopped abruptly in his tracks and squeezed his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to see Donnie's look of sympathy. "You think I'm stupid!"

Donnie stumbled slightly, "_What?_" his voice squeaked and he didn't even attempt to hide the incredulous sound he made at that statement.

"I don't understand half the stuff you say when you talk about all your toys and how you built them – or like when you were telling me about that animal on tv that you thought was weird; all I understood was that bugs live in its fur and it sleeps a lot." He threw a hand out and he turned around, glaring into the water to avoid eye contact. "I'm not smart like you. You only like me 'cause-"

"Raphie, you're not stupid!" He shouted, his voice firm and final – something Raph didn't hear too often. "In fact, you're actually really smart." Donnie said, his words softening and his body relaxing as he revealed the truth. He shifted his body so he was standing in front of Raph's current line of vision and he shyly peeked up at him, trying to catch his eyes. "You know how to read people and you can figure stuff out just by looking at it. I have to study it and research everything before I come to a decision." Donnie explained then smiled softly as though finding his next words funny. "I'm slower than you when it comes to understanding everything around me; I just remember things better on a long term scale."

Raph narrowed his eyes and eyed Donnie – he really didn't want to say 'huh?' like he was originally going to do, "You're making that up." He settled for saying that instead and that got a smile out of Donnie.

"I'm not! For example, this morning at practice, you said that Master Splinter looked stressed. I didn't understand what you meant. It took me till the lesson was over to see what you saw. It wasn't the way he spoke to us or even the way he drove us harder at practice; it was the way his tail moved, the way his ears and whiskers were twitching. It was even the way he held his cane, like… like-"

"-Something was on his mind… got it." Raphael grunted and looked down at his feet.

Donnie nodded and lowered his eyes to look down at their toes while he moved his hands behind his back to link his fingers together. "See, you're really smart at reading people and how a situation might go. After I have gathered all the facts do I see what you saw just walking into the same room as, say, Sensei. I wish I could do that."

Raph was silent for a while, his toe lightly kicking at a small pebble. "Well, I wasn't really mad at _you_ anyway…" He said lamely, feeling rather sheepish for assuming Donnie thought he was stupid. "I mean, I figured after I found my own home, then I'd ask you if you wanted to… you know… come visit me and stuff." Raph mumbled shyly, his face warming up.

A sad smile settled over Donatello's features and he looked back up at his brother, "So you're still running away?"

"Yeah; it's not worth being the butt of everyone's jokes back there – especially with Leo trying to be all perfect and Mikey getting all the attention by being silly and cute."

"Mikey _is_ rather silly." Donnie agreed.

Shuffling his feet and poking at that pebble again, Raphael finally lifted his amber eyes – and Donnie felt that intense gaze lingering upon him. The air thickened and he waited for the question to be asked. When nothing happened, he lifted his eyes to catch Raph's gaze and a frown tugged at his beak. "Raphie? What is it?"

"You should go home. Splinter will be worried about _you_. I need to find my own place." He pointed over his shoulder.

Donnie looked away and fidgeted with his fingers behind his back. "So you're really going to go out there all alone? Won't you get lonely?"

A genuine grin plastered itself to Raph's face and he waved his hand. "Naw, I like being alone. 'Sides, if you come to visit me, then I'll get to talk to you!"

"But…"

"Just go home, Donnie, I'll be fine." He gave him a thumb's up before he waved and once again began this trek back down the tunnel and following the trail of the red marked pipe.

Watching him walk away, Donnie's stomach twisted and his chest clenched and he suddenly felt as though something inside of him would break if he watched Raph round that corner and walk away. His lips parted and his breathing sped up as fear began to tickle at his mind. Pushing that fear aside though and analyzing his thoughts and emotions, Donnie inhaled deeply to calm himself before he followed after him, walking quickly to catch up to him. Silently joining him and walking at his side, Donnie dropped his eyes to the ground and watched their steps fall into sync as he followed beside him, finally settling that unease that had threatened to erupt just seconds before.

Raph raised a brow, eyeing his younger sibling. He grunted and shook his head as he continued on his exploration, "Donnie, go home. I'm sure Splinter and Mikey made something for dinner. All I got is some animal crackers, cereal, and bologna." Raphael grunted and pointed at the duffle bag over his shoulder.

Donnie shrugged and smiled, staying at his side and watching their feet.

They walked for several more minutes with nothing but hushed footsteps as their only sign of passing through the area. Raphael's eyes darted to Don every few seconds as he weaved the two of them through the tunnels following that trusty red pipe. He wasn't sure what to make of this situation… usually Donnie didn't listen to his harebrained schemes, let alone go along with him. It made him rather nervous to think he was now responsible for making sure Donnie would have a place to sleep and have proper meals to eat if he were to really follow him out here into 'the wilds' of the unexplored sewer pipes.

"Ya should just go home already." Raph said, peeking sideways at his brother as he straightened up a tad and threw his shoulders back in an attempt to appear more authoritative than he really felt. "I get the point, I'll tell you the second I find a place to stay. You don't have to follow me. I'm the one leaving."

"Raphie," Donnie began, his voice tender and delicate.

Dark eyes lifted to stare directly into his, and the sweetest, most honest smile Raphael had ever seen graced Donatello's features and settled upon his face in that moment. His dark eyes seemed to soften and Raph caught his breath, his mind grinding to a halt and his face flushing as Donnie gazed up at him in the prettiest way he had ever seen, and – in a tender motion that suddenly brought their hands together and their fingers linking – Donnie took his hand.

"Raphie, we're going to get married. If you leave, then I'm leaving with you." He said and offered up that sweet, shining smile and pretty sparkling eyes to Raphael as though it was a gift and a promise all at once meant solely for him.

Raphael just stared at him as they walked, their footsteps slowing till they were stopped and standing hand in hand in the sewer tunnel in the damp darkness. Something knotted up in Raph's chest – but it was a good thing; it felt warm and squirmy, almost like when he kissed Donnie, but more satisfying and nerve-wracking all at the same time.

Silence stretched between them and Donnie peeked back up at him. It was funny to see that look on his face, innocent and yet coy. That inquisitive light sparkled brilliantly in the smoky depths of his eyes, and Raphael's face warmed once again from that kittenish look Donnie was giving him from under his hooded eyes.

"Raphie?"

He wasn't sure when his body had moved, but he found himself two seconds later pressing his lips to Don's and kissing him slowly and chastely, savoring the feel of Donnie sighing and then melting against him.

Dropping his duffle bag so he could wrap an arm about the purple clad turtle, Raphael pressed the kiss for just a few heartbeats longer before he broke it with a lingering sigh. He opened his eyes cautiously and he felt a small victory jump in his chest from the content and dreamy look plastered across Donnie's face. That sweet smile once again played at the corner of his lips, and he felt Don's fingers travel down the length of his bicep.

Raph sighed heavily and leaned forward, pressing his brow to Donnie's as his hands gripped his shoulders a bit tighter. "Okay… _we'll_ go home."

Donnie's smile grew into a radiant grin as he finally opened his eyes fully. A breathy _'thank you' _managed to escape his lips as he gazed up at Raph with a grin that could have even rivaled Mikey's infamous cute smile at the moment.

A blush colored Raph's cheeks and he looked away, bending down to pick up his duffel bag and place it on his shoulder again before he captured Don's hand once again as he turned around to begin their trek back to the lair.

"Hey, Raphie?"

"Yeah?"

"I really would have gone with you."

Raph's stomach jumped and he peeked shyly at Don. A tender smile of his own threatening to break out over his face as Donnie's pretty eyes brightened from the honesty pouring off of him. But he had a reputation to keep and he just grunted and tried to avoid looking into his dark eyes, and instead just look annoyed – not that it really worked, but he tried.

"Thanks." Raph whispered and looked back down the tunnel.

Yeah, this warm knot of nerves and squirmy satisfaction was something he wanted to keep forever. Loving Donnie was so effortless and fulfilling. He tightened his grip on Don's hand, grateful that he would have him for the rest of his life.

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Again with the Author's note: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter :) I enjoyed writing this one. After I edited it, I wasn't sure that I liked it, but I changed my mind after about a day... heh. It might be a rather uneventful chapter, but something did happen that day between Raph and Donnie and it's very important and plays later on.

thanks for reading! and I _LOVE_ reviews! honestly, reviews are like my life-blood. It not only makes me want to write more, bit its also the reward after toiling away for hours writing this. please review! it makes me smile :D thank you!

-Melissa the Damgel


	2. Youthful Ethics

Disclaimer: nope, don't own the TMNT yet. I wish. but nope, this story is just for fun :)

**Author note:** the kids are 10 years old in this chapter.

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--**Youthful Ethics--**

By: Melissa the Damgel

Creeping across the floor as silently as possible and using all the training his ten year old mind and body had acquired thus far in Ninjutsu; Donnie inched across the floor on cautious steps, parted lips as he breathed through his mouth to keep himself from breathing too loudly, and a hammering heart. His nerves fluttered throughout his body as he approached the door. His eyes remained wide in a desperate attempt to try and see through the darkness as he reached forward to brush his fingers across the cold doorknob.

Easing the door open and slipping inside, Don closed the door quietly and stood as still as death, panting as noiselessly as possible as he waited for his body to calm and his eyes to adjust to the darker room. Pushing away from the door and tiptoeing past and over the various piles of messes left on the floor, Donnie silently approaching the bed and reached out, his fingers shaking as he slowly peeled the blanket away from the hammock as he began to reveal the lump lying in the center.

His heart pounding, Donnie hesitated and licked his lips. Maybe he should just wait till tomorrow… no… if he waited he would go crazy before morning. But, if he woke up the Abominable Raphie before morning…

"Donnie, if ya wanna get in, just lay down already." Raphael growled, shifting under the blanket and shoving it away from his face, glaring sleepily up at Don.

Squeaking in surprise, Don jumped back and snatched his hand away from the blanket like Raphael had just grown fangs and had tried to bite him. "Sorry!" He squeaked again and fidgeted, looking at Raph then looking away again several times.

"Jus' get in already." He grunted and scooted over carefully in his hammock. He waved Donnie over but he stopped suddenly, his hand still held out as he stared at the quiet turtle, seemingly huddled in on himself with wide dark eyes and a nearly trembling lower lip. Those dark eyes seemed to shine in the darkness, and the desperate hope that shone in them made his own stomach curl in uncertain fear. "Donnie?"

"Are we bad?" he asked suddenly, inching closer to the hammock and reaching out to Raph to help him in.

"What are ya talkin' about?" Raphael asked with worry tingeing his voice. He sat up slightly as he helped the turtle onto the hammock next to him and his arms were suddenly filled with a trembling Donatello clinging to him desperately.

"I…" Donnie began but stopped, wrapping his arms more tightly around his brother. "I was reading a book… and… it said to love your sister or brother and… and… if you have sex with them… it's against the law. But… are we bad for... for this? There aren't any other mutant turtles like us. Do the laws of humans apply to us? I mean; the probability of us being related is-"

Raphael was blinking quickly, trying to wrap his sleepy mind around all that Donnie had just unleashed at him. "Wha…" he shook his head and pushed Don away from him, gripping his shoulders tightly as Donnie reached up and grasped his wrists tightly as though afraid Raph was going to push him off the hammock for having revealed everything. "Start over. What's goin' on?"

Turning dark, wet eyes up towards his brother, Donnie's lower lip quivered before he sniffled. "I read in a book that loving your brother – like with kisses, and sex- is bad. They call it incest. I don't want this to be bad…" He clung to his arms as he bowed his head, sniffling suddenly. "Do you hate me?" He asked, squeezing his eyes shut, not wanting to look at Raph. "You wouldn't have started kissing me if you hadn't felt bad and said you'd marry me…" Another sniffle escaped him and he dug his fingers into Raph's arms, his throat felt so tight it hurt and his stomach wouldn't sit still. He couldn't stop shaking as he waited for his brother's judgment.

Sighing loudly, Raph pulled a hand away from Don's shoulder and smacked him on the head. "Idiot." He grunted.

Donnie sat up and stared up at Raph with surprise, a hand lifting to rub his cheeks, a few tears still gathered in the corner of his eyes as he gazed up at his brother.

Raph looped his arm around Donnie's neck and pulled him close, hugging him tightly as he rested his chin atop his head. "Well, I don't really understand what that incest means and all, but I think it's stupid." He sighed and frowned, his ten year old mind sorta understanding the concept, but it didn't quite make sense. Why would loving your brother be bad? He loved Mikey and Leo too, was that bad? Or was it because he loved Donnie, but in a different way that made it bad? Was it bad because he liked to give Donnie more attention? Or was it just because he liked to kiss Donnie?

This was rather frustrating.

Raising his head, Raph pulled back slightly and watched as Don shyly lifted his head from his chest to look up at him. He leaned down and pushed a kiss to his brother's beak, taking a moment to just focus on Donatello and draw his attention fully on him and away from his troubled thoughts. His brother's lips quivered as he hesitantly returned the kiss.

Donnie trembled against him, even as he slowly lifted his arms to wrap them about Raphael's neck, clinging to him desperately and kissing him back just as gently and chastely as they always had for the last few years – though this kiss lasted longer than all the others. It made him shiver.

Raphael broke the tender kiss and pulled back slowly, amber eyes opening to stare upon his brother's calming face as he kept his eyes closed and breathed slowly.

Shrugging suddenly, Raph rubbed his brother's back, trying to imitate that soothing motion their father performed when they were scared or feeling sick. "I wouldn't worry." He whispered and then wiggled about, lying down and dragging Donnie with him. He settled into his swaying bed as he pulled Don closer to him, forcing the brainiac to lay halfway on his chest so he could loop his left arm over Donnie's back and trail his fingers across his shell.

Donnie blushed softly and stared down at Raph as he watched his slightly older brother's eyes droop. He could tell he was tired and was about ready to fall asleep, but he had to know. "Why?" He asked, daring to reach out and press his hand firmly to his chest, his fingers pressing into his collarbone.

Peeking an eye open forcefully, Raphael frowned deeply and lifted his head, placing his free arm under his head as he stared into the dark eyes of his brother's. "'Cause there's no point in gettin' upset about somethin' that doesn't apply to us. I said I was goin' to marry ya, and I will. So that's that."

"But…"

"Can we just go to sleep now?" Raph yawned, annoyance very evident in his voice due to his brother's insistence that he continue arguing this.

Frowning, Donnie looked away, his fingertips rubbing Raph's collarbone. "But they say it's wrong." He whispered.

Raph sighed and pulled his hand away from Donnie's back and reached around to tug his blanket back up over them both. "Do you think this is bad?" He asked suddenly, wiggling about to get comfortable once more before he settled intense amber eyes upon his brother.

Don peeked back at him, fidgeting with the skin along his brother's collarbone and the top of his plastron. Raph had to admit, he rather liked Don's nervous fingers right there on his skin. After thinking over Raph's question Donnie finally shook his head then bowed it low, pressing his brow to Raph's chest and sighing loudly. "No… but…"

"Look, Donnie, if you don't think this is bad, then it isn't. okay? Now can we sleep?" He yawned, wiggling a bit further down into his hammock, feeling so warm and happy right where he was under Donnie.

Thinking over his brother's words, Don snuggled down in the blanket with him, nuzzling into Raph's neck and curling in his arms as Raph clung to him, treating him somewhat like a large teddy bear and holding him close.

Closing his eyes, Don listened closely to his brother's heartbeat, his fingertips trailing along the skin between his shell and plastron. He fingered Raph's scutes gently before he trailed over along his exposed carapace and was somewhat delighted to feel Raph shiver and mumble his pleasure even as Raphael drifted off to sleep.

Don nudged his beak into Raph's neck, kissing him lightly before he sighed, still bothered by what he had discovered. He would do more research into it tomorrow; and though he wasn't certain what to make of this unnerving information, he felt right at place where he was, curled against Raph with their legs tangling together and breathe lingering upon skin.

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Author's note: awe. I really liked this one chapter. again, nothing special, but it plays later on in the chapters; and again, its all to get the mood and the mindset of these kids.

I love the idea of Donnie crawling in bed with Raphie; it was the one scene I just HAD to find a way to work into the story; and it actually works its way into the story a few more times :)

Please review! I love 'em! and I love hearing what you all have to say or your suggestions. Sometimes the most random question will spawn plot bunnies that make me go wild and makes the stories better; and I believe that's why I love reviews. :) but thank you for reading!

-Melissa the Damgel

(p.s. I was informed that the entry looked odd, and when i went back, i realized I sorta forgot to delete the end half . so all you who have read it so far, you sorta got a sneak peak at the END of the story... yeah... i'm really sorry about that... ya'll are probably okay with it... o.0 yeah, so sorry. edited and fixed.)


	3. Broken Apart

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Ninja Turtles; I wish I did though. It'd be so much fun writing about them -

**Author's Note:** This part of the story takes place when they are 10 years old. And it would probably be a good idea to get Kleenex right now. Just as a fair warning; this isn't a happy or cute chapter.

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**-Broken Apart-**

**By: Melissa the Damgel**

"Raphael, it does my heart good to see you and your brother becoming so close. Friendships within the family unit are most certainly the most rewarding of relationships."

Raphael stared up at Splinter with a bit of confusion. He had been acting weird all week since he had walked in on him and Donnie giving each other a good morning kiss in the kitchen during breakfast. Tilting his head slightly, Raph's ten year old mind began to work, trying to figure out what was going on. Splinter had been watching them closely all week. Every touch or smile he had given Donnie – or Donnie gave to him – had been scrutinized by a frown or a raised brow. It was rather unnerving.

Inhaling slowly to cleanse his emotions before he dared to ask the question; Splinter leveled an even stare upon his son and pupil. His hands remind relaxed in his lap where he knelt before Raphael – and though he wished to grip them tight and feel his claws dig into is palms to take away some of his calmness – he regained his composure and relaxed his mind to focus on the task at hand.

"Raphael," Splinter began, his frown deepening. "I wish to ask you about the… awe… nature of your relationship with Donatello."

Twisting his face up in confusion, Raphael tilted his head at his father and tried to replay his words in his head in hopes they would make more sense the second time around. When nothing happened, Raph fidgeted uncomfortably where he knelt. "I don't understand, father."

Clearing his throat as he raised a paw, motioning slightly in the air as though brushing away his uneasiness was so simple, "I just wish to understand if you… love… Donatello… more than you used too in the past." Splinter tenderly ventured.

Raph's face again twisted up and his brows curled together as he tried to comprehend his father's question. "Well… yes… but I love all my brothers."

"But do you love Donatello more? Or perhaps… differently?"

Recognition dawned upon Raphael's face and he sat up straighter upon his knees. He looked down at the ground suddenly, his ten year old mind finally grasping the straw of understanding. "… Yes." Raph careful answered, peeking up at his father cautiously. "Um, a little bit differently, yeah…" He mumbled, watching his father's whiskers twitch and his shoulders stiffen slowly.

Splinter nodded cautiously, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly as he reined in his emotions and focused on remaining calm and collected. "May I inquire as to when this realization was stumbled upon?"

Raphael blushed lightly, thinking for only a second. "…well, um… don't get mad, but… a long time ago; like… a year… I was going to run away…"

"Oh, Raphael…" Splinter breathed, but motioned for him to continue.

"Um, when I was out in the sewers, Donnie found me and he followed me. I told him to go home, but he said he wouldn't." He could still see the sweet smile Donnie had given him as he shook his head and quietly took his hand as he walked with him through the sewers. "He said…. He said that 'cause we are going to get married, if I leave, he'll leave too." Raph explained, feeling his face warm up a bit more as he peeked up at his father.

"Married?" Splinter dared to ask.

Raphie nodded, "I asked him to marry me a long time ago; when we were littler –like seven."

Closing his eyes to calm himself a bit more upon hearing this new piece of information, Splinter calmly opened his warm eyes and reached out, taking one of his son's hands in his own. "My son, it is a wonderful thing that you and your brother are so close, and that Donatello has such a calming influence upon you. But I cannot allow the nature of this sort of relationship to continue."

He felt his stomach drop and his heart shatter at the words, and Raphael's lips parted in the beginnings of denial. "B… wha… why?" Raph shouted, jerking his hand away as he stumbled up onto his feet, his jaw agape and his eyes wide.

"My son, to love your brother in this way, it is not proper-"

"So? I dun' care! I told Donnie it isn't wrong!"

"But it is." Splinter stated firmly, his mouth pursing slightly as he watched the devastation settle upon his son's features – every inch of him seemed to suddenly sag from his words. "You cannot love your sibling in such a way. To take your brother into a marital embrace…"

"But… I promised him." Raph whispered, his shoulders bowing and defeat spread over his face as heavily as a rock to the bottom of the sea.

"I will speak to Donatello-"

"But you'll make him cry!" Raph protested. He took a few steps forward suddenly, a new and desperate hope still in his eyes. "What if I don't marry him! If I don't marry him, can we still be together and kiss and stuff?" he asked quickly, his hands shaking slightly at his sides.

Finally allowing his face to contort into pain, Splinter gazed up at his son and slowly shook his head. "No. I can't allow it, my son. It is for your own good. You do not comprehend the consequences of-"

"This isn't fair!" Raph screamed, his face contorting with rage, his breathing picking up and his entire body quivering. "I don't care! I said I would and I wi-"

"No." Splinter drew himself up, looking calm and collected just as his voice had hardened and stated there would be no further discussion. His word was law now.

Raph shook his head, his stomach curled so tightly in his belly he felt sick. He felt hot and cold; he felt like everything hurt and every part of him was numb at the same time. He panted, amber eyes wide as he ran through his scattered thoughts and tried to figure out what he was going to do. "I…"

"I will not allow it, Raphael." Splinter stated just as firmly as before.

He shook his head again more forcibly, and he trembled as he looked at everything else in the room but his father.

"Raphael…"

"_I hate you!" _Raph screamed, his face twisted in on itself, his eyes squeezed shut and his fists raised before he turned, running from the room with a cry from his father behind him.

He ran – that was all he could control at the moment. He ran past the main living area, past Leo – who had obviously gotten up to check on his master after hearing the muffled yelling – past Mikey in the kitchen and past Don as he exited his room, wide eyed. Raph ran from the lair and stumbled into the sewers, not caring where he went; he just had to get away. He had to run away.

There was no concept of time as he escaped. He didn't know how long he had been out there. Raph had run until he had literally run himself ragged and he had fallen in the water, panting and gasping for breath. He screamed at some point because his throat hurt, and he had punched at the ground too because his fists were bloody and his fingers ached. He dragged himself out of the water to a little alcove in the sewer's walls. He pounded his already pained fists against the wall several more times, letting loose another bellow of hatred. How could he do that? Why? It wasn't fair!

Then the tears came. He sobbed and trembled, gasping for breath as he wailed. His legs grew weak and he slid down the wall, his fists still raised as his brow fell against the rough bricks. He choked and coughed, spittle flying from his mouth as he knelt there, grasping at the wall like it was his only lifeline.

Through his haze he heard a rumbling echo that sounded like the wheels of a skateboard. Raph choked again and wiped at his face with the back of his arm, but having the comfort of his arm to hide against, he let another sob burst from his lips.

He felt their presence first though he never heard them coming.

"Go away!" He snarled, trying to cover the tears with anger.

"Raph…"

Raphael choked as he let a bitter laugh escape him. "Go 'way Leo, I don't wanna listen to ya lecture me too."

Leo didn't budge as he stared down at his brother, gripping his skateboard more tightly under his arm. Rich tawny and brown eyes watched his brother as he tried so hard to cover the tears up – he watch Raph try so hard to pretend in front of him. "I-"

"_Shut up! I don't need it from you too!"_ Raph squeezed his eyes shut as he screamed, his teeth clenching in a brave attempt to not let another sob out.

"I don't know what Splinter said to you! He wouldn't tell me anything!" Leo shouted back. "He took Donatello into his room after you left and told me to find you." Hesitating as he stared down at his brother, Leonardo stepped forward and reached out tentatively, only to have his hand violently slapped away. "What happened?" He whispered.

"I'm not telling _you!_" Raph hissed, scrubbing at his face again.

"Okay, fine; but I'm not leaving." Leo announced and knelt down, setting his skateboard next to him. He shifted his posture and closed his eyes, ready to just sit and wait out Raph while practicing his meditation.

"You're such a show off, ya know that? Always doing what Splinta' says… well he ain't always right." Raph hissed, hiccupping suddenly. "He ain't right…"

Leo opened his eyes slowly, watching his brother once again break down. For Raph to allow himself to cry like this even in front of him… he was almost afraid to find out what would make him like this. "What happened?" he breathed out, his voice nothing but a hushed whisper.

Raph's brows knitted together and he hesitated, his lips parting as he stared at nothing down at his knees. He inhaled carefully, his breathing jagged as he did so, but he paused and closed his eyes, shaking his head.

A frown fell over Leo's face but he too looked away, his hands curling atop his knees.

---------- ----------

Splinter watched his eldest bow after accepting his task of finding his brother, and followed his leave with his eyes as Leonardo turned and left the room, shutting the shoji door silently behind him. He then turned his eyes to the wide-eyed Donatello sitting in front of him, his fingers curled tightly into fists and his eyes scared.

Frowning, Splinter considered his options as he regarded his son.

Donatello shook as he waited, his own mind – though fueled by terror – was already hard at work trying to think of what was going on. In a terrifying moment of realization, everything clicked into place and Don's gaze fell as his breathing picked up.

"Donatello, about Raphael…"

"You know…" Donatello blurted out, his breathing becoming harsher. "The kiss, and now the talks… and Raph running away…" He trembled, leaning forward slightly as he stared at nothing and yet felt as though he could see everything happening from outside of his body.

An exhale escaped Splinter's lips and he nodded slowly. "Raphael told me that several years ago he apparently asked you to marry him."

Donnie nodded, his brows curling together and his eyes prickling with heat. "Y-yes… I… I said yes…"

Closing his eyes to block out the image of his son for a heartbeat to once again calm himself, Splinter inhaled slowly and exhaled his doubts smoothly before he raised his eyes once more and gazed upon his son. "Donatello, you know this situation is improper."

Shaking his head, Don trembled before he looked up at Splinter, tears in his eyes, "But… Raphie said it wasn't wrong-"

"It is-"

"-and I did the research and the calculations … the likelihood of us truly being related is-" he panted harshly, his whole body quaking.

"Donatello-"

"-and he told me he would marry me because-"

"Donatello-"

"-only of our kind and we probably won't get married like the humans… and he said it wasn't wrong-"

"My son." Splinter reached out suddenly, interrupting him abruptly as he cupped Don's cheek, halting him in his ramblings.

The turtle trembled, staring down at the tatami mats he knelt upon.

"Donatello," Splinter began, "I understand that logically it might-" but he stopped abruptly the moment Donnie lifted his face to his and he was struck silent by the fat tears in his son's eyes as his face contorted with sorrow.

"Don't make me, please. I want to marry Raphie." He whispered, his voice trembling just as the tears in his dark eyes balanced precariously on the edge.

Pulling his hand away in a reverent manner, Splinter gazed down at his bowed son sadly, "Donatello, I can't condone this. I will not allow this to take place. You and Raphael must stop immediately.

Donnie closed his eyes and the tears fell fast and in hot streaks down his cheeks. A choked wail escaped his throat and he bowed forward swiftly, his hands pressed to the tatami mats as he sobbed, "Father, please… please!"

Splinter squeezed his eyes shut, turning his head to the side as Donnie cried in front of him, begging him with choked pleas.

"Donatello, please. You will make yourself sick if you do not stop crying." Splinter whispered soothingly, reached forward and stroking his son's shell to try and sooth him. "Calm yourself."

"Please, father. Please… I really, really, love him." Donatello sobbed, his brow still pressed to the tatami mat.

Sighing softly, Splinter laid his hand upon Donnie's scalp, rubbing his thumb over his skin smoothly. "Donatello; a knowledgeable turtle such as yourself should know what the term 'incest' means, correct?"

Donatello choked on something in his throat and he nodded before another blubber of tears escaped him.

"Then shouldn't this explanation be more logical to your mind than loving your brother in such a sinful manner?" He asked gently.

He nodded slightly then shook his head quickly in denial. "No! I-I love him, really, I do father!" Donatello raised his head from the mats, his face streaked and flushed. "We can't grow up and get married to other people. Sensei, we're mutates, we are all we have in this entire world!"

"And even so, you should not break down your morals and endanger your soul's clarity simply for a bit of physical pleasure." Splinter whispered even as he straightened up – once again impressing his position as the head of the family.

Donnie whimpered and shook his head, "Please… I'll train harder! I'll stop building things and reading so much! I'll do anything!"

The old rat once again shook his head in denial to his request. "Donatello; part of the reason why I trained my sons to be ninja is so they could learn ways to cope with the hardships this… isolated … life of yours will bring. I understand how hard this is for you to comprehend at such a young age-"

"Father…" Donnie whispered, gazing up at him desperately, more tears sliding down his cheeks.

"If neither you or Raphael will obey my wishes, then I will have no choice but to send Raphael, and him alone, to Japan to spend time with my Master's Master. There, he will train under him and learn discipline away from you and your brothers. I do not wish this, for in order for you and your brothers to learn teamwork, you must all be present and together to learn and bond in training. But I will not allow such happenings into my home. Do you understand?" his voice was hard and firm as he breathed his last word, his hands grasping together in his lap as he sat regally before his son.

Don's jaw slackened and his insides felt like they had turned upside down suddenly in the vice they already were being squeezed in. "Japan?"

"Yes." Splinter nodded, watching Don's face smooth over for a brief moment.

"Raphie won't like it…"

"I know." Splinter explained – silently telling him that he knew Raph would be giving the Ninja Master as much trouble as possible, but the Master would be hard and force discipline into him. "Do you understand me, my son? You two will stop these actions now, or I'll also send you away to another so you too might have time to think over what you two have done."

Donnie sobbed again and clawed at the tatami mats as the image of being separated from his family – from Raphie – played repeatedly in his mind.

He nodded.

---------- ----------

The shoji door behind Donatello inched closed once again as Mikey snuck away, holding his belly tightly and trembling faintly. He felt sick and scared after what he had heard.

He walked around aimlessly for awhile, his hands occasionally reaching out to touch something or other before he would continue on; not really understanding why he had needed to touch that object at all.

He did this for ten minutes before Donatello finally left Master Splinter's study.

Mikey inched towards him, staring at his brother with uncertainty. Donnie looked drawn and hopeless, his shoulders sagging, his hands limp – even his legs seemed to drag as he shuffled away after closing the sliding shoji door. But it was the large tracks of tears that truly worried the youngest brother.

Donatello shuffled through the lair, dark eyes haunted as he silently looked for whatever it was he needed. When he didn't find it after peeking into each room and even searching the bathroom, Donnie just stood there in the middle of the main living area and bowed his head, letting a wailing sob escape him unexpectedly.

Shifting from one foot to the other nervously, Mikey tiptoed to his brother, watching him closely while his hand reached out, touching to brush across Don's elbow.

He looked up then, eyes puffy from crying and he moved closer to Mikey, curling up against him with another sob escaping his throat.

Michelangelo hesitated – he had never had to be the comforter up till now. He peeked down at Donnie as he hid his face against his shoulder and thought back to what Leo would do for him when he came to his eldest brother's room after nightmares. Slowly, Mikey wrapped his arms securely around his older brother and pulled him in tight, bowing his head to Don's as he tried to mimic the soothing rubs Master Splinter and Leo would do for him, "Its gonna be okay, bro."

"It's not fair…" Donnie whispered – and it was the only thing he managed to say for many long minutes as he choked on his sobs. He clung to his baby brother, stifling his cries against his shoulder as he shook – wishing it was Raph who was hugging him if only so he could hang onto him one last time.

Mikey just held his brother, his brows curled together and frightened. He stared at the floor for the most part, trying to distance himself from the sorrow that poured off of Don. But just as suddenly as he began crying, Donnie recovered and sniffled.

He held tightly to his brother, staring at nothing in particular as his emotions began to settle and his mind began working once again. He was silent other than his sniffles and he listened to Mike's racing heart, just listening to the rhythmic thumping on the other side of plastron plates. Closing his dark and haunted eyes to the room, Donnie shook and bit his lip to keep from crying once again.

Mikey wasn't sure what was going on. He looked back to the sliding doors where Splinter was and mulled over the words he had managed to catch while listening in.

"I need to find Raphie…" Donnie whispered, not moving just yet.

"But…" Mikey began then stopped, hugging his brother a bit tighter. "Okay… He's out in the tunnels; Leo went to find him."

Don sniffled and pulled back slowly, wiping his nose on the back of his arm before he wiped the tears from his eyes. He kept his eyes lowered as he turned from Mikey's wet shoulder and walked towards the door, occasionally wiping at his cheeks as he left the lair and headed into the tunnels.

Mikey shouted and hurried after him. He snatched at his brother's hand, taking it in his as he followed, staring at his older brother worriedly. "Donnie… what's going on?"

He looked to the ground at that question, his eyes growing distant as he thought about answering his question.

"Please? I don't know what's going on… and you're crying a lot. I wanna know what's going on, bro."

Another sniffle escaped Donnie's throat and his fingers that were locked with Mikey's trembled violently. "He… I… we…" He fumbled.

Mikey tugged on his brother's arm and pulled him to a stop, staring at him with large and worried blue eyes. "Come on, dude, what is it?"

Donnie looked away, staring into the water from the sewer. "…We were going to… do something…" Don stopped himself, his eyes filling with tears as he realized he could never tell… "But Master Splinter said no." he finished in a whisper.

Patting his brother on the arm slowly, Mikey blinked several times and tried to comprehend his words. What did they want to do that was so bad? When Donnie didn't say anything, he tilted his head curiously, "Well… what was it?" He asked carefully.

Continuing to stare into the water with his insides warring about what to do; Donnie suddenly found his face twisting up in loss and despair. "…We were going to…" he stopped suddenly and looked away, shaking his head.

More tears formed in his eyes and Don bowed his head, wiping at them before they had a chance to fall, "It's too weird, but… I really wanted too…" he sniffled and then hid, pressing his fists to his eyes as he hiccupped and sobbed.

Frowning before he pulled his brother into another hug, Mikey sighed and staring at the sewer wall across from them and curled his brows together. Why was wanting to get married so bad?

---------- ----------

An undying silence seemed to settle over the two; Raph occasionally let a shudder or sniffle escape him as he sulked. He broke down again fifteen minutes later and had another screaming and sobbing attack – Leo's skateboard ended up farther down the sewer from the fit; and from the sound of the crack it made against a corner, it was probably broken too. Leo didn't say anything, only frowned deeper and watched Raph pummel his fists against the wall; but as he slid back to his knees, Leo calmly reached out and touched his shoulder with only the barest of brushes with his fingertips.

Raph hiccupped and leaned into that touch slightly, rubbing at his eyes and scrubbing at his nose, "I hate 'im." He whispered, wiping his nose across the back of his hand and gasping for breath.

"Why?" Leo asked, keeping his voice hushed.

Raph clamped up immediately and looked away, pulling his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms about his knees and he hid his face in the crook of an elbow.

Another twenty minutes of silence settled over the two. Leo drifted in and out of meditation; still not fully grasping the ability to slip into a meditative state like his sensei just yet. He snapped out of it when he felt a touch at his shoulder. He gazed up to the owner of that hand and saw Mikey, who then glanced to their brother next to him with a worried look on his round face. Leo gazed up at Don and he frowned as his brows curled together with concern, for Donnie's face was blank and distant with red rimmed eyes and heavy lids. Don was silent and everything about him seemed pulled in as though he was trying to hide from the world inside his shell without actually getting inside it.

Mikey looked back to Leo, looking uncertain and oh so frightened by this entire situation. Michelangelo's eyes locked with Leo's and his brows knitted together, silently asking him with watery blue eyes what was going on.

"I want to talk with Raphie." Donatello whispered, shuffling slightly to the side, asking him with a slight twitch of his finger if they could leave them alone.

Standing slowly from his kneeling position, Leonardo stretched his legs before he moved past Don and reached out for Mikey's hand, quietly leading his confused younger brother away.

Reaching a shaking hand out, Donnie barely touched Raph's arm before he found himself on his knees with an arm full of Raphael who was clinging to him.

"I don't care what he says!" He exclaimed, hiding his face against Don's neck.

Donnie's lower lip trembled as his eyes seemed to quiver with the threat of tears lingering in his hauntingly dark eyes. "Raphie…" he whispered and hesitantly raised his arms, curling them about Raphael's head and holding him gently.

Raph pulled him tighter to his body. "I'll still marry you and… and we'll move to another sewer, or… or we'll live on the surface! I don't care what he said-"

"Raphie, we can't get married." Donnie whispered.

His eyes flew open and his heart stopped, and Raphael actually felt like he had been plunged into ice water at how quiet everything had gotten around him.

---------- ----------

Michelangelo leaned against the wall around the corner from where Donnie and Raph were. He stared at his fingers, remaining quiet as he waited with heavy thoughts.

"Hey, Mikey…"

"Donnie cried." He whispered, blue eyes darkening slowly, "He even yelled a little bit…" he went on, his brows knitting together. "I went over to the doors and got it open a little and was listening and…"

"It isn't our business." Leo said, then looked away, his own eyes growing sad and distant.

Michelangelo's eyes began to fill with tears, "Splinter said he'd send Donnie away if they didn't stop…" he looked up at him, shaking a bit as Leo jerked to look at him in surprise.

"W-where?"

"Japan. He said he'd send Donnie to the Master who taught Hamato Yoshi…" Mikey sniffled and rubbed at his nose, several fat tears sliding down his cheeks. "Donnie cried… asked him not too…" He gazed up at Leo imploringly, shaking slightly, "What did they do wrong? Why is Splinter so upset?"

Leo stared at his baby brother and stepped forward, holding out his arms. Mikey flung himself forward and hid against Leo, clinging to him desperately as he hiccupped. "I don't know, Mikey. But Raph screamed… and he cried a lot too."

"Raph doesn't cry about anything. He didn't even cry when he fell off his skateboard and cut his knee!" he exclaimed, wanting to know why now of all times Raph was crying and he wanted to know what had happened to make two of his older brothers so upset.

Nodding in agreement, Leo sighed and hugged Mikey closer, rubbing his shell slowly. "I don't know." He whispered.

A whimper escaped Mike's through and he burrowed his face into Leo's neck, sniffling loudly. "I'm scared…."

"You don't need to be." Leo reassured, pressing his cheek to Mikey's temple. "If Donnie does go to Japan, we'll all go. We're brothers, we can't get split up." He declared, straightening up a bit with all the confidence his ten year old spirit had.

Mikey sniffled as he listened and his muscles slowly began to relax. He nodded after a minute, deciding he liked that plan.

Leo just hoped he wouldn't have to keep that promise; he wasn't sure he could disobey Splinter so easily.

---------- ----------

Attempting to get his voice back, Raph struggled to his knees and stared at Donnie as his littler brother looked away. Raph's shoulders fell suddenly and his face scrunched up. He could just see it on Donnie's face already – it was hopeless. "Wha… why?"

Donnie's fingers tightened against Raph's arms as he inhaled slowly, trying to steady his breathing. "… You know what incest means, right?"

"Sorta… but I thought…" Raph began with confusion written across his face. "No… you… we…" He babbled, turning back to him, "We were supposed too-"

"But we can't." He stated and stared at the ground, remaining where he was as he slid his arms free of Raph's neck. "We just can't… it… it's not right…" Donnie explained and looked away, staring off to the side while he slowly pulled himself out of his arms.

"What did he say to you?" A snarl escaped Raphael's lips as he grabbed Donnie's shoulders, shaking him slightly as he glared at him. "What did he do?" He shouted.

"Nothing!" Donnie shouted back, his shaking hands lifting to grab Raph's wrists.

Raph stared at Don and shook his head, stumbling up to his feet as he backed away. "This is so stupid! Why is he doing this?" he screamed turning and slamming the side of his fist into the wall.

Donnie jumped and winced at his motions, his eyes turning away for a moment as he answered. "He thinks he knows what is best for us-"

"Then he should leave us alone!" He snarled.

"He can't. He's our father." Don whispered.

"Well he ain't mine! Not anymore!"

"Don't say that." The olive colored turtle whispered, drawing his brows together. "You still love him, but you're just angry."

Scoffing, Raph turned his face away and shook his head. "I don't love him at all right now. How can you?" He turned, pointing an accusing finger at him.

Shrugging, Donnie looked down, looking exhausted and hurt. "I… I don't hate him; I just greatly dislike him right now." He explained.

Raph laughed mockingly and shook his head, "Basically the same thing, Donnie-boy."

Silence jumped in front of them like an unexpected stop sign. Donnie bowed his head further and he bit his lip, his shoulders beginning to tremble lightly.

Looking towards the bowed figure, Raph inched towards him, worry etched into his features. "Donnie?"

"You can't call me that anymore…" Don whispered , looking up at him with moisture gathering in his eyes.

Raphael's brows knitted together in confusion, "Call you what?"

"Donnie-boy…" He whispered and lifted a hand, scrubbing at the tears in his eyes.

Breathing became very hard for Raph as realization settled over his eyes of what was going to change. He looked around him as though the answers would be written somewhere on the walls down there – but when nothing appeared, Raph panicked and reached out, taking Don's shoulder. "We can run away! We can go to another sewer system or… or we can go to the surface and hide! Let's good! We can run right now-"

Shaking his head, Donnie reached up for his hand, but Raph jerked away from him, hands curled into fists suddenly as he snarled down at him.

"Why not?" He screamed, "This isn't fair! We were supposed to be happy!"

"Raphie…" Don began but choked on his words, "It isn't fair, I don't like this either-"

"But what?" Raph yelled, glaring down at him. "You believe that old rat when he says this is wrong? When did this ever feel wrong?"

"But ethically-"

"I don't care!" Raph bellowed and slammed his fist into the wall, "I hate this! We were supposed to be happy, forever!" He punched the wall again.

"Raphie…" Don reached out, tears sliding down his cheeks.

"_This isn't fair!"_ A sob escaped Raph and he punched the wall again, only this time the sounds of snapping bones cracking against the bricks met both their ears. Raph choked on his breath and sank to his knees, cradling his broken fingers to his chest while Don stared in horror before he bit his lower lip and trembled.

Donnie stifled his own sniffles and inched closer to him. Raph sat down and hid his face in his good hand as Donnie took his broken hand, looking it over carefully. "I hate this situation too." He whispered on a raw throat. "I didn't think… but this is what happened." He sniffled and looked up to Raph, moisture sliding down his cheeks in fast rivulets. "Even though this isn't proper-"

"Shut up, Don." Raph choked, gasping for breath. "This too is proper and ya know it." He forced out, his body shaking as he trembled.

Looking down at his bruising fingers, Donnie suddenly let free his own wrenching sob that made his whole body quake. "I really, really wanted to marry you…." he whispered.

Turning to him, Raph's amber eyes flared with life as he reached for him. "Then let's get married! I don't care if we're too little; I don't w-"

"We can't." Donnie hiccupped, shaking as he clung to Raph's broken hand with his fingers on his wrist. "I want too, but we can't." he squeezed his eyes shut, his body trembling as he cried.

Raph looked away, staring at the wall across from him, "No matter what we do…" He began but stopped, hopelessness settling into his already weary body and his eyes stung again. "I really thought we were going to get married." He whispered.

Donnie whimpered again and bobbed his head in agreement.

Feeling his eyes fill with tears, Raph turned to look at Don, watching those dark eyes gaze at him in defeat. "I'll still love ya, 'kay?"

Sobbing as he bowed forward over his hand, Donnie nodded slightly and let his tears fall like hot rain, scattering them across the broken hand that he clung to so desperately and lovingly.

---------- ----------

"So this is it?"

"Yeah…" Donnie whispered back, staring at the same wall as Raph that was opposite them with his head resting upon Raph's shoulder. He held Raph's injured hand in his lap, and he stroked small circles upon his wrist.

"I hate this." Raph breathed, too tired to be angry.

"I do too." Don agreed, his eyes dropping to their hands.

"Then why can't we-"

"You know why." He sighed, staring at their hands and comparing his lighter skin tone to Raphael's darker tone. He studied his bruised, cut and broken fingers for a second before he looked to his arm that he had looped his own through, holding him close and stroking at his wrist for the time being. Just one more minute…. "We should go home and get your hand fixed up."

"I don't want to go home." Raph growled, glaring at the wall across from him.

"We have to eventually." Donnie said, trailing his fingertips over his arm lightly before he picked up that circling motion again upon the underside of his wrist.

Raphael's brows knitted together and he looked away from the wall, his head rolling on the bricks behind him. "Why don't we just run away?"

Donnie held his breath as he considered his words – for the first time since this all happened, logic wasn't at the forefront of his mind and he _really _thought over his offer.

Raph's gut jumped and he momentarily had hope rise within him.

But a slow exhale left Don's chest as though he was defeated by his own answer and thusly killing Raphael's hope all in the same breath. "You know why we can't." His voice was hushed and it quivered slightly.

They were silent and they leaned against the other, praying time would slow down till it stopped so they could at least stay there together locked in a timeless loop. But today, nothing seemed to go their way.

"I hate him." Raph hissed.

"No you don't." Don scolded weakly, his head shaking vaguely against his arm.

The two once again left things unspoken for a time, the only sounds around them was the rushing of the sewer water and the occasional car horn above their heads.

"Do we have to do this?" Raph asked, rolling his head towards Donnie and watching him closely.

A heavy sigh escaped Donnie and he continued to stroke Raph's wrist, not taking his eyes off of his hand. "Yes." He breathed sadly.

"I don't want too." He whispered back.

Donnie shrugged his shoulders slightly, keeping himself from agreeing with him outright. "We have too."

Raphael's eyes dropped, staring down to Don's knee where it rested against his own "We have to go home and act like nothing happened, huh?"

"Yeah." Don breathed, his eyes prickling with a sudden wave of tears. He blinked his eyes quickly to hold them at bay. "And we have to almost act like strangers…"

"I can still talk with you, right?" He asked quietly, his thumb moving just faintly before he winced as his thumb stretched something along his broken fingers.

Donnie nodded, rubbing his wrist slowly again to ease the pain, "Yeah, but we can't be alone – not for a long time."

"I hate this…" Raph said again, beginning to pull his injured hand away.

A sob escaped Donnie suddenly as he clung to his arm, his fingers tightening upon his forearm and his cheek pressing further into his shoulder, "Not yet… just a moment more, please…" He whispered, hiccupping loudly.

Turning his face away and closing his eyes, Raph nodded slightly, his voice rough and deep as he answered. "Hey, no more crying, 'kay?" he sighed, settling his injured hand back into Don's lap.

Donnie's lip trembled and his fingers shook as he sat there, holding Raph's hand gingerly. "I wish this was different." His voice quivered out.

"Why can't we just run away then? We can make it different!" Raph said, looking back to him desperately.

Lifting his eyes to stare into the same intense amber that had asked him to marry him all those years ago in this same stretch of sewer pipe, Donnie could no longer see in front of him till the tears fell, "We can't…"

Raph looked away and stared at the opposite wall, nodding weakly.

Donnie looked back down to his hand and stroked his wrist, biting his lip gently; but it was to no avail. He sniffled and hiccupped, crying softly against his arm.

Listening to him cry, Raph's throat hurt and his vision blurred as he gazed blindly at the wall across from him. "I'll still love ya, got it?" he choked out.

A sob escaped Donnie, and Raph lifted his hand, closing his eyes to let the tears run fast and hard down his cheeks as he covered his face, hiding it from the world with his broken hand in the hands of his dearest one.

---------- ----------

Raph and Donnie came around the corner two hours later. Donnie was jacketed in Raphie's arms, his legs wrapped about his waist and his arms about his shoulders as Don hid his face against his neck.

They didn't say anything; just passed by their brothers, who were still curled up together against the wall having waited for them the whole time.

Leo was the first to his feet, followed by Mikey as he grabbed his older brother's hand. They followed their brothers, worry etched into their faces as Donnie occasionally let out a whimper and gripped at Raphie all the tighter. They made it back to the lair in silence and Raph ignored the disapproving frown upon his father's face. Leo and Mikey followed close, watching from the doorway as Raph hugged Donnie one moment longer before he carefully peeled him from his body one handed and laid him down in his bed.

Donnie stared at him through exhausted and heavy lids, and Raph stared back, tucking his brother into bed. He leaned forward slightly then stopped sharply as though he had meant to do something then rethought his motions; and Donnie's lower lip trembled faintly before he squeezed his eyes shut and Raphael turned, hurrying out of the room.

Raph wasn't sure when he had allowed his hands to be tended to by Master Splinter – but he didn't try to think too much on it and continued staring at the bathtub. He almost didn't feel the pain as his cuts were cleaned and broken fingers were set and then wrapped tight. He mumbled a vague 'thank you' once Splinter finished, and he hopped off the toilet, shuffling out of the bathroom.

Knitting his brows together, Splinter stood smoothly, a hand reaching out for his son, "Raphael; please-"

"Not now, _Sensei_." He spat, not turning around to look at the rat, and Raph stomped through the living area towards his room.

Michelangelo perked up when he saw his brother return with his hand fixed and he hurried towards him, reaching out for his arm, "Are you okay Raphie?"

Spinning around so quickly Mikey didn't know what hit him as he was shoved away from his brother with a snarling Raph standing in front of him with his eyes squeezed shut teeth barred.

"_Don't you ever call me that again!" _Raph screamed, his whole body shaking with one fist at his side and his broken hand pressed tightly to his stomach. Raph clenched his teeth tighter and he turned quickly, not wanting to see the wide, frightened and tear-filled blue eyes of his baby brother in front of him.

He wasn't in the mood to feel guilt – he just wanted to focus on his despair before feeling anything towards another for a long, long time. Raphael swiftly walked to his room and slammed the door behind him and was quick to shove something in front of his door a moment later.

Sighing softly in defeat, Splinter turned and walked to Donatello's room, quietly opening the door to look in on him.

Donnie was curled up in bed on his side; his hands in front of his face and his eyes staring at nothing in particular. Even when he entered the room and gazed down at him, his son didn't move to look up at him. Don gazed past him, his fingers curling against the blanket that rested near his fingers, but the moment his father pressed his hand down onto his, he pulled away, closing his eyes and turning his face into the pillow.

"My son, I was hoping you of all your brothers would understand why I did what I did." He whispered, gingerly taking a seat on the edge of the bed. Splinter's whiskers twitched and his eyes gazed down at him sadly when his son didn't reply or move further. "Donatello-"

"Please, not right now, Sensei…" Donnie whispered on a hushed voice.

Reaching out to press his fingers to his head, Splinter had to suddenly pull his hand back quickly as Don rolled over in bed, moving away from him. Donnie slipped an arm under his pillow and hid his face in the worn and sewn up fabric and shuddered.

Exhaling slowly to remain calm and his mind clear, Splinter settled his paw on Donnie's carapace and stroked it gently. "I am only looking out for your best interests, my son. I understand this world will be lonely for you, but you must trust my judgment in these early years. I hope you will come to be aware of my wisdom as the days go by. Do not forget that I love you, and I do this only because I love you." He whispered, stroking his shell.

Donnie suddenly shifted out of his reach and pulled the blanket over his head, hiding himself from his father.

Splinter sighed sadly and pulled his rejected hand back. He watched Donnie shake under the blankets and he again felt a stab of pain from two of his son's wishing to not be near him. Standing cautiously, Splinter tucked the blankets about his son before he quietly exited his room; glancing back at his son's back where he still remained curled up and turned away from him. Faint sniffles made it to his ears before the door fully closed.

Turning about, Splinter spied Raphael peeking out of his room as though he were watching him, waiting for him to leave before he snuck into Donnie's room.

Perhaps sending Donatello and Leonardo to Japan would be a good idea instead – that way he would have to deal with Raphael as he went though the emotions of this forced separation. "Raphael-"

Raph jerked back into his room and slammed the door, a second later the sound of something being shoved back up against the door rattled loudly on the other side.

Out in the living room, Leo and Mikey were curled up on the couch – Leonardo holding him close and brushing circles across his shoulder and shell. Mikey snuggled closer while his frown deepened as he raised misty blue eyes towards his father.

Splinter silently walked to the couch and laid his hands upon the back, gazing down at his two sons, one protectively shielding his brother while the other clung tearfully to his protector.

"Daddy, what is wrong with Raph and Donnie?" Mikey asked, lifting his head from Leo's shoulder to gaze up at their Sensei desperately.

Smiling gently down at his normally rambunctious son, Splinter reached forward to touch his cheek, "Do not worry about your brothers, my son. They will be all right soon enough. They just need a bit of space."

"But what happened?" Mikey asked, pouting a bit more because his father had dodged the question.

Shaking his head simply, Splinter pulled his hand away and placed it once more on the back of the couch. "You do not need to know, Michelangelo. Give your brothers some time and they will be themselves once more." He smiled warmly – though inside he was already beginning to doubt himself.

Mikey sighed loudly his shoulders slumped.

"It will truly be all right, Michelangelo; they only need a few days to rest and think over their situation." Splinter whispered, reaching out once again to stroke Michelangelo's head and pat Leonardo on the shoulder.

Mikey nodded sadly and buried his face into Leo's neck.

Splinter pulled his hands away and rested them on the back of the couch. He leaned against it suddenly, eyes closed and head bowed – it was a shame it all came to this.

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;.; yeah, this one was hard to write. and during correction, I was happy with how it turned out, though I was also a little unsure about it; mostly because near the end, it almost felt tedious reading about Raph and Don. But this morning when I was doing another run through of it, I realized that the reason I did that was because I wanted to convey just how desperate those two were to not even leave that sewer tunnel just yet; they just wanted to hold on to what they had for a few minutes longer before having to obey their father. so I hope it didn't feel tedious ;.; i'd understand if it did, but I'm hoping more than anything I got across how devastating this all is to them. -Even Mikey and Leo are devastated; Mikey more-so than Leo only because he KNOWS now. but yeah... -(sniffles)- this one was hard to write even though it was probably the easiest of all the chapters to write.

Then again... I did have to rewrite ten pages worth because my computer DELETED THEM!!! -(growls)- my computer does that alot. i hate it for that reason. but gah... ten pages... and it was sooo much better than this re-write. oh well... -(sigh)-

but thanks for reading, and I hope you review! I'm hoping to get the next chapter done soon:) but reviews are a writer's bread and butter; we FEED off of them! really!

-Melissa the Damgel


	4. Time

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the turtles. I still wish I did sigh

**Author's Note: **This chapter is mostly a bridger for the last chapter and the next chapter that I'll post thursday. I'm skipping the last 5 years, so Donnie would technically be 15 while writing this entry. it's a little slow, but I hope you enjoy :)

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**-Time-**

**By: Melissa the Damgel**

_Time is a funny thing. It seems to go so slowly and yet, nothing seems to get done in time. It trickles by like the gentle flow of a stream – slow and steady. Yet, looking back, everything that has happened has gone by so quickly; and painfully. _

_Raph was mad for almost a full year at Master Splinter. He refused to talk to him directly and he lashed out, letting his anger get the better of him to the point Splinter was forced try everything from meditation sessions to longer workouts simply to try and curb his rage. It didn't work of course. Five years later he's still angry – maybe more so now because it's a deep rooted anger that has festered over time due to the permanent situation we are in, and less because of the person who had caused his anger. _

_He had to go through a lot of intense training in an attempt to lose himself in something other than the 'injustice' handed to us as he told me one night – despite us being forced to stay away, we would occasionally give in and sneak into the other's rooms now and then. We never kissed or even held each other like we used too; we would simply curl up close together and whisper. Raph would complain a lot of the time, but he also would just stare at me… and I think those moments where we didn't say anything but just stared at one another were the moments I loved the most. _

_We still do that from time to time. In the middle of a fight against some Purple Dragons, or during breakfast, he'll just look at me, and I'll feel his eyes on me. I'll look up and we'll lock eyes, and it'll only be a fleeting moment, sometimes no more than a glance, but those looks held so much meaning. Sometimes they sent my stomach rolling and my heart fluttering, other times it made me look away in shame, or a rush of despair would flood into me. Sometimes I would just be happy and smile before going back to work. _

_I miss him. We don't talk much anymore. After Splinter found him in my room the night after the first time he killed someone, he told us we weren't allowed to leave our rooms once the lights were out. I don't know why he was so upset; we were eleven years old, Raphael was upset, and I was only hugging him. But Splinter again commanded us to never sleep in the same bed ever again, and I obeyed. Raph would try to sneak in from time to time; but then I got into the habit of locking my door – and he stopped knocking after awhile. I cried when that night came._

_Though the years were hard as far as my and Raphael's personal relationship, as brothers we were still the same, though Raph took to hanging out with Mikey more often, and I took to hiding away and building devices. I think after Raph killed that guy to save me and Mikey; that was when he and Leo started going at each other's throats. I don't even remember what set off their first _real_ argument; I just remember hugging Mikey close as we watched in horror as they fought with their fists. They really bloodied each other up that day too. Splinter lectured Leo about setting a good example, and he scolded Raph for not using the lessons he had taught him to control his anger; and that was when Raph first left the lair to walk around the sewers – and that habit would later morph into going to the surface to 'split some heads' as he puts it. _

_It might have been unnerving at times – seeing Raph lose his temper so badly – but its beginning to become a part of daily life. We ignored each other as best we could and shared those looks when we had those rare chances, and we acted. We had to become actors to survive in our own family. I act the part of the bookworm-mechanic-scientist who locks himself away in his lab, and Raph acts the part of the hotheaded-tough-guy in constant search of a fight; and we do this all for the sake of our family. _

_I know Raph doesn't want to be mean all the time, but it's like he can't help it. Maybe it's the rage inside of him that makes him act that way. But I wish I could see the other side of him more often; the side of him that is gentle and just wants to watch over everyone. I see glimpses of it, mostly when Mikey or I do something stupid when we fight the Purple Dragons and he has to step in, or like last week when Mikey nearly skateboarded out in front of an oncoming train, Raph snagged his shell at the last second before he became turtle-paste across the tracks. He hugged Mikey so tightly after the train passed, and even though he called him an 'idiot' and a 'knucklehead' for almost getting himself killed, he looked so scared as he helped our baby bro tight. That's who I remember. That's the Raph I wish had stuck around._

_But I suppose I can't complain too much. Raph told me once that he trained as hard as he did as a kid for two reasons. The first: he had to show up Leo (that hadn't come as a surprise when he told me), and the second: he had to look after his little bros, and back up his big brother. At the time I had wished I could kiss his cheek for telling me. I had to settle for patting his shoulder instead. But Raph gave me one of those looks that said he understood. _

_Mikey started acting differently too. When we were younger, if he had a nightmare, he had usually gone to Leo and crawled in bed with him. But as we got a little older he crawled in bed with me instead. I asked him once why he changed his mind, and he laughed and said it was because Leo's room smelled funny with all the incense. I didn't mind; it was kind of nice sharing a bed again – though I must admit, I have gotten very touchy about my personal-bubble. _

_I don't like unnecessary touches anymore. It's not like I freak out if my brothers or Sensei do touch me; it just feels odd sometimes. And Raph, if he takes my hand or gives me one of those awkward hugs we've had to resort to giving each other, I feel like my body has caught on fire and I either need to run from him, or jump headfirst into the blaze and let him consume me. The latter is out of the question though – so I'm stuck to back away and give him that smile that he understands all to well now. _

_Leo and I have bonded a bit closer over the years. I understand his desire to protect and lead us in the right direction, and I help him achieve that goal by doing things for the family – the security system for the lair, the shell cells, the surveillance equipment, the Battle Shell… everything I make I help to try and ease his obsession concerning our safety, and at the same time, I'm able to bury myself in my work to ignore Raph and my flip-flopping belly._

_It still hurts. Every night and every morning, the pain in my chest hurts. Some days are better than others, but most days it's a dull ache that I try to push away through intense study of science and the building new inventions. It's the only way I can cope. I hide away to try and forget everything. Though sometimes my sadness can't help but be manifested into my inventions. I built him a motorcycle. _

_Even as kids he was always looking at those biker magazines with shining eyes that he tried to hide behind a face of indifference; but I could tell. I don't really remember why I started building the bike, I just remember being very depressed that day. I had found a bunch of sheet metal the week before out in the junkyard, and when my eyes had settled on it in my saddened state, the next thing I knew, I was cutting it up and pounding the metal into the right shapes and reinforcing it in just the right ways and welding it together to pieces of an old motorcycle body in just the right places. I shaped the metal just right and enhanced it as best I could as I spent those quiet moments after everyone was in bed to create that machine. I remember I was also very quiet every time I touched the bike and handled it or any of the metal that was going to go on it. I was numb in a way. I didn't feel pain or pleasure, or anxiety or embarrassment, or even excitement when I finished. I just had to do it. _

_But… seeing his grin after he saw it for the first time in the back of the truck was more than worth is. And I suddenly remembered what it was like to see him smile – really smile where his eyes lit up and his shoulders squared as though he was proud of his gift. I wish I could have had a picture of that moment. Our eyes met through the rearview mirror and I had to look away in fear I would get lost in that fiery gaze and kill us all by driving into a building. _

_Of course, after building that bike I had to build something for Mikey – he wouldn't stop whining about wanting something 'cool' now that Raph had something cool. _

_It was okay though; I needed something to hide myself in so I wouldn't get lost in the new found pain of feeling 'this something' more intensely than when we were kids. It was a good project, trying to think of something to occupy Mikey's sugar-run mind. But it was hard to keep pretending, to keep standing back and never actively speaking to my brother. _

_We were hardly ever alone – we had gotten used to making sure we weren't ever alone too often. But in those moments that we somehow found ourselves devoid of the rest of the family around us, he would look at me and I would look away – wishing I hadn't seen that longing in his eyes, or the way his shoulders relaxed and his fingers twitched. It's always hard, but being so close and yet having to sit on the other side of the couch, or move to the other side of the room to get away so I don't give in to myself… I think those moments hurt more than when I lay in bed wishing._

_But growing up is like that, right? Growing up, feeling emotions and hormones that are purely for the physical and mental development of the young into adult. Scientifically I can explain away everything that I am feeling – my brain is still developing as is my body because down in my very cellular structure, my body is preparing to take everything I've encountered, everything I've physically done in my life up to this point to prepare me and ready me for adulthood. Yet science can't explain why I still _feel_ the way I do towards my brother. _

_We've grown up normally though – even though there is this underlying tension that constantly runs between Raph and myself, we have grown up normal, laughing, wrestling from time to time, arguing like brothers should, and we tease each other. I occasionally call him a Hothead, and he calls me Brainiac. But it's gentle, everything between us is careful and cautious, like we know that if we take one step away from being careful we will crash and burn in a fiery display of pent up emotions. It's frightening and yet it's thrilling all at once. _

_Though I wish we could just be together… I still wish for that._

_But… I need to honor my father's wishes, no matter how wrong I think he is._

_Hamato Donatello_

_---------- ----------_

thanks for reading:) like I said, a little slow, but I like it. Especially for the next chapter coming up, it really bridges them together from ten years old to fifteen years old.

hmm, not much more to say... ... so in that case, I'll give you a teaser to look forward too on Thursday :) The title of the next chapter is "First Time".

Thanks for reading! and I hope you enjoyed! I'd love to hear what ya'll think, and reviews are the required food suppliment for authors! I'd love a few tidbits ;) heehee, thanks :D

Melissa the Damgel


	5. First Time

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the turtles. Blast it all...

Author's note: They are still 15 years old in this story. enjoy :)

**---------- ---------- -----**

**-First Time-**

**By: Melissa the Damgel**

He dodged the katana and shifted to the side, rolling his shoulder to throw the end of his bo staff into the man's gut and effectively knocking the wind from his lungs, and with a simple kick he forced the man to the ground.

The black clad ninjas scattered before reforming in the blink of an eye. They attacked again in mass with weapons hissing out before them, flying high, striking in low, cutting upwards, and bashing in wide arcs.

Donnie ducked low from a Foot Ninja's high kick, and then he struck upwards with his bo, catching the man in the crotch and sending him flying over his shoulder.

With a simple twirl and repositioning of his foot, he urged his muscles to move, blocking blows on either side of him and keeping the weapons at bay.

He jerked his staff up in front of his face as a Foot brought an axe down towards his head like a sledgehammer. Don caught the weapon effortlessly with a grunt of effort, but the ninja pushed down on his weapon, trying to use brute force to cleave Don's head open.

Growling, Donnie pushed back against the ninja's weapon, holding his ground squarely before he dared to twitch a muscle. He spun under the axe and to the Foot's left side, dropping instantly down to a knee and sweeping his other leg out, knocking the man's feet out from under him and forcing him to crash to the ground.

Donnie stood smoothly and spun his bo, flinging aside a nunchaku aimed for his head. There was a sudden rush of air and a snarled grunt from behind him and he spun about, staring wide eyed at Raph as he locked blades with a Foot Ninja who had attempted to run him through with a naginata spear.

Raphael rumbled in his chest and bared his teeth before he cried out, shoving the weapon upwards and raised a foot, quickly kicking the man in the gut and sending him sprawling across the alley.

"Watch yourself, Donnie! I ain't always going to have your back!" He snapped, shooting a glare at Don before his sais flashed out and he went back to work – or play as he might call it.

Donnie nodded and unconsciously disarmed another Foot Ninja and knocked him unconscious with one small movement, "Uh… r-right!" he shouted back.

The fight continued; arms and legs flying, fists connecting with jaws, knees colliding with bellies, and feet scrambling as silently as they were trained to run as two sides fought each other in an attempt to gain the upper hand and go back about their business.

Don had lost sight of his brothers what felt like hours ago. This was only their third fight with the Foot Ninja since they ran into them weeks ago; but it seemed their man-power tonight was unexpectedly heavy.

He worked his way through the throng of ninjas leaping out at him from all angles of the darkness. Donnie finally spied Mikey as he twirled and leapt about, his nunchakus flying and jabbing with as much energy as his sugar-injected body held as he seemed to bounce around and defeat his enemies with sheer cockiness and a never-ending supply of liveliness on his side – not that his natural athleticism didn't hurt his abilities either – and all the while his tongue hung out of his mouth with conceit etched into his face.

Leonardo was perfect – as usual – in his execution and the precision behind every stroke of his blades. His katanas flashed in the dark from the faint light of the stars above upon those razor-sharp blades; and his weapons seemed as natural in his hands as breathing was to the rest of the mortal world around him. Those swords were an extension of his body, as well as an achingly beautiful dance that they performed amongst themselves – every swing and every dip was complimented by the other even as they fought their own battles on the other side of their master's body.

And then there was Raph. If he wasn't in the middle of a battle, he might have stopped just to watch him. Raphael was like a Mack truck speeding down a city street and running over any and all in his path. He was graceful but powerful as he jabbed and blocked, his teeth barred like a wild beast and he growled loudly like one too. Amber eyes shone with delight at the challenges presented to him this night, and he could clearly see his brothers respect and awe for the beauty that war had brought to his life.

Donnie ducked and twirled his bo sharply over his head, cracking the end against a man's wrist and breaking the bone sharply without a second glance. He rushed forward, sliding to a stop with his back to his brothers, swiping his staff out in front of himself to drive back a few more men.

A snarl at his right told him Raph was leaping into the belly of the beast in another of his wild head-first attacks. Raphael sliced and cut, stabbing into men's bodies as he continued to fight, bellowing at his enemies to give up already and flee the area if they wanted to live another night.

Don didn't move and he stayed at his side, pushing back just as hard as they pushed in. The Foot Ninja were like squirrels tonight! You took one down and there were three to take his place! He heard something behind him and he turned. Time seemed to slow – as it always does the instant a crucial moment appears without warning. One look at the man coming down from the pinnacle of his leap and trying to land on Raphael's back with twin kamas in his hands ready to slice the red banded turtle open, caused something to snap inside of Donnie's chest and he let out a shout of surprise.

Without a moment of hesitation, Donnie rushed forward and flung his bo out like a baseball bat. He released another cry as his bo collided with the man and sent him flying in the other direction and he watched him smash into a dumpster then drop heavily to the pavement under him.

Raph jerked his head to glance over his shoulder, even as he caught an attack with his sais. He smirked, winking at Donnie with a playful light in his eyes. "Nice one, Donnie-boy." He chuckled and continued the fight, ducking under a sword swipe before standing sharply and thrusting his sai into the man's thigh muscles. Once all three blades were in the Foot Ninja's leg, Raph smirked at him brazenly, "This's goin' ta hurt like a bitch." And then he twisted his sais, ripping his flesh and the muscles apart, causing the Foot Ninja to howl in pain.

A smile couldn't stop from spreading across Donnie's face after the compliment Raphael and given him. He twirled his bo with renewed vigor, knocking a man out cold in front of him before shoving the end of his bo out behind him and causing the Foot Ninja behind him to double over in pain. "Thanks, I do try."

"Ya should do it more of'en. Yer… good at it!" he grunted as he threw a punch into a man's jaw before leaping into the air, dodging a ball and chain that had been thrown at him in an attempted to wrap about his ankles.

"Good lil' Donnie was so badass just then!" Mikey shouted, laughing loudly as he twisted about, smashing his nunchakus into a Foot soldier's temple.

"You three talk too much. Pay attention!" Leonardo snarled, cutting down a man after he leapt out of the shadows and had made a rush towards Michelangelo with a scythe in hand.

"Sorry Fearless," Raphael sarcastically drawled as he rolled his eyes before he twirled on his heel and threw his leg out, his heel connecting hard with a ninja's jaw and snapping his head to the side, dropping him to the dirt in a heap of unmoving limbs. "I forgot there that you think ninja's should be all quiet and sneaky." He wiggled his fingers at him mockingly even as he threw an elbow out behind him and shattered some poor guy's nose.

Mikey provided the spooky noises.

"Knock it off you two, Leo does a have point. If we get distracted-" Don grunted and pole vaulted over three Foot Ninjas in front of him before he spun his bo out and smacked his weapon across the backs of their knees, forcing them to fall backwards where he quickly and systematically knocked them out with a sharp wrap on the forehead with the end of his bo. "-we could get hurt, or even die." Donnie explained with a waggle of his finger after finishing off his lot of Foot.

Sighing loudly, Raph waved his hand, the tip of his sai seeming to slice through the night air in front of him. "Whatever." He then turned and once again jumped headfirst into the fight, his sais leading the way.

Between the four of them, the turtles finally began to make a hearty dent in the seemingly endless supply of Foot Ninja out and about for the night. They still weren't certain what to make of the ninjas, other than the fact that they were their enemies and whoever led the ninjas was completely hell bent on destroying them. Another few minutes of fighting and the Foot Ninja finally retreated, rushing off in a silent hiss into the night, leaving the battle ground empty except the four turtles in the middle of a sea of their fallen comrades.

Leo waved Michelangelo and Raphael off to check the surrounding area to be certain they were safe as he and Don cautiously began to check over the wounded and unconscious – finding several dead. Leo had made it a point for his brothers to never remove the masks of their enemies unless need be – it made it easier for them to sleep at night if they didn't see the faces of their unintended slain victims dancing before their eyes.

While scanning over his side of the alley Donnie cautiously approached a few bodies near the back. He knelt down, rolling a man over and then stood sharply. He just stared for a moment before he backed up rapidly, his shell stopping him the moment he hit the brick building behind him. Dark eyes widened and focused on the man near the dumpster that he had turned over, just staring at him and beginning to shake.

"Don?" Leo called, his brows knitting together as he took note of his brother's tightening grip upon his bo staff that was beginning to turn his knuckles white at the strength of his hold as he pulled his weapon close to his chest. "Don?" He said again, taking a tentative step towards his unnerved brother.

"I… I didn't mean too…" He whispered, taking a side step to the side only to jump and look down at the man crumpled at his feet and it only caused him to visibly shake and dart his eyes quickly back to the dumpster.

"Donatello?" Leo asked again, reaching out towards him.

Don jerked away, his breathing picking up to a rapid wheeze. "I…"

"Mikey! Raph! Get your shells over here!" Leonardo shouted over his shoulder, keeping one eye on Donnie while he kept the other on the look out.

His brothers were quick to return, it only took them half a minute to jump across the roofs and return to them, leaping down from the fire escapes that had framed the fight between the two buildings.

"We got cops on the way, dudes. I overheard a lady make a phone call about a fight outside her apartment. We gotta split soon bros." Mikey stated, pointing over his shoulder as he pushed one of his nunchakus into his belt. Blue eyes landed on Don and he immediately forgot about possible exposure. His brows knitted together and his face fell from the unworried air he usually flaunted. "Donnie? What's wrong?"

He said nothing and Leo was the one to glance at Mikey and shake his head, whispering to his youngest brother. "I don't know. We were checking the area to make sure we didn't leave behind any evidence, and he suddenly freaked over something." Leo whispered, looking to his purple colored brother before he tried to follow Don's gaze and stared at the area surrounding the dumpster that he seemed to be so intent on.

Raph was the one who was brave enough to check it out. He marched over there and knelt, tugging at a few ninja to check under their bodies before he gave up. "I don't see nothin'… just a few unconscious guys and one of their dead buddies." He explained, standing from his crouch to walk back to his brothers. Amber eyes focused on Don, more worried than he was letting on. He had a reputation to keep up after all – but damn, it was hard not to freak out over him and want to hug his brother close.

"I-I didn't… I didn't mean too… I didn't think I hit him that hard…" Don whispered, his voice shaking so badly every word trembled as it tumbled from his lips.

Scrunching up his face, Raph looked to his other brothers and silently asked what he meant.

Mikey was the first to get it – after all, he understood what his brother was going through. He had gone through the same shock and horror, only he had gone through it more privately. Sad blue eyes glanced over to the dumpster and at the man Raph had pointed out, "He's dead…" Mike whispered.

"What?" Raph snapped.

Pointing to the area, Michelangelo turned his eyes first to Raph, then to Leonardo, trying to impress upon them the severity of his words. "Donnie killed him." He whispered.

Leo's face fell and his brown eyes shot towards Donnie as comprehension smacked him upside the head like a ton of bricks. "His first…"

Shoving past his brothers, Raph moved in close to Don, taking up all available space around him. Large hands grabbed Donnie's head and he forced him to turn his head and face him. Raph cupped his hands around his face and purposefully blocked out everything around them so Donnie could see nothing but him.

Donnie trembled and moisture gathered in his eyes, "I didn't mean-"

"It ain't your fault! You saved me; otherwise that would be me lyin' over there. Ya hear me? It wasn't yer fault for what happened."

"But…" Don gasped for air and squeezed his eyes shut, his hands dropping his bo and letting it clatter loudly to the ground at his feet as he gripped at Raph's wrists tightly. "I didn't mean too… I didn't want to-"

"Look at me!" Raph snarled, giving Donatello's head a faint shake. When a whimper was all he got, Raph growled and gripped his head, pulling him a bit closer, "Look at me!"

Donnie stifled something in his throat and his dark eyes flew open, several tears sliding down his cheeks. "Raphie…"

"Don't ya dare think you did it on purpose." He growled, narrowing his amber eyes. "We were in the middle of a fight; stuff like this happens! I know ya didn't mean too so snap out of it!"

He only trembled and clung all the more desperately to Raphael. He gripped at his brother's strong arms, attempting to ground himself because at the moment he felt like Raph's touch was the only thing holding him up and keeping him from collapsing to the pavement.

Sirens unexpectedly broke through to the three worried turtles like a gunshot the moment they realized the police were practically right on top of them. The three coherent brothers jerked and glanced towards the end of the alley before they looked back to their broken down sibling.

Leo cursed using a very Raph-like word as he shot a look to Mikey and quickly motioned towards the manhole cover. Mike nodded and darted off, prying open the cover and pushing it to the side in preparation.

"Raph, we gotta go." Leo murmured, glancing towards the opening where the police lights were flashing off the windows of the shop across the street.

"Donnie, come on…" Raph whispered, pulling him close even as Leo scooped up Don's bo and managed to get it on his back with his swords before he tugged again on Raph's elbow.

"Gotta go…" He hissed, brown eyes locked on the opening where shadows were quickly approaching.

Making a growl of his own, Raph grabbed Donnie's wrist and tugged him towards the cover, forcing him to move through the fallen ninjas towards the manhole. Mikey jumped in first and was followed by Raph who quickly turned to help Leo guide their shaking brother down. Leonardo was last and he leapt down, holding onto the iron ladder were he tugged the cover back into place just seconds before a beam of light passed over the sewer cover.

Mikey had Don's elbow, gazing at his brother in worry. "Donnie, it's okay, really."

"But I didn't want to…" he whispered on a trembling voice.

"No time, let's get back to the lair, hurry." Leo hissed and grabbed one of Don's hands, slapping his bo across his palm to force his brother's fingers to curl over his weapon.

Don stared down at the staff as though he had never seen such a thing before in his life. Mikey urged him to follow him, keeping Don on the right path and at a decent pace on their way back to the lair. Raph simply followed. A deep frown knotted in his forehead and drew his lips into a sharper line as the minutes passed in silence.

"You okay, Don?" Mikey whispered suddenly, startling all his brothers and causing his purple clad brother to physically jump in surprise, Leo jerked his head up and glance back at them, and Raph snapped out of his brooding thoughts from the simple question his baby bro had asked.

Donnie nodded and looked to the ground, watching his feet walk through the filth that layered the sewer ground. "Yeah… I… I'm just shaken… I just didn't…"

"We know you didn't mean to, dude." Mike whispered, tugging on his arm. "Do you think any less of us for killing some of those guys?"

Don shook his head slightly.

"That's how we feel about you, bro. We don't blame you for anything." Mikey smiled sweetly, taking his brother's hand between his and trying desperately to pull Donnie back from the abyss he knew he was teetering towards.

He couldn't bring himself to smile, but Don did manage a nod and he gazed once more down at the ground. "Thanks…" he whispered. He just didn't have the heart to tell him he didn't feel any better.

When they returned to the lair, everyone split immediately. Leonardo left to report the incident to Splinter. Mikey – after looking to Donnie one last time and getting several insistent reassuring words and more than several urges to go relax – ran for the kitchen and then to the television, digging into his chips and soda with sweet abandon. And Raph headed for his room to do one of three things, either read a few pages in a Michael Crichton book, spend half an hour or more working out the last of his energy into his punching bag, or simply passing out in his hammock; but he stopped short instead. Slowly, he turned worriedly back towards Donnie, who was still standing by the door with an uncertain aura pressing in on him from all sides.

Shifting a step back as he turned his body, Raphael observed Donnie look down at his hands that were gripping his bo tightly. He watched Donnie's brows knit together sharply as he fingered the wooden staff, a faint tremble once again appearing in his hands. Raphael turned slightly and then started back towards him the moment Donnie's face twisted in despair. Raph was intent on doing whatever it took to get Donnie back to normal and rid that look from his brother's face.

The purple clad turtle seemed to snap out of his reverie upon feeling Raph's approach. He raised his dark, rich eyes and locked them with intense and focused amber and he felt his stomach flip and his knees grow weak. He wanted nothing more than to run to him and ask him to hide him away. Donnie wanted to be a kid once again and be clean and innocent of everything. It was the most gut wrenching feeling to know his hands were dirtied and he could never fix or repair something like this for as long as he lived. He looked away and set his bo against the wall before he walked quickly to the bathroom with his eyes lowered and head turned so he could avoid looking at Raph.

Shutting the door in Raph's face and locking it forcefully behind him, Donnie planted his hands against the door, leaning heavily upon it as he bowed his head and shook. His stomach jumped and his legs trembled with all the guilt he was carrying inside him.

"Donnie?" Raphael asked.

"I'm fine, Raph; go away. I just want to take a shower." He yelled back through the door. Donnie held his breath a moment, feeling Raph on the other side of the door. His eyes squeezed shut as he curled his fingers against the door. When the silence carried between them through the barrier for another minute, Don finally fumbled about to remove his belt and mask and he nudged his pads off before he forced the water knob to turn. He practically fell into the spray of water and bowed his head into the warmth, pressing a hand to the wall as the other jerked the curtain closed behind him in a hissing screech of curtain rings again the metal bar. "I'm fine…" he whispered to himself, though his lower lip trembled and tears began outlining his closed eyes.

Now that he was alone with just his thoughts, Donnie's face twisted up and he slid down the wall slowly till he hit his knees and his fingers clawing at the wall. Tears mingled with the rushing water that fell upon him like a thundering storm that was nothing compared to the tumultuous hurricane of emotions inside his soul. He hadn't meant to kill him. He thought he had just knocked him out after he hit the dumpster. He didn't…

Don slid further against the wall of the shower and pulled his knees up to his body and hid his face against them. He covered the sides of his face and hiccupped, trying to deal with the knowledge that he had just stolen away the life of another. He had played God and snuffed out another's existence.

Shaking his head as he wrapped his arms about his knees, Donnie buried his face into the crook of his arm, trying so hard to curl up and hide away just like his turtle-side would have done by retreating into his shell. But Donnie couldn't hide away from the world and he stifled a sob that jerked from his body while he shuddered before finally just crying.

---------- ----------

Raphael sat in the main room with Mikey. Though his brother was babbling about why this old classic movie was brilliant, Raph wasn't really watching it, nor was he listening to his brother. His thoughts had shifted to Donnie and he was focused fully on his current dilemma.

He remembered the first time he killed a human. He had only been eleven at the time. It had been scary, horrifying, and the guilt had been overwhelming. He had locked himself away in his room for days on end – and if it hadn't been for Donnie bringing food to him everyday, he would have starved. Eventually he had migrated to the dojo to pound away at the newly made punching bag Splinter had reinforced just for him, and he had spent days in there, beating at the bag ruthlessly as though trying to beat away the demons inside of him. Leonardo had commented once on how impressed he was with his new work ethic – but striving to get better wasn't the reason at the time. Raph had wanted to feel clean; unsullied. He already felt like an outcast from his family, but now they all knew he could kill and probably would again, and that somehow made him feel all the more set apart from his family.

That was the worst part; knowing he would eventually take another life.

Shame had been a lingering emotion in his soul, but he had worked through it. Silently, in the darkness, in a corner of his room with his back to the wall, Raphael had stared at the opposite corner, asking questions to the universe on silent lips. Eventually he had raged his emotions against the logic of the 'if' factor. _If_ he had hadn't, _if_ he had used a different attack, _if_ he hadn't attacked the way he had. All the 'ifs' ran amuck in his mind till one finally settled into his mind that resolved them all.

'_If you hadn't killed him, he might have come back to kidnap or kill you or your brothers in the future.'_

Everything released at that point and Raphael's young shoulders had physically slumped down in relief. He had continued to sit in the darkness after that and mulled over the calming truth that nothing was certain in a fight and that unknown factors could, and probably would, always come back to bite them in the asses if they didn't take care of each situation to the best of their abilities and knowledge.

Raph snapped back to reality, dragging himself away from that memory of sitting in that corner in the darkness where he had came to terms for killing someone. Donnie had been the only one of them that hadn't killed yet. With his weapon being what it was, he was able to debilitate his enemies over killing them outright. Raph knew perfectly well that the staff was more than capable of killing; and it was perhaps the most ancient of killing tools to boot. The bo staff was a universal weapon that every culture in the world had created at one time or another if for no other reason than it was simple in design, but powerful and effective when used.

Glancing over at the door to the bathroom and then to the clock near the television sets, Raph frowned deeply in concern as he began to wiggle his foot a few times atop his knee. An hour and a half, and Donnie still hadn't left the bathroom.

He looked back towards the door before he stood, not even realizing he was walking away from Mikey in the middle of his explanation as to why zombies should be the most feared of all monsters.

"Raph?" Mikey called.

"Don's been in there a long time." He explained.

Mikey's face twisted up in worry as he moved around on the couch, draping himself over the back of it as he watched his brother, "You think he's okay?"

Frowning and looking back to his baby bro, Raph shook his head. "Come on Mikey, you really think the Brainiac isn't beating himself up over killin' someone? He's probably more broken up than all of us combined." He sighed heavily before he turned, "I'm going to check on him… and stay here." He added as an after thought. He headed down the hall, feeling Mikey's eyes follow him and lingered even as he stopped in front of the door and knocked loudly. "Donnie?"

"I'm okay…" Don's voice was weak and had a hitch to it.

Knocking again, Raphael tried the doorknob, rattling it loudly. "Donnie, open the door." He called and jiggled the knob again as though hoping it would just miraculously pop unlocked.

"Go'way." Don mumbled.

"Donnie, open the door now!" Raph shouted, pounding a few times on the door. There was no answer this time and Raphael's stomach flipped with nervousness. The vague image of Donnie sitting on the floor with a razor in his wrists over what he had done, threatened to clarify and take center stage in his mind's eye, but he shoved it away with another pound of his first on the door and a desperate rasp in his voice. "Now, Donnie! I'll break this door down if you don't!"

Again there was no answer and fear finally took hold of his actions, "Don! I mean it! If I break this door down I ain't helpin' ya fix it!" He threatened, though it was weak. He stood there, his fingers trembling against the doorknob. There were no sounds of movement on the other side of the door, nor where there any noises of shuffling or the click of the lock being undone. Absolute silence rained down around him and he again had that sickening image of Donnie huddled in on himself as he drew a growing line of blood down his wrist with clinical precision and a steady hand holding the knife.

Pounding a few more times, Raph finally snarled and snatched a sai out of his belt. He shoved it into the lock and wiggled it around, moving the blade up, down, left and right before he twisted it and the door's lock snapped open and he tossed his sai to the ground, not caring what happened to it just so long as he got into that bathroom.

He shoved the door open with a hard hit of his shoulder against the wood and he scrambled in, eyes scanning the small bathroom quickly. He only vaguely took note of his brother's minimal clothing – if it could be called that – thrown about and scattered across the cement with none of the care Donnie usually showed towards his belongings. Raph hurried to the shower, his stomach dropping and his heart pounding, and he jerked the curtain aside. He was met with blank walls; that is, until he looked down and stared at Donnie trembling in the tub with cold water beating down on him.

Looking him over quickly, Raph sighed in relief when no self-inflicted wounds were visible. He reached over and slowly increased the temperature till the room once again began to fill with steam and his skin prickled from the heated moisture billowing across his skin. "Donnie, come on-"

"Go 'way." He mumbled and hid his face further against his arms.

Raph frowned, his shoulders falling slightly and his hands curling into fists. "You should talk 'bout all this."

"I… just go away. I'll be fine." He whispered.

Looking away, Raph turned and moved back towards the door. He gripped the handle as he moved to leave then he paused and turned, looking over at Don again. The door suddenly found itself closed and locked once again. Raphael stared at his fingers; a bit unsure as to what he was doing but he reached up suddenly and tugged his mask off and dropped it to the ground with shaking fingers. Amber eyes widened as he turned back towards the shower and studied the faint outline of Donnie against the wall on the other side of the bubble-motif shower curtain. He tugged at his pads and obi, dropping them to the floor once he had stripped himself of the miniscule clothing they did wear, and he cautiously walked back towards the shower, his heart hammering in his chest as his mind went blank and his body moved solely on auto-pilot.

The heat of the water stung at first – it was hotter than he expected – but he pushed the feeling aside and knelt down, his hands resting on Don's shoulders. He watched Donnie's brows crinkle as he lifted a hand and weakly tried to push his hand away, but Raph gripped him a bit tighter and moved his hands down to Donnie's wrists, forcibly grabbing his attention and making him look him in the eyes. "Donnie…" he whispered.

Don shuddered and tried to pull his hands away even as a sob escaped him. His hands curling into fists and he fought weakly, shaking his head as he was slowly pulled away from the wall. Raphael leaned forward, whispering his name quietly in his ear, and that was all it took for him to give up his fight and unwrap himself from his curled position. Raph pulled him closer and Donnie shuddered, hiccupping loudly with his eyes squeezed shut. As soon as he felt Raphael's hand on his shell and his brow pressed to Raph's plastron, Donnie jerked his arms free and he flung himself at his brother, gripping at him tightly and shaking as a howl ripped passed his throat.

"Hey… hey, it's okay." Raphael whispered, pressing his hand to the back of Don's head as he hid his face against his neck. "Donnie, you're okay, we're okay… and it wasn't yer fault. You did what you had too and-"

"I killed him. I killed some lady's son. I killed a brother or a nephew, or a grandchild… a father… I took him away from his family. I… I hate myself…"

A scoff tumbled from Raph's chest and his arms tightened around Donnie's body. "Don't start hatin' yourself. Donnie, sometimes these things happen. It's part of war. When those kids put those masks on, they are committin' themselves ta the battlefield and if they are goin' to fight us, then they need to accept the consequences – just like we do. I'd rather ya kill than be killed." He whispered, pulling him closer.

A sniffle tumbled from Don and Raph tightened his hold, and he shivered as the heat of the water soaked into his bones. His mind became muddled with relaxation, and he began to slowly rub circles across Donnie's shell, trying to give some of that calming and relaxed feeling to him. "Donnie; I love ya too much to lose you." He whispered.

Donnie hiccupped and gripped tightly at his shoulders. "But… I never wanted to kill…"

"Don, killing was bound to happen-"

"But I thought I could get away with it… I mean… I don't know…" he trembled and his face twisted up again as tears ran hot and fast, mixing with the water on Raph's body. "I sorta idealistically thought I wouldn't kill anyone if I just didn't want too."

"Accidents happen." Raph explained, his hands running along Don's body to soothe him. "You gotta remember somethin', 'kay Donnie? Would you rather regret having a victim killed, or regret killing the perp? At the end of the day, I'd rather have to deal with the perp's death than innocent lives."

"He was going to kill you… if he had gotten any closer… so I hit him. Maybe if I hadn't thrown him so hard. Maybe if I had just stopped him and knocked him to the ground-"

Raphael shook his head, pressing his cheek to Don's. "Don't do this to yourself, Donnie. You'll start questioning everything and it'll never end. Just believe in the actions ya took at the time. You did everything to the best of yer abilities and knowledge. If ya start doubtin' yourself, you or one of us could die from it."

Don stiffened against Raph's chest and he felt his arms tighten around his neck. "Look at me, what kinda ninja am I?" he whispered against Raph's collarbone. "I'm crying over killing someone. This is what ninjas do; we fight and kill and hide in the shadows. I can't even be a good ninja."

"When we fight, we are in a life and death situation, Donnie. It's kill or be killed."

"But…"

"Donnie, you're willin' to kill for me. That's the greatest honor I've ever experienced. You care that much for me; and I'd do anything – _anything_ – to protect you in return." Raph whispered, pressing a kiss to Don's brow.

Donnie leaned into the touch, shivering from the feel of his lips upon his skin. It had been five years since he last felt him so close – so warm and reassuring as he surrounded him. He shifted his head, leaning into his kiss. He felt Raph hesitate before he leaned down to press another kiss to his cheek – but Donnie moved his head again and the kiss landed at the corner of his mouth. Something sparked and Donnie trembled against him. He turned his head faintly and felt a puff of air brush over his lips. He closed his eyes, recalling those feelings from so long ago from when they were happy and he longed to be consumed by them once more.

Raphael's fingers had stilled and he gripped at Donnie as though the hot water beating down on them would wash him away any second now. He was so close – he could almost feel the outline of those lips against his. Don shifted suddenly – and not wanting to be the one taken by surprise, Raph inched forward, pressing his lips to Don's and drowning in the flood of memories and in the moment. His stomach jumped and his heart fluttered – he was kissing him… after so long and pining for him after countless nights, he was finally kissing him once again.

Neither wanted to let up and they breathed heavily through their noses as their lips delicately danced against the others, tasting and remembering as well as discovering new delights.

A gasp escaped Donnie's mouth and he shuddered as Raph's fingers trailed down along the side of his body and to his thigh, feeling the muscle there before he slowly stroked back upwards to his shell and then to the back of his head. The kiss deepened and Donnie willingly flung himself into the cautious intensity. He wrapped an arm about Raph's head and his other hand grabbed at his arm, tugging him closer and guiding his hand back to his thigh where he inhaled sharply at the feel.

Raphael's lips pressed heatedly to Don's, and a searing kiss took over the delicate, searching ones from before. Tongues mixed in a sweeping arc of desperation as they tasted and explored the other.

Neither were completely certain who had moved first to end up in their current position, but Donnie let a cry escape him as his shell made contact with the wall and Raph arched between his legs, rubbing their lower plastrons together.

Pleasure shot up Don's spine then back down into his groin where he writhed against Raph, and he tightened his legs around his waist, pulling him closer. He whimpered as Raphael's kiss ended, only to moan as his lips and teeth raked down his neck, lapping, biting and suckling at his skin.

"Raphie...!" Donnie cried out, scratching at his carapace and arching his back into him to thrust his hips into the rubbing. "Raph…" he breathed, trembling against him and allowing his tears to slide down his face.

Groaning loudly, Raphael shuddered against him and groped at a leg, pressing his thumb against the inside of his thigh and rubbing circles against the taunt flesh – and he delighted in the moan of pleasure that tumbled from Don. Lifting his eyes to stare at him, Raph felt something jerk in his gut and he stopped all movements as he watched the tears run down Don's cheeks.

"Donnie…?"

"Don't stop… please!" He called, arching against him and trying to copy the rubbing and thrusting motions Raphael had performed just seconds before.

Raphael shuddered and felt his eyes close as Donnie's thighs rubbed along his sides where the skin was more delicate between his plastron and carapace. The last time his legs had been wrapped around him, was the day Splinter had forced them apart. It had been bittersweet at the time – because even though he knew he was walking to his doom as he held Donnie close, he had still taken a childish delight in feeling skin on skin in that position. His hips jerked forward unconsciously and he groaned at the moan Donnie let loose.

He wanted to so badly… he wanted to feel Donnie wrap about him in the most intimate of ways and not care about anything else in the world but the two of them – but Donnie's tears rained down upon his desires, dampening the raging lust that had threaten to spill forth. Raphael moaned and continued his kisses and slowing his movements as his hands began to stroke over thighs and arms, memorizing his body while he could. Their tongues battled and rolled over the other, dueling against the other while tasting and experiencing the other.

Donnie whimpered and gave a thrust of his hips against Raph's while writhing against him. "R-Raphie… m-more…" he begged, though he sobbed not a second later when nothing more happened.

Though he trembled and hated himself for having to be the voice of reason at the moment, Raphael slowed their frantic lust, bringing them both down from the pleasure-high they had unexpectedly experienced. He trailed his fingertips over skin and kissed along his neck and across lips, his hips only occasionally nudging against Don's in his attempt to slow their hips to a complete stop as the minutes ticked by.

At first, Donnie groped at him, whimpering and begging him to go faster; he did everything to entice him short of asking him to do it. Perhaps that was his problem – Raph was scared to continue till he knew he wanted it…

"Raphie…"

"Not like this." Raph whispered against his lips, cutting him off as though he knew what he was about to ask. He tasted Donnie's whimper and soothed it away with another kiss that drew the smaller turtle's attention to the battling tongues. Raph broke the kiss for only a moment, his brow pressing to Don's as he inhaled slowly. "You're too special for _this_." He breathed and eased the pressure he was using to press their bodies together.

Donnie sniffled and bowed his head, pressing his brow to Raphael's shoulder as his arms slackened in their hold. "Why are you picking now of all times to be rational and responsible? Why not just take me? I want you to do it with me…"

Raph did grunt and squeeze his eyes shut at Don's confession – it had caused a surge of lust to shoot down his spine and pool in his groin once more at the very idea that Donnie wanted him to do unspeakable sexual things to him. It was so hot and yet it was scary. "Donnie… I want too-"

"Then do it!" He cried out, his eyes squeezed tight as he threw his head back, forcing a few rough movements against Raph's hips and whimpering from the mild pleasure it caused. "I want this…." Donnie bleated with another roll of his hips and his legs tightening around his waist.

"But not in the shower after being upset over killing someone!" Raph snapped, his voice harsh and strained despite his brows knitting together in concern as he slumped forward once more, pressing their brows together and lifting a shaky hand to Don's cheek to cup in his palm. "I'm not doin' this just so ya can forget for a while. When we do it, I want you to want it for no other reason than because you crave _me_." Raph breathed.

Donnie collapsed against him in defeat – because Raphael had figured him out.

"Raph, do it now… it'll probably be our only chance…"

"What?" Raph asked, lifting his head to stare at him, his fingertips still stroking and trailing along his body.

Donnie's eyes gathered tears as he shivered, "We can't continue this outside this room after we leave. This is the last moment we'll ever have." Those dark eyes deepened in color and Raph thought his soul might get lost in the haunting depths of Donnie's eyes.

Raph's stomach dropped and his hands went limp against Don's thighs – Donnie wasn't going to continue… he wasn't going to pick up their relationship from where it had been shattered back when they were ten. "Donnie, don't threaten…" He begged, gripping his hips and bowing his head.

He sniffled and wrapped his arms about his neck once more, "I'm not; I'm just stating a fact. We still can't continue this even though we want it…. Do it now before I change my mind, please!" He cried out, arching his back.

Shaking his head, Raphael felt his own eyes sting – though he refused to let the tears gather in his eyes. He held Donnie tightly, his hands trailing down his thighs, urging them to move a bit along his sides before he pulled back slowly. "Not like this…" he breathed, his fingertips slowly trailing up Don's thighs and to his elbows with one last final caress before they had to end it all.

Donnie whimpered and closed his eyes, turning his head away and going limp in defeat. "'Kay…' he whispered.

Raphael lifted his eyes to stare squarely at Donnie before he leaned forward, nuzzling and kissing at his neck, breathing in his watered down scent. "I still love you."

Donnie stifled a sob and more tears rolled down his cheeks.

---------- ----------

They had stayed in the shower a few minutes longer – not moving, just hugging each other tightly. Donnie had cried – both because he knew this was going to end and because of his continued guilt at killing someone. He felt so heavy with his burden and he didn't know how to logically deal with something like this; not right away that is.

Donnie curled up in bed and tried to sleep, but images of what he had done replayed over and over in his mind. As noon approached – which would have been midnight to them – Donnie finally crawled from his bed and made his way to Mikey's room. Opening the door, he hesitated as he spied the empty bed in the dark. Looking away and across the way to Leo's room, he hesitated before he walked silently to Raphael's room, his fingers shaking as he stared at his door.

He was so scared. Of what, he wasn't sure. Rejection perhaps? He hadn't wanted to go to Raph first because of what had happened earlier in the shower… though he certainly felt more safe with him than he would have had Mikey actually been in his room.

Pushing the door open and slipping inside as silently as possible, he closed the door behind him and leaned against it heavily, staring at his sleeping brother across the room in his hammock. He tried to breathe as silently as possible with his mouth before he took a cautious step forward. Donnie picked his way through the mess of weights and exercise equipment that littered the room, and he quietly made his way to the hammock in the corner.

Stopping in front of him, Donnie reached out towards his brother but then jerked his hand back and closed his eyes. What was he doing? He couldn't… not after what almost happened….

"Donnie, just get in." Raph rasped out, pulling his blanket back and holding his hand out.

Donnie's mind flashed back to the time they were kids and he had done the same thing – sneaking into his brother's room, and Raph would then order him to climb in next to him. Don's lower lip trembled and he reached out immediately, taking his hand and climbing in next to him on the swinging bed. He found himself surrounded by Raphael and he clung to him, burying his face in his neck.

"Ya didn't do it on purpose. You were only protectin' yer family." Raph whispered and stroked his shell, pressing his cheek to the top of Don's head.

"But I killed him." Donnie sniffled and curled his fingers around Raph's scutes and holding him tightly to him.

"Yeah, ya did; but I lived because of it. You reacted an' it saved me, it saved Mikey, and it saved Leo. If I had fallen, they would have been distracted and they could have died. You saved us all Donnie."

Don took in a shuddering breath, "You don't hate me?"

"Never could, bro." Raph breathed.

A stifled sob fell from Don's chest and he clung tighter to Raph, shaking as the guilt began to ease. It was heavy and would take a long time to fully leave him till only a faint ache from time to time would remind him of his sins, but at least his load wasn't as heavy as before.

"Donnie-"

"Thanks Raphie…" he whispered, his eyes dropping closed and he fell into sleep immediately.

Raphael closed his eyes and sighed loudly, hugging Don close to him and telling himself this was for the best – after all, now wasn't the time to ask if he wanted to risk being together again.

---------- ---------- -----

mmmm, so how did you like it? I really liked this one; it was actually probably the first story that I came up with when I was just beginning to think of maybe writing TMNT fiction. this one just stuck so strongly in my head that I finally had to write it down - and luckily it fit with the series so far.

oh yeah, I did a bit of research when i wrote this (research meaning I watched a BUNCH of the 2k3 cartoon first season; and I was happy to see that the guys didn't fight the foot all the much in the beginning. It wasn't till about episode 14 or 15 that they ran into the foot a third time - so I'm basing this story on a fight between that one and the one right before they get the sword of Tengu from the Foot. I just figured it was a little scuffle in an alley that got out of hand after the Foot called for reinforcements, and then this happened. And I also figured that by now the other guys have at least taken a life in one way or another; whether they were fighting Purple Dragons, or just from some guy on the street that they were trying to stop. I just throught I'd clear that up for you. :)

But I'd love to hear what ya'll have to say about this one. I really like it and it was fun to write... especially the action scenes XD I loved that! I forgot how much fun writing fights were! -(giggles)- I'd love some reviews, and thanks for reading!

-Melissa the Damgel


	6. Reflections

**Disclaimer: **Nope, don't own 'em yet. damn...

**Author's Note: **The boys are still 15 years old in this one. Due to a reviewer (Raphshell), they requested seeing a Raphael journal entry. so, being the dope I am, I wrote one. :) I'm posting it early in the week because otherwise it would be out of order for my Monday and Thursday update schedule. so it's really roughly written, but I think it fits Raph's personality... but I hope you enjoy it none the less. :D it follows my last chapter, "First Time". It's about a week or so afterwards.

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_**-Reflections-**_

**_By: Melissa the Damgel_**

_He really scared me. It was damn scary seein' him sit there on the shower floor looking so small. I don't know why I thought Donnie might try suicide; but I just did. Maybe one of Don's psycho-babble books would say it's my deepest fear; losing him (or any of my bros). But I was scared. I hadn't seen him that broken up since Master Splinter broke us up._

…_damn, that was a bad day. I still hate him for it. But he's my Sensei, my father, so I can't _really_ hate him either. It's really hard ta describe though – cause he's my father; he's the rat who raised me, so I love him, and as my Sensei he teaches me all this stuff about Ninjutsu and all these cool tricks to survive and I love that side of him. But he took away the one thing in the whole world that I think I loved more than all my Ninja stuff. Even going to the surface is nothin' compared to just how happy I was as a kid. _

_Donnie and I started out as just kids making a promise. I just wanted to make my little bro happy and he looked so happy when I said I'd marry him. And really, it wasn't much else ta me. It was just a promise with benefits (kisses and hugs) but then it changed. That day in the sewers when I was runnin' away and Donnie found me; just the fact that he was willing to leave the security of what Splinter (and Leo) had created back at our old lair, it floored me. He was so sincere and stuff. He wasn't lookin' for some reason to look all superior or be all responsible like Leo woulda; and he wasn't lookin' for an adventure like Mikey; he just wanted to be with _ME._ That was the day that I really fell in love with him – and it was because he loved me. _

_It was really weird ta comprehend back then. But it felt good knowin' he wanted to be with only me if he had a choice. _

_I don't know. Maybe he knew if he said that he'd get me to come home. He's smart like that; gettin' into my head and figurin' out how ta make me do what he wants. I wish I could get some payback for all those times he tricked me into doin' just that – but if I did what I wanted, he'd either say that 'can't' word I hate so much, or it'd be just our luck to have Splinter walk in on us and then the shit really would hit the fan at that point. _

_Man, we were so stupid back as kids! I think about all the stuff we used to do that we thought we were being so clever about – like the kissing, and the hugs. It's probably a good thing we were so young, and that I didn't know then what I know now, 'cause Donnie-boy definitely wouldn't have been a virgin all that long. I mean, after I ran away I _fellin love_ with him, hard. I had always loved him before then, I just definitely thought about him all different than Leo and Mikey. _

_Mikey was the bonehead who came up with the best pranks to play, and Leo was the brother who liked goin' on adventures with me when we played 'Follow the Leader' in the sewers; but Donnie, we never had anything in common back then. (We have the Shell-cycle now, but back then there wasn't anything we liked doing together.) I dun' know. I just loved him. End of story. _

_But back to Donnie in the shower; I was really scared he was going to do something to himself. I think that's why I stayed at first; but then it… we ended up almost 'doing it'. I wish we had. I'm sorta beating himself up for not listening to him. But I also know that I was right – he just wanted to forget for awhile and he was trying to use sex as his scapegoat (is scapegoat even a word? Donnie used it once… I think I'm usin' it all right and stuff). It was good though – kissing him. He held me so tight and I loved it. I didn't want to let him go. But I couldn't do that to him. I ain't a monster despite actin' like a real jerk sometimes. I didn't want our first time to be in a shower with him crying. _

_I don't want him to ever cry… not if we're doin' somethin' like that._

_But he was so warm… and I gotta say, his legs are damn sexy. I love his legs. If they could wrap around me all the time I'd die all content and stuff. _

_Wish I coulda done more for him though. He was so upset and I didn't even give him the one thing he did want to make him feel better. But later that night he crawled in bed with me and we just clung to one another. I think I got through to him too; he went to sleep pretty easy after I told him again it wasn't his fault. So I think he's starting to feel better. _

_I, on the other hand, didn't get a stitch of sleep. I was awake all night, just holding him and enjoying it while I could. I didn't want anyone to wake up 'cause then I'd have to explain what happened and pretend it was all innocent. And it was, I mean we didn't do nothin'; but it's not innocent either. If it was Mikey, sure, but never with Donnie; I make up excuses just to spar with him sometimes – just so I can get a touch in. _

_Great. Now I sound like some twisted pervert. _

_But yeah, I didn't sleep at all. I just wanted to hold onto him and know what it would have felt like to always have him wake up next to me._

_The next morning was a bitch too. Splinter caught us leaving my room. He didn't get mad, though I could tell he wasn't happy and even a little unnerved because we all knew he had to ask. He asked Donnie to his study. I don't know why he never talks to me; it's always Donnie he asks to explain things behind those doors. But I guess Donnie told the truth (at least about why he was sleeping in my room), 'cause Splinter didn't say anything, but Donnie didn't crawl in bed with me that night – and I saw him walking out of Mikey's room the next morning too. So I guess Splinter got to him again. _

_It really made me mad too. It's just like when I shanked that guy when I was eleven. After I saved him and Mikey from those creeps, that night, I just wanted to hold onto something real. I was too old to go sleep in our Father's bed, and I wanted Donnie. He smells really good when he sleeps and it's relaxing, which is weird 'cause Leo smells like hell; he has this funk on him and he has like this old, moldy and sweaty smell or something on him. I only slept with him once when we were _real _little. Never did it again. Mikey smelled like candy and pizza, so he was okay. Donnie on the other hand smells real good and I can't even tell ya what it is about him that smells so good. He just does… and he was usually really warm too when I woke him up as a kid. He gets snuggly too, like he just wants to curl up against the warmest heat source and crawl into it. He usually slept with his blanket over his head too now that I'm rememberin'. _

_But yeah; Splinter got to him I guess. Donnie wouldn't look at me for like, a week either. He'd sit with me on the couch, but he usually had a pillow propped up between us even if he was on the other end. I don't know what they talked about ('cause Donnie wouldn't tell me that either), but he got real distant and hung out with April more at her house. _

_It sucked. I felt like I failed him somehow. I wish I coulda' done _something_. He might be my bro, but he's _mine._ I gotta look out for him. I care too much about him for something to happen or for him to feel like this._

_I can tell he's still upset about it. He's lost a little bit of weight and he tinkers in his lab but never brings out any new inventions to show us. That tells me he doesn't even know what he's doin' and he's just building random things to hide. Usually I'd just march in there and tell him he has to do something else for awhile, but I don't think I could do that right now. It's like he needs his alone time – sorta like his 'no matter what' face when he just _has_ to figure something out. I get the feelin' that he needs to be alone. That big brain of his is always thinkin', and I'm hopin' he isn't thinkin' it's his fault again. I'd really have to knock him a good one if he is. _

_Hmm… maybe I'll ask him to help me tune up the Shell-cycle… I know I already asked him last month, but, maybe it'll help. I wouldn't mind spending the evening with him again. He seemed to like it too…. Maybe we can talk about it. I hope it'll work. _

_-Raphael_

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I hope you enjoyed! I actually had fun trying to get into Raph's head 'cause i really wanted this journal to sound like something he'd write (where the last one I wanted it to sound like Donnie, ect.). But it was fun... I figured even in a jounral Raph would try to cover things up even though he knew no one would read this but him.

I'll still get Monday's post out on time. I luckily have Sunday and Monday off, so I'll actually have the time to REALLY correct it all. so watch for the next chapter Monday :D (and to all of you out there who are wondering, Thursday's post will be smut-filled. -(nods)-)

Thanks for reading! Review would be lovely and greatly appreciated!

-Melissa the Damgel


	7. Earth, Fire, Water, Wind

**Disclaimer: **Nope, I don't own the Turtles... I'm not even a stock holder for their merchandise... darn...

**Author's Note:** They are 17 years old in this chapter (my boys are growing up! ;.; ).

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**Earth, Fire, Water, Wind**

**By: Melissa the Damgel**

There were days when he wondered why as a child he wanted Raph and him to 'get married' as their childish selves had explained it. Raph was hotheaded, stubborn, arrogant and sarcastic. His temper was what got him injured more often than not in fights, and he fought against everything anyone said.

But then there were moments like these where he grinned at him as they fixed his bike and he remembered why he stilled loved him even seven years later and after asking himself thousands of times 'why Raph?'. And it was in these moments he realized there would be no other.

Raph would typically wander into his room sometime near the end of each month, acting nervous for some reason as though unsure how to broach his question. It was rather amusing actually, because several years ago after Raph had done the same thing for four months straight, he had caught on to this new ritual. Usually, when he finally did blurt his question out, he typically had a soft shade of red color his face after he planted his hands on his hips to try and appear unfazed. Smiling at his brother, Donnie would tell him he would love to join him and almost immediately, he'd see Raph's face lighten up and the most wonderful of smiles would spread over his face the instant he heard him say that. Raph would usually wink at him before he'd smirk and then swagger out of his lab like he had just accomplished a great feat.

During those times he helped him with his bike, Raph would chuckle and talk with him as they worked. Donnie wasn't stupid, he knew Raph was doing this just to be close to him as though the two of them covered in grease and talking about gearshifts, break pads, and engines was the most romantic date he could think of off the top of his head.

Maybe it was – Donnie couldn't deny he loved these times with his brother. He loved how Raph looked at him as he handed over tools and wiped his hands free of grease before diving right back into his work and talking about the latest events in his life. Donnie loved it. They kept it strictly professional and allowed these times to strengthen their bond as brothers – but he couldn't help but watch him from time to time and long for more. They might really have been more if Splinter hadn't found out when they were younger. He wondered what it would have been like to still be with him at this point in his life almost seven years after they had been broken apart.

Despite his foul temper and his stubborn questions that caused conflict within the family, Donnie wanted to touch that fire that was Raphael. He wanted so badly to be consumed by his brother.

Perhaps it was true about opposites attracting. Raphael was like the Japanese Godai for the element of fire – raging and alive. Everything he touched blazed with new life or destruction because he constantly moved, never stopping long enough to let his passion dim like a candle in the night. While he himself was more like water, calm and tranquil yet ever flowing and creating change through simple patience and his idealistic movement forward through life.

Leo was like the earth now that he was on the subject. He was firm and steady, grounded and level headed about every choice he made. He could be deadly like an earthquake, but he was slow to change and cared for those surrounding him. And Mikey was like the wind, carefree and open. If he were human, he would have had adoring fans flocking after him and signing on to be his groupies. His smiles were like the sun and his attitude so light and laidback, everything that came at him he passed through with only the mildest of notice. Fun over responsibility was his priority. The complete opposite of Leo.

But in those opposites they found their greatest similarities. Both Leo and Mikey circulated around the family. Nothing could be done without the family as their focal point. While he and Raph either built objects or themselves up that was aimed to protect everyone; and they were both stubborn – though he had a gentler way of asserting it than Raph – and they tried to use whatever gifts they had to better life in general; and not just their family unit.

And Master Splinter completed their Godai Elements. For he was the spirit, the void by which all knowledge flowed through and in turn he tried to teach to them. His mind was so attuned to everything ninjutsu, even in his deepest of meditations, he could sense the attack coming before it arrived. He understood the greatest of dangers and feared them, without giving into that fear. He was strong of spirit, and even Leonardo could only dream of reaching that height of spiritual awareness that their Master possessed. For being a self-trained ninjutsu master, Splinter understood its complexities and simplicities far more than many humans above ground ever could; and Donnie wasn't sure what they would do if they lost him before they were ready.

Then again… in the future when he finally passed away; what would he do? Donnie peeked over at his brother, watching Raph squint at something on his bike as he struggled to reach it with his wrench. His teeth bared, his brows knitted together in anger and a small growl escaped his lips. He smiled, watching him struggle so hard to get that part just right. He really did love his bike.

Would he defy Splinter after his death? He had thought of this in the past – he had asked Mikey once, under a city grate when they were waiting for the pizza guy to arrive. Granted, Mikey didn't understand his question and had ignored it as he usually did, but he wondered about it…. Would he and Raph come together later in life? It was a bittersweet thought. He hoped so, but at the same time, guilt stewed in his belly. If there really was an afterlife for something like him, his brothers, and Splinter, what would he say when he met them after death? Would he despise them even in heaven for what they had done after his death?

"Have you ever thought about when Splinter dies?" Donnie asked suddenly, grabbing up a spare part for the bike and began to fiddle with it, keeping his eyes locked on the mechanical device.

Raph's wrench went still and his amber eyes lifted to study his bro. Frowning with a heavy sigh that sounded like a rumbling subway car, Raph nodded and set his tool down with a loud clang as he propped his elbow up on the back of the bike. "Yeah; a lot actually."

Peeking over at Raph, Donnie frowned as well and fidgeted slightly where he sat on an old box crate. "W-what do you think about?" He asked, looking back to his hands.

Tapping his thumb against the seat of the bike, Raph looked away, his face drawing tight as his thought deepened and pondered his question carefully. "Stuff… you know, like, if he died, what would happen. Leo would try ta take over, and Mikey would cry a lot. I'd probably head up top for a long time. I don't know 'bout you though. You'd either lock yerself in yer lab and do stuff, or you'd try ta help and overcompensate or something."

Donnie nodded slightly and rubbed a thumb against his hand slightly.

Raph glanced over to Don then looked away quickly and spied a rag by his knee and he reached out, snatching it up to wipe at his fingers nervously. "And I think about what we could do… if he wasn't around in the future, I mean… we could…" He paused, tugging on the rag harshly. "… I'd want too." He whispered awkwardly.

Donatello bobbed his head slightly and sighed, taking a moment to just let the silence settle over them. When he looked back up, he realized too late that Raphael was staring very intently right back at him with a hopeful glint in his amber eyes as they flickered with that unique fire raging in his soul. Don blushed and looked away, looking back to the spare part in his hand and he shakily began working on it again.

"Donnie?"

"I think if I tweak this…"

"I'll continue ta wait…" he whispered.

Donnie's hands stopped moving and he stared at a streak of grease across the back of his hand. "Yeah… I know." He breathed, and all he got was a grunt in return. Don smiled softly and looked back up at Raph, staring at him as he struggled back into a squat across from him by his bike to get back to work once again, and saw his amber eyes peek at him as he reached forward to grab his wrench and get back to tuning whatever it was he was fixing before this line of conversation began.

"Thanks." Don whispered.

Lifting his eyes with an unexpected warmth in those fiery eyes, Raphael nodded before a smile tugged at his lips, "Yeah…" he looked back to the motorcycle and stared for a moment, his lips parting as though he were going to say something further, but his face warmed and he snapped his jaw shut and bent over his bike and got back to work hastily.

Warmth spread through his chest and across his body as he watched Raphael, knowing what he had wanted to say without even eluding to it.

Even if it took forever, Raph would wait for him… and he himself would forever wait for the opportunity to join him so Raphael wouldn't have to long for him any further. He'd love him right back forever, and from the shadows if he had too. It would have to do because for now, fire and water were forced to forever circle the other in a delicate dance of like-minded, contradictory lovers; hoping they could one day unite.

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I hope you enjoyed it. This one took me a little longer than I expected to correct it because at the last minute I basically doubled the page count. (there originally wasn't much dialogue and Donnie's thoughts weren't in there. it was sorta a Slice-of-Life moment, but last night at about 2 or 3 in the morning, I realized it needed something and the idea of Splinter's death came to mind and the rest is history.)

... and I also just like the idea that Raph would consider these once a month mechanic moments dates XD -(giggles)- such a guy-mindset.

well, I hope you enjoyed, I'm off to start re-reading and correcting the smut for the thursday update. wish me luck O.o and reviews would be greatly appreciated... it helps even with the correction process, heh. ;)

-Melissa the Damgel


	8. You Want Some Toast With That Butter?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the turtles... and after reading this chapter you'll understand why it's probably a good idea I don't .

**Author's Note:** The turtles are 18 years old in this story. MATURE CONTENT!!! turtlecest to the full extent!! SEX between brothers and naughty use of butter. If you don't like this, you should probably just stop reading this story from here on out! Please DON'T FLAME; I'm giving you A LOT of warning as well as in the title description I clearly stated this would happen eventually in the story. Thank you for your time.

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**You Want Some Toast With That Butter?**

**By: Melissa the Damgel**

He had known since he was ten. He had thought about it everyday since he had seen both his brothers sobbing and clinging together, whispering back and forth for hours before they finally accepted their current situation and walked away from each other.

At first he was scared to try and understand what had gone on. After a while, he was just confused, and then he was even jealous. But it was all in a childish way. Even Mikey had to admit, he was dubbed the 'baby bro' for good reason. He wasn't as mature about things as his other brothers; he took the long way around in understand things. He had to 'do' to 'comprehend', and he had to forcibly be taught for him to remember his lessons.

And he remembered that time so clearly. It was one of the few times in his childhood that he had been upset for weeks afterwards. Usually he bounced right back from punishments or what would be deemed 'traumatic experiences', but this was something that stuck with him and frightened him to no end.

Raph and Donnie had shared something he doubted he would ever get a taste of. They had promised each other something that he would never have. Even if by some miracle he did meet someone in the future that would promise him the same as his brothers had promised each other; how long would that last? How long would they be willing to live in the shadows, never feel comfortable to introduce friends and family to their boyfriend? How long would they be willing to trek down into the sewers to see him? It wouldn't last. Even he knew that could be the only answer.

Mikey sighed and tilted his head back, thudding it against the wall as he closed his eyes only to reopen them to stare up at his brick ceiling. It was so much easier when they were little. They didn't _need_ to think about things like this. But growing up, growing older and thinking of the loneliness of never sharing something deeper, it was depressing and discouraging in life. He knew he would always have his brothers as family – but a lover seemed so out of reach.

And it definitely wasn't helping that Raphael and Donnie's former engagement was starting to make more sense than hoping for an understanding human or waiting for another mutate… and a certain pair of warm brown eyes was most definitely the biggest problem – especially when they looked at him and a little smile touched that perfect mouth to make those eyes brighten up and make his handsome nose wrinkle slightly… no! He wasn't going to think about that right now!

Groaning as he pushed himself up and away from the wall, Mikey shoved his comic books to the side as he struggled up to his feet and stretch. He glanced back at his comics, and he contemplated putting them away properly… then he remember how much work that would take and he waved it off, trudging to the door instead to get a glass of water… or a soda – a soda would be better.

He yawned as he headed down the hall – pausing only briefly to take a peek into Leo's room, who wasn't there – and to spy on Raph, who was swinging slightly in his hammock lazily, his hand dropping some used bandages he had just replaced on several places across his body as he stared up at the ceiling before he moved his hands behind his head. Mikey could hear Don down in his lab, tinkering away at something, and the television was off, signaling it was late enough that Splinter had either gone to bed or was having a tea ceremony as he meditated. Maybe that's where Leo was….

Mikey trudged down the stairs and into the kitchen, throwing the fridge open to rummage around inside. He mumbled under his breath as he squinted past the fridge lightbulb next to his head, and he poked his tongue out the corner of his mouth in his search. A squeal of triumph escaped his lips the moment he finally located 'The Secret Stash' –also known as Raph's soda- and a chuckle from behind made him blink and look over his shoulder.

Leo was standing behind the kitchen table watching him, his arms folded over his chest as he watched his baby bro stare back at him all innocent-like even as he was bent over with his head and upper shoulders inside of the fridge. "Hungry?" He asked with an unintended purr.

Wrinkling his nose and sticking his tongue out, Mikey disengaged himself from the fridge and straightened, holding the soda up and jiggling it to demonstrate what he was getting. "I'm raiding Raph's secret stash of soda." He explained, though his face quickly warmed up and he wasn't quiet sure why – maybe it was the way Leo was staring at him so intently, or maybe it was simply because he had been caught almost literally crawling around inside of the fridge; or perhaps it was because of that scent that Leo had been giving off – it had slowly gotten stronger over the last few days, and right at that moment, it was extremely alluring. Especially after all his secret little thoughts he had just had up in his bedroom.

The silence was getting to be too much for him. Mikey fidgeted and cracked open his soda just to make some noise. "So, Raph is brooding again and Donnie is going all mad-scientist on something in his lab. He's hardly left that place since that last fight." He explained and then took a slurp of soda, watching Leo closely as he moved around the table to join him, leaning up against the edge of the table.

A frown marred Leo's good humor and Mikey immediately kicked himself for bringing up the incident. Donnie had gotten hurt in the last battle – only a deep cut in his arm and some bruises; but it was nothing compared to what happened to Raph. He had jumped in front of Don at the last second to protect him from the full force of a Triceraton blaster – and of course, in the process, he had bloodied himself up in the process of protecting his brother. Donnie had flipped and yelled at him after they had gotten home; but Raph had only grinned and said he was okay before he passed out. Donnie had practically single-handedly nursed him back to health over the last month. He had hardly allowed Mikey to take over now and then; let alone take Raphael up his meals; unless he and Leo had double teamed him and Leo would _somehow _managed to convince him to get some sleep while Mikey quietly took over his place as nursemaid. After Raph had healed up enough to be on his own once again, Donnie had locked himself away in his lab and was rarely seen.

"Hey, you don't think Donnie's gone all vampire on us, do ya?" Mikey asked suddenly, his blue eyes widening and he bit his lower lip to add to the over-dramatic humor he was trying to create. He gasped and slapped a hand over his mouth as he gazed up at Leo, "Or worse, you think he's like, a Mr. Hyde now?"

A small smile touched Leo's face as he shook his head, gazing down at Mike, "Hardly. But something is bugging me now that you mention it…" Leonardo trailed off, his brows knitting together in that classic 'Leader Thinking Mode'.

Mikey shifted nervously; whatever that musky scent Leo was giving off was, it was beginning to affect him… down south. The scent was just so… so enthralling, like he wanted to drown in that scent. "Uh, yeah?" He said, jerking himself out of his little daze and prompted Leo to talk instead of gazing off into the fascinating and secretive world of the toaster sitting on the counter next to the butter dish.

"Huh? Oh…" Leo snapped out of it and looked back to his brother. Frowning, he lowered his rich brown eyes to the floor and seemed to tighten his arms across his chest. "Have… have you noticed anything about Raph and Don?"

Blinking as he raised a brow, Mikey nodded, "Well, yeah." He drawled out sarcastically and raised his soda as a way of motioning to everything around him. "I notice a lot of things about them. Like Donnie's feet smell like death when he sleeps and Raphael looks like Buddha when he watches football."

Leo's smile returned at that as he looked to Mike and moved to lean against the table more comfortably. "Buddha?"

"Well, yeah! I mean, the dude sits there with his belly sticking out and he looks all intense. Now if Donnie is sitting next to him, that's when he gets the goofy Buddha smile as he talks with him." Mikey explained then stopped, his finger up in the air as his eyes widened and his mouth shifted to form an 'o'.

Chuckling, Leo nodded, "Yeah, that's what I mean." He lowered his arms and placed his hands on the edge of the table behind him as he gazed down at the floor, his face slowly falling from the smile and once again slipping into an oddly intense look. "So you've noticed too, huh?"

"Well, Raph and Donnie have always been like that; even when we were kids." Mikey defended weakly.

Leo frowned, "Yeah, but, with the fight that just happened and Raph getting hurt, Donnie seemed almost…"

"Like a zombie-mother bear ready to rip our heads off and eat our brains if we got to close to him?" Mikey offered as helpfully as he could.

Contorting his face from the visual but nodding in agreement, Leonardo shifted against the table, "Yeah, something like that." He was quiet a moment then winced, looking down at the ground. "That's not what's been bothering me though. I saw…" he paused and squared his jaw, warm brown eyes staring at nothing as he relived the memory in his head. "I saw Raphael try and kiss Don." He finally forced out, his mouth forming a thin line with his brows drawing together tightly.

Mikey blinked then made and 'oh' sound, looking down at his soda in hand.

"I… I stayed and listened for awhile. I wasn't spying on purpose, it just surprised me. I didn't think Raph could look so… soft…" He stumbled for the word and let it pass delicately over his lips, that musk rising between them as he remembered the events. "Donnie… he looked like he wanted to kiss him, but-"

"-but told Raph they couldn't and looked ready to cry as he moved away." Mikey finished, frowning as he stared at the ground.

Leo whipped his head up and around, staring at Mike in surprise, "You saw it too?"

"No… Donnie just says that to Raph every time." Mikey explained then knitted his brows together, gripping at his soda pop more tightly.

"Every… how long has this been going on?" Leo breathed, pushing away from the table and turning towards his brother squarely, "What do you know, Mikey?" he demanded, his voice quiet, but his tone was firm and left no room for weaseling out of this.

Looking down at his toes, Mikey couldn't help but compare the different shades of green they were, and just how nice they blended together. The scent of his brother grew stronger as he slipped into leader mode and wanted answers, but the underlying smell made him shiver and want something more.

"Mikey, what do you know?" Leo stepped closer and watched his brother's cheeks warm and darken. "Mike?"

"I think they have the right idea… I mean, who else would want to fall in love with a mutant turtle but another turtle…"

"Mikey?" Leo asked, tilted his head a bit as he watched him, slightly confused and worried.

Michelangelo blushed deeper and peeked up at his brother, "Raphael asked Donnie to marry him."

Surprise wasn't half of what Leo felt. "What? When?"

Shrugging, Mikey sighed loudly and twisted his body, setting the soda down on the table behind him. "I don't know. Like, ten years ago or something. It was back when we were just kids. Remember when Raph had that talk with Splinter and he said he hated him and cried a lot?"

Leo frowned and nodded; it was kind of hard to forget.

"Well, it was before that. I don't really know anything else, but Raph has been pining after Don ever since and every now and then he tries to convince Donnie to go back to him or something." He shrugged, staring up at Leo intently. "I know Donnie wants too, but because of what Splinter told him when he was a kid, he won't allow himself to go back."

Staring down at the ground as he went into 'Leader Thinking Mode', Leonardo nodded as he absorbed the information and plotted out how he was going to handle the situation.

"You're not going to get mad at them, are you?" Mikey asked, baby blue eyes gazing up at him desperately. When warm brown eyes drifted up to lock with his, Mikey couldn't help but reach out, grasping at his wrist.

Leo shook his head, "No, I'm not going to get mad, but they are brothers-"

"None of us are really brothers, dude." Mike stated and held on tightly as Leo jerked his head upright once again.

"What? What do you mean?" Leo asked quickly, his eyes widening and his lips parting as he took a step closer and enveloped Mikey's senses with that persistent aroma he was giving off in waves.

"Well, Donnie did that blood test about two years ago, remember? It was after all that mutation test stuff Bishop was doing on us and he wanted to check our blood. Well… turns out he also did a DNA test on all of us. I saw the paper lying out with his hand writing in the corner saying 'Not Related'. I asked him about it and he explained it to me." Mikey dropped his gaze, still remembering the sad smile and the way Donnie's dark eyes had stared down at the paper as though hoping it would solve everything. "But he said it didn't matter. He said that ethically we were still all brothers and threw the paper away." He whispered, his fingers tightening around Leo's wrist, just wanting to hold him one second longer before he began to let his fingers slip away.

"Not brothers?" Leo mumbled, his fingers tightening around Mikey's before they could slip away and that musky scent spiked in the air around them.

Mikey's heart fluttered and he peeked back up into his leader's eyes.

Leo blushed lightly as he looked down at their hands, "Um, well, that definitely explains a lot." He whispered.

"Dude… do you think they're weird?" Mikey asked, his breath nearly catching in his throat.

"No… it's kind of a relief really." He explained and glanced over to Mikey, smiling warmly.

Mikey stared, his stomach lurching and his cheeks warming as he lost feeling in his body. "Hey… uh-"

"I really thought I was loosing my mind – or, or that I was messed up in some way." Leo explained, staring down at their hands and tightening his grip on Mikey's fingers. The alluring scent drifted to Mikey's nose at that moment and caused him to quiver. Leo's eyes darkened as his pupils grew larger. "I thought that I would tear the family apart feeling the way I do." He whispered, lifting his gaze and catching those intoxicating blue eyes, "But if Raph and Donnie could survive, why can't I?"

A little shiver ran over Mikey's shell as he watched Leo stare back at him with a slightly glazed look and that scent growing stronger. His gut jumped again and his body trembled as those warm brown eyes sucked him into some unknown land where he felt nothing but that gaze caress unknown places inside of him. "Leo, you better snap out of it and tell me it's me or I'm going to ignore you and take you right here on the kitchen floor."

Leonardo did snap out of it but only long enough to look surprised before Mikey jumped at him, wrapping his arms about his neck and pressing his beak to his in a fierce and heated kiss. He gasped and immediately had a tongue shoved into his mouth to rub against his. Leo struggled against Mikey though he jerked him closer to his body a heartbeat later while at the same time he pushed him back against the table and leaned into him, forcing Mike's head back from the sheer force of the kiss he was returning.

Mikey mewed in his throat and a low churr escaped him as Leo's fingers played deliciously down his sides between his shell and plastron and then down along his thighs. He gasped loudly as he was suddenly hoisted upwards and he found his knees on either side of a very lusty turtle. Panting loudly, Mikey managed to rip his lips away from Leo's and stare at him through heavy hooded lids. Leo rumbled deep in his chest and grabbed his thigh tightly to pull him tighter against his body, and at the same time, Mikey groaned and leaned his head to the side as talented lips began kissing over his cheek and down his neck. He mewled again and shivered against Leo while his leader held him tightly to his body, his hands caressing and squeezing his ass in randomly erotic ways.

"Oh…ooo… yay…" Mikey squeaked out, his eyes fluttering behind his lids as Leo's fingers played with his tail slowly and deliberately.

Chuckling softly, Leo slowed in his desperate claiming of Mikey as he nuzzled his neck and stroked his tail. "Yay?" he asked quietly.

"Uh-huh, you… oooh… horny, an-and me horny… want now." He shuddered as Leo pinched the tip of his tail and he writhed again him, pushing his hips against Leo's.

"So how long have you wanted this?" Leo asked, nipping up his neck carefully.

"Ooo, wanted you… uuuh… couple years 'go… Leo-" he breathed, his legs tightening around his brother's body as Leo carried him away from the table and to the edge of the kitchen counter, his hand fumbling for something behind him.

"Good answer." Leo purred, nuzzling at his neck after his hand closed around what he was looking for. Situating them against the counter so Mikey's shell was resting on the edge so he was forced to lean back slightly with his ass handing off the edge, Leo took a single step back with his hand pressed firmly to Mikey's plastron to hold him in place. "I think I've wanted _you_ since I was twelve." Leo said and brought his hand around to reveal half a stick of butter on his fingers and in his palm.

Dazed blue eyes managed to clear just enough to twist his face up in a look of 'huh?' before he moaned and squeezed his eyes shut when Leo's finger suddenly pressed and teased over his opening and stroked at his tail with his buttery fingertips.

"It was when you scraped your knee real bad in the sewers and you couldn't walk on it. I ended up having to carry you home on my back because it was getting late and Splinter would have punished us for staying out after dark." Leo explained, smirking at the several squeaks he relentlessly teased from his brother. He churred softly and then moved his hand further up Mikey's shell with searching fingers, but then he paused as he found it – and he then ran his thumb over the slit where his cock was tucked away and he leaned forward slowly, loving the immediate breathless expression on his baby brother's face. "You held on so tightly and talked in my ear the whole way back... breathing against my neck, wiggling atop my back…" he hissed, moving in close to do just that – whisper in his ear, breath against his neck and wiggle his fingers in a circular pattern across his entrance and pushed outwards slightly, trying to relax him.

Mikey's eyes widened immediately and he squirmed, "Leo…" He squeaked with a moan as he dropped down just as Leo's fingers teased at his entrance, "Yeah…" he moaned then whimpered as Leo's fingers didn't move any further.

Leonardo blushed and suddenly hid his face against Mikey's neck as his kept his fingers exactly were they were while his other arm wrapped about him. "I'm sorry Mikey… I… I can't stop…" he panted while that scent grew stronger in the air and a jolt of lust shot straight through both of them and right down to their cocks, hardening them further and making Leo groan with a thrust of his hips against Mikey's spread legs.

"Oooh, you better not stop." Mikey whimpered and tried to push down on his fingers, but with his shell pinned the way it was and with Leo leaning against him, he was effectively trapped.

"You like it, huh?" Leo asked quickly with a pant, his fingers that were holding onto his scutes tightened further.

"Yeah, totally dude; you going to fuck me now or do I have to bend _you_ over so you get the message?" he asked, lusty blue eyes staring down at Leo as he pulled his head back to look up at him, an amused smile turning up the corner of his leader's lips.

Leo stared directly into Mikey's eyes as he slowly pushed a finger into his brother. He grunted in delight seeing Mikey's eyes roll back and his lips part as he watched Mikey absorb the feeling of being intruded so forcefully, and he churred loudly from his chest.

"L… L… Leoo." Mikey moaned and arched his back, his toes curling as Leo wiggled his finger inside of him, spreading the butter within him and slowly stretching him while stroking and teasing the inside of his body. "Eee!" He squeaked and jerked his head back, banging it against the cupboard from the pleasure lancing through him.

"Ready for more?" Leo purred, that scent rolling off of him and making Mikey squeal as Leo crooked his finger, thrusting his finger in sharply and jabbing at his prostate sharply.

Mikey's eyes went as wide as saucers and his mouth fell open. No noise emanated from him as he silently screamed in delight, his body wiggling and his back arching sharply as his cock bobbed and leaked in approval. A squeak finally escaped Mikey's throat the moment Leo performed the same maneuver and he banged his head against the cabinets behind him for the second time that night.

Leo felt a surge of masculine pride wash over him and that steady and burning pressure inside of him that he had been feeling for the last two weeks flared and he practically trembled from both lust and desperation as he continued to thrust his finger into his brother, watching Mikey's face contort in joy and pleasure and feeling his toes curl at his sides. Easing a second finger into him, Leonardo leaned forward and inhaled deeply of his little brother's scent that was heavy and rich along his neck and caused him to waver again and grasp flimsily at his control as he nipped and nibbled at Mike's flesh. His cock was so hard! I hurt! He wanted so badly to touch himself… mmm, or maybe have Mikey touch him – kiss it, suck on it, nibble... the visual stoked his lust and he moved his fingers more quickly in and out of Mikey, having missed the squeak of pain and momentary look of discomfort due to the fact he was biting at Mikey's neck and collarbone insistently.

A loud moan burst from Mikey as Leo's fingers dragged across that something inside of him again that not only made stars burst before his eyes, but made his whole body want to curl and writhe desperately in the amazing pleasure of it all. "Leoo!" he cried out.

Tsking faintly, Leo gave a dazed look over his shoulder at the kitchen entrance then reached out clumsily, grabbing a hand towel before he shoved it into Mikey's mouth, effectively muffling his cries. "Not so loud; unless you _want _Donnie to watch us."

Mikey whimpered, blue eyes opening to stare down at him desperately.

Staring back at him, Leo felt his cock drop down heavily. He scissored his fingers inside of Mike's ass and smirked as Mike writhed against him. Leo wasn't sure if he could hold out any longer… his cock was throbbing painfully and leaking precum heavily. It was delicious and torturous all at once. He wiggled his fingers inside of his brother and couldn't stop the smile from spreading again as he felt Mike's leg jerk out from his side then wrap about his waist more tightly.

"Leoo, pl-please!" Mikey sobbed, shaking his head against the cabinets.

Pulling his fingers out of Mikey suddenly, Leo trembled as he grasped his dick, smoothing the remaining butter in his palm across the length and all the way watching Mikey beg between small mewls and small moans. He rumbled in delight at the feel of his brother's heels digging into the backs of his thighs as his hand ran across himself to spread the butter evenly across his cum soaked rod. He managed to gain some control, but as he heard Mike's desperate whimper and stared into those wide eyes, he couldn't stop himself from the sudden spike of lust and he moved forward quickly and pushed into his brother without warning.

A strangled cry ripped through Mikey as he arched his back, his head banging on the cupboard and then tossing as Leo pushed into him with his hard and hot erection, inching his way further into his body and burning him alive from the inside out. He grasped and tugged at him, reaching for his shoulders and then his elbows as his legs tightened around his body before he cried out again in abandon.

Panting loudly, Leonardo bowed his head, pressing his brow to Mikey's collarbone as he pushed the rest of the way in and seated himself within the trembling body. It was so much better than his hand! So hot, so moist, so _encasing_. He know had some understanding of what his swords must feel every time he sheathed them at his back if they had been alive.

"'Eo!" Mikey managed past the makeshift gag as he was forced to hold perfectly still, his brows knitted together in a mixture of pain and pleasure.

Managing to hold still for a few seconds longer, Leonardo shuddered before he reared back and then thrust his hips back in, groaning through his clenched teeth from the shots of electrical pleasure jolting up his spine.

Mikey cried out in his throat as he jerked from the thrust, the musky scent of Leo was driving him insane as it worked its way into his body. He tried to buck his hips but he was trapped – and enjoying every minute of it as Leo surged into him and brushed against the prostate inside of him that caused sharp gasps and loud squeaks to burst from his throat in rapid succession. He felt like he no longer had control over his own body as he was consumed by the raging lust between him and Leo. He grasped at his leader's shoulders and shook his head against the cupboard behind him as Leo bit and suckled at his neck, worrying the skin into a heated patch of sensitive flesh that he breathed on once he was satisfied with his work. Mike dug his heels into Leo's back, trying to jerk back against him every time he pulled away, yet he was rewarded time and time again with hard thrusts following his hasty retreats and caused he orange clad turtle to forget everything around him except the hot breathes against his throat and the hard body moving between his legs and against his body.

Leo let loose something similar to a snarl as he pounded into his brother, his body soaring higher and winding tighter the more he stoked the flames in his cock. "Tight… awe…" Leo gasped, reaching down to tug on Mikey's tail as he moved faster. "Touch yourself…" He breathed across his ear slit, his words a rumbling tickle that vibrated throughout his brother's body as he thrust hard and fast into him, a hand lifting one of Mikey's knees an inch higher up his body to change the angle of his thrust.

A squeal leapt from Mike's throat as Leo jabbed right into that spot that sent stars falling before his eyes. Mikey snatched at Leo's head and held him in place where he was currently biting and lapping at his neck, whispering things now and then in the middle of his assault. Reaching down towards his weeping and begging member, Mikey grasped himself in a shaky hand and cried out from the touch alone. He bucked several times, jerking against Leo's body and the counter as he was filled and his palm surrounded himself.

"'Eo! 'Eo! R'eo!" Mikey cried out past the towel in his mouth as his body clenched around the cock that was stroking him in ways he only imagined about. "R'ease! M-m-moore..." He whimpered and squeaked in his throat, squeezing his eyes shut as his body tightened further and he tipped forward, feeling that mounting pressure that was so close to crushing him in orgasmic bliss, but he was suddenly jerked back from the edge and back into reality as Leo yanked the towel out of his mouth and forced a strong and desperate kiss to his lips, his tongue snaking out and stroking across his own in urgency.

"Mine." Leo rumbled and thrust in particularly hard, smoky brown eyes forcing dazed blue to stare at him – and Mikey screamed into Leo's mouth, having it stifled by his leader's tongue once more as it was shoved down his throat and lolled around in his mouth. Leo gasped and whimpered as he moved faster, pounding into his brother and causing Mikey to bounce just faintly against the countertop in his haste. Mikey screamed suddenly, his seed exploding across both their plastrons in several long, ropey shots of milky-white cream that slathered their chests and clung to their skin.

Leo panted and shuddered, churring loudly as his thrusts become stronger and more focused. But the moment Mikey screamed and his body had locked down around his cock, he cried out and let himself go, spilling his essence into Mikey's heaving body. He continued to move against him, rubbing his jerking member across the clenched muscles inside Mike's ass in short jerks, wiggling his hips and pressing his face into Mikey's neck as he grunted and groaned, loving the rush that ran through and out of him and into the willing body beneath him that was beginning to relax and tremble under him as his member pumped the last shots of cum into him.

Mikey milked Leo dry. He mewled now and then, shifting just enough to feel him inside of himself now and then as Leo slowly came back down from his orgasmic-high. They clung to each other, trembling and stroking the other as their bodies began to cool and their twitching cocks settled and softened between them.

Weakly, Leo shifted against him, slipping free from his body with a sharp intake of air. Closing his eyes, Leo leaned closer, nuzzling his cheek and planting delicate kisses across his skin as he absorbed everything about Mikey; the way his thighs twitched when he moved a finger down his side too far; the way his toes curled against his shell and the way his fingers dragged lazily over his shoulders and stroked across the back of his neck when he gave him delicate nuzzles and careful kisses.

"Sorry…" Leo whispered, shuddering again before he rumbled in delight and nudged at his neck with his beak affectionately.

"Why?" Mikey whispered, inhaling deeply and slowly – taking note briefly that the air seemed lighter, less heavy now that that musky scent from Leo had abruptly faded.

"You smell good…" Leo whispered, breathing in deeply against his neck as his fingers once again stroked along his thighs.

"L… Leo…? why are you sorry?" Mikey asked in a whisper, shivering and shifting slightly against him.

He took a moment against Mike's collarbone, nibbling at it and enjoying the shudder that ran down his brother's spine. "I didn't mean to force you…."

"Yeah, cause I was so unwilling." Mikey drawled sarcastically before he sighed and churred in approval at the way Leo's tongue soothed the bites along his body – though the bites were most definitely a delicious turn on he was learning about himself. "Do that again…" Mikey gasped, tilting his head back as Leo's teeth bit down on his throat carefully. The delicate touches to his skin, the faint musky scent that was slowly fading, and the buttery smell that lingered on their skin… butter was definitely going to be a turn on for him for awhile.

Leo obliged Mikey and he circled his fingers along his shoulder and down his back, smirking at the rumble, but he frowned suddenly and slowly began to pull away from him, peeking over his shoulder then back to his baby brother. "Mikey…"

"My room or yours, dude?" It was almost as though he had known what Leo was about to say. He didn't want his brother telling him this was wrong or that they made a mistake. Maybe if he ignored those questions and changed the subject he could convince Leo otherwise. "I don't think I'll be walkin' right for a while, bro." Mikey explained, slowly wrapping his arms more tightly about Leo's shoulders. "You're just going to have to carry me." He grinned silly.

Frowning but slowly nodding, Leo inched his brother off the counter and held him close as he cautiously took a step – his legs still felt like jelly after their vigorous antics and he was rather nervous of just collapsing there on the kitchen floor.

Leo carefully carried Mikey from the kitchen, moving warily and as silently as possible to try and sneak past the three other ninja's living under the same roof as they were. Mikey began nibbling at his neck, churring softly and making little noises that strangely made Leo all the more excited and a low growl thundered deep in his chest and brought a wicked grin to Mikey's face and a raised brow from Leo.

Leaning in close and deliberately brushing his lips against his neck and nudging his beak against Leo's cheek, Mikey whispered in a silky smooth voice that caused even Leo to momentarily close his eyes and falter in his steps. "Feeling a bit excited again?" Mikey asked with a delicate sweep of his fingers along his brother's shoulder.

He could only nod, his legs shaking once more.

Mikey wiggled against Leo and quietly slipped out of his arms and rested his feet back onto the ground. "I can help with that." He purred and slid his fingertips over Leo's wrist and into his grasp where he tugged on his brother's arm and winked with a smoky gleam in his eyes.

Leo was quick to follow that gaze and they soon disappeared into Leo's bedroom, locking the door and shoving a chair in front of it just for precaution's sake.

Pulling his brother close, Leo shuddered and Mikey churred in delight as that scent once again filled the air around them. "Where did you learn to be so seductive?" Leo gasped, his hands grasping and kneading at Mikey's ass, his fingers playing in secretive, and wet, places that had the younger turtle squirming in delight.

"Mmm… why that would have to be from porn." He mewled.

Leo stared for a moment, a little taken aback, then he pushed the surprise away and dove back in for a kiss.

Yeah; this was awesome.

---------- ----------

Waking up, Mikey momentarily drew a blank as he stared at the ceiling, trying to remember where he was. Twisting about in the blankets as he attempted to sit up in bed, Mikey blinked sleepily as he looked around his room, groggily coming to the conclusion his room looked really weird when he was sleeping upside down in bed.

Rubbing his eyes and yawning, Mikey shifted a leg to help him sit up straight, and then he gasped and grabbed his thigh, falling back onto his bed as he rubbed at the sore muscles there. He paused before reaching down to rub his calf, then he rubbed at his back, and he frowned at the way his body tingled from all the odd places he was sore… oooooh.

Mikey was now fully awake.

Blushing, Mikey looked quickly about his room, struggling to get off his bed. He stumbled from the blanket wrapped about his body, but he freed himself and quickly hurried to his door, flinging it open and leaping into the hallway with his hands out and his eyes wide.

Nothing.

Yawning again, Mikey walked awkwardly down the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen. Granted, he was sore in places he really didn't want to explain to his family, but, damn, it felt good too. It was the enjoyable burn that screamed from his lower body, just like after a nice long workout, only deeper and more pleasant.

Pausing just before he entered the kitchen, Mikey couldn't help but purr slightly in delight at the idea of Leo joining him in that long workout… again… this time with honey and maybe some pizza…

Okay, it was a weird kink, but he was totally turned on by the idea of a pizza covered Leo!

Mikey shook himself awake and wandered into the kitchen. He rolled his eyes as he immediately reached an arm to grab _any_ food in reach just so he could block out the site of Donnie shyly watching Raph from the corner of his eye and Raph talking all low in that rumbling way of his that got Donnie all hot and bothered and shifting in his chair even at the sight of his red clad brother pouring himself a bowl of cereal before he went digging for the toy that was supposedly at the bottom of the box.

Those two just needed to get it over with and just do it already – and that thought only brought a grin to Mikey's face as he realized with some sadistic pleasure that he beat both of his love-swooned brothers to the Cherry-Popping Contest.

"You too, huh?" Raph grunted, looking at Mikey with a raised brow.

Blinking in confusion, Mikey turned with his face twisted up all funny.

Raph smirked, "You and Leo both. Fearless slept in too." He explained with a hint of glee at the idea his brother messed up in his personal schedule.

"Raphie…" Don scolded then sighed before he looked to Mike and offered a warm smile. "'Morning Mikey."

Grinning awkwardly, Mikey chuckled and shrugged, dragging his breakfast – which consisted of left over pizza and Fruitie-Tootie cereal today over to the kitchen table. He gingerly took a seat across from Don. Very gingerly. "Yeah, 'mornin'." He yawned again before he took a bite from his pizza-cereal. He chewed slowly, suddenly slipping into a daze as he stared at the counter across from him. He couldn't stop a goofy smirk from crawling its way up his face as he relived the events of last night in his head.

Mmm… so good.

"Mikey?" Donnie asked, his brows knitted together as he looked at him closely in that clinical doctor look he was getting so good at.

Huh?" Mike grunted, snapping out of it before he tried really, really hard to focus on his brother.

Donnie tilted his head and his brow scrunched up in worry. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Wha'? Oh, yeah. I'm fine dude. Just tired I guess." He grinned silly and then took a large bite of his pizza.

Leo waltzed into the kitchen at that moment. An aura of complete contentment that practically dripped from his shoulders like a cloak of testosterone satisfaction surrounded him and instantly brought three pairs of eyes to lock on his relaxed body. Though, there was a funny little step to his walk that made Mikey grin into his pizza as flashes of last night jumped to the front of his mind's eye when they were hidden away in Leo's room and he had had Leo pinned to his futon, no one else took note of Leonardo's slow movements because they were too busy being entranced with the sultry slink in his steps.

Yeah, when they got a chance to be alone again, they were _so_ doing that little fantasy again.

"So what kept you, Fearless Leader?" Raph drawled, raising a brow and practically begging for a good argument to start the morning with, just so he could get the blood pumping early. He folded his arms over his chest and straightened his stance just a hint more in a subtle show of dominance as he locked gazes with the other turtle.

A lazy smile spread over Leo's face and there was a smoky quality to his usually sharp brown eyes that had Raphael raising his hackles at the smugness on his older brother's face. "Just some late night activities tired me out." He purred, moving closer to Raph with a hint of a sauntering step in his graceful movements.

Raphael bristled through the nervousness that had stabbed his gut at the smoldering look Leo had given him. "Getting careless?" Raph fumbled as he squared his shoulders and stood a bit taller in front of him, narrowing his eyes threateningly. Something was different about him today, and something primal within him hated it to the point he wanted to punch Leo simply for being in the same room as him.

Leo tilted his head as his cocky, overly smug smile moved across his face and seemed to settle into every pour of his being and become airborne as the kitchen filled with his sudden and powerfully scented masculine presence. "Not at all. I was very careful. You can even ask Mikey if you have any questions." He rumbled out in a low, sultry tone that brought Raph instantly on defense with a growl in his chest.

Donnie could only stare at his older brothers as though he was locked in place. A hitch in his breathing made him shiver slightly as he watched in complete fascination. Mikey on the other hand, instantly became hard the moment Leo spoke and he got the pleasure of watching the muscles in Leo's shoulders and thighs twitch from his relaxed walk. He parted his lips and felt his mind go on vacation as it fogged with the intoxicating scent that was solely Leo that began to circulate throughout the room and made him want to spread out on the table right there and offer himself as payment to his sex god at that very moment.

Arching a brow just faintly, Leo turned and moved to the table, his fingertips skimming the surface sensually before he smoothly picked up Raph's untouched bowl of cereal and casually took a seat next to Don. His eyes lifted and locked with Mikey's darkening blue instantly as he leaned forward, taking his first bite of cereal.

'_That's so wrong,'_ Mikey thought as he stared, _'He should not be looking so sexy eating stolen cereal.'_

Donnie was thinking the same thing – if he was thinking at all. That musky scent in the air had collapsed his brain into a puddle of mush and he wanted nothing more than to move closer to Leo. He actually caught himself sliding his hand towards his brother as though to touch and pet his arm like some demented stalker that made dolls out of their crush's hair.

Peeking towards Don, Leonardo's smile curled and a rather seductive yet charming smile curled over his face, "You all right Donnie? You look a little flushed." He purred, leaning towards his brother as he moved his arm to rest along the back of Don's chair.

Mikey's brows lifted and his lips parted in awe as he watched Donnie flush nearly blue as Leo leaned into him. He was slightly jealous, but… damn… that was hot too, watching Leo slowly stalk Donnie like a hunter would his prey.

Donnie on the other hand trembled and managed to get a whimper out past his strangled throat. He lifted a hand and reached for Leo, completely entranced.

Their third brother on the other hand found nothing about this entertaining, hot, or enthralling; in fact, he wanted to kill Leo at the moment. He wanted to charge right in and rip his head off, bite, claw, snap, anything! That was_ his_ Donnie!

"What the shell are you doing?" He snarled and reached out, yanking on Donnie's hand and he bodily lifted his brother from his chair, tugging him away from Leo. Donnie whined and reached out for him, his eyes wide and darker than usual from his pupils having expanded to almost encompass his entire iris.

Grumbling as he jerked Donnie after him, Don continued to stare behind him at Leo as though saying farewell while he was dragged away by his dark prince and out into the living room.

The air out there was fresh and free of Leo-essence. Donnie shivered, still gazing longingly towards the kitchen and he whined as Leo sent a heated look towards him before he focused in on Mikey and smirked, leaning back down and to take another bite of his cereal.

"What the shell was that?" Raph shouted, pointing towards the kitchen.

A new scent fluttered into the air and snagged Donnie's attention faster than Leo's had. Jerking his head back around to stare at Raph – his mind clearing as it analyzed the scent as well as his actions – Donnie's jaw dropped and he jumped away, his eyes dilating once again. He looked towards the kitchen then back to Raph and he squeaked, trying to get his voice to work.

"Donnie…" Raph threatened, stepping closer with narrowed amber eyes.

Donnie whined and shuddered, backing up quickly while holding up a finger with a wide-eyed, fearful and crazed look taking over his features. "Awe… ah… no… better stay over there… and… and you go far away from Leo… and… Now we know Leo really _is_ the eldest!" He laughed nervously as he slipped over one of Mikey's comic books and ripping a page. "I'm just going to go work on something. Yeah… work would be good…" He stumbled over his words just as he stumbled over the sofa, literally climbing over it to get away from Raphael as he closed the distance between them.

Twisting up his face and staring at Don in confusion, Raph watched his brother panic and stare up at him in both fear and… and was that lust? Smirking once he pinpointed the problem, Raphael moved around the sofa and made his way towards Donnie, rumbling deeply in his chest at the gasp and shudder his brother displayed as he quickly closed the distance between them. "Now why would I want ta leave you alone when yer all hot an' bothered?" He purred, grinning in delight once Don closed his eyes and moaned softly.

He backed Donnie up till his shell collided with the door of his lab and he planted his hands on the wall on either side of Don's shoulders. He leaned in close suddenly, having a desire to breath in his brother's scent – and damn, did he smell good.

"Raphie…." Donnie moaned as quietly as possible while a hand lifted to grope at Raph's shoulder and chest. He peeked his eyes open and drank in the sight of Raphael looming over him and he felt a tightening in his loins that made his knees weak.

Grinning, Raph inched closer and nipped at his brother's neck, rumbling deeply in his chest and was delighted in receiving a choked whimper from the purple clad turtle for his efforts. "Ya like that, huh?"

"Ooh, too much." Donnie again shuddered in pleasure. Gasping and banging his head back against the door as he was hit with another powerful blast of Raph's scent. He smelt so good! Donnie groped behind him, whining as he did so as a hand ran along Raphael's body. Raph's tongue was way too talented. He moved his free hand up to trace along Raph's collarbone – that length of flesh was just to intoxicating. He wanted it. He wanted to bite and suckle at it…

With a sob of pleasure and pain, Donnie squeezed his eyes shut and jerked his door open and shoved Raph away in the same movement. He fell back into his lab and slammed the door shut, locking it securely before he fell against it and he leaned against the door heavily. Panting in fresh air to clear his head, Donnie heard Raph curse and swear on the other side of the door, pounding loudly on it a heartbeat later.

"What the shell, Donnie!" Raph shouted, jiggling the doorknob and pounding on it loudly once again.

"I… its… it's mating season… oh good Lordy…" Don moaned and slid down the door, huddling against it as he shook panting loudly as he shuddered. "Leo's first mating season… awe… We-we're just a-affected by the ph-pheromones in the air." He arched his back and blushed as he felt his fingers dance across his inner thigh.

"Mating season?" Raph griped on the other side, nearly trembling in rage that Donnie had given him the slip. "What's _that_ supposed to mean!" he shouted – he had been so close!

"Ooh…" Donnie moaned, fingering himself as his cock peeked out and dropped free. "We… well… you and… no… awe… more accurately, Leo, is in mating season, you're trying to show your dominance by not letting him have me." he stuttered and moaned his words out, his face contorting into pleasure as he slowly gripped his raging erection and giving it a few good pumps.

"Then open the damn door so I can fuck ya proper!" Raph growled and pounded on the door – he could hear everything! It was driving him crazy! "That way he really _can't_ have you!"

"Noooo… eee!" Donnie squeaked and arched sharply – catching a lusty scent of Raphael through the door and he cried out as he had an abrupt orgasm.

"Open the damn door!" Raph snarled and jerked on the door.

"No… you… oh… you should… should shower; get Leo's scent off of you and you'll calm down…" Donnie shivered, lazing against the door heavily as his eyes drooped.

"It ain't Leo's smell that's got me all worked up, it's you!"

Needless to say, Donnie didn't let Raph in and Raphael really did have to take a shower.

---------- ----------

Mikey squealed and clawed at the tatami mat under him, his cheek pressed harshly against it as his knees came up off the floor again as Leo pounded into him, his hands holding his hips still and ignoring the bobbing erection just inches from his fingertips.

With a snarl that was more Raph-like than Leo-ish, Leonardo groaned loudly in his chest and released a hot load of cum into Mikey's body.

Shuddering at the sudden warmth filling him, Mikey whimpered and moaned desperately with one hand slamming against the mats while the other tried to dig a hole through them as he clawed at them, his hips bucking back against him urgently. "Leoo. " He sobbed.

Groaning and trembling as he leaned against Mikey, Leo slowly began regaining his senses enough to realize Mikey was begging him with a frantic note to his voice. Carefully pulling out of his brother with a delightful shudder, Leo once again tightened his grip on his brother's hips and flipped him over suddenly onto his shell. He leaned over him, his hand grabbing the straining erection and pumping it fast and hard.

"You were so good." Leo purred in a rummy but sated voice. His fingers formed a tight ring as he pushed the rigid member through the ring and spreading Mikey's pre-cum across his heated flesh in the process.

Mikey squealed and arched his back. His legs fell open obscenely at the same time he lifted his knees towards his shoulders. His toes curled and his hips twitched against Leo's as his older brother inched closer, once again pressing right up against his ass and rubbing the leaking opening with his limp organ.

"Not touching yourself… not talking… maybe I should reward you." He whispered, leaning in closer to growl against his ear slit as he flicked his thumb over the head of his cock before he very slowly pushed downward teasingly.

Whimpering and nodding quickly, Mikey clawed at the tatami mats desperately as Leo's fingers continued to pump hard and smooth over him.

Smirking down at him – and taking more than a small bit of delight at the contorted face below him – Leo moved down suddenly and wrapped his mouth around Mikey's cock, suckling hard and pulling it deep into his mouth rapidly as he ran his broad tongue along the underside.

Arching sharply and stifling a scream by slapping his hand over his mouth, Mikey didn't even have time to really enjoy the tongue rubbing and lapping at his cock and teasing at the opening of his member before he released into Leo's mouth with shudders, cries, and short thrusts of his hips.

Sucking on the member as it continued to jerk now and then in his mouth till the last drop was lapped away; Leo purred and closed his eyes, resting his cheek against Mikey's thigh and his fingers trailing along the skin between plastron and shell. "Mmm, that was so good…" he whispered.

"Ooh, so good, dude." Mikey agree as he panted, eyes closed and his fingers shyly reaching down to flutter over Leo's.

Kissing his thigh and inching down towards his knee, Leo then switched and kissed his way up the other leg from his knee to the curve where his leg connected to his body. He nipped and nuzzled his way up Mikey's body before he settled between his spread legs and curled himself about his baby brother.

"Hey… Leo?" Mikey whispered, laying a hand on his leader's shoulder and pushing lightly. "Um… can we keep doing this?"

"What?" Leo asked in a lulling voice, getting very close to drifting off to sleep.

"This… us… I like this…" He whispered then blushed lightly, "I mean, I really-really like the sex, but..." Mike shifted to peek up at Leo.

Opening light brown eyes that had cleared some of the lusty-haze he had been trapped in before releasing it thanks to Mikey, Leo blinked slowly as realization fully dawned on him what he was doing. He jerked up slightly, Mikey's head falling back to the mats as Leo leaned over him with a horrified expression.

"Mikey… I… I'm sorry, I didn't mean… I…" cursing as he pushed himself up to his knees and slapped a hand over his eyes. He stayed like that for almost a full minute – just enough time to make Mikey squirm and a candle to sputter upon its wick. Leo shook his head, looking back down at Mike with horror flickering in the tawny brown eyes. "Mikey, I swear I… I thought you wanted to do this! I didn't mean to force you!"

Blinking confused blue eyes, Mikey lifted a corner of his lip as he grunted 'huh?' at his brother. Propping himself up onto his elbows, Mikey stared at Leo before he laughed, "Force me? Dude, I was ready to jump you! I wanted to do this more than you probably did!" he laughed and reached out for him, tugging on the strap along Leo's shoulder that typically held his katanas to his back and reminded him just how suddenly Leo had dragged him into his room after practice.

Leo's face twisted with concern as he was brought closer to his brother, true despair starting to gnaw at his mind. "Mikey, I swear…"

Rolling his eyes, Mikey grinned that cheesy smile of his, "Dude, I was trying to say, as great as the sex is, I like _this_ better." He then curled his arms about Leo's shoulders and pulled him close, lightly kissing the corner of his mouth and nuzzling at his cheek.

Frowning, Leo bowed his head and sighed, "I'm sorry if I hurt you." He whispered, still holding himself up from his brother's body. "I… I won't ask again."

Distress jumped onto Mikey's face and he clung to Leo, "What? Why?" He squeaked, truly horrified. "Did I do something wrong? I want to keep doing this!"

"But you just said…" Leo began, his face looking oh so confused.

"I said I like this better; you know, as in cuddling, snuggling, clinging to you till your arm looses feeling due to blood loss." Mikey explained, slowly wrapping his legs around Leo's waist and forcing him to settle once again between his legs.

Leo thought that over then nodded, "O-okay… then… then we can do that. I won't touch you otherwise-"

"Noo!" Mikey whined and pawed at him, "Touch all you want! Flip me over the back of the couch during the Justice Force cartoon and take mee! I don't care! I'll blow you in front of Master Splinter if you want! Just keep the touchies coming!" he groped at him, rolling his hips against Leo's slowly.

Another look of confusion settled over his face and he gazed down at him in utter incomprehension. "But…"

Rolling his eyes, Mikey sighed, "Dude, Leo, I love you."

Nodding as though that statement didn't help him understand what he was trying to say, Leo shrugged the comment away. "I know, I love you too, Mikey. But what does that have to do-"

"No… _I love you._" He drawled out, trying to stress the difference. When Leo's expression didn't change, Mikey whined, "I thought you were supposed to be smart!" He tugged on Leo to get his attention with his lower lip sticking out. "I love you, Leo. I love you like… like…" he stopped abruptly and then grew serious. Mikey slowly stroked his palm over his older brother's cheek and offered a sweet smile. He gently brought Leo's face closer to his and stared directly into his eyes, trying to impose upon his brother the gravity of his next words. "Leo, I want to have your babies."

"Babies?" Leo's voice tripped in panic and his eyes widened in shock and then disbelief as he looked down towards where their hips were pressed together then back up to amused blue eyes. "But I thought-"

"Well… you know, not literally, dude. Figurative babies. But if I were able to pop out kids, that's what I'd want to do with you." He nodded sagely and smirked. Then a contemplative look crawled over his face, "Or would we pop out eggs? I mean, we're turtles, so would that mean we lay eggs, or because of the mutation would we pop out a kid like a human? Hmm, maybe I should ask Donnie…"

"Mikey?" Leo asked, his face still contorted in uncertainty.

Mikey's attention was snagged back to Leo's side by the tremble in his voice. Gazing up at his older brother, Mikey once more settled down and grew serious as he drew himself up by hanging onto his brother. Allowing another smile to touch his lips, Mikey placed a kiss to his neck and then to his cheek with a little churr of delight and nudged his nose against Leo's. "Dude, seriously, I love ya."

"…me?" he asked in a shaky voice and scared brown eyes.

"Yep." He smiled brilliantly and leaned in to press a kiss to Leo's lips.

Leo kissed back weakly, still contemplating everything. Mikey pulled back and tilted his head at Leo, his fingers playing with the tails of his bandana. "Leo?"

"Really? Me? Why would you want to love me?"

Sighing in exasperation, Mikey flopped back down against the mats and sighed loudly as he stared up at him, "Bro, it's not like I _wanted_ too. You're just who I fell in love with." He explained then smiled once again reaching up to lace his fingers through the rich blue of his brother's mask and he tugged on it, slowly reeling Leo in like he would a fish, "But, I fell _in_ _love_ with _you_ and I was lucky enough to _get_ you." He purred, kissing his cheek and then down along his neck.

Leo closed his eyes and rumbled in approval, his body slowly relaxing as he settled back down atop him, his own head bowing towards Mikey's and he planted delicate kisses along the other's skin. "Mmm… so you love me, huh? This would probably be a good time to say I love you too, huh?"

"Yeah, it kinda meshes with the whole theme." Mikey whispered and shuddered as Leo's hands ran along his sides.

Leo bit at his neck and rolled his hips against Mikey's slowly, "Well, then I love you. And as our first activity after being told we love each other, I want to see some of this porn you've been stashing away." He growled playfully, lifting his head with a raised brow and a smirk on his face.

A deep blush rushed into his cheeks and he shook his head quickly with an extremely embarrassed expression on his face.

"Why not? Does my little brother have a kink for dirty things?" he asked, his fingertips trailing down his arm.

"Well… not really dirty, just… uh… not your typical vanilla porn…" he trailed off.

"Huh?" Leo asked suddenly and lifted his head, looking rather confused as to what this 'vanilla porn' Mikey just spoke of meant.

Smiling sheepishly as he realized Leo wasn't as jaded as he first thought, Mikey fidgeted with the tails of his bandana. "Okay, if you don't know what vanilla means; that tells me ya won't understand what my Lolita kink is then, huh?"

"Lolita?" Leo asked, once again twisting his face up.

"Oh, you're going to love seeming me all dressed up." Mikey giggled and pulled Leo down for another kiss – which effectively distracted Leo from his kink-term invaded mind.

Needless to say, Leo learned a whole new vocabulary concerning 'naughty kinks' – as well as about a whole new sexual culture. And the best part: Mikey finally got to use his riding crop and show off his assorted outfits.

Leo _really_ liked the corset and frills one.

---------- ----------

By day four everything had calmed down. Donnie finally felt secure enough to exit his room and not fear being jumped by Raph – or feeling the need to call Mikey on his shell cell and ask him to bring him food and water to his lab so he could survive. Leo's sex drive had finally slowed; instead of tracking down Mikey or teasing him during training just so he could corner him and have his way with him five or six times a day, they had finally trickled down to a mere four or five times a day. They had finally gotten through breakfast on the morning of the fifth day without Leo sitting across from Mikey and seducing him while eating cornflakes and teasing his brother into arousal with talented toes under the table.

Life was good, Mikey decided later that night on the seventh day, dozing with Leo after their second round for the evening. He shivered as Leo nuzzled into his neck innocently in his sleep. He played circles across Leo's shell lazily, and Mikey closed his eyes, sighing contently – yes, he wanted it to stay like this forever.

But a weight dropped into his belly – he really hoped Splinter didn't find out. He didn't want the same punishment handed to him and Leo as their Sensei had threatened his brothers with so many years ago as children.

He just wanted it this way forever…

Sighing with another kiss to Leo's brow, Mikey struggled out from under his sleeping eldest brother and pulled the blankets back up around his form. He should get back to his room – if he didn't want to be caught, he should give Splinter no reason to catch them. A grunt stopped him from standing as Leo sleepily grasped his wrist and peeked a tawny brown eye open to him in question.

Smiling warmly, Mikey leaned back down and kissed his lips, getting another grunt from his leader and lover.

Giggling at that, Mikey beamed down at him, "Just goin' to bed bro. You can always sneak in later if the urge for a round three wakes you later." Waggling his brows, Mikey purred happily, "I've actually wondered what it would be like to wake up to someone sucking me off."

A sleepy smile made its way across Leo's face and a weak chuckle rolled from his chest as he shifted in his bed to roll over onto his back. He reached up and pulled Mikey's head back down to his and he placed another gentle kiss upon his lips. "Love ya… see 'morrow a' train'n." he murmured.

Mikey blushed lightly even as he beamed in joy and love. He nodded – he didn't know how to respond, or know how to speak apparently. All he managed was another kiss to his cheek and purr of happiness before he bounded to his feet and gathered up his scattered pads and belts and he located his mask dangling off one of Leo's shelves precariously. With one last look to Leo he hurried from his room and quietly closed the door – and when he turned around, he knew he was in deep shit.

"Michelangelo." Splinter said, his nose twitching and his eyes growing hard.

"Father…" he whispered and then bowed his head – he wished now he had said 'I love you too' before he had left Leo.

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Inhaling slowly and shakily, Mikey shifted from his place against the doorframe, alerting his brother to his spying. He lifted wavering blue eyes up to this brother and offered a weak smile as he shuffled quietly into his room. He was technically not supposed to talk – let alone see – Leo for another few hours until the whole family was gathered and ready to give their goodbyes to him; but he couldn't help it. He had to ask. "It's only for a while, right?"

Leo nodded once, straightening up from his packing as he stared at his brother with his own pain evident on his face till he turned away to once again look at the small duffle bag he was using to put essential belongings into. "Yeah," he breathed.

Mikey nodded, stepping closer. He rubbed at an eye before he once again smiled, a bit brighter than before. "Well, then I can't miss you if you'll be back, right?" He asked, reaching out to take his wrist.

Lowering his eyes, Leo could only manage a nod as he watched Mikey's fingers grip his arm tighter. When he once more looked to his baby brother, he wished he could have done something to keep the despair from settling upon his face.

Holding his wrist tightly and tugging on his arm lightly, Mikey lifted his eyes and stared so intently at his lover that Leo felt a sharp prickling at the back of his eyes.

"Leo… you promise you'll come back?"

"Yeah, I promise." He whispered,

Mikey looked down, stroking his thumbs over the back of Leo's hand. "You won't be gone long?"

"Not if I can help it." Leo said, shifting a step so he was standing in front of his brother. When Mikey bobbed his head, he reached up suddenly, cupping his baby bro's face in his hands and he forced him to look up at him and he leaned in closer, "Listen, Mikey, when I come back, if these feelings are still real, I'll talk to Splinter."

A few more tears gathered along the edges of his eyes, "Really?"

Leo smiled that warm and confident smile that was solely used for when he was secure in his decisions. "Yeah, promise. And… and maybe I'll say something for Raph and Donnie too."

A brighter smile reached up and touched Mikey's eyes as he nodded. "Okay." He sighed, lifting his hands to cup Leo's face in return.

Leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the side of Mikey's mouth, Leo sighed, "I'll come back. You don't have to worry about me not. I couldn't leave you or the other guys. Who would keep Raph in line? And who would keep you out of trouble?"

"Well, Donnie would; except for the Raph part. I don't think even he could keep Raph in line even if they were banging each other." Mikey stated simply then smiled at the roll of Leo's eyes.

The silence gathered around them the longer they stood close together. A new light flickered in Mikey's eyes and Leo could only watch at it grew till he couldn't hold it in any longer. "Mikey?"

"What if you don't come back?" He whispered, lifting his eyes, his face twisting up in fear.

"I will. You don't have to worry." Leo smiled, wiping a few tears from his eyes.

"But…" Mikey trembled, reaching up to grasp onto his arms, "What if you change your mind? About us?"

Leo frowned and for a moment he mulled over the question, truly analyzing and picking it apart before he trusted himself to answer the question. "Right now, I don't see how I could change my mind about us. But," he sighed, "I can't predict the future. I can only tell you that right now in this moment I want nothing more than to stay here with you… and I can only promise that I'll come back no matter what – even if my feelings do change, I'll come back."

Mikey nodded slowly, peeking away from him. "You'll write?"

"Of course."

"Everyday?" Mikey asked quickly, looking to him desperately.

Chuckling, Leo shook his head, "No, but I'll try to write every week – if not every month at the latest." He promised, leaning down those two inches to press his brow to his brother's brow.

"Promise?" Mikey pleaded.

"Yeah."

Frowning, Mikey pouted, "Dude, you're like, making a lot of promises, Leo. You better keep them all or I won't forgive you for like, a week when you get back."

Another smile twitched at Leo's lips and he peeked his eyes open to stare into Mikey's intense blue. "I'm sure I could change your mind even if I did break one of those promises.

Mikey smiled and sighed loudly. "Will you tie me down and spank me if you keep them all?"

Blinking then blushing at the visual that brought on – as well as visualizing Mikey in that frilly outfit he had worn for him a few days ago suddenly added to the mix of his words – caused Leo to blush softly and peek away, "Well… uh… maybe…"

"It'll be worth it." Mikey grinned, churring loudly in his chest as he leaned into him, tugging on the strap holding his swords to his back.

Smiling slightly as his hands immediately rested upon his hips, Leo began to lean towards him but he stopped and he winced slightly, "Mikey, we're technically not supposed to be here together… you heard Master Splinter."

Wrinkling his nose and pouting a bit, Mikey snorted and leaned more heavily into him, nudging his hips into his brothers. "That didn't stop us last night after he ordered you away."

Leo blushed, "Well… you started it."

"Dude, if I had known wearing an apron would turn you on that much, I would have done it years ago." Mikey smirked, a wicked little grin curling over his face.

Scowling down at him, Leo tried to pull back slightly in an attempt to gain back Mikey's attention. "An apron in high heeled boots and a Miss Priss French maid dress hiked up to your waist. You bent over on purpose." He accused.

"I was just cleaning your room! Doesn't mean your dick had to aim for my ass." Mikey pointed out with another devilish grin.

Leo blushed again and peeked away shyly.

"Where's all that self control Mr. Fearless is always preaching about?" he purred, leaning up to breath across his ear, a playful grin teasing his brother's skin as he brushed his lips over his jaw.

Rumbling in delight, Leo melted slowly, his hands once again settled upon Mikey's hips and slowly moving around to his carapace and downwards, teasing along the edge of his shell before he stroked at his tail. "You really should go…" Leo whispered breathlessly, his eyes closed and his hands never pausing in their playful tease.

"Mmhmm, and I'd do that why?" he nipped at Leo's collarbone, grinning when he heard a churr in his lover's throat.

Leo forgot his reasons for why he was protesting in the first place and he leaned into Mikey. Just one more hour… at least before he left.

---------- ---------- -----

so uh... here's my smut I promised you all ... o.0 please be gentle! -(blushes and hides)- I really had fun writing this one though. And I even drew a picture of Lolita Mikey! -(grins)- http:// g33kg1rl. livejournal. com --You can find it at my LiveJournal site; my name is g33kg1rl over there.

yeah... I wanted to tie this into the 2007 movie; with Leo leaving and everything... and while I was writing this, I remembered that in the chapter "Broken Apart" when Splinter finds out about Raph and Donnie, that he threatens to send Donnie away... and it sorta clicked into place there. heh. I'd like to say I had this all planned out and I had written Broken Apart after thinking Leo being sent away would be a good tie-in... but I didn't. i just wrote it and later on when I finished this one I went "wait a minute... Splinter DID send Leo away! ah! Brilliant!" and wrote all happy mad scientist-like.

anyway; i hope you enjoyed this. it's LONG it's a full 26 pages on my microsoft word and 12,260 words. ... sorry... i'm long winded...

but reviews would be appreciated:D granted I'm nervous cause this is my first smut fic for these guys, but i'd still like to know what ya'll think! thanks for reading!

-Melissa the Damgel


	9. Stalking the Vigilante

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the TMNT; I just own them on video and in comic book form. :) funstuff though!

**Author's Note: **The boys are 20-21 years old in this one. (I'm not sure why, but during the 2007 movie, the guys struck me as being 20 years or older right before Leo came back. They were still goofy enough to be classified as teens, but they were older (jobs and so on) and even Raph had a more mature way of lashing out in his rebellion. Just wanted to explain that first so you understand why I wrote them the way I did.)

---------- ---------- -----

Michelangelo's eyes grew wide as he stared at the tv and at the image of the Nightwatcher that flashed across the screen. An amateur photographer had captured a small length of film of the Nightwatcher in action – and Mikey felt a flutter in his belly. He didn't know if he was flaming gay or just Nightwatcher-sexual at the moment, but either way, he couldn't deny that the Nightwatcher was totally sexy in that skintight suit… his muscles stretching the leather with his powerful movements… the strength behind his punches… his fighting technique… the way his crotch was outlined…

Shaking himself awake from his near droolathon as he stared at the screen, Mikey smiled goofy and snickered in delight as he watched the Nightwatcher easily duck a blow to the head and sent one of his own in return to a thug he was fighting off. The news broadcasters cut the video short and Mikey squealed, eyes wide as he leapt over the coffee table and reached towards the tv. "No! Not so sooooooon!" He bemoaned, pawing at the tv.

"I thought I told you to lay off the pixy-sticks, Mikey." Donnie interrupted his thoughts as he passed through on his way to the kitchen to get a five second meal and another cup of coffee.

Pouting with fake tears in his eyes, Mikey crawled back to the couch, making his lower lip tremble, "You don't love me anymore! No one does! Even my tv doesn't like me!" He whined.

Donnie raised a brow at his brother as he watched Mikey mope about something. "You didn't inhale the pixy-sticks, did you?" he asked wearily, narrowing an eye as though he actually believed Mikey would do that – again.

"No." Mike pouted, sticking his lower lip out. He learned the first time after his nasal passages had burned in agony for several minutes after attempting to get a sugar high the coke-addict way.

Setting down his enormous chipped coffee mug with the silly Christmas characters of a bug-eyed reindeer and an elf in pointed shoes and a cod-piece painted on the side, Donatello folded his arms and turned from the fridge where he had been gathering together last minute ingredients to make a sandwich. "What is it then?" Donnie asked cautiously – he had learned years ago that asking such questions were possibly dangerous.

Michelangelo pouted a little more as he blushed, "You'll think I'm weird!" he whined.

"I already do. There's not much you could do to make me think any less." Donatello stated without hesitation and he picked his mug back up.

Thinking over this carefully in Mikey fashion – where a ping-pong ball bounced back and forth in his head between reason and sexy Nightwatcher, the ball finally missed the paddle to bounce back to the logical side of his brain and the sexy won – Mikey nodded and decided to tell him.

"Well… see…" Michelangelo began, waving his hand out in front of him in a vague-like motion, "Nightwatcher…"

"You really need to give up this obsession, Mike. Till Leo gets back we can't head out. Master Splinter said so." Donnie told him as he raised the coffee to his lips and took another swig.

Mikey waved his hand wildly in front of his face, "No-no. I mean, Nightwatcher is damn sexy and I was wondering what it'd be like to be jumped by him…"

Donnie sprayed coffee out over his mug and across half the kitchen.

Blinking innocent blue eyes, Mike stared at his brother as Don turned scarlet from exploding coffee like that, and also because of the image of Mikey suddenly tied up with the Nightwatcher's chains and crying out into the night bent over a building with the man in leather… bad thoughts! Bad!

"Donnie?" Michelangelo asked cautiously.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Don squeaked, his voice having died somewhere between the sudden ejection of coffee and the bad mental images. "Ni… Nightwatcher? But, he… you… wha?" he managed in an anti-Donnie vocabulary.

Mikey smiled sweetly and rested his chin atop his hands on the back of the couch. "I want Nightwatcher. You know, I wanna do the vertical-tango with him; I want to jump his bones; I want to feel his hot-lovin' alllll niiiight looooong." He drawled with a little wiggle of his ass in the air.

Paling, Donatello raised a hand and rubbed his brow as he turned to retrieve a washcloth to mop at his chin and the sprayed down kitchen clean. "I… I think you just topped the 'weird chart' on the Mikey-Meter there, bro." Don shuddered – again with the bad imagery of Mikey bouncing up and down on the vigilante's lap… bad! Bad thought!

Snickering at his brother's pale features, Mikey continued to grin silly at him – though in all actuality, he was rather turned on with all his talk. Tapping his chin, Mikey flipped over the back of the couch and tugged up his belt and brushed his fingertips over his nunchakus. "Well, I think I'll head out. It's about time we finally meet this Nightwatcher person."

Don winced, "Mikey, Splinter isn't going to like that. You know we aren't technically allowed outside to patrol till-"

Mikey waved his hand dismissively, "I know! But I'm not gang-patrolling… I'm sexy-patrolling." He grinned and saluted his brother mockingly. Turning sharply and running for the stairs; Michelangelo squealed ten seconds later like a girl as he felt Don hot on his heels.

Mikey jumped for the stairs, taking them three at a time – but suddenly, he was tackled from the side after Donatello had made a daring leap of faith. Don had used the wall to jump to the railing to the second floor –then running along the rail guard, had flung himself at Mike and together they crashed to the stairs, tumbling down them before they landed on the bottom floor once more – Donnie draped over Mikey's back and both groaning.

"Not a good idea…" Don moaned, holding his head.

"Ow!" Mikey whined, pouting as he looked over his shoulder at Donnie. "Dude, I hope you didn't make me all black and blue; I have to look my best when I try to seduce the Ni-" he was interrupted as a loud bang echoed from up above on the second floor.

"And what do we got here?" A deeper voice drawled from the top of the stairs.

Both Don and Mike glanced over their shoulders at Raphael. He stood by the railing of the second floor, leaning on it as he gazed down at them with a raised brow.

Don blushed and scrambled against the fidgeting Mikey. He stumbled to his feet, brushing his plastron and the bottom of his carapace off as though it had been covered in dust, "It's not what you thin-"

"You dun' even want to know what I'm thinkin' Donnie-boy." Raph rumbled with a smirk plastered to his face.

Another smaller flush colored Donatello's cheeks as he glared up at him – that is, until he let out a wail as Mike leapt to his feet and knocked him over; and from the floor, Don watched Mikey dart up the stairs once more to escape the confines of the lair.

"Haha! Freedom!" Michelangelo cheered as he darted for the door – only to have Raph snatch the back of his shell and jerk him back once more.

"And where do ya think you're goin'?" Raphael asked, raising his brow at his little brother.

Mikey pouted. "You guys are no fun! I just wanna go outside! See if I can watch Nightwatcher in action!"

Raph shifted slightly with a small hint of nervousness even as he chuckled to cover it up. "Mikey, you sounded like you wanted to _get_ some action with Nightwatcher.

Wrinkling his nose and mockingly looking like he was laughing with him, Michelangelo rolled his eyes and wiggled free of his older brother's grasp. "Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't want to die a total virgin like Donnie down there. I want to get some hot and sweaty lovin' tonight! Don't wait up!" he declared as he waved over his shoulder and strolled out of the lair and in search of Nightwatcher.

Watching their brother head out, Raph abruptly smirked and glanced down at Donnie, folding his arms over his broad chest. "Our little boy's growin' all up, ain't he?" He drawled.

Donatello's dark eyes flickered and his face slackened as he stared into those piercing amber eyes. He looked away suddenly with a small breath escaping him as his stomach flipped. Shrugging faintly and lifting a hand to grasp his opposite elbow, Don managed to answer him in a weak voice, "Yeah…"

Raph shifted uneasily suddenly, and rubbed his neck, turning his own eyes away awkwardly. "Well, I'm headin' out." He grunted and twisted sharply.

Hurrying up the first few steps, Don knitted his brows together and he forced himself to stop before he reached the top, though a hint of anger and annoyance colored his voice as he spoke. "Oh no you don't, not you too! Raph you know-"

"Yeah, yeah, Master Splinter doesn't want us up top. Well I ain't sittin' around here and twiddling my thumbs just 'cuase Leo skipped town on us." He snapped, shooting a glare down at him.

Glaring right back at him, Donatello's grip tightened on the railing and he took another step up the stairs, "Is that what you think I do all day? Sit around and do nothing? I'm working, Raph! I'm trying to help us out here – at least Mikey even had the balls to go out and get a job!" he shouted, flinging an arm out at his side dramatically.

"What? And you think I ain't doin' nothin'?" Raph snarled, stomping down the stairs towards him. "I don't go out there night after night bustin' my ass just for kicks! Its real work keepin' them thugs in their places!"

"I remember!" Donnie snapped back leaning forward in his anger. "I remember what it's like patrolling and stopping crime at night. You don't think I miss it? At least the gangs don't yell in your ear day after day, demanding the impossible or wanting some superhuman fix; but we need the money! And yet again I'm the only who seems to be taking care of it!"

"You're full of it;" Raph snarled, stopping in front of him and leaning in close to Donnie. He joined him on the same step just as his hand shot out, grabbing Don's hand and holding it tight to the railing behind him, "ya know that? You just _like_ to worry and over think things. It makes ya feel like you have somethin' ta live for in this place." He rumbled, leaning in closer.

Donatello's face slackened and his eyes flickered with a hint of unease as he stared up at him. "Raphie…" He tugged on his hand weakly.

Smirking, Raphael raised a brow and tilted his head slightly, "What? Ya worried I'm goin' ta do somethin'?"

Dark eyes turned away, even as his lips parted faintly and his free hand raised to press against Raphael's upper plastron. "Can you move, please?" he whispered.

"Why? Makin' lil' Donnie think of things he believes he shouldn't?" Raph asked with a rumble in his chest. He inched closer to Donatello's body, and nudged his knee against Don's before he pushed between his legs roughly. Raphael inclined his head to the side, whispering against his ear in a rush of hot breath and a tickling of lips. "I think 'bout it all the time. Why shouldn't you?"

Donatello closed his eyes, shivering from everything Raphael had piled upon him. But his red clad brother pulled away just as suddenly as he had arrived and he heard Raph's hurried steps back up the stairs where he grabbed a duffle bag on his way out and disappeared just as quickly as an illusion.

Opening his eyes only after the door had closed and Raph was gone did Donnie finally turn his head and gaze up the stairs – his face warm and his body shaking as his stomach twisted and flopped and his heart wrenched in his chest.

Sometimes, he wished he _had_ run away with him when they were kids…

A beeping sound abruptly made itself known to his subconscious and Don jerked himself awake, glancing to the clock in the kitchen behind him. He cursed and hurried down the stairs – taking only a moment to grab his mug of coffee and hurry back towards his lab where his customer was waiting.

But as he reached the doorway, he stopped and stared at his station, his heart racing and his mind adrift. Closing his eyes, Don raised the mug to his lips to take a quick drink of coffee – now wasn't the time to worry about Mikey's virtue; though he wished his was in jeopardy right about now.

---------- ----------

It had been so long! Even if he never found Nightwatcher, just traveling to the surface and remembering the touch of the wind, the smells, the lights, and the delicate touch of the faint stars above his head was more than worth all of this.

Michelangelo ran across the rooftops, jumping and leaping in the night like the ninja he was raised to be.

Stopping atop an older building that overlooked the grungier side of town, Mikey crouched down like some phantom gargoyle, blue eyes piercing the streets below him with the wind playing in the tails of his mask.

Closing his eyes, Mikey breathed in the smell of New York City and let out a soft sigh of approval – yes, this was even more worth it than meeting Nightwatcher.

Then again, Michelangelo _was_ famous for changing his mind not half a nanosecond later.

A squeal erupted from Mikey's throat as he gazed over the edge of the building and watched the Nightwatcher race past him on his motorcycle of coolness. Mikey leapt to his feet and took chase, flying across the rooftops, just barely keeping pace with him – and only because the Nightwatcher turned now and then and Mikey was able to cut across entire neighborhoods to meet him on the other side.

Sliding his vehicle to a stop and slamming his metal boot to the ground with a heavy thud, Nightwatcher nudged the kickstand down and stood, stalking towards the building were a bunch of shadows were darting back and forth inside the building, moving things around and stuffing things into bags.

Reaching behind him, the Nightwatcher pulled his weapons – the duo ball and chain – out and headed right into the middle of the fray.

Mikey winced slightly and leaned over the edge. Should he head down there and help him? It was only one guy against what looked like twelve or thirteen guys… oh wait, never mind. Michelangelo watched in awe as Nightwatcher worked. He moved with grace even though his attacks were mostly brute force. He spun and kicked a man in the gut, then ducked an attack that had been coming from the front, and using the man's own momentum, he plowed his shoulder into his gut and sent the man sprawling behind him out on the ground.

Squealing, Mike raised his hands to his chest and wiggled them as he bounced a little – very much like a little girl seeing her beloved boy bands in person for the first time. "He's soooo cooool!" He giggled.

The shop door burst open and several of the still standing thugs ran out, wildly running to their van parked just a shop down – but one turned, running into the alley across the street – and thusly escaping the ball and chain wrapping about his middle like his co-operatives.

Fidgeting, Mikey, looked back to Nightwatcher and noted he didn't seem to realize the man was gone. With a smug grin, Mikey pulled his nunchakus from his belt and ran, leaping from the building and into the alley below. With a simple flip after briefly touching the railing of a fire escape across the way. Mikey landed lightly, his arms raised and his nunchackus dangling from his fingers as he shot a cocky grin at the thug. The man had slid to a halt and just gaped at the turtleman in front of him, that is, before Mikey began twirling the nunchakus and grinning like a loony, "You can't leave yet, the party just got started!"

The man cried out – then was smacked upside the head with a nunchaku.

Sighing loudly as he put his weapons back into his belt, Mikey frowned down at the man and shook his head. "That was disappointingly easy."

Slinging the unconscious man over his shoulder, Mikey headed out of the alley and ohed and awed at the Nightwatcher.

Moving with the momentum of one of the men rushing him from behind, Nightwatcher lifted his arm and snagged the thug's wrist, squeezing a pressure point mercilessly and forcing him to drop the knife he had been wielding. Taking only a small step back, the vigilante threw his elbow out, smashing it into the man's nose and sending him into a dazed heap in the gutter.

Flipping backwards and throwing a ball and chain out in front of him to collide with another man's gut, thusly forcing the air out of his lungs, Nightwatcher tossed his second ball and chain out and wrapped it about the wheezing man's forearm. Tugging down sharply on his chain, the man's arm snapped loudly right as the man regained the ability to breath and it ripped a scream from his throat as he dropped his gun in the process.

Mikey's eyes twinkled in delight – he was so cool! He was just like the Justice Force; only not!

---------- ----------

Fighting these low-time thugs were always way to easy. They had no skill and they relied purely on intimidation. It was almost like a lame game of 'see who attacks first' for Raphael. Due to the fact most of the guys he busted up during robberies were usually simpletons; they were typically to chicken-shit to start the fights anyway. They preferred to run than fight.

But this guy – this guy was going to be fun. He was a hardcore criminal. He could see it in his eyes and in the way he held his gun. He had killed before.

Smirking inside of his helmet, Raphael raised his hands into fists and waited – oh yeah, this was going to be fun.

The man across from him narrowed his eyes and wiggled his fingers on the hand not holding the gun. He was watching him just like he was watching him.

When the man made no move, Raph growled and rushed forward, his fist leading the way the moment he was close enough. He man jerked his head to the side, avoiding the punch. He wasn't insanely skilled, but he did get in a good kick to the vigilante's stomach and pushed him back several feet.

Raph rubbed his belly and laughed, "Nice shot, knucklehead. Now it's my turn." He grinned wickedly behind his helmet and took two quick steps forward before he jumped in the air, throwing his foot out in a roundhouse kick that had his heavy boots impact with the man's jaw and breaking it easily.

The man dropped and Raphael twisted on his heel, throwing his arm up to stop another thug from sticking his knife in him. He simply punched him and found satisfaction with the crackling sound his nose made against his fist. Raph grinned wryly as he dragged broken nose over to broken jaw and lashed them together with a chain near the rest of their chained up comrades.

Nightwatcher looked around the area then jerked his head up, his hand lifting to the side of his helmet and listened intently to the radio scanner.

"_Units 12 and 19 report to Jardine's Jewelers on Cambridge road. Robbery in progress." _The dispatcher announced.Turning his head and looking down the street to check if he had time; but Raphael then did a double take instead as he saw Michelangelo standing just inside of an alleyway, waving goofy at him, and with a guy knocked out at his feet.

"Wha' the hell are ya do…" He stumbled to a stop – if he had finished that sentence, even Mikey would have been suspicious as to why he didn't freak out more.

"I… I… I…" Mikey fumbled, all wide blue eyes and a jittery mess. "I… uh… was passin' by and uh… I… I wanted to help?" he offered lamely with a wince and a cheesy grin.

"I don't need help. Now get lost, kid." Raph growled and pointed over his shoulder, motioning for him to leave.

"But…" Mikey fumbled, his face falling slowly. "I… can I talk with you for a while? I mean… we both stop crime. Doesn't it get lonely out here night after night?" he asked, blue eyes growing big and dewy.

Grumbling inside his helmet, Raph looked back down the street where the police scanner had said they were taking, rushing to the burglary of this jewelry store. He marched over to Michelangelo and shook his head, pointing over Mike's shoulder. "Get lost, kid! This isn't a game!"

Mikey glanced around the corner as he heard the sirens, but he looked back to Nightwatcher desperately, clasping his hands together. "Just a little talk? I'll leave you alone after that! Pleasepleasepleaseplease-"

"Damn… you're annoying." Raphael grunted and grabbed his elbow, tugging Mikey towards his bike. He flung his leg over and straightened the bike, throwing the kickstand up and he started the bike all in the same movement. "Get on!" He shouted.

Mikey squealed like a girl and leapt on, wrapping his arms about his hero's waist and nuzzling into his back with a happy little purr.

Raphael rolled his eyes and the bike jumped forward, speeding down the street at top speeds even as the police rounded the corner behind them.

This was awesome! Mikey giggled and held on tighter to the man in front of him, his fingers gripping at his suit, and as he did that, he unnoticeably groped the vigilante. He liked what he felt – firm, tough body, strong and broad – the vibrations of the motorcycle weren't helping now that he thought about it. His shell was beginning to feel too tight.

Weaving the motorbike through traffic and skidding down a back road, Raph grunted and took a mild glace over his shoulder as Michelangelo wiggled his fingers across his lower plastrons just a little too close to the southern border.

"What the sh… hell are you doing?" he snapped and glared over his shoulder at the younger turtle.

A silly grin spread over Mike's face and he shrugged, "Holding on?"

Raphael rolled his eyes behind his helmet and revved the engine, jolting them forward and popping a wheelie.

Mikey shrieked and grabbed onto him tightly, hiding his face against his shoulder.

"Now _that _is holdin' on! Anymore funny stuff and I'm kickin' you off!" He snarled and took a sharp left at the next corner. Another squeal filled his ear – and Raph was grateful for the helmet yet again.

Bursting into a construction yard and slamming on the breaks, the motorcycle suddenly spun backwards. Dirt and gravel flew as the bike slid across the yard and then abruptly jerked to a halt and the engine was cut with a rumbling sigh.

Mikey shakily opened his eyes, peeking at his surroundings before he cautiously lifted his head.

"You gonna let go of me or do I need ta get a crowbar and pry ya off?" he drawled, crossing his arms and glancing over his shoulder.

Grinning silly, Mikey dragged his hands away – groping a little bit more than necessary and in the process causing Raph to raise his brow. As soon as he was off the bike, Nightwatcher dismounted and turned, folding his arms authoritatively and standing his ground against the turtle in front of him, "So? What do ya want?"

Hesitating, Mikey fidgeted, "Well, ya see…"

"I ain't signin' nothin' on your body." He bluntly told him – the very idea sending his stomach into spirals. Donnie was one thing, but Mikey? He didn't want to think about it.

Mikey did deflate a bit at that, then he perked right back up and took a step towards him in a slinky manner. "So… if you won't do that, would you consider leaving something else on my body?"

Raph tilted his head slightly – as best he could in all that leather, metal and armor getup. "What do ya mean?" he asked warily.

A sultry smile curled over Michelangelo's features and he trailed his fingers up Nightwatcher's body, "Well, you know; something… pleasant… for both of us." He purred, leaning closer.

His jaw dropped and Raphael jumped back. He thought it had been a joke back at the lair! Mikey was seriously trying to get laid? "Wha' the shhh- hell…" he fumbled backwards, running into a beam in the ground and Mikey was quick to wedge him in place.

"Please?" Mikey batted his baby blues and trailed patterns across his chest. "I just want one good ride…"

Fumbling with his words as he tried to slap Michelangelo's hands away – only to have those hands grope over him in other places – Raph managed to shake his head. "Y-you already got a ride on my bike. That's all anyone will ever get!"

"Please, dude! Just one time! I promise I won't stalk you again after that!" He purred, reaching around, goosing him.

Raph gasped and jumped, eyes wide, "Mi- would you stop it?" He yelled, reaching out and managing to catch one wrist – only to squeak a second later as Mikey's fingers grabbed the lower part of his shell.

Michelangelo laughed all innocently before he jumped at him, wrapping his arms about his neck and planting a kiss across the front of the helmet.

This, Raphael could handle. His face twisted up in disgust and he pushed himself away from the beam. He struggled with Mikey's hands, and once he grabbed hold of one wrist, with a simple twist and nudge of his knee, he managed to flip Michelangelo around and shove his arm up along his back and making his baby brother cry out in pain.

He arched his back, trying to relieve the pain the Nightwatcher was causing to shoot through his arm and back. Hissing, Mikey struggled to relax his body and pout dejectedly. "I'll take that as a no."

"That's a hell no, knucklehead." Raph snarled and turned Mikey slightly so his plastron was pressed against the metal beam he had just pushed away from to keep him in place and from attempting to pull any more of his little tricks to latch back onto him. "You gonna tell me why you're stalkin' a perfect stranger – a vigilante at that – wanting to get laid? You'd think there were better ideas out there. Hell, even a hooker would be a better option than me, bud."

Mikey frowned, his blue eyes growing distant and his body loosing its stiffness. "Naw, there aren't any other options. Look at me, I'm a giant mutant turtle… even though I am the cute one." He flashed a grin, though it didn't reach his eyes.

Raph frowned behind his helmet. Mikey was acting off. Actually, Mikey was acting like how he himself would act – run off and do something stupid if he was upset about something. "You goin' ta tell me why you're here? I don't know much about ya-" he couldn't help but smirk at his words, "-but it seems real stupid of ya to show yourself ta me."

A laugh escaped Michelangelo and he smiled softly, gazing off into the construction yard. "Yeah, my bros would be real mad if they found out I _really did_ talk to you. Donnie will probably get really mad…" he mumbled and suddenly rested his temple against the beam as though in defeat.

"Then maybe you should go home and stay out of sight so you don't endanger your family. There are some sickos out there that might try and follow you home and then sell y a to a lab for research. You shouldn't put yer family in danger like this." Raphael scolded, shaking his head as he eased up on Mikey's arm.

"Dude, you sound like him…" he sighed, baby blue eyes growing distant and faintly misty.

"Who?" Raph grunted, narrowing his eyes as he felt a leap of nervousness in his belly.

"Leo…" He said and lifted his head, looking back at the tinted glass of the helmet.

Raphael felt a little sick at that – him compared to Leo? How sick and twisted was that? "Oh yeah? Well if I sound like some windbag then ya obviously screwed up big time, huh?"

"Yeah, probably… I miss him though…" Mikey whispered, a few tears gathered in his eyes.

Raph blinked and took a step back, his hold on Mike's wrist slackened till he let him go. "W… what happened to him?" He asked, hoping he didn't sound like he was improvising questions he already knew the answer too.

Michelangelo shrugged and turned around, rubbing his shoulder. "We don't know. He left for a training mission around the world two years ago… but he stopped writing last year. We only get an occasional line now and then… mostly postcards. He used to send these real big, long letters – one for the whole family and then a page or two for everyone individually." He rubbed at his elbow, leaning back against the beam. "But he stopped – and he doesn't call, and we don't know where he is. A friend of ours thinks he might be in South America… she's down there for business right now, but-"

He couldn't help rolling his eyes – if he had been anyone else, that information right there would have been enough to lead anyone to April. The bonehead, he'd have to smack him upside the head back home for no reason just to cover this one.

But Mikey went quiet again, wiping at his eyes. "I really miss him. Before he left, he promised to come back… he said if we still…" He paused and wiped at his nose, looking down.

Raphael's stomach jumped and his jaw dropped – he was almost scared to ask Mike to continue. If Michelangelo was going to say what he thought he was… "If you two still what?" He prompted.

Mikey shrugged and stared down at his toes. "Like I said, there isn't a lot of options for a mutant turtle… I came out here thinkin' I could get rid of Leo's ghost or something like that." He tried to explain quickly but only succeeded in making his voice drop and his face twist up in a faint inkling of just how emotionally hurt he felt inside. "Before he left, we… uh… kissed." Michelangelo's face colored softly, his fingers fidgeting together. "He said… he said it was wrong for us to love each other; but if by the time he returned from his training and we still felt this strongly for each other, then… he would – he'd return my love."

"What makes ya think it's wrong ta begin with, huh?" Raph snapped – the sore spot inside him was still heavy even after all these years.

A sad, weak smile crawled up Mikey's face as he looked up at the Nightwatcher, "'Cause we were raised as brothers."

Raphael frowned and turned to the side, folding his arms over his broad chest as he gazed out through the construction yard and into the city lights surrounding it. "Yeah, that'd probably make it all taboo." He grunted.

"I don't think our father will allow it." Mikey whispered.

"Huh?" Raph grunted, turning his head to look back at Mike.

Michelangelo shrugged, "Never mind." He pushed away from the beam. "Sorry I stalked you and then tried to rape you… or whatever, dude. I guess I'm lonelier than I thought." He gave a cheesy grin that broke Raphael's heart.

"Why are ya alone? Ya said brothers with a plural; as in more than one. How can ya be lonely?" He questioned, racking his brain for examples – sure _he _hadn't been around the house lately and slept most of the day away; but Donnie was there – even with his IT Tech job, Mikey was always hanging him… Don talked to Mikey more than him most days anyway – but that's only because Donnie had more patients than him. And he and Don didn't talk much lately anyway – in fact, their fight earlier that evening had been the most they had said to each other in the past month.

"Well, even though I have two other brothers at home and our father, I'm just the baby of the family. It's like I was forgotten after Leo left. I'm worried about him too!" He shouted, looking up into the tinted glass with almost a desperate look upon his face. "But it's like they think I don't because I'm supposed to be all happy and filled with sunshine-goodness all the time!" Michelangelo waved his hands about, scowling at the Nightwatcher. "I wish they'd realize I'm scared something happened to Leo. I don't want my family to split up and leave… I like how we are all together. I think Donnie wouldn't be as depressed either if Leo was around." His shoulders drooped and his hands fell to his sides as he physically slumped.

Raph frowned at Mikey behind his visor then he stepped forward, clapping a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Why not just talk to them? Maybe they don't realize you're upset – maybe you aren't showing it as plainly as you think you are."

Sheepishly raising his blue eyes, Michelangelo stared at him for a moment then nodded and looked away. "Yeah, maybe you're right…" But he sighed loudly and leaned against the beam once again. "Life sucks." He ended lamely.

"So get a fuckin' straw already; no one can fix yer life but you." Raphael grumbled and looked away, pulling his hand back and letting his fingers curl into fists by his thighs. He thought back over Mikey's words and his gut plummeted. Donnie was depressed? He knew he was having a hard time trying to be leader in Leo's absence, but… depressed? And Mikey… when was the last time he had really talked with him? He had no idea him and Fearless were getting so close. He had assumed all those times Leo had stayed up late with Mikey to watch one of his horror movies was just Leo being the good, overachieving older brother he always seemed to be. Guilt rushed in over his emotional floodgates and Raphael frowned deeply from the revelations sweeping over him. When was the last time he had _tried_ to just be with his bros? Let alone just ate breakfast with them?

"Sorry I spewed on ya." Mikey smiled, though his baby blues were still misty, but they were brighter and a bit more of the carefree Mike he was used too. "I guess I should get home and tell Donnie you didn't violate my virtue after all; even though I still think you're sex on legs and it'd be _great _to ride you like a wild stallion… I'll wait till Leo gets back. If he hates me, maybe I'll come looking for you for some rebound sex. Sound good? Good." He winked before he saluted the Nightwatcher with a cheesy smile spreading across his face. "Thanks for the advice; and it was fun molesting you…." He paused and pressed his finger to his lips in a coy look that made Raph nervous. "Um… Mr. Nightwatcher… um… you think you could… you could sign my nunchaku!" He squealed and pulled his weapon from his belt, holding it out to him with a gigantic and completely fan-boyish grin on his face.

Raph chuckled and shook his head in amusement. He turned to face his brother and grinned behind his helmet, "Sure, why not; ain't everyday I get jumped and the person lives ta tell about it." He took the nunchaku in his hand then paused and looked to Mikey, waiting.

Michelangelo continued to grin, but he faltered when there was no signage happening. "Um, are you-"

"You got a pen?" Raph asked.

The grin on Mikey's face disappeared in a flash and in the next he had hit his knees and was crying out into the night with his hands above his head, _"Nooooooo!"_ he screamed like in one of his cheesy movies after the villain loses.

Raph sighed loudly and offered back the nunchaku. "Sorry, I can't sign without a pen. Better luck next time."

"No! My one chance!" Mikey cried, tears in his eyes.

Grunting and letting the weapon drop to the ground, Raph folded his arms over his chest and looked away, waiting out Mike's rants and raves about being so stupid for forgetting the pen. After ten minutes of this, Raph touched the side of his helmet as though rubbing a headache away.

"Okay, listen, just give whatever the hell ya want signed to yer bro, Raphael, he'll get it ta me and I'll sign the damn thing. Got it?"

Mikey sniffled and lifted his head. "Raph? Why him?"

"'Cause he can get it to me real easy," Raph explained simply.

There was a long pause and Raphael realized his mistake. Sweat began beading and trickling down from his brow and across the back of his neck. What if Michelangelo figured it out? Mikey might be a knucklehead, but he wasn't dumb.

"Wait a minute…" Mikey blinked and stood up, staring at the Nightwatcher in horror, "Raph… and you?" His jaw dropped and he pointed at the vigilante accusingly.

Raph groaned. _'Here it comes,'_ he thought.

"That's why you didn't freak out when you saw me! You know Raph!" He declared loudly with a finger pointed in the air like he was Sherlock Holmes.

He stopped himself from slumping in relief and Raphael forced a laugh, "Uh, yeah! That's it."

"Wow… Raph has been holding out on me!" Michelangelo squealed and clapped his hands together. "Do you think we can hangout again tomorrow?"

He winced and waved a hand, "Listen bud, uh, maybe some other time."

Mikey pouted but nodded. "Okay… but I'm giving Raph something to bring to you real soon, 'kay?" He declared with a true smile reaching up to his baby blue eyes.

"Uh, sure, whatever; I got to go." Nightwatcher said and turned, heading back to his bike and mounting up. Mikey waved to him as he started the bike and revved the engine, peeling out of the construction yard like a bat out of hell and back out into the night.

Clapping his hands together, Mikey twirled on his toes and giggled, "He's so cool!" He squealed.

---------- ---------- -----

XD Mikey was so much fun to write in this one. he totaly took over the story (and the irony, I was writing this at work. can you imagine my anxiety hoping that no one would peek over my shoulder to read what I was writing?) But yes, this is partly because of that challenge... uh... naotoki???... posted months ago about Mikey going after the Nightwatcher. (his fanboy love is just so cute! XD ). That challenge was what inspired Mikey to take over this half of the chapter, and also officially make it into the story. At first, Mikey was hard to write more, but after about page two, I realized he was the easiest of them all to write for me because I talk almost exactly like him (I'm the only one at work that can call my male Managers 'dudes'), and also, he acts so happy when really, he feels like crap inside... which is how I act and feel a lot of the time (even though I identify more with Donnie because he's quiet, doesn't want to cause conflict and watches documentaries on the weekends XD ).

so there's this chapter. hope you enjoyed it. I thought it was corny having Mikey literally jump Nightwatcher and try to practically rape him; but I think after two years of waiting, of being worried, of trying to hide it all for the sake of his family, having to work a job he hates, and continue his facade of pure sunshine and bunnies; I really think this would be Mikey's way of snapping. I know it's a little out of char, but I'm also trying to look past the front of how they acted in the shows and in the movies and I'm trying to figure out how they would act behind closed doors. Those masks people wear on the outside are tough and hide everything; but when those masks come off in front of just one person, sometimes what you see underneath isn't what you thought you'd find - and the way i'm writing them is the way I see them inside. shrugs

anyway, this chapter was just fun to write. I re-read it once through, so it's not in the best shape edit wise. but I think it looks decent right now so, bleh.

but this one was definitely fun to write. and the next chapter is shorter, but it's probably my favorite scene with two brothers bonding. Mikey takes Nightwatcher's advice and finally says something.

welp, hope you enjoyed:D please review and tell me what you thought!

-Melissa the Damgel


	10. A Nice Ass

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the turtles; I can only hope and dream I can at least be part of them one day in a real cannon setting. until then; I'm writing this crud ;)

**Author's Note:** This one takes place about an HOUR after the previous one. :) enjoy!

**---------- ---------- -----**

**A Nice Ass**

**By: Melissa the Damgel**

Mikey was floating on air when he returned to the lair, giggling and grinning like an idiot. He slid down the banister and to the main living area as he drifted towards the tv area where he sat in the middle of the couch Indian style like a little kid once again.

Hearing the giggles and the tv click on, Donatello fumbled in the middle of his explanation to either a very old woman or the dumbest woman he had ever spoken to thus far – this even topped the lady asking if she could program her computer to turn on the coffee maker that was in her kitchen without any software or special remote devices she'd need to install first before it would be capable. She kept insisting he was lying to her and that there was a way to do it without buying all that unnecessary 'stuff'.

He stumbled through the conversation for another half hour before she finally either fixed the problem or gave up and hung up on him. Sighing, he pulled the headset off and clocked out, setting up his messaging system before he left his lab, stretching with a groan with his arms over his head.

Donnie sighed as he watched his little brother smile silly at the tv as the news reported another crime at a jewelry store interrupted by Nightwatcher.

"So, you found him." Don stated, lowering his arms and locking his dark eyes with the soft blue of his baby brother's.

Michelangelo nodded, staring at him before he squealed and rolled over on their dilapidated couch, practically hanging over the back of it as he laughed, "He was so cool! I helped him stop that robbery and I rode bitch on his motorcycle, and then, when I did jump him, he stopped me and talked with me, and he's going to give me an autograph!" He shouted and flipped over the couch, sending a bag of chips to the floor and a patched up pillow flying off the arm of the couch.

Stepping closer to his brother, Donnie hesitated, waving his hand about in a vague motion "So… you didn't…"

"Naw, he's all big and burly and he has an ass to die for, but the dude has no skills when it comes to being seduced." Michelangelo waved his hand and sighed sadly, "Though..." he paused and glanced to the side. "He did have some really good advice. Sorta like what Leo would say, only in Raph's voice." He explained flippantly.

"Raph's voice?" Donatello asked, his face twisting up and his brow rising.

Mikey nodded quickly, "Yeah, you know, all deep and 'grrr'-like."

"Really…" Don muttered looking off to the side.

"Anyway," He hopped over to Donnie and slung his arm over his shoulders, grinning silly, "I'm going to take good ole Nightwatcher's advice and I'm going to talk with you." Mike stated and grinned silly, draping himself over his brother completely.

Donatello winced and tried to push Michelangelo off of him, struggling to get away from the clingy turtle that had no sense of personal space. "Yeah, okay, can you get off? We can talk in the kitchen or something."

Mikey's eyes lit up in delight and he instantly threw his hands up in the air, his grin wide in ecstatic delight. "We'll make popcorn!" he squealed and turned, running for the kitchen to start the popcorn that very second.

Sighing and looking up at the ceiling, Don prayed he wasn't about to be driven insane by the spastic turtle. He trudged towards the kitchen, feeling like a weight had thudded onto his shoulders, but he stopped and tilted his head as he watched Mikey just stand there, fiddling with his fingers as he watched the coffee maker brew up a fresh pot of java while the microwave hummed loudly with the faint sizzling of oil, butter, and popcorn on the verge of popping away.

Michelangelo's eyes were distant and there was a serious aura surrounding him that was very un-Mikey-like.

"Mike?"

Jumping, he twirled about and flashed that infamous grin of his as he did a Vanna White pose to frame the coffee machine, "See, I know how to take care of you. I'm making you a fresh batch of coffee!" He cheered.

Donatello frowned and stepped closer, pulling a chair from the kitchen table and motioning to it, "You going to sit and tell me what's wrong?" He asked, folding his arms and leveling a serious look on his baby brother.

Wincing, Mikey looked away and shuffled around the table to the chair Don was motioning to. "I'm okay, really… I just miss everyone." He whispered and plopped down.

Moving around the table and to pull the popcorn out of the microwave before it burnt, Donnie listened quietly and reached into the sink to grab his enormous Christmas mug and rinse it out. "What do you mean? I'm here… I know Raph isn't around a lot, and with Leo gone everything is out of whack but…" he paused and filled the tea kettle with water and set it on the stove to boil before he filled his own mug with some nice hot coffee.

Mike sighed and shook his head, taking the popcorn and ripping the bag open. "Everyone is gone. I mean, you work all day, and we don't hang out like we used too. When was the last time you had some spare time to invent stuff? And when was the last time you and Raph had a chance to do your monthly male-bonding thing while supposedly tuning up his bike?" He asked, looking up to see Donatello staring at him from the counter, steaming mug of coffee cupped in his hands with an expressionless look upon his face.

He sighed again and Michelangelo scratched a brow ridge lightly. "Everything's different. I don't want this to change. I want us to stay together forever – I don't want things to be exactly like when we were teenagers; I just mean when we were together. When we were bustin' up crime syndicates and Foot Ninjas, or saving people from muggers; or even just playing Ninja Tag and Hide and Seek... It's just… I just want us to be happy again." He frowned and fiddled with some popcorn in his hand. His brows curled together and he looked away.

Donnie frowned and glanced down into his coffee, not exactly certain how to take the sudden confession from his brother. The tea kettle screamed to his right and jolted him from the startling feelings Mike had just revealed. He set his coffee aside and poured the hot water into another mug, then dumped almost half a cup of hot cocoa powder into the mug and topped it with marshmallows, offering it to Mikey with solemn eyes. "Sorry." There wasn't much else he could say. He hadn't meant to ignore him, but it was so hard trying to keep everything from falling apart even as it was crumbling in his hands.

Michelangelo smiled warmly up at him, taking the hot chocolate from him and he shrugged. "It's okay… I know you're stressed. I've been trying really hard to get better and not bug ya so you don't worry as much; though I know Raph doesn't make it easy-"

He looked away and shrugged, turning his back to him. "It's okay… really. It's not like you've done anything. And you getting a job has really helped. It's just, we're growing up, and we're starting to go our separate ways… things _have _to change the older we get. And it doesn't help that Splinter _does_ want us to stay like how we were when we were little-"

"-And the fact Raph is still in love with you doesn't make anything easier, huh?"

Stiffening visibly, Donatello turned slightly, staring at his baby brother with a look of horror and fear. "W… wha- why do you think that?" he tried to snort, but it was weak and the way his breath had hitched in his throat was like a red flag flashing before Mikey's eyes.

Smiling warmly, Michelangelo leaned back in his chair, his hands cupping his mug of hot chocolate. "I was eavesdropping on you the day that Raphael cried and said he hated Splinter. I heard everything." He stated and looked away from his brother's white and frightened face and instead looked down into his mug of hot coco. "After Sensei called you into his study, I opened the door a little bit and listened in on you… I heard that you two wanted to get married and stuff…" He trailed off, growing quiet as he mulled over his thoughts.

"I was scared…" Mike confessed. "I didn't know what was going on and you were crying… and Raph was crying; which I don't think I'd ever seen before." Mikey fingered the hot chocolate mug before raising it to his lips, sipping at it shakily. "I… I was also jealous." He whispered, knitting his brows together.

Donnie's brows twitched as he drew them together, watching as his baby brother looked ready to slip into tears.

"You guys had something I probably never would."

"Mikey…"

"It's okay, really." Michelangelo looked up to Donnie and smiled that large, cheesy smile of his even as tears rimmed his eyes. "I felt bad that Splinter did that to you and I wished he hadn't. I always thought it was unfair."

Looking down, it was Donatello's turn to blink rapidly to keep the tears away after a sudden fluttering feeling of relief from not being alone anymore. That feeling danced wildly in his belly and caused his voice to grow shaky. "You don't think… being brothers and all…"

"Awe, come on Donnie; I know you did tests, like, years ago. None of us are related in that way." Mikey waved him off before he wiped at his eyes. "Actually… maybe that's when I started feeling like this." He mumbled and took a drink to hide for a moment.

Donnie shakily sat down at the table with his coffee and stared down into the black liquid that matched his eyes in color. "Began feeling like what, Mike." He asked quickly past the lump in his throat – knowing that his brother didn't judge him, even supported him in his past relationship with Raphael was… it was indescribable. He felt so relieved.

Michelangelo was quiet for a long time, fingering the handle of his mug. As ten minutes passed and still nothing, Donatello finally lifted his eyes and looked at Mikey. "Hey-"

"If you and Raph get back together, I'd be happy for you." Michelangelo suddenly said, his brows curling and his lower lip quivering nervously as he looked up at him desperately. "Would…um… you wouldn't hate me if… if I… if I loved Leo; would you?"

Don blinked, slightly startled from both the way his brother stared at him with fear as well as the confession he had just heard, Donatello could only twist his face up in question. "Leo?"

Mikey nodded slightly.

Staring at his baby brother, Donatello worked past the shock to analyze the emotions. A smile concluded his research and he genuine look of support and acceptance radiated from him. "Of course I wouldn't hate you."

But fear continued to etch into Michelangelo's face even as tears gathered and then slid down his cheeks. "He said… when he gets back, if we still feel the same way he'll talk to Splinter." He whispered and squeezed his eyes shut at the pained and deceived look that settled over Donnie's face. "Don-"

"Did Leo know?"

"What?" Mikey asked, scrubbing at his cheeks.

Donnie closed his eyes and gripped his mug tightly, "Did Leo know about Raphie and me." He asked in a whisper.

Mike shook his head and frowned, "No; he never had a clue. Shell, Donnie, I had to spell it out to him when I told him I loved him. He didn't believe me at first – but I think it's because he didn't think I'd really feel the same way he did about me." Michelangelo smiled softly at the memory but it faded quickly and he knitted his brows together once more. "We… uh… we did… it… you know…" He blushed and looked away, fidgeting with his cooling hot chocolate.

A blush crawled over Donatello's face after Mikey's words clicked into place in his head; and a moment later he frowned slightly and looked down into his coffee. A bit of jealousy choked his throat until the irony hit. "So…" he trailed off, peeking at Mikey shyly.

"Splinter caught me sneaking out of his room about a week later… and… well, you know how good his nose is." Michelangelo whispered, peeking over at Splinter's room then back to the table. "He smelt us all over each other – not to mention the sex – and-"

"He sent Leo away." Don finished for him.

"Yeah…" Mikey's head bobbed up and down. "He didn't give us the option like you guys… but we weren't kids either. I guess he figured drastic times called for drastic measures. I don't really know what he told Leo when he called him into his room the next morning, but Leo came back and told me he had to leave for leadership training."

Donatello moved his foot under the table slightly, his eyes still trained on his cup of coffee. "That must have been hard." He whispered.

Mikey nodded then sniffled suddenly. "I really miss him. He said he'd be back after a year… it's been two…" he trailed off and wiped at his eyes. "What if he did change his mind and just hasn't come back because he doesn't know what to tell me?" he asked, looking to his older brother imploringly.

A shrug was all Donnie could give him before he raised his dark eyes, sadly looking to him. "You might just have to live with seeing the person you love everyday and know you can't have them."

Michelangelo's eyes filled with tears as the full reality of his situation – and the situation his brother had been in for the past ten years – finally settled into his heart. He bit his lip and sniffled loudly as he squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed at an eye with a balled up fist. "Do we really have to listen to Sensei? We know we aren't related, how can he-"

"It's because he raised us as his sons. It's the ethics behind it; not the science." Donnie explained quietly, lowering his eyes and staring off to the side.

Sniffles and shuddering breaths filled the kitchen for several more minutes before Michelangelo spoke again. His voice was quiet and whispered, almost reverent in the way he spoke to him. "How have you been able to survive so long? I've felt like I'm being ripped apart inside waiting for just two years."

Sighing loudly, Donatello tilted his head, his eyes slightly hooded and staring sightlessly at a crack in the wall. "…Mikey, I killed part of myself long ago in order to tell Raphie we couldn't be together that day Splinter talked to us. And then I had to kill the rest of myself in order to stay away from him." He explained in a whisper. "I've been dead for a very long, long time." Donnie raised his eyes finally and they shimmered like black diamonds as he settled them upon misty baby blues. "And even dead he still consumes all of me and makes me wake up each day wanting to try my hardest, create new things, and do everything in my power to provide for my family." Donnie's face twisted up and he hiccupped up suddenly, lifting a hand to press the heel of his palm into his eye, turning his head away slightly to hide from Mikey's flowing tears.

"Why do you stay away from him?" Michelangelo asked, a squeak to his voice as his throat strangled his words. He leaned forward, desperate to know how or why Donnie refused to be with Raphael.

"'Cause I love him too much." Donnie choked out, pressing the heel of his palm into his eye before he pushed his hand away toward his temple, wiping away his tears along his wrist and arm. "If I don't s-stay away, he'll… he'll be the one s-sent away… and Splinter… he… he wont' allow it." The purple clad turtle trembled and bit his lower lip as he tried to keep from sobbing outright. "And I can't let him go away."

"But _why_?" Mikey pleaded, his fingers grasping at the table as he gazed at his brother across from him, feeling only a trifle of the same pain as him. He understood the longing to be with the one he loved, but it was nothing compared to what Donatello had had to live with all these years. "If you love him why not just be with him?"

Smiling weakly with more tears filling his eyes and then sliding down his cheeks, Donnie could only shake his head while his brows knitted together. "Because nothing is ever that simple, Mikey."

"Well it should be!" Michelangelo choked on his words and let a sob out for the both of them. "This is so stupid!" He cried, scrubbing at his cheeks and eyes, his shoulders shaking as he drew in ragged breaths. "I just don't get it; if you dudes want each other so much; why listen to Splinter, or why fight? You guys are fighting so much lately."

Donatello turned his eyes away from his brother to avoid those imploring eyes. "I-I hate that we're fighting, but…" he stopped, his face again contorting into pain. He gripped his coffee mug tighter as though using it as his lifeline to reality. Turning his gaze to the cheery Christmas characters on the mug, Donnie trembled and realized just how painful it was to finally try and vocalize the dark thoughts he had been pondering over for weeks now. "It-it's like he's a different person now; and I'm scared he's going to leave and… and I think I hate him-" he stopped and squeezed his eyes shut, "-I don't want to hate him, but he's so stubborn! He fights over everything I say; and I don't know if it's because he… he… he hates_ me_ or if… if he… he's using me to take his frustrations out for feeling abandoned…"

"Because Leo's gone." Michelangelo finished. "And I'm scared Leo isn't coming back because he hates me now too." He sniffled then laughed bitterly, leaning forward on the table, pushing his cold chocolate drink away and folding his arms atop the table as he stared down at his hands. "Dude, I told him this would happen. I told Leo that if he left everything would fall apart. And it is."

"Mikey, I'm sorry…" Donatello hiccupped, looking up at him, "Leo might not-"

"He will be back. He promised me." He looked to him with watery conviction. "He wouldn't lie."

"But even you said-"

"I know what I said. But even if he did change his mind about me, he'll eventually be back to tell me face to face. He has too much honor. He won't hide forever just because he feels guilty."

Donatello nodded slightly and looked away, wiping at his eyes.

Mikey sighed raggedly before he set his hands on the table. "And you and Raph need to stop this. Just tell him to forget what Splinter said and be happy together."

"Mike…" Don whispered, looking to him with a disapproving look – but it faltered as he stared into Mikey's hard eyes.

"Dude, you realize you're going to die a virgin, right?"

Don flushed, "Mikey…" he began but stopped when Michelangelo rolled his eyes even as he wiped at his cheeks.

"You and Raph deserve to be happy again. I know you've been depressed, and since Leo's been gone you've been doubly-depressed. Go get laid and relax for awhile, damnit. Splinter doesn't always know everything. He thinks he can keep us from feeling sexual emotions with hours of training in the morning and with constant reminders that we are ninja and have a mission in life. But we…" Mikey stopped, not knowing how to verbalize his frustration.

"We might be mutants, but we still have base needs that need to be fulfilled." Donnie whispered.

"Yeah, that." Michelangelo sighed.

The two sat in silence for a while, thinking over everything they had just talked about. For Mikey, it was like a load had been lifted from his shoulders knowing Donnie now knew and he no longer had to hide behind being 'baby Mikey' anymore, he was an equal now, going through the same troubles as his brothers. For Donatello, fear and more questions began to arise – as well as a sense of jealousy that Mikey and Leo had tasted something he had longed after for years as he watched Raphael from a distance. But it was also nice to finally have someone to talk too about all his pent up feelings and frustrations – though having someone tell him to ignore his Sensei and go ask his brother to fuck his brains out was going to definitely be a bad influence.

"How was it?" Donnie found himself saying and instantly blushed in both horror and embarrassment. He never spoke without thinking over the consequences! This was… it was terrifying to think his subconscious wanted to know so badly he spoke without planning out his question first!

Michelangelo made a grunting noise in question, but a slow smile of recognition crawled up his face and a wicked laugh broke out past his throat. "Dude, it hurts at first, but it's awesome. If I could do it with Leo all day, I would. There's this spot inside your ass that makes stars flash before your eyes, but then also giving it is great too. But both ways are awesome! Like, when I was on top, I always liked it when Leo made this face-"

"Okay!" Donnie squeaked, waving his hands and closing his eyes only to open them again to keep his imagination from trying to imagine Leo's face. "I didn't mean to ask! So you don't have to-"

"Dude," Mikey began, leaning forward over the table with intense blue eyes and capturing Donatello's full attention, "its okay. But just remember…" he said, leaning in closer, his face far more serious than Donnie had ever remembered seeing it as he leveled his eyes with his, practically demanding he pay attention to him. "You deserve to be happy – and just imagine Raph tied down and begging you for more." He smirked with a wink.

A slow blink and a furious flush covering his cheeks instantly was all the answer Mikey needed to know that that image would forever be embedded in Donnie's overactive brain for the rest of his natural life. Mission complete.

Donatello sputtered and stood quickly, sending his chair skidding backwards a few inches. "Mikey!" He snarled and glared at him before he grabbed their mugs and turned sharply dumping them out and rinsing them furiously.

Michelangelo snickered, "I gotta say, if Raph looks anything like what Leo…"

"Mikey!" Don shouted, nearly dropping his Christmas mug – though he saved it at the last second and set it in the sink - as he desperately covered his ear slits. "I don't need to know this stuff! Shut up already!"

Cackling, Mike snagged a handful of popcorn and stuffed it into his open mouth. "Man, you love it and you know it! You want to see Raph on his back begging for mercy; admit it!"

"Lalalala!" Donnie abruptly sang loudly, keeping his ears covered and he began walking out of the kitchen.

Following in hot pursuit with the popcorn bag in hand, Mikey grinned and hurried after him, "Awe, come on, Donnie!" He whined loudly, "Just think about it!" he waited as he followed his brother around the lair, up and down the stairs, into his room and back out; into the dojo and back out; he even pushed his way into the bathroom to stay right by him till Donnie finally stopped his 'lalala' noise. When he finally did, he didn't hesitate.

"Raph's hammock equals sex swing." He purred out and Donnie squeaked and slapped his hands over his ears again and began singing his 'lalala' chant as he squeezed his eyes shut again – though the seeds were already planted and he was having a hard time not seeing the advantages of what Mikey was talking about. Raphie on his hammock… tied up… no! No! Bad thoughts!

Michelangelo laughed but as soon as Donatello twirled about with a finger raised, he knew he was going to get it.

"If you love Leo so much, why were you chasing Nightwatcher? Huh?" He crowed, thinking he had him.

Blushing and fidgeting, Mikey waved his hand about nervously, "Well, uh… er… I mean… oh, come on! If you were deprived sex for two years, it'd drive you insane too!" Mikey shouted, raising his hands above his head with a crazed look in his eyes. "That and… uh… he has a nice ass." He added for good measure.

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I love the fact that this time, it's Donnie and Mikey connecting; and this is the moment that they are brothers completely connect are unspokenly there for each other from here on out. I love this one. I know this entire story is basically just a repeat of information and them just talking (and a lot of crying... oi... all the crying!), but this is what will make the story worth it later on for at least these two characters. Them bonding is very important. And there's a difference in there relationship now. Before, they were brothers (teasing, smacking each other, annoying each other ect.), but now, they are peers... they are brothers with the same problems and Don now sees Mikey as Michelangelo, he's no longer the baby of the family. he's his little brother, yes, but he's not a baby anymore. so I love this chapter for this reseason, just like the last chapter i loved it because Mikey revealed so much of himself, Raph realized even Mikey isn't Mr. Sunshine and Bunnies.

I hope you enjoyed this one, cause the next one is much more angst filled; and next thursday, Leo comes home.

--Melissa the Damgel


	11. We Need To Talk

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the awesomeness that is the Ninja Turtles. How sad…

**Warning for this chapter: **A bit of sorta non-con.

**Author's Note: **Takes place about 3 weeks after "Stalking the Vigilante" and "A Nice Ass". This one takes place directly in the 2007 Movie-Verse. Everyone remember that fight Raph and Don had after Mikey came home from the Birthday-gig? It's just a few hours after that.

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**We Need to Talk**

**By: Melissa the Damgel**

3 weeks later

Returning from work typically felt like the burden for the day melted from his shoulders and made him feel like nothing in the world could touch him now that he was ten seconds away from pizza and another exciting episode of the nine o'clock news. But for Mikey as he stood outside of their lair's secret entrance with his hand resting on the third pipe to the left, he felt like another weight had suddenly been added to his load. He frowned at the vague sounds of shouting from the other side of the brick and steel reinforced doorway. His brows knitted tightly together before he bolstered himself up and tugged on the pipe, opening the doors and hurrying inside.

Raphael and Donatello had just had a fight earlier that morning after he had gotten home from a birthday party; and yet, here they were again, fighting after he was getting home from another birthday party. It seemed like that it was all they did these days – fight and yell at each other. He really hoped this sort of stuff would end as soon as Leo returned home.

At least their argument hadn't come to blows yet – then again, that would be rather difficult seeing how Raph was on one side of the lair and Donnie was on the other and they were screaming at each other from across the room.

"Welcome home." He mumbled to himself as he surveyed the damage from up above.

"I never asked you to be my mother!" Raphael bellowed, throwing an arm into the air.

"I probably would have drowned you by now if you _were_ my kid! I'm not trying to be 'mommy' I'm just trying to do what is best for the team!"

"And I'm screwin' it up, is that it? You want to look all clean and perfect for Leo when he gets back so ya can tell him everything went fine?" he scowled and shook his head, "Leo ain't comin' back! He hasn't contacted us in over a year, Donnie. What was yer first tip-off that he ditched us?"

"He didn't ditch us." Mikey said, standing at the top of the stairs staring down at his brothers.

"Mikey…" Donnie straightened looking vaguely shocked that his baby brother had heard all of that.

Raph turned on him – he didn't care, equal yelling rights to all! "Yes he did. Look around ya Mikey, you see Leo anywhere? You see any letters he's sent us dated after September of last year? No! He's gone!"

"Raph…" Don started, his dark eyes flicking up to Mikey then back to Raphael with desperation etching into his face as he carefully walked towards him.

"He left! Who wouldn't want ta leave this messed up place? Livin' in sewers, gettin' fat on junk food because we can't leave this stinkin' hole, and we get paid in birthday money no less. This life sure is fantastic!" He snarled, "We've been grounded for two years while Leo is off gallivantin' around the world. Yeah, real fair, leavin' us all behind because of some stupid, selfish-"

"_Raphael!"_ Donatello screamed, his hands fisted and shaking at his sides.

Raphael glared and turned fiery eyes to Donatello, zoning back in on the reason for his rage in the first place. "What? You don't like hearing the truth? Well you've never been very good at acceptin' how _other_ people feel." He hissed and stalked across the lair. He slowed once he was no more than a yard from the other and he inched closer step by step, smoldering eyes locked on Don's determined face. "You're always hidin' away instead a' fightin' for what _you_ want." He shook his head, his face twisting up in a scowl that forced Donatello to look away and bow his head as he quavered and clenched his jaw.

"It's so pathetic." Raph continued, leaning forward ever so slightly. "You're depressed 'cause Leo's gone but ya won't do anything about it. You're hidin' away, playin' with yer toys when there's stuff we could be doin' up top. We shouldn't have ta put our lives – an' the lives of the innocent people up there – on hold 'cause of that bastard leavin'!"

"You need to shut up Raph." Donnie whispered in a tight and forced voice.

"Are ya goin' ta stop me?" He asked with a growl, bending forward slightly to glare right into his face as he spread his arms, practically begging him to start something.

Donatello glanced to Michelangelo then back to Raph and just stared at him. The muscles in his arms, neck and shoulders trembled in anger, but he stayed silent, just staring into those intense amber eyes.

Rolling his eyes and snorting when nothing happened, Raphael straightened, "Didn't think so. I can't believe ya guys. You're all chicken." He then leveled a look on Donatello and moved closer till Don took a reflexive step backwards as Raphael pushed into his personal space. "I'm sick of waitin'." He whispered. There was a note of resentment in his voice; but there was a larger amount of exhaustion, and even hurt; that fell from his lips before he could stop their escape.

The purple clad turtle twitched and knitted his brows together. His lips parted and his lungs couldn't seem to draw in enough air as the double meaning lanced through him and speared his heart. Donatello's hands slackened at his sides and he looked away from his brother after that, backing down till he was nothing more than a submissive turtle being battered away by Raphael's words.

"I'm tired of waiting!" Raph shouted louder over his shoulder with his eyes still on Donnie, his gut twisting as he watched him deflate. "Are we really just goin' ta lay around waitin' for Leonardo to waltz back in? He ain't comin' ba-" He turned and glanced up to Mikey for the first time since he had zeroed in on Don, and his words stopped short. He hadn't seen Mikey cry for a long time. The last two years to be exact.

Donatello stared at his hands for some time. He only closed his eyes after his body began trembling once feeling began to seep back into his limps and force him to feel the hurt that chipped away at his heart. "I thought you said you'd wait forever…" He whispered, not daring to look up at him.

Raphael watched the fat tears roll down Michelangelo's face while he glared down at him, but Donnie's whispered words forced him to finally lower his eyes and allow the guilt to claim him. "I…" He sighed and his shoulders fell as defeat bowed his head. "Who knew ten years would be so long." He breathed and the words felt like lead tumbling from his mouth.

Twisting his face up in anguish the moment those words left Raphael's lips. Donatello stood still for only a heartbeat longer before he turned and silently left the main living area to disappear back into his lab without another word.

Grunting, Raphael lifted his hands to scrub his face then run his fingers over the top of his head, before he laced his fingers at his neck. He held them there for a moment before he dared to lift his eyes to gaze up at the glaring and crying Michelangelo. Raph tried to prepare himself for another yelling match; but he felt that premonition in the back of his mind that nothing would be simple for him today as readily as though he were in battle and could feel the katana slicing the air and aiming for his neck.

"What's wrong with you?" Michelangelo asked, staring down at him in a mixture of incredulousness and disappointment.

"Don't lay inta me too, Mikey. I ain't in the mood." Raph growled, dropping his arms to his sides and starting up the stairs to head to his room.

"No! I am and I don't care!" Mike screeched and jumped in front of his brother, shoving him to a stop with a determined hand to his plastron. "Why would you ever say that to Donnie?" he asked sharply, baby blues staring up at him desperately.

Raphael sighed and looked away as he took a step back so he could fold his arms over his chest, "Because it's true. Leo ain't comin'-"

"He's coming back!" Michelangelo physically shook as the scream erupted from his lips. More tears gathered in his eyes as he paused, trying to regain a bit of his control. When he finally did speak, his voice trembled and he sounded so weak; his shoulders even drooped. "He promised me he'd be back."

Wincing faintly, Raph continued to stare off to the side – he didn't mean to pour lemon juice over his baby bro's wounds; but what could he do? Keep hoping for something that wasn't going to happen? Leo left as far as he could tell, and he wasn't going to sugar coat the bastard's actions.

"And I wasn't talking about Leo." Michelangelo continued suddenly in a hushed whisper. He lifted wet blue eyes to his older brother's hard features once more, his fingers finally sliding away from Raph's chest to dangle listlessly at his side. "Why did you say that to Donnie? Why did you say he doesn't fight for what he wants?"

"What?" Raphael raised a brow, looking back at Mikey with a slightly twisted lip as he ran his thoughts back through his yelling – oh yeah, he remembered that now…

"Why did you say that?" Michelangelo bellowed suddenly, throwing his duffle bag away from his personage so he could focus glowering eyes solely on his older brother.

Raphael was slightly startled to say the least; Mikey looked ready to kill him. "Because, I… its-its tru-"

"Don't you dare say its true, Raphael! Because it isn't! He was on his hands and knees begging and crying for Splinter to let you two stay together!" he screamed with his whole body shaking as the words poured from him. "He did everything he could to talk him out of breaking you guys apart! He even kept you from being sent away to Japan! He cried and cried, and I all I could do was watch him die that day!" Michelangelo shrieked, his voice raw and braking with every word he spoke.

Raphael's face had lost all color – or at least as much color a green turtle could – after Mikey had said everything. Japan, Splinter, staying together…. He stared at his baby brother, his insides jumbling and his hands shaking as he realized his little brother _knew_. "What?" He swallowed hard and fumbled his question out weakly, "When…"

"I've known forever, Raph." Mike said, staring at his brother with a look of disappointment on his face. "I've known about you two since we were ten; and Donnie's done nothing but want to be with you. But you're too pigheaded to see that!"

"Me..?" Raph breathed then latched onto the anger – at least that he recognized and knew it would get him out of this paralysis he was in. "Well, what about him? If he wants to be with me, then why doesn't he just do it?" He roared, throwing an arm out behind him and pointing an accusingly finger towards where Don's lab was. "Because all I've heard for the last ten years is 'we can't' and I'm sick of it!"

"Think about it, Raph!" Mikey screeched, stepping closer and shoving his finger into his brother's chest, glaring right into his eyes. "Look what happened to Leo after Splinter found out about me and him! Sensei threatened to send you away to Japan if Don didn't agree to break it off with you; and he really did send Leo away _because of_ _me_. Don's been trying to protect you ever since you guys got ratted out!"

Raphael scowled at his brother but it faded just as quickly and he stared off to the side as he began to fully absorb all of Michelangelo's words. "He really fought..?"

"He was groveling, dude. He was practically laying on the floor begging." Michelangelo's voice grew softer while his hands uncurled from their fists. "He told Splinter that he really loved you and that he wanted to marry you. He said you told him it wasn't wrong… and I think he believed that more than Splinter telling him it was." Mikey sighed and his shoulders slumped suddenly. "He wants you more than you'll ever know. He even did tests to see if we're brothers just because he wanted _some_ hope!"

Mikey looked away, letting the silence settle between them, but two seconds later, Michelangelo pulled a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde as he once again went Mother Bear on Raph's ass in defense of his other brother. "But you just messed that up!" He snarled and shoved at Raphael's shoulder. "You had to go and break his heart! He probably won't even want to get out of bed now! He's been a zombie for the last ten years, and I think you just put the final stake through his heart!" Mike ranted, getting his monster movie lore mixed up and not really caring.

Raphael looked away, glancing down towards the lab, "He wouldn't want me now. It's probably for the best." He whispered and turned, looking back to Mikey.

Tears welled in the baby blue eyes as he stared at Raph, shaking his head, his voice choking up and catching in his throat. "You are such a jerk, you know that?" He couldn't even yell anymore. Michelangelo just squeezed his eyes shut and he stifled a sob before he turned, marching away to his room.

Snarling, Raphael looked away, his hands curling into fists as he listened to Mikey's door slam shut.

Yeah, he really made a mess of this.

On impulse, Raphael tore off to his room, throwing his door open and grabbing the duffle bag he hid in his closet and stomped back out in a fury, heading for the lair's main door. "I'm going out!" He bellowed, jerking on the lever to pull the doors open.

"Raphael."

Hissing, Raph shook his head, "Not now Sensei. This is a _really_ bad time."

"No! You will stay and listen to your Master." The rat hit the ground with his cane and the sharp cracking sound stopped Raphael in his tracks. Splinter stared up at his son silently from the bottom steps, nodding once as he saw his son halt, even if he didn't turn around to face him. "Why have you allowed your feelings to pursue that which I forbade you so long ago?" he inquired, his bony hands gripping the top of his stick tightly.

It was the proverbial last straw. Raph threw his bag down and turned, glaring down at his father as he leaned on the railing. "You wanna know why? Simple answer is, 'cause I love him. He drives me crazy with all his techno-geek talk and his stupid habits; but that's what I like about him. He's intricate where I'm simple; an' he's careful where I'm brash. I love him and want to for a very, very long time.

"The more complicated answer: look at us." Raph sneered, holding his arms out from his body and glaring down at his Master tauntingly. "You really think we can be happy livin' down here, sneakin' around at night and doin' nothing but fight and train; an' we'll be content in life? We're too young for that, _Sensei_. We're mutated turtles! We have no one else ta turn too but each other! Everythin' we've ever _experienced_ growin' up was with each other! It was bound ta happen sooner or later. Ya really thought we wouldn't look to each other ta fulfill that need ta love someone so deeply it drives us insane? We ain't goin' ta find someone topside that will love us forever. We're the only ones who see each other fer who an' what we are." He turned sharply and snatched up his bag, jerking the latch down.

"My son…"

"Father… I'd honestly rather you disown me just so I could be with Donnie." He said, peeking over one broad shoulder before he hurried out the door and into the sewers.

Closing his eyes to slowly absorb everything that had happened and everything he had heard and witnessed, Splinter calmly turned and silently walked across his home, his mind turned inwards as he carefully analyzed everything his sons had said as he made his way to his other son's lab. Not bothering to knock, Splinter opened the door and watched Donnie from where he sat at his worktable and staring down at his project. But he wasn't working actually; it appeared that he was doing nothing more than fidgeting with whatever his project was as he hiccupped now and then and wiped at his eyes.

Knitting his brows together and bowing his head, Splinter silently entered his son's room and maneuvered his way over to his workbench, standing by his side as he delicately placed a hand on Don's shoulder.

"Perhaps we should speak, Donatello."

Donnie stifled a sob as he squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head, allowing his father to pull him closer and press his brow to his furry chest. Donnie turned in his chair and clung to Splinter, hiding against him while he simply cried, once again just a five year old child wanting his father to hold him close and momentarily chase the monsters away.

---------- ----------

He had made a real mess of everything. He knew it. There was no coming back from this screw up. Raphael stumbled into the lair, finishing off the last bottle of beer he had swindled from Casey and April's place before April had 'gently' shoved him out of the window and told him to walk home and sober up.

He really wasn't all that drunk, he had only been nursing the few beers he had had all night. He hadn't said a word about what was wrong as he and Casey had watched tv – he tried to remember what it was they had been watching… something about a western? Or maybe it was a World War II movie… he couldn't remember; all he could keep in mind was that betrayed look on Donnie's face as his eyes flickered in defeat before he turned and walked away. It had hurt…

And then Mikey, babbling and yelling at him; he had basically handed him his ass after ripping into him and telling him exactly why he was now the most loathsome bastard in all the world.

Raph threw his bag into his room, not in the mood to hide it away like he should have. He had intended to go up and do his Nightwatcher gig to work out some energy; but he found himself instead outside of April and Casey's window, rapping on the glass and grunting that he needed a drink.

The kitchen was the next place he consciously decided to go to. He pulled the fridge open then slammed it shut again when nothing caught his attention within that split second; so he moved to the sink to fill a glass up with water instead to hopefully cut off the hangover he might get in the morning. Taking a long, deep draught of water, Raphael gasped for breathe and set the glass down, leaning on the counter heavily as he bowed his head, just breathing and thinking over the crappy day he just had.

His eyes landed on Donnie's coffee mug – the Christmas one he had given him a few years back after the purple clad turtle had started consuming coffee like it was his life's mission to replace his blood count with caffeine. Donnie had gone all shy and smiled at him after he had handed him the gift; then he sarcastically asked him if it had been the last mug in the entire store due to the goofy reindeer and the cod-wearing elf. But he used that mug, and he used it _all the time_. Raphael picked it up gingerly and examined it. Granted, the design was horrible, but it had been the largest mug he had found. He had been thinking practicality at the time, not if it looked good or not. That was probably why he didn't notice the chip on the rim till after he had given it to him.

A noise behind him alerted Raph's hazy mind to the presence of another entering the room. He glanced over his shoulder then straightened quickly, staring directly at Donatello as he stood outside of the kitchen, just staring back at him.

Don shifted and looked away uneasily, rubbing his arm and blinking his eyes several times. They were swollen and red. Raph winced and looked back to the mug before he carefully set it down back into the sink.

"I-if you're drunk, I don't want to deal with you till tomorrow." Donnie said suddenly, shifting his weight from one foot then back to the other.

Raph shook his head, "Naw… not really drunk… just a buzz." He whispered; though in the silent lair, it felt like he had screamed it across the room.

Shrugging, Donatello looked anywhere but at Raph.

"Listen, Don-"

"We should go to bed… we'll talk tomorrow." He interrupted and turned, forgetting he had wanted a drink.

"Donnie…" Raphael breathed loudly, hurrying after him, "Donnie… _wait_." He hissed, reaching out for his elbow and curling his fingers around his wrist instead.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Donatello tugged his arm away and took a few quick steps away from him. "Don't… not… not tonight, Raph." His voice quavered and he hurried into his lab, nudging the door closed.

Reaching out to stop the door from shutting completely, Raphael paused and just stood outside the door, amber eyes staring down at the thin beam of light reaching out across the floor through the crack along the door frame. He hesitated a moment, but he eventually pushed the door open and stepped inside and his eyes immediately found Don bent slightly over one of his work tables and tinkering away at something.

"Donnie…"

"Just go away." The purple banded turtle whispered, his hands stilling on his project.

Raphael bristled and he moved into the room, stalking closer to his brother, "No." He growled low in his chest and slammed a hand down on the table to Don's right. Raph leaned heavily onto Donnie's carapace and whispered into his ear as he pressed his other hand onto the table to the left side of his body to trap him in place. "I'm never goin' away, ya know that? I ain't leavin' 'cause I promised I'd wait forever; and I will."

"You made it pretty clear-"

"Since when do you believe what I say in a fit of rage? Huh?" Raph hissed and lifted his hand, gripping his left elbow tightly as he leaned further into him. He couldn't help but smirk at the shiver Don had run down his spine, "I just wanted ta say I'm sorry. 'Kay?"

"Okay; can you go now?" Donatello asked, squeezing his eyes shut and focused solely on just inhaling in and out slowly without thinking about how shaky his legs felt, or how warm Raphael felt behind him….

Frowning at the curt words, Raph lowered his eyes and stared past Donnie's shoulder to his project resting on the table. "I didn't mean it…" he whispered, tilting his head just slightly to brush the edge of his brow to Donatello's temple.

"Ten years _is_ a long time to wait… why are you still trying?" he questioned softly, bowing his head a bit more.

"Come on Don; do you even have to ask?" his fingers slackened their grip on his elbow, and his touch became almost delicate as his fingers moved down to his wrist in a tickling caress that dragged another shiver out f the body he was pressing closer too.

Donatello's brow knitted together and he tilted his head, leaning into Raph's voice as another tremble touched his spine. "Don't… Raphie…"

"You deserve to be happy too, Donnie-boy." He breathed, pressing his plastron to Donatello's shell tightly.

"Raphie…" Donnie's voice quavered and he shook his head faintly. "We ca-"

"Don't say it." Raphael hissed and tightened his fingers over Don's wrist. "We can. We should. You did the test, we ain't related, right?" He shifted against him, and suddenly anger jumped into his chest as he reminded himself about those blood tests. Raph pushed him harder into the table and forced a loud gasp from Donnie. "Why didn't you tell me about the blood tests?" he growled, his fingers coiling and tightening around his elbow while his eyes narrowed.

Donatello winced, staring down at his forgotten project, his fingers curling into a fist atop the table. "When did you find out about that?" His voice was hushed and strained. He hadn't thought he would find out.

"Mikey." Raph stated simply.

Closing his eyes and knitting his brows together, Don tilted his head away from Raph with a heavy sigh escaping his lungs. "Look, I only did those blood tests so if Bishop ever did-"

"Bullshit." Raph hissed and stepped back suddenly and his hand on Don's elbow forced him to spin around to face him.

Donnie flinched as he was twirled about and bumped into his table as he momentarily lost balance. Dark eyes locked with Raphael's smoldering ones and he winced, inching away from him and managing to move away from the table and into the open space in his lab as he carefully moved away from Raph. Hating the fact he felt scared, Donatello suddenly got mad, and he latched onto it in his moment of desperation. "What do you want me to say?" He shouted quietly back at him, his hands forming fists at his sides as his face twisted into a look of defiance. "You think by answering a few questions and saying sorry, that that somehow makes everything fixed and all better? No! Nothing will ever fix _this_. We are stuck, Raph! You messed up big time today and it's going to take more than 'I'm sorry' to-"

Raphael growled low in his chest and he stalked closer to him, forcing Donnie to take a few more steps back.

Fumbling over his words for a moment as Raph loomed over him, Donatello shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "Stop it! You can't get your way just by bullying the issue! Not this time!"

"It wouldn't be this complicated if you would just shut up about what we 'shouldn't' do!" Raph shoved Donnie back against one of his bookcases abruptly. Books became dislodged and flew from the shelves showering down around their owner's body from the force.

"Raph!" Donatello shouted, anger flashing in his eyes, but it flickered and disappeared in an instant as Raph suddenly pressed against him, trapping him between his body and the book shelves and forced a quick and hot kiss to his lips.

He pulled back just as sharply as he had attacked, and Raphael locked eyes with his as he spoke, "Why don't ya want to be happy, huh? Do ya like bein' depressed?" Raph whispered before planting a hard kiss to the side of his beak, his hands catching Donnie's wrists before he had a chance to push him away.

Don shivered as his features twisted in anguish. He leaned into the kisses running across his face – over his cheeks, a hard one to his brow, and delicate ones fluttering across his eyelids that made him tremble with hope. But the moment Raphael pressed a strong and forceful kiss to his lips, his fingers curled and he whimpered as his face contorted and his lips pressed back in a weak kiss. He allowed the kiss, even reveled in it, but his senses returned and duty kicked him in the gut. Donatello's face twisted up slightly before he shook his head, trying to dislodge Raph. "Stop…" he whispered.

Growling, Raphael freed one of Don's wrists and he pressed his palm to the purple clad turtle's face, cupping the back of his neck in his large hand and forcing Donnie into another kiss. Raphael pushed closer, rumbling in delight as Donatello's free hand gripped his shoulder and pulled him close, returning the kiss for only a heartbeat before he felt that grip evaporate against his arm.

Shuddering and squeezing his eyes shut to keep from crying, Donnie struggled against Raphael. He whimpered and arched his back upon feeling Raphael's free hand drop down to grope at his thigh. He'd never deny it felt nice – those strong, calloused fingers grasping at his flesh and tugging at his body – but it had to stop. They had to stop now or else Splinter's words….

Raph trailed his hand over the tantalizing flesh of his brother's leg. He wanted to taste it, kiss at the softer flesh between his legs, and most of all, he wanted those legs to wrap around him and hold him tight. Sliding his fingers down once more along his thigh, Raphael cupped Don's knee suddenly and lifted his leg up. He dipped his body down as he hooked Don's leg over his hip, holding it there so he could press his hips to Don's forcefully and push their lower plastrons tightly together.

A churr rumbled through Raphael's body and against Donatello's chest from the delight he felt from being so close to him. Donnie whimpered again and pushed weakly against his brother's shoulders, his face turning away from the onslaught of kisses. "Raph, stop!" He gasped.

"I love you." Raphael whispered, running his lips along his neck and then back to his lips. "I hate seein' ya like this; upset and miserable. I just want ta make ya feel better. I want ta see ya smile again." He breathed and planted hot, desperate kisses across his beak.

"Stop!" Donnie shouted, squeezing his eyes shut and gasping as Raphael's tongue teased at his lips and managed to push into his mouth a ways to tangle with his own.

The kiss was feverish and amazing and their tongues and lips tangled in an erotic dance of yearning. "I want you so much, Donnie-boy. Don't run away anymore." He pleaded in a hushed, but husky voice. His warm breath fell across quivering, wet lips and his fingers stroked and rubbed at Donnie's body in frantic, grasping motions as he thrust and rolled his hips against Don's in imitation of a far more intimate act he wished to initiate.

Donatello struggled against him, pushing and clawing at his brother's chest and shoulders, whimpering as he quavered against him. Inhaling sharply and leaning his head back, Don cried out even as Raph made his toes curl and his insides leap. "Don't! _Raphael!_"

The strangled howl against his beak jerked him from the momentary pleasure Raph had succumbed too. He abruptly jolted from his happiness as Donnie arched his back and shouted again – nothing coherent this time, just a cry of primal desperation – but his name… having had his name screamed like that, so close against him that it jerked him from his pleasure more surely than if Donnie had whacked him over the head with his bo staff.

Gasping and pulling his mouth from Don's to stare at his brother, Raph watched angry and anxious dark eyes lock with his and he stepped back quickly, easing Don back to his feet before he took a few more stumbling steps back.

Donnie's lower lip trembled faintly and he looked away, grasping onto one of the shelves behind him to keep his balance.

"Donnie…"

"Go away!" Donatello screamed, his whole body shaking.

Raphael just stood there, shaken and uncertain. He did take a step back, but after his amber eyes swept over the room in an attempt to gather himself together, he shot them back to Donatello and glared, "You should have told me!" He yelled right back.

"'Bout what?" Don hissed passed swollen and bruised lips.

"Us not bein' brothers." He growled, taking a step forward.

Closing his eyes and contorting his face into a scoff, Donatello shook his head, "Don't be stupid Raph, what good would it have done to know we weren't related?" He bowed his head, still leaning heavily against his bookcase.

"What good..?" Raph blinked then snarled, hands jumping into fists and his teeth bared viciously, "What good? We could have been together! We could have stopped this fucked up dance and finally just-"

"What? Gone to Splinter to tell him its okay for his sons to be fucking each other? It wouldn't have mattered Raph!" Donnie shouted back, finally taking a small step away from the bookcase. "It didn't matter! I didn't exactly come running into your arms after I found out."

Raph felt like Donnie had just punched him in the gut – the cold look in his eyes, the stiff shoulders, the conviction… it hurt like a bitch and he couldn't bring himself to say anything back.

"Just go up top. I don't care. Go out, be Nightwatcher and play vigilante. I don't care anymore. I'm tired."

Another punch to the gut and a right hook to his head, "W-what?" he stumbled.

Donnie glared, "What? Surprised someone figured it out? It makes sense, Raph. The moment Leo left, Nightwatcher was suddenly the big new superhero. It was easy to connect the dots; the martial arts fighting, the occasional sighting of sais in use, the way you're always headed off to the surface alone; that, and the fact even Mikey said he sounded like you. I just connected those dots and came to the most logical conclusion." He stated simply before he turned, shakily bending down to scoop up the fallen books, "So just go play and get out of here. I don't want to talk to you anymore."

Raphael felt the dagger plunge into his heart and he blinked quickly a few times as he looked down, his breathing picking up and his hands clenching and unclenching.

When a sigh from Donnie fell over his ears, he turned sharply and stormed out of the room – he didn't need to hear him say anything else. He didn't _want_ to know what he was about to say next.

He shoved past Michelangelo – who had obviously been eavesdropping on their fight – and he ran through the lair, having just enough presence of mind to grab his duffle bag before he left the lair without a second glance to the worried shout from Mikey.

Watching his brother flee, looking pale and angry, Mikey glanced back to Donatello's lab and he cautiously set his snacks aside. He had been planning to have a late-late night movie-thon and do nothing but pig out on junk food and watch something on tv for hours on end till the sun came up. But that was pushed aside the moment he had heard Donnie yell and then the sounds of an argument coming from the other side of the lab door.

Inching his way into Donnie's room, Mikey poked his head around the door and watched Donnie scooping up his books and setting them back into order on his shelf. But what made Mikey's brows curl in worry was the way his movements were slow and how his fingers shook.

"Donnie?"

Donatello didn't turn fully around, he only glanced over his shoulder, but it was enough for Mikey see the bruised lips and the tears in his brother's eyes.

He rushed in and enveloped Don in a hug.

He struggled against it at first but with a tighter, more determined hug from his baby brother, Donnie stifled a sniffle and collapsed against Mikey, clinging to him as he hid his face against his brother's neck.

"It was a bad one this time, huh?" Michelangelo asked in a hushed voice.

He nodded and bit his lip. Don was determined not to cry, but the tears were slipping free against his wishes in hot and heavy treks.

Mikey cradled his brother closer, resting his brow against Don's temple. "What was it about?" he asked – though he knew already.

"…everything."

"Meaning?" Mikey drawled, hoping for more of an elaboration.

"… Us mostly." Don whispered, shifting so his brow was pressed to Mikey's throat and he stared off to the side at part of his lab sightlessly.

Sighing loudly, Mikey glanced up at the ceiling. "You know Donnie, if you keep screwing up everything you say whenever you're around him, you _really_ _will_ die a virgin."

A small snort and a sigh followed. "I don't care." Donnie closed his eyes.

"Well ya should, dude; sex is great." He cajoled, desperate for another form of emotion from Don; but when nothing happened, Michelangelo pulled Don closer, holding his brother tight while his fingers ran soothing circles across his shell. "It'll be okay Donnie."

"No, it won't." He whispered brokenly as his face twisted up and a hiccup escaped his throat. Donatello hid his face against Mikey's throat and clung to him. "I really hurt him this time…"

"Well, yeah, but its Raph. And Raph wasn't exactly all that nice either." Mike mumbled, shrugging slightly.

Don sniffled faintly, attempting to calm down, but a violent trembling and another sob burst from his chest. "He hates me. I know it." Donatello fell into him, his body weak and wanting nothing more than to give out on him.

"He doesn't hate ya, bro, he just… he just doesn't know what to think. Michelangelo explained, his fingers continuing their soothing dance across his shell. "Usually you don't fight back like that. You don't aim below the belt all that often."

"I was so horrible to him…"

"Well, I'd be to if he kept his secret identity from me! I mean, come on! Nightwatcher? Him? Who woulda thunk it!" Mike hollered in exasperation and he momentarily pulled his hand away to fling it into the air over dramatically. But not a heartbeat later, a sheepish question slinked from his lips. "Is he _really_ Nightwatcher?"

A wet sounding laugh escaped Don's throat and he lifted his face enough to wipe at this face. "Yeah, Raphie's Nightwatcher." He whispered on a hoarse throat.

A grin broke out over Michelangelo's face and he giggled. Baby blue eyes sparkled in delight and he squirmed a little against Donnie, "That's so cool!" he squealed and hugged Donnie tighter. "Just think, if you two get together, you'll get to fuck Nightwatcher!" Mikey laughed in delight, then a sudden paleness overtook his features, "Ull… that means… oh crud." He slapped a hand over his face, blushing softly. "That means I so tried to… with Raph… and… and I told him..!" It was Mikey's turn to hide his face against Donatello's neck as embarrassment threatened to kill him.

Donnie smiled faintly but it fell quickly and he held Michelangelo close, staring at nothing in particular as he waited. Thunderclouds swooped back onto his mood and he bowed his head, touching Mikey's shoulder with his brow. His brother got the silent message and straightened faintly, continuing his soothing circles upon Don's shell and he slowly got over his horror for the year.

"Man, I hope he never brings that up…" He mumbled.

Donnie grunted.

The two stood silent for a few moments, taking comfort in just being close and knowing they each supported the other.

"You know…" Michelangelo began, rousing Donnie from his depression, "If you and Raph really want to be together; I'd cover for ya. You know, distract Splinter when you guys wanted to be alone and stuff…"

"It doesn't matter, Mikey." Donnie whispered, exhaling loudly. "I don't want you to have to cover for anything." He hugged his baby brother tightly, just wanting to stay close. It had always annoyed him that Michelangelo was a little taller than him. It was no more than half an inch – if not less – and really, it was not all that noticeable; but it had annoyed him to no end for some reason, until now. He really did love this feeling of hiding away against someone who cared for him… but then, the feeling of Raphael pressed against him once more invaded his senses and it felt wrong gripping onto Mikey. Don pulled away slowly and tilted his head, staring off to the side as a weight settled upon his shoulders – especially when thinking back to Master Splinter and their talk.

Frowning and looking away from his brother, Michelangelo fidgeted, scratching at his cheek for a second before he plastered one of his infamous beaming smiles on his face. "Come on, Donnie. Let's go do something. I was about to start a movie night! We can laugh and joke and eat enough chips, pork rinds, popcorn and soda to choke a Triceraton! It'll be great!"

"Pork rinds?" Smiling weakly and then nodding, Don stepped away from his brother and rubbed his neck. "Yeah, that sounds like it'll be fun."

Mikey grinned and snagged his brother's wrist, tugging him towards the main living area and his pile of junkfood. "So what do you want to watch?" He squeaked and bounced excitedly. He tugged on his brother's arm, with bright, shining eyes, "I have the last episode of the Justice Force cartoon!"

Rolling his eyes, Donnie pulled his arm away from his baby bro and shook his head, "I'm not watching that. We should watch something like-"

"I'm not watching Jurassic Park with you! Everytime we watch it you ramble on about how it would be impossible to pull DNA but dead bugs, but you agree about the sex change… hey…" Mikey stopped mid rant and pointed a finger at his brother, eyes wide. "You think that's why Leo didn't come back? He's now a chick?" He squeaked, his hands slapping to his mouth as his blue eyes grew wide in a mixture of horror, fascination, and hope.

Sighing loudly, Donnie shook his head, "No, probably not." But he did raise a brow to think it over – was it possible? With their mutation, their bodies were already accustomed to changing and adapting. Was it within their DNA to perhaps mutate yet again into the feminine aspect of their race to insure survival?

Groaning loudly, Mikey shook his head and covered his eyes. "I know that look! I'm going to have to give blood soon, huh?"

"Yes. And you're first born child if my theories actually pan out." Donnie smiled warmly, the last of the tears fading before he turned and quietly move to take his designated seat in the easy chair.

"Huh?" Mikey asked, his face twisting up in confusion.

Donnie just smiled and waved a hand. "So what are we going to watch?"

That starry-eyed hope once again appeared and quivered in his eyes as he clasped his hands together in hope.

Sighing loudly, Donnie slumped into his chair, "Okay, fine, Justice Force it is."

"Yay!" Mikey squealed and threw his hands in the air, and he frolicked to the tv to turn the large screen on and thusly turning the cartoon on.

"You're such a kid sometimes." Don frowned, but his face held a fond look for his baby brother while his body began to relax.

"Just means I'll forever be young at heart." He stated cockily and slapped a hand to his chest before he waggled his brows, "And I'll be forever pretty too!"

Smirking and shaking his head, Donnie propped his chin atop his knuckles and looked towards the tv. His smile fell gradually as he waited for Mikey to load the movie and settle down on the couch near him. His eyes fell and he stared at his toes resting atop the foot rest of the easy chair.

A cheese puff hit him in the head suddenly and brought him out of his dark thoughts. Blinking blankly at Mikey as he turned to look at his younger brother, Donnie wasn't quiet sure what to think of the situation – after all, Michelangelo was staring so intently at him, he wasn't sure if he had something important to say, or if he was going to serenade him in a chorus of burps. He did that last week after all.

"It's goin' to be all right bro." Mikey said suddenly and then his face broke out into a cheesy grin. "I'm sure I didn't steal Raph's heart away from you after I tried to rape him that night I went looking for Nightwatcher!" he reassured.

Don smiled weakly and nodded, looking back to the screen. "Yeah…" he whispered – he just hoped that it were true – about the situation being okay. He just hoped Raph wasn't beating himself up too badly for what he had done… and he really hoped he hadn't taken his words to heart. He hoped that most of all.

"Hey!" Mikey whined, throwing a piece of candy at him, "Are you goin' to watch this or am I just talking to myself?" He asked with wide, dewy eyes and a quivering lower lip.

Sighing and raising a brow at his brother, Donnie finally smirked and settled into his chair more comfortably. "Fine, I'll watch it."

Mikey squealed and threw a hand in the air, spreading jelly-beans about before he grabbed a bag of chips and ripped them open, stuffing the food into his mouth. Pausing, he raised a brow then tentatively offered the bag over to Donnie. "Pork rind?"

Grinning, Donnie leaned over and snagged the bag, "Pork rind." He nodded and the two settled in, both at an understanding that from this moment on, the rest of the night was meant for the sole purpose of ignoring everything they both were feeling towards their significant other. They needed this night of abandon.

Donnie really didn't give Mikey enough recognition concerning his intelligence.

Then again, the dude was cuddling a stick of butter to his chest. Maybe he was giving him too much credit…

---------- ---------- -----

and Donatello's mug... XD I actually own that MASSIVE mug; and yes, it's big, has those goofy characters on them and it's so... big!! Donnie would have no problem fitting both his fingers through the handle while drinking from it. just on a random side note. I love the idea that Raph gave Don a mug for his coffee consumption XD I couldn't resist!

anyway... o.0 there it is. another massive post. I got the idea for Raph and Donnie fighting from the 2007 movie; and I was wondering "how would that affect their relationship for this sort of pairing..?" and so I had to play on the fighting. honestly, i love that they fight; it's not only fun, but it's a breeding ground for angst and future plot bunnies. I love the idea of them fighting because it also puts them on opposite sides for a change - instead of both being 'oh, poor me', because of Splinter (or whatever drama is going on right then), they are fighting because they both have their own distinct views on life and how they should go about and handle the situation. (i'm babbling...)

and this chapter also shows the joys between Mike and Don and them now both being on equal footing and having that support structure together. :D I hope ya'll like that too. I just think it's so sweet that Mikey sorta stepped up right here and became the big brother to comfort Donnie.

And please don't hate Splinter! ;; it'll make sense later, because I do have Donnie's and Splinter's conversation already typed and finished (it's even edited! wow!), so -I- know exactly what happened and I tried to elude to it in this chapter. ((Their conversation will get posted later on as more of a flashback than an actual part of the chapter... but it does exist)).

but yeah... ten years is a long time to wait... and you gotta admit, the fact that Raph HAS waited ten years, that's pretty impressive, and it was about time he snapped. luckily he didn't go too far, but still... shrugs

Welp, I hope you enjoyed :) and the next post will be Leo's return!

--Melissa the Damgel


	12. Welcome Home

**Disclaimer: ****I don't own the awesomeness that is the Ninja Turtles. How sad… **

**Warning for this chapter: **eeeh… Raph says a bad word…? 

**Author's Note: **Takes place about 2 weeks after "A Nice Ass". This one takes place directly in the 2007 Movie-Verse. This is when Leo comes home :)

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**-Welcome Home-**

**By: Melissa the Damgel**

**--Two weeks later--**

"Hey, Leo's back. Better go say hello before he leaves again."

Donnie mumbled slightly as his magazine was thrown off his face. He blinked sleepily at Raphael's retreating back, "What?" he asked before he turned to look to the side and a slow smile crawled up his face before it covered his features. "Leo!" He chuckled, standing up from his chair, reaching out to hug his brother – only to instantly be snagged into a headlock and given a noogie. "Hey!" he laughed and struggled weakly.

He was back!

"Huh?" A sleepy Michelangelo grunted, peeking an eye open from his sprawled out position atop the couch where he was hugging a bag of chips and a stick of butter to his chest. It was almost like Mikey had Leo-radar. His eyes locked on their older brother instantly even before his eyesight was focused and he tumbled off the couch in a spray of candy and chips as full awareness blasting him in the face. Struggling to regain his footing amidst the mess he and Donnie had created during yet another night of junk-food-and-movie-bonding, Michelangelo's eyes stayed locked on his eldest brother, a grin tugging at his face, "Is that really you?" He laughed, jumping to his feet with his hands raised at his sides before he rushed him, "I'm, like, dreaming, aren't I?" he asked and quickly wrapped his arms about his brother's waist and hiding his face against his arm, smiling as he nuzzled at him happily.

And just as suddenly as he was overjoyed, he realized just as abruptly that he was shaking. Mikey squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, just hugging him even as he hid his face against his body. He was here… he was here….

"No, Mikey, you're not dreaming." Leo wiggled slightly as he gazed down at his head, his eyes softening and his lips remaining parted. Lifting his hands ever so slightly, Leo touched Mikey's sides.

Michelangelo smiled and nodded slightly, his throat choking his voice down, but he pushed past the lump and pulled Leonardo closer, "Oh, good. I have nightmares about birthday parties." He joked weakly, closing his eyes again and hiding his face against him.

Looking down, Donatello smiled softly and took a small step back, "Um, it's good to have you back bro. I'll… I'll let you and Mikey catch up." He said, pointing over his shoulder.

Leonardo paused, turning to look at Donnie with a small blush spreading across his beak, as well as a look of nervousness. "Um, Donnie…"

"It's okay, really! We'll have all morning to chat and catch up. But, you two need to talk. Now." He stated and then turned, quickly but quietly leaving the two before they could argue otherwise.

Michelangelo watched Donnie run off before he dared to peek up at Leo, suddenly feeling shy – which that alone was unnerving because he was _never _shy. But the thing that had his stomach flip and forced him to physically straighten and back away from Leo, was the uncertain look on his face and the way he had his eyes turned away.

His breathing picked up and his eyes dropped to the floor. "You changed your mind… huh?"

Leonardo winced and looked back to his brother, "Mikey…"

Smiling as brightly as possible as large, fat tears obscured his normally bright blue eyes, Mike shrugged and laughed weakly as his heart broke, "It's okay, dude, I mean, you got to travel and stuff and think about everything. And it's probably better like this 'cause Splinter probably wouldn't let us and-" He was rambling at this point, trying desperately to keep his voice from hitching and his lungs from hiccupping his breathes; because as soon as that would happen, he would shatter and start crying – really crying.

"Mikey…" Leo hesitated, reaching out for his elbow, "Its not-"

"Hey, how 'bout we talk tomorrow. I got work in the morning, but we can have breakfast and I'll make waffles! I'll even make the yummy jam syrup with marshmallows and M&M's that you like so much. Welp, night bro!" Michelangelo cheered, his voice quavering as he rushed away, inhaling so sharply he almost stumbled on the stairs and ran as fast from the main living area as he could.

Leonardo just stood there, his own tawny browns flickering as he knit his brows together and his shoulders fell as he watched Mikey run.

"Welcome home."

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Mikey wiped at his eyes as he hurried down the hall to his room, a small blubbering gasp tumbled from his lips and he abruptly ran into something large and solid.

"Watch it knucklehead." Raph grunted but he immediately stopped and just stared, his brows rising high and his lips parting – and he could do nothing but stare at the twisted, agonized face of his baby bro and gape. "Mike-"

Michelangelo's tears instantly became heavier and faster before he pushed passed him, desperately fleeing from his brother and into his room.

Raphael turned, watching him slam the door behind him. He glanced over his shoulder, back towards the stairs and he felt his gut drop as he connected the dots. Leo was down there…

A frown slowly grew over his face and he hesitated, running the options through his head. With a heavy sigh and a squaring of his shoulders, Raph marched over to Mikey's door. Closing his eyes and inhaling slowly, Raphael pushed the door open and stood silently in the doorway, watching Michelangelo's shoulders bob as he sat on the edge of his bed, his fists pushing against the tears in his eyes as though fighting them back.

"Hey, Mikey-"

He shook his head and cried harder, wiping at his tears with his fists and soon the tears made messy treks down along his wrists while he shook harder.

Sighing and looking down at the comic, soda can, and potato chip bag strewn floor of his brother's room. Raphael closed his eyes and stepped in, silently closing the door behind him. After navigating through the treacherous waters of his floor, Raph sat heavily next to his brother and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees as he sighed loudly. "Hurts like shell, don't it?"

"How… do ya… s-sa'vive?" he sputtered out, shuddering harder and bawling as his nose began to clog.

"Ya just do." Raph explained, looking down at his feet. "Ya just go on livin' like ya normally do and hope it doesn't hurt as much in the mornin'." He whispered.

Mikey wiped at his eyes, gasping and flinching in his sobs, "I feel all… all ripped apart, dude. Like the Sh-Shredder just w-wailed on me." He hiccupped now and then, and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly to try and not collapse completely in front of his brother.

Raphael nodded and looked to the side, his mind heavy with his past for comparison. He felt his stomach knot as he remembered that feeling – that horrendous feeling of having something ripped out of you; like something vital was wrenched out of both body and soul and the idea of living without something so essential just didn't seem possible. Sitting up suddenly, Raph looked away from Michelangelo and he grunted loudly. "I know. It hurts." He whispered.

"I really-really lo-loved him…" he stuttered out then choked up, and a wail fell from his lips as his arms wrapped about himself as he leaned forward, head bowed and his body aching.

"Yeah… I know." Raphael nodded. Shifting slightly on the bed, Raph carefully reached out and slung his arm over his brother's shoulders and patted his arm awkwardly as he attempted to comfort him.

Michelangelo grasped at that small hint of love and fell against him with a hiccup and wail He hid his face against his big brother's plastron and wrapped his arms around Raph's strong body, clinging to him desperately as he soaked them both in his tears as his body trembled and grew weak in despair.

Wincing as he clumsily patted his brother's shoulder, Raph stared off to the side though he was looking at nothing in particular. "You'll be okay, bro. You'll be okay." He whispered, laying his hand atop Mikey's head and closing his eyes to the sight of his brother, though his ears picked up every shuddering sob and choked breathe. Yeah, they'd be okay; so long as the pain didn't kill them.

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He waited till Michelangelo was asleep before he stood from the bed, meaning to leave his room, but he paused and eyed his baby bro, then suddenly reached down and grabbed a blanket to throw over the curled up turtle. Raph stared down at him a moment, grimly watching his body shudder now and then due to all the crying that was still affecting him even in his sleep.

Raphael's hands curled into fists as Mikey shakily took in a loud breath before settling again, and that only fueled his anger.

Turning sharply and marching from the room, Raphael snarled as he stomped down the hall till he reached the railing and jumped down from it, his eyes did a quick scan of the living area before it fell on the flickering candlelight coming from the hallway leading to the dojo. He was around the corner in an instant and the candles revealed his brother sitting lotus style as he meditated.

Growling because Leonardo hadn't even flinched from his noisy arrival, Raph stepped inside then sent the rack of weights and dumbbells to the ground in a shattering crash that broke the silence and forced his older brother to open his eyes. Raphael took great delight in the annoyed look on Leo's face as he was rudely awakened. It almost made up for him not even bothering to acknowledge him in the first place.

Not that it lasted long and his rage boiled within his gut and reflected in his eyes once more.

Raph stalked towards him, his fists tightening and his eyes blazing. Reaching down, Raphael grabbed the leather strap across his brother's chest and he rudely pulled him up, tugging him in close as he bared his teeth and pulled his fist back, smashing it into his brother's cheek with a growl like a beast's. "You are such a bastard, you know that?" he screamed, shoving his brother from him only to advance on him a heartbeat afterwards.

Leo stumbled back, a hand to his cheek before he regained his balance, only to get a sudden left fist to his other cheek. He whipped about, sprawling out on his belly with a heated cheek pressed to the tatami mats before he felt Raph grab his shell at the back of his neck and tug him up onto his knees.

"What the shell do you think you're doing to Mikey? Huh? He waited two years for ya, and this is what ya do to him?" Raphael snarled and threw him backwards, forcing him onto his shell before towering over him. "You think he's not needed anymore? Ya think its okay for you to throw him away, is that it?" He stepped over him, glaring down at him. "Is that it?" He shouted, the fire in his eyes burning all the brighter.

Staring up at his younger brother, Leo's brows knitted tightly together while his lips formed a thin line and a hand dropped from his puffy cheek. The guilt and anguish he was already feeling flared inside of him. He closed his eyes, keeping his facial features smooth and steady to not betray anything to Raphael because it was his pain, and his burden to agonize over. "That isn't how it is and you know it, Raph." He said, struggling to his feet with downcast eyes.

"And what is it, huh?" Raph demanded, flinging a hand into the air, "'Cause I'd _really_ like to know why my baby bro cried himself to sleep!"

A wince marred Leonardo's features. Brown eyes darted to the side and he calmed the desire to rush to their youngest brother and comfort him. But, once again, Leo managed to calm himself and he looked back to Raphael, "I need to do something first." Leo grimly stated, looking his brother squarely in the eyes.

"Bullshit." He scoffed, pointing a finger as he stepped forward. "Splinter's one thing, but you're just taking delight in controllin' Mikey! Stringin' him along, watchin' him go all gaga over you, then ya cut him off. Is this just some sick game to you? Is the mighty and powerful Leonardo too good for even love? You're such a selfish and egotistical bastard." He gnashed out, shoving Leo hard against his chest.

Leonardo stumbled back but managed to catch himself, his brown eyes suddenly blazing as he straightened up and sneered. "Such big words Raph, for someone so hypocritical." he shot back, glowering at his brother. Leo managed to catch himself before he let himself fall into the rage; but the rage was better than feeling this heavy pressure on his chest. Raph was wrong; about everything. This wasn't a game and he felt like he wasn't worthy to be granted love – especially not after what he just did. But he was right about one thing – Splinter was one thing.

Inhaling slowly and calming himself of the raging fire that was he felt, Leonardo stared back at his brother and watched that same fire reflect back at him in Raphael's eyes. Leo straightened his shoulders and leveled a look at his brother, taking a moment to measure him up before he spoke, as calm and collective as possible. "Raph, you don't know what's going on. I just have to do something before…"

"Before what? Ya tell him that Master Splinter said no anyways? He cried himself to sleep because of you!" He pointed accusingly.

Trying not to let that blow show just how wounded he was to hear it pointed out again, Leonardo dug his nails into his palms, calming himself as the sharp jabs of pain shot up his arms. "He knew what the outcome could be-"

"Yeah, but this is Mikey." Raph interrupted, scowling openly. "He always hopes for the best, and never gives up. Unlike you." Raphael hissed, taking a step closer. "You killed him, ya know that?"

Leo's jaw tightened and he turned his eyes away, staring more at Raph's cheek than directly in his eyes.

"You just ripped his heart out. You're not only selfish, but yer ruthless too!" Raph shoved at his shoulder, and Leonardo suddenly lashed out, shoving him right back.

Prickling at the retaliation, Raphael stepped forward again and shoved Leo in the chest, "I bet you hate it right now, huh? Because I'm right and you know it!" He jabbed a finger into Leonardo's chest, glaring as Leo smacked his hand away and he leaned forward, invading his personal space. "Ya went on your little vacation and now ya don't care about us. Well fine! Leave again! I don't care! Mikey was happier when you were gone!"

Leo growled and threw a punch. It connected hard with Raphael's cheek and he sent his brother staggering to the side with heat blossoming across his face.

A smirk crawled up his red clad brother's face as he lifted his head, wiping away the blood from the corner of his split lip. "Nice one; at least I can say I never actually hit my bros while you were gone."

Shaking, Leonardo glowered at him, "And yet you still made it so bad that Donnie wrote to me asking why Splinter sent me, and not you." He snapped.

Raphael leapt forward suddenly, his foot jabbing upwards abruptly and crashed into Leo's chin, sending his brother flying backwards and crashing to the mats in a heavy and loud action. Leonardo struggled to stand, his brown eyes blazing and turning a lighter color as he pushed himself up onto his elbows.

"Don't you even think about it, Jungle Boy." Raphael growled and smashed his foot down onto Leo's chest, shoving him back to the mats – but Leonardo grabbed his ankle and with an expert maneuver, Raph found himself on the ground with Leo attempting to flip him and pin him to the ground. But Raph twisted and threw an illegal elbow jab during the abrupt wrestling match and the two broke apart, struggling back to their feet and their stance immediately fell defensive as they faced off.

"I have to do something first, Raph! Don't go blaming me for stuff you don't understand!" Leo shouted, narrowing his eyes.

A hard laugh burst from Raphael's lips as he stared incredulously at his brother, "Stuff I don't understand?" His laugh was another harsh bark of irony. "Leo, if you knew half of what's happened to me, you wouldn't be saying that right now!"

"You think I don't know about you and Donnie?" Leo scowled, his fists tightening. "You rolled over so easily, Raph. At least I put up a fight for Mikey and was sent away for it!" he threw a hand out at his side, leaning forward slightly in his cry.

Leonardo was a bit surprised at how fast his brother had moved. He barely had time to lift his arms into an 'X' in front of his face to block the blow a second before his fist connected with face. He slid back on the mats a few inches, and he ducked and shifted to the side the moment he regained his balance. Dodging another wild, angry swing, Leo took a step forward and drove his fist into Raph's gut in ruthless sucker-punch.

A rush of air left Raphael's lungs and he staggered back, gagging to breath and holding his belly with his eyes narrowed. When he could finally draw breathe once more, he rushed Leo again, lashing out and attempting to back hand his brother. Leonardo ducked easily and Raph quickly lifted a knee to block Leo's retaliatory kick with his arm. The padded knee collided hard against his arm and he shoved it away only to throw an elbow up and out to redirect Leo's leading fist, stopping it before it crushed into his face.

Leonardo threw his opposite elbow out, using the momentum of the block to try and hit the side of Raph's face. He clipped him, due to Raphael's sudden duck and roll to his side. Raphael came up swiftly to his knees and swept his foot out, catching his brother's ankles and forcing him to fall backwards. Leo tucked into himself the moment his shell made contact with the mats and he threw his feet up in the air, rolling over his head and regaining his footing in a matter of seconds. He dropped into a crouch and narrowed his eyes, already preparing for another hit.

Raphael scrambled back to his feet and charged, barreling towards his brother; but Leo sidestepped and then planted himself squarely in place. Standing his ground with only a heartbeat of time to make the shift, he reached out and caught Raphael's arm under his armpit, and using his brother's own momentum against him, Raph's feet swept out from under him as his upper body stopped in place, and Leonardo threw him down onto the mats, his forearm pressing against his throat while he pushed a knee into his chest. Raph gagged, trying to breathe on empty lungs due to the air once again having been knocked out of him.

"You're anger will always make you loose sight of the bigger picture Raphael." Leo hissed in his face, breathing heavily. He pulled his arm away slowly from Raph's throat as he gasped for air. Wiping at the corner of his mouth, Leo glanced down at the back of his hand to see the blood smeared across his skin. Shaking his head, he stood then, backing away before he scowled down at the other turtle, almost appearing disgusted by his brother's antics. "You shouldn't use your temper when you fight; you'll always end up making mistakes in battle that way."

Rolling over onto his hands and knees, Raph coughed, inhaling deeply with a splutter before he glared up at him, "Ya think you're all that, doncha? Well you're not. I don't care that you're back, ya hear me?" he struggled up, swaying slightly on his feet before he regained his balance. "The only thing that you've done so far is make Mikey cry. Great job, glad you're back." He taunted, raising his hands out to his sides threateningly.

Leo's jaw clenched for a moment, his hands tightening at his sides. "And what about you, Raph? You haven't exactly been a model brother for the last two years. I remember the letters Donnie sent me, asking me how I always managed to keep you in line." He glared, seeing a flicker of surprise in his brother's eyes. "Donnie was starting to fray because of what you pulled. Yelling at him, mocking him… threatening him. Just great Raph, not only do our little brothers have to worry about the outside world, but now they have to worry about you and your temper in their own home. No wonder they didn't feel safe."

"Shut up Leo…"

"No!" Leo snapped, lifting a finger up and shoving it towards him accusingly. "You told me once that your purpose in life was to take care of you little brothers, but instead you were their greatest enemy and scaring them to death! What the shell were you thinking?"

"You abandoned us!" Raphael roared, throwing his arms out at his sides and leaning towards him as though he were ready to attack again any second. "It's just as much yer fault as mine!"

Shaking his head, Leo scowled, "You always try to blame other people, Raph."

"I do not." He hissed, taking a step forward. "And you're changing the subject. How could you do that to Mikey? Huh? He waited two years… two years! Ya said you'd be gone only one! Ya left and he waited like some puppy. And when you got back, what did ya do? You ditched him! You threw him out of the house! That's my baby bro, I can't let ya get away with it!"

"I have my reasons!" Leo shout right back, his chest tightening and his breathe becoming uneven. "I can't just allow anything to continue until I know-"

Raphael laughed bitterly, "Splinter Jr. at it again. Can't do anythin' unless you have his permission, huh? How pathetic." He scowled.

"It's not like that-"

"Then how is it. 'Cause right now, I just want ta pound yer face in." Raph snarled.

Glaring right back, Leonardo squared his shoulders and leveled a harsh look upon his brother. "I need to do something first the concerns both Mikey and Me. I need to ask Permission. Something I'm sure you never bothered trying for Don-"

Raph interrupted him again with another bitter laugh. "Yeah, 'cause I'm sure Splinter will let ya just 'cause you asked all nice and pretty." He shook his head, sneering at his brother. "He wouldn't even let me in to see Donnie that time after his first kill. If he wouldn't let me ta just comfort him, why would he let ya be together now?"

Leonardo stiffened, his head raising an inch or so, "I just-"

"The answer is, he won't let ya. The sooner ya realize Splinter won't let ya, the better off you'll be."

"And this is better?" Leo scowled, waving a hand around himself as though the entire dojo was an epicenter of all the frustration and pain their family was experiencing. "I have to try, Raph!"

"You'd be better off just sneakin' around behind his back." He hissed.

Narrowing his eyes, Leo folded his arms, bowing his head threateningly as he took in his brother's ironic words. "Oh really. If that's the case then I would have thought me being gone would have brought you and Donnie closer together! If sneaking around is the best why; then why aren't you two doing it already, huh?"

Raphael flinched as realization settled over him.

"It's because Donnie is too loyal, isn't it? He tells you to back off and you have too." Leonardo's stomach flipped, wondering if Raph was right about it being better to sneak around… he'd have to meditate on that. But he bristled upon seeing the anger in his brother's eyes rise. He needed to end this fight now. "I thought you would have helped Don while I was gone. But it looks like I was wrong!" Leo took a step closer, his arms falling to his sides and hands shaking as he moved closer. "You did every despicable thing to him short of outright beating him! You yelled at him, you lied to him, you mocked and insulted him; and you really think he wants to be around you now? What's your problem, huh? I thought you would have loved having me gone! I wouldn't have been around to know if you two were sneaking around; let alone having me around to piss you off! Instead of taking your own advice, you sulked around and did nothing for him or our family!" his hand sliced at the air, brown eyes burning in anger and turning a tawny color from the rage.

Raphael scowled right back, his shoulders stiffening and the muscles in his arms twitching as he stalked up to him, "I had things… I had my reasons." He hissed into his brother's face with a mocking quality to it.

Leo narrowed his eyes. They were just inches apart at this point. "You're just mad because Donnie hates you now."

A primal roar fell from his lips and Raph lashed out, but Leo ducked the wild punch and shoved his shoulder into his brother's stomach and he easily flipped him over his shell, sending Raph crashing into a rack of bo staffs just a few feet behind him. Looking over his shoulder to glare at his brother, Leonardo shook his head, "You need to learn to control that temper."

"Fuck you." Raphael snarled and struggled to stand. And as though the irony of sitting in a pile of the weapon of choice for the one he loved just wasn't enough, Raph glanced up as his brother had turned to leave, and he saw Donnie standing in the doorway to the dojo, his hands curled and his jaw squared as he regarded his older brothers.

"Maybe it's best you two go to bed." Donatello said, in a low, calm voice that immediately hinted at just how angry he really was.

"Fine with me." Leonardo glared over his shoulder before he moved to leave.

Donnie's hand shot out and grabbed Leo's hand suddenly before Leo walked passed him. Don stared at nothing for a while, his eyes downcast and his jaw tight. When Leo opened his mouth to ask, Donnie finally spoke, "Don't presume anything about how I feel; got that Leo?" He asked, raising his dark eyes slowly.

A deeper frown marred Leonardo's features before he nodded and was able to pull his hand free of Donatello's hold.

Donnie turned, watching his brother leave and disappear around the corner before he turned, looking towards Raphael sitting dejectedly in the pile of toppled poles and weapons.

"Just say it and get it over with. He's right, huh?" Raph grunted, glaring off to the side.

Silence reigned between them for a while before Donnie sighed and Raph winced, his heart hammering as he hoped he wouldn't say it, but dreading that that was exactly what he was about to do.

"No, I don't hate you." Donnie whispered. Raph felt something ease in his chest, but it jerked back into place not a second later as Don continued to speak. "Yet that doesn't mean he wasn't completely wrong though… you did make it hard. But I could never _hate_ you." Don whispered, lifting his eyes to look at Raph peeking towards him.

Rumbling in a heavy exhale, Raph struggled to his feet, kicking aside a few bo staffs before he scratched the back of his head nervously.

Donnie looked him over for a moment before he turned, silently walking away.

Raph winced and gazed after him, longing and despair heavy on his face. But a growl escaped his throat and he threw his hand out, smashing his fist against the wall in anger.

Yeah, he definitely made a mess of everything. Again.

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He hated mirrors. Every time he looked into one he was reminded of who he really was inside.

Leonardo stared into his eyes. Shame, disappointment, regret, betrayal, and begrudging resolve; that is what he saw when he looked into mirrors. It was like a twisted sort of self punishment – forcing himself to stare into the eyes of the one person he loathed the most.

When he finally could drag his eyes away from the quivering depths of the warm brown eyes gazing back at him, Leo scowled down into the sink instead and gripped at the porcelain, hoping that when he lifted his eyes once more, he would see someone else instead of the egotistical and despicable bastard who pretended to know what was best for everyone else around him. He hated that person; that stupid, filthy mask he had been cultivated since childhood to wear with an air of haughty honor and pride forever surrounding him.

Inhaling slowly to calm himself and to focus solely on everything that Raphael had told him in the dojo, Leonardo finally raised his eyes to look at himself in the mirror once more. His eyes were softer, more hurt and vulnerable. His face wasn't as set – his jaw had relaxed and his brows had worried together in a tight knot in the center of his forehead. Leo stared, his hands trembling even pressed as tightly as they were against the sink's surface. This was him – this was who he was inside – this weak, pain filled shadow. Who he really was could only be a shadow to being the leader; he had learned that the hard way out there in the world.

Leonardo's eyes trembled as he focused on the warm brown eyes and took note of the soft flecks of tawny and gold scattered across the surface. He stared and remembered Mikey whispering to him on their last night that he had the most alluring eyes. He had said his eyes made him feel like he was drinking him in while promising protection and security.

Squeezing those eyes shut and blocking the memory away, Leo bowed his head and steeled himself, forcing himself to keep from shaking. He turned away sharply from the sink lifted a hand, his finger yanking his blue mask free so his other hand could wipe away the tears before they could fall.

This was insane. Why did he have to hurt him? It was worst than he imagined. He thought Mikey would cry, but crying himself to sleep? And in front of Raphael no less?

Leo was out of the bathroom and down the hall so quickly he hardly remembered ever leaving one room for another. The cold bite of the doorknob leading to Michelangelo's room awoke Leonardo only enough for his ninja stealth to kick in. He slipped into the room as silently as a phantom through a wall. He easily traversed the littered floor of his youngest brother's room and he stood at the foot of the bed, gazing down at him and curling his fingers into a fist at the very sight of the red puffiness around Mike's eyes.

He was so still, just laying there under a few blankets. Mikey loved clinging to things – when they had slept together he would latch himself to his arm or his waist and burrow close to him. That memory had been a wonderful thing to latch onto during his lonely nights out in the world, always staring up at a different star filled sky with unfamiliar positions to the constellations he was used to back in New York City.

Hope had kept him out there for that full year; hope that he would be able to return and just explain to his master that they loved each other and acceptance would be granted – but a letter from Splinter hinting at the reason for his stay out there, Leo had been consumed with guilt and despair. He had focused on his physical needs so completely that he had lost sight of the spiritual and mental training his Sensei had sent him out there to master.

Leo had worried about what would await him and Michelangelo when he returned. He had honestly forgotten that progress in his both his training and his meditations on what a true leader should be for his brothers would be needed to show his Master that he had been serious about his time away from his family. All that time away from his family had opened his eyes to what he and his brother's relationship truly was; and as he hid away in the cargo hold of the airliner, he knew deep down that all the years away had not changed his feelings towards his baby brother at all. If nothing else, his Master has only strengthened his resolve.

The two years apart had only matured him further and made him realize just how precious a gift he had waiting back home for him. He had someone who would wait for him regardless of the time or distance; and he had someone who supported him no matter what it was he set out in life to do. He wanted to return that gesture of love; he wanted so badly to be able to give Mike everything he deserved.

Kneeling down carefully on one knee next to the bed, Leo gazed at him, watching the way his brother's breathe was even and slow – but then would suddenly hitch as though even in his sleep he was still sniffling. Leo reached for him; he wanted nothing more than to wake him and tell him he was sorry and then pull him into his arms. But he jerked his hand back, his fingers curling and his brows knitting as he caught himself.

Bowing his head forward, Leo lowered his hand and delicately rested it atop Mikey's bedding. He never thought he'd miss those silly star covered, deep blue sheets; but he had. He fingered the cotton fabric and raised his eyes once more to Michelangelo's sad face and felt another kick to his gut. His intensions had been to explain himself and tell Mikey everything; but the tears had immobilized him and locked his tongue in his mouth. It had shocked him that Mikey knew before he said anything – and it had hurt him far more than he expected after seeing the devastation in those normally dancing blue eyes.

Watching Mikey gasp for shuddering breathe, Leonardo closed his eyes and gripped at the bedding to keep himself from reaching out to him. How he had missed that playful grin and that twinkle in his eyes. Leo's belly jumped and he clenched his jaw, allowing the depression to sweep over him.

How he missed wrapping himself around Michelangelo; he missed how they smelt after their private times together. In the past, after sex, he would typically pull his baby brother close and nuzzle his neck, breathing him in and running his fingers across his arm writing kanji. He wrote anything from romantic poetry to dirty promises he vowed he would someday fulfill just to see Mikey gasp and writhe under him.

Leonardo raised his eyes once more to settle upon Mikey's features. He really was the cutest turtle of the bunch. But then again, he was biased.

Murmuring in his sleep and whimpering, Mikey's features twisted up suddenly and a line of moisture squeezed past his eyelids.

Distorting his own face up in despair, Leo reached out, wanting to brush the tears away and smooth the wrinkle from between his brother's brows. He jerked his hand away just as abruptly and he looked down at the bedding, his hands shaking as he placed upon his knees.

"Leo." Michelangelo moaned, his fingers tugging on his sheets.

Squeezing his eyes shut in pain, Leo stood sharply and turned, racing from the room. He had the presence of mind to not slam Mike's door shut, but Leo panted heavily, pressing his back against the wall and he almost hoped Mikey did wake up and catch him in the hallway – he almost prayed he was caught and Mike would beg him to stay; just so he could give in. It was so stupid that he was denying them both _this_. But he had to know. He needed to know where they stood together – where their Sensei stood concerning the both of them.

Leonardo rubbed his face in exhaustion. He hadn't slept in two days and the last few hours had been more than stress filled, they had been downright draining. Stepping away from Michelangelo's door, Leo walked to his own room, throwing his mask aside like a piece of garbage once he had closed the rice door behind him.

Gazing about his room, Leo took a moment to observe his immaculate room. Everything was where he had left it. Nothing seemed out of place – that is, until his eyes landed on his futon and his brows knitted together in pain. Stripping his weapons and padding off as he approached the rumbled bedding, and Leo knelt, studying the blankets and the indent in his pillow. He didn't even need to consider who had slept there.

Bowing his head, Leo leaned forward slowly as though in a bow and his face contorted. Though no tears fell, Leo finally allowed himself to truly feel the pain and let his shadow out for a few hours. Loosing Mikey was more than enough reason to allow himself to shatter inside.

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Donnie sat at his work bench, fiddling with something that he wasn't getting any progress done on.

Leo had been right – Raph had made it so hard for them the last few years. But he was wrong too, he had sent those letters, but he had read too much into them. They were just frustrated rambles of a over-stretched turtle who had no idea how to lead a team.

He would have gladly welcomed Raphael's advances the last two years; he would have welcomed anything other than the fighting.

But it couldn't be allowed.

Don fidgeted and knitted his brows together tightly. He couldn't cry – he had promised Splinter he wouldn't anymore.

A gentle hand alighted atop his shoulder and Don stiffened. Turning his head slightly to look at the emerald green hand touching him, and its thumb rubbing lightly at his shoulder, Donatello hesitated a moment before he dared to lift a hand away from his project and brush his fingers across Raph's.

Raphael watched him closely, his hand tingling as Don cautiously rested his hand atop his.

"Sorry." He whispered.

Donnie's head bobbed slightly. "It doesn't fix anything yet."

"I know. But I didn't mean to be so rough."

A snort escaped Don's nose. "You mean you didn't mean to be a bastard."

A small smile touched Raph's lips and he looked up to the side of Don's head. "Yeah; I didn't mean to be that too."

Donnie peeked at their hands atop his shoulder for a moment before he shrugged slightly and looked back to his project.

Sighing, Raphael straightened, beginning to pull his hand away, but Donatello's fingers tightened around his and he pressed his cheek against his rest. He looked back to him, and his face contorted slightly.

"Not yet… just hold on a sec." Donnie whispered, his brows knitting together as his teeth worried his lower lip.

"Sure thing; Donnie-boy."

---------- ---------- -----

I SWEAR that if you watch the 2007 movie and look really closely at Mikey when he's sleeping on the couch right before Leo comes back; he is holding a stick of butter and a bag of chips atop his chest. I'm serious! It freaked me out! I was re-watching that part as I was editing it to make sure I got the right feel… and low and behold, there it was! I thought I had made it up in the last chapter, but apparently not. So either that thing he's holding is a really weird remote or cream cheese, I'm going to say its butter :)

And the fight. snickers actually, this is a request from BML, a friend of mine. She wanted to see Leo get the snot kicked out of him because of what he did to Mikey, and after reading a really boring chapter, I agreed we needed some action. Granted, Leo did most of the kicking and Raph got most of the snot kicked out of him, but hey, just all the more reason why Raph would have had pent up anger to fight, and WIN Leo on the roof later in the movie. So I'm all happy! I hope you enjoyed it Maddie:D

And as far as the ending goes; I just wanted to sort of patch things up between them – mildly. It seemed like in the movie neither Raph or Don got on each other's cases after Leo came back; so I it came down to two options: 1- was either because Raph now had Leo to fight with and get his anger out on, or 2- something happened to stop each other from fighting like cats and dogs. So this was I came up with.

But I hope you all enjoyed. (I still love the image of Raphael comforting Mikey all uncomfortable-like) (And I might post a fixed version of this later. I didn't have a lot of time to correct this; and in fact, I'm supposed to be at work in 45 minutes and instead, I'm posting this, and I haven't even showered yet. Oi!) let me know what ya think:)

Melissa the Damgel


	13. Surprise Kisses

**Disclaimer: ****I don't own the awesomeness that is the Ninja Turtles. How sad… **

**Warning for this chapter: **eeeh… Raph says a bad word…?

**Author's Note: **um… not to much actually o.0 now that I think about it. But here is the happy I promised a lot of peoples :D enjoy!

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**-Surprise Kisses-**

**By: Melissa the Damgel**

The day after Leo's return had been rather awkward despite the fact that Michelangelo had always been a master of hiding his true pain. He was a little quieter than usual, a little more skittish around his eldest brother, and his smiles were cheap. Though he did crack jokes if the temptation was just too great, everyone could tell they were forced and weak.

Donnie was distant as well, and the two often found themselves sitting together over the course of the next few days. Even during the times Donatello was doing his IT tech job, Mikey began slipping into his lab to sit with him, sipping his sodas and munching as quietly as possible on his chips while staring at nothing or watching Donnie work. Talking quietly amongst themselves was beginning to become a regular occurrence in the lair. Whether it was simply they had the opportunity to talk, or it was because they were curled up on the couch with Michelangelo hugging Donnie about the waist and Donatello rubbing soothing circles upon Mikey's shell as they murmured to each other during the movie. Their voices held no sense of excitement or joviality during the times they were together. They were often quiet and hushed, whispering to the other so neither of their eldest brothers would hear.

And Raph and Leo were constantly at each other's throats. If they had thought it was bad in the past, this took the cake.

"Why do you think he's like this?" Mikey whispered late one night after they had had a thorough thrashing from some monster out at a construction site.

Donnie shrugged awkwardly from where he lay in front of Mikey – the two were curled together in his bed, facing one another as they whispered back and forth like they used to do as children.

"You think he's still upset about what you guys argued 'bout the other day?" He asked gently, sliding an arm through one of Donnie's as he wiggled closer.

Frowning and shifting uncomfortably from the contact – though he had to admit, Mikey had always been a bit of a leech since birth and wasn't likely to stop snuggling anytime soon – he sighed loudly, "Yeah, probably. But I think he also has issues with Leo leaving. It's probably due to some inner turmoil towards being abandoned."

"Like you telling him you guys couldn't get married as kids?" Michelangelo asked innocently, though his eyes looked anything but.

He looked away and stared down at Mikey's chin. "Yeah," He breathed and shifted, nuzzling into his pillow as though that would wipe away the sting of guilt he suddenly felt.

Silence grew between them, even though Mikey was curling his fingers about in Donatello's mask tails and stroking his arm affectionately with his other hand. He fidgeted when nothing further was said and he lifted blue eyes to watch Donnie's eyes grow more distant the longer nothing was said. "Why do you think he changed his mind?" he whispered, giving a small tug on the purple tails to nudge Don out of his reverie.

Donatello shrugged, his dark eyes seeming to grow darker as he mulled over the question, looking for a possible answer. "I… I don't know. Maybe he feels guilty?"

Snorting, it was Michelangelo's turn to look away. "Guilty? About what?"

"Leaving in the first place?" Don offered and it was his turn to inch closer to his brother.

Mikey frowned, his fingers playing mindlessly against his brother's arm and hand. "… You think he feels bad for staying away so long?"

"Doesn't hurt to ask him." He whispered then frowned at the darkening look on his brother's face. "Mikey, you can't avoid him forever."

"I'm not avoiding him-"

"All right, you can't avoid the issue forever. You can't act like nothing happened and expect us to become a team again. If we have any hope of-"

"Why are you trying so hard, dude?" Michelangelo suddenly asked, interrupting his brother with a little glare. "Why bother tryin' so hard to get me and Leo back together when you and Raph have been desperate for each other for years. Why not just go be with him. If I can't be totally happy, I'd rather you were."

Donatello blinked in surprise then blushed and turned his eyes away.

Sighing, Mikey dropped Donnie's mask tails and leaned closer, wrapping his arm about his brother's shell. "Sorry, bro. Didn't mean to act like a total jerk there." He bowed his head, resting his brow against Don's and closing his eyes.

Shrugging, Don focused his eyes on his brother's chest, his fingers beginning to very slowly trace mindless designs into his plastron. "No, you do have a point."

"Is it a secret?" Michelangelo squeaked hopefully.

Chuckling, Donnie nodded, "Yeah, it is actually. Splinter kinda implied I wasn't supposed to say anything." He explained.

"Is it about me?" a beaming smile radiated off his face and caused another weak smile to touch Donatello's face.

Shaking his head against the pillow, Don laid his hand against his brother's chest, rather enjoying the feel of him being close suddenly. "No, it's not about you. You're safe for another week till eliminations begin again."

"I'll win." Mikey stated.

Peeking up at his brother, Donnie smiled more, "Yeah, you probably will too."

Silence began to drift once more between the two of them. Donnie sighed long and slow, his breath pooling between them and wafting over Mike's neck.

Studying him, Michelangelo continued gentle strokes along his carapace as he watched Donnie begin to pull back into his own little world. He leaned forward suddenly and pressed his lips to Donatello's.

A gasp jumped down Donnie's throat and he pulled his head back, dark eyes wide and his jaw dropping from shock. "Mike…"

Playing across Mikey's cheeks, a blush grew and spread over his face even as he leaned in once again, pulling Donnie closer to him, "I just thought you needed that." He whispered as way of an explanation. Hesitating a moment, Michelangelo rolled away and onto his back, giving Donnie his space as he stared up at the ceiling.

Donnie stared at his brother in shock and surprise, uncertain how to even respond after something like that. He rolled over as well, his head turning to stare at the wall by his side, his fingers fidgeting against his plastron.

"I always thought that after Leo got back… I'd hug him and then he'd… he'd like, sweep me off my feet or somethin', and he'd kiss me. You know, somethin' really cheesy like that. And I don't mean like, a little kiss or even a long kiss; I mean, he would _kiss _me. Like a snog or somthin'. Tongues, teeth, groping, and panting – _everything_. I always thought… I was so sure he wouldn't change his mind." Michelangelo whispered, lifting a hand to press the heel of his palm into an eye, a sad smile touching his face. Inhaling slowly and letting it back out just as gently, Mikey stemmed the tears and he cautiously turned his head to look to Donnie, and he smiled again. "But I guess I was just dreaming again, huh bro?"

Donatello turned his head and looked back to Mike, shaking his head slowly, "Dreams keep us getting up in the morning."

"Then what do I have to get up for tomorrow, dude? I don't even feel like continuing to breathe anymore 'cause this hurts so much." He pressed a hand to his chest and wrinkled his brow, desperately hoping for an answer.

But he only got a slow shake of the head as his answer.

"It doesn't stop, Mikey. But it'll get better. Just… please try to help me make us all a team again. I know everything will get fixed as soon as we are able to work together.

Michelangelo stared at his brother and smiled, "Splinter musta told you something good for you to look like that."

Don smiled weakly and averted his eyes with a slight knitting of his brow, "Yeah… it was pretty good."

A deep sigh fell from Mike's chest and he closed his eyes taking a moment to really recover his emotions. With another sigh and then a quick roll to the side, Mikey grinned down at Donatello and giggled, "But, if all else fails for both of us, we could always hook up. I bet you'd look killer in a corset." He snickered and leaned down quickly, again surprising his brother with a sneak-attack kiss to the beak before he rolled off his bed and out of his room, laughing insanely.

Donnie blushed lightly but he frowned, staring at the door as he touched his fingertips to his lips. "I hope Leo will change his mind... for Mikey's sake." He whispered to himself then sighed loudly and rolled over to go to sleep – he had work in the morning; if he went to sleep now he could maybe get two hours in.

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It had been absolutely insane, it was only his third day back and he had already been reprimanded by Splinter, Raph had already gone up top and gotten himself injured, only to then fight with him in April's apartment, and now his family was falling apart around his ears. And Mikey wouldn't talk to him directly. Not that he blamed him – he had really hurt the youngest turtle.

Leonardo inhaled slowly and then released as he strained to calm himself and slip into the blissful escape that was meditation. That was one secret he would never reveal to Splinter – he didn't always use meditation time to focus and think over their next moves or create inner peace within himself. He sometimes used meditation time to not think of anything at all, and he used it to leave this world and escape his worries and responsibilities, and he used the time to let his mind wander in very slow and lazy circles. Currently his mind was revolving around Mikey and it was making his chest hurt.

Knitting his brows together as he tried to concentrate, Leo finally bowed his head in defeat and slumped forward with his hands on his knees. He opened his eyes and stared off to the side and past the candles he had set up around himself.

"Hey, Leo, I figured it out." Donnie poked his head in, pointing over his shoulder to his work area where he and April had been studying the legend and translating it to modern techo-geek speak.

Leonardo turned his head and looked to his younger brother and gave him a swift and sage nod. "I'll be there in a moment." He said and looked back in front of him and at the candles sitting atop the short table he had put together to do meditations with.

He could hear them outside the door, talking and laughing – well, Michelangelo was laughing. And it hurt a little. Somehow seeing Mikey doing just fine after he had shattered him so thoroughly that first night back was a little painful. Closing his eyes and inhaling slowly, Leo finally leaned forward and blew the twenty candles out surrounding him before he smoothly stood from his kneeling position and he headed for the door – maybe when all of this monster business was over he could finally speak with Splinter and explain to him that even two years of staying away and trying to purge his feelings of Michelangelo hadn't worked. Maybe he would let them….

Heading for the door, Leonardo paused and watched Mikey skateboard on his indoor ramp, twisting about, leaping, and doing tricks he remembered trying to master as a child. Michelangelo was the only one who still consistently skateboarded everywhere – Donnie occasionally joined him; but he himself had stopped years ago after Splinter had announced him to be the leader.

Watching Mikey laugh so carefree was a good sight to see. He wanted to keep that image with him for as long as possible so he stared for a moment longer than needed before he left to join his purple clad brother and April and hear the status report.

---------- ----------

Michelangelo snickered as he handed his brother another cheese curd, "Dude, I'm tellin' ya! Raph was like, undressing you with his eyes!"

Glaring even as he blushed, Donnie snatched the offered morsel of food and popped it into his mouth before he bent back over his work and continued tinkering – he had to get this finished for Leo so when he said it was time to move out, he would already have a small arsenal of gadgets to use if need be.

"Mikey, how is this helping me complete my work?"

Blinking large blue eyes, Mikey shrugged, "I dun' know. I just figured you wanted to know. I mean, yesterday when we went to April's, he didn't move when you were checkin' him over for more injuries. He was like, pretending to be really hurt just so you could play doctor on him." The orange banded turtle explained with a wicked grin, "I bet he'd love to get a col-"

"All right! That's enough!" Donatello squeaked and pressed his hands to his ears quickly. "I still have that hammock-swing stuck in my head thanks to you! I don't need anymore perverted ideas from _you_!"

"But it'd be so hot! I could get you a doctor's coat and I could get Raph a cute little nurses' outfit-"

Raising a brow as he lifted his hand to stop his baby brother, Donnie shook his head, "And you remember who you're talking about, right?"

Mikey blinked blankly at him and nodded, "Yeah." He shrugged. "Leo did it for me; I figured Raph wouldn't want to be showed up."

Sighing and shaking his head again as he bent back over his work, Don flipped his goofy magnify-glasses back down over his face as he got back to building his explosive.

A loud crash echoed through the lair suddenly and jerked both turtles from their teasing. Donatello straightened and lifted his goggles from his eyes as Mikey jumped off of the table and headed for the door, peeking out.

"I'll go look, you stay here and finish up, dude. I'm sure you'll get like, ten hours work done with me gone for five minutes." Michelangelo laughed as he hurried out just as a second loud crash thundered down the hall coming from the dojo. He hurried towards their workout room, his hands on his weapons. The closer he got, the more clearly he could hear the voices and understand the words being spoken.

"I did something really stupid, Master Splinter." He heard as he inched closer to the dojo. Knitting his brows together Mikey calmed and let his hands fall away from his nunchakus as he recognized Raphael's voice.

"Go on." Splinter said firmly.

"I know why you chose him now. I know that there's a reason why he's the better son and I'm not."

Michelangelo frowned and peeked around the corner as he heard his brother speak. He gazed into the dojo from the safety of the corner in the hallway and he saw Raphael kneeing before their father.

Splinter looked a little pained after his son's words and he took a small step closer as he gazed down at him intensely. "Raphael, you always bear the world's problems on your shoulders. It is an admirable quality when you are a protector of others." He said, lifting a hand and then leaning forward. "But you must realize that while, at times, you may not be my favorite _student_…" he slashed at the air, emphasizing the word 'student', "It does not mean you are my least-favorite son."

Raph stiffened and he saw him raise his head – even the set of his shoulders told him he was slightly amazed to hear this from their father.

Mike inched further down the hall, his eyes taking in the scene before him and his ears straining to hear every word. Then he caught sight of something in Raph's belt on his back… they looked like sword hilts. He had to press his hand to the wall next to him to keep himself standing. They looked like Leo's…

"You are strong, passionate and loyal to a fault." Splinter continued, motioning his hand to the side and he curled his fingers closed as he continued to speak to his son. A small smile tugged at his lips as he gazed down at Raphael, "These are merits of a great leader as well… but only when tempered with compassion and humility."

Michelangelo moved closer –he was sure Splinter saw him now, he was practically standing in the room – but he had to listen; he had to know what those katana hilts meant.

"But, Master Splinter, I messed up big tonight." Raphael whispered, gazing up at him forlornly. "I mean big." He sighed and reached behind himself and pulled the katana hilts from his back and set them on the floor before him. "They took him."

Mikey felt his stomach drop and his eyes could do nothing but stare at him even as he shuffled a bit closer into the room. He felt like he was going to collapse. Those words were like a hot poker to the gut – who took him? Raph could only be talking about one person. What happened? Where was he? He took another hesitant step forward, trying to remember to take breaths now and then. Then the denial set in and he desperately pressed his palm against the brick wall, hoping it wasn't true, praying it was someone else they had taken.

"Leonardo." Splinter whispered, his ears falling back.

"Yeah." Raph whispered.

And just as his father had closed his eyes to try and calm himself and take in the situation, Michelangelo felt like he had just been sucker punched in the gut.

"Leo…" He whispered, his eyes glancing to the side to the rack of spare katana they kept on hand. What happened? Who took him? Why? His mind was fumbling over questions, and he vaguely heard his father speak. He couldn't listen anymore. He ran from the doorway and back through the lair, gasping for breath and trembling.

He wasn't sure how long he had stumbled about, but he felt hands grasp his shoulders and he vaguely felt the effects of being shaken. He couldn't think and he whimpered loudly, reaching out for whoever it was.

"Mikey!" Donnie hissed and shook him gently again.

Focusing on his brother, Mikey reached for him and bit his lip, shuddering as he gripped at Don's arms, "They took him…."

"What? Who?"

"I don't know!" He hiccupped, "Raph came home and… and he told Splinter Leo was taken, and… and…" He bowed his head and sniffled, "He's gone."

"Who took him?" Donatello's voice hardened; though he was shaken and stunned that Leo was gone again; he needed to get any and all information from his brother. He needed to understand the situation. Quickly, he pushed his shock aside and focused on his brother.

Mikey shook his head, "I don't know…" he leaned heavily into his brother and hiccupped again – he was about ready to begin sobbing.

"Michelangelo."

Donnie raised his eyes to his father, and watched him approach slowly and lay a hand upon his youngest son's shell.

Mikey turned his head and shuddered, large tears beginning to make themselves known in his eyes.

"Do not fear, my son, we will get your brother back." Splinter explained, patting his shell.

"Sensei…" Mikey whispered, his face contorting all the more.

A sudden smile touched the corners of the rat's lips and he reached up to touch Mikey's cheek, "After we retrieve Leonardo, I would like you two to join me in my study, so we may talk a while." He said and patted his cheek. "Now, join us in Donatello's lab. We need to discuss this matter with our friends." He said and quietly hobbled away, his walking stick making soft clicks against the cement floor.

"It'll be okay, Mikey." Donatello whispered, suddenly hugging his brother tightly and bowing his head.

"I h-h-hope so," he stuttered, shifting closer and wrapping his arms about his bro.

They stood there like that together for quite a while till Michelangelo once again regained control. Raphael had passed by, his eyes staring off elsewhere and an uncertain, hurt look was etched into his features.

Donnie sighed and closed his eyes. Now was not the time for them to fall apart emotionally. They needed to focus. They needed… they needed Leo. Who was going to guide them? Donatello bit his lip and hid his face against Mikey's shoulder, shuddering slightly. "I don't think I can lead us to save Leo, Mikey… I… I can't… I'm no good at it." He whispered. "What if I decide something that gets him killed?"

"Maybe Raph will lead us." Michelangelo whispered and raised his arms a bit higher, now it was his turn to comfort his brother. Hopefully all four of them would get through this in one piece. They had too…

---------- ----------

Mikey was right, Raph had suddenly stepped up and acted as leader, explaining to them what they were going to do to get their brother back. He did better than anyone expected – even Donnie had to be impressed; and he also wondered why Splinter hadn't asked Raph to be leader while Leo was gone. He would have done so much better than he had the last two years.

Donnie quickly shoved things into his duffel bag, arranging them in just the right way in his pre-planned layout for quick and easy removal.

"Hey, Don?"

Turning, he stared at Raph and felt a flutter in his belly – he looked good. Something about him… maybe the humble look that surrounded him even as he stood confident and strong in the doorway illuminated by the light behind him. Peeking away just so he could find his voice, Donatello looked down to his duffle bag and carefully set his small range explosive inside. "Yeah?" he asked, his voice sounding weak and shaky even to himself.

Raph's hands tightened into fists and he too looked away, amber eyes turning away to run over the set up of his lab and the massive computer terminal area that would have any l337 geek drooling. "Hey, uh, can we talk a sec?"

"Yeah, sure." Don shifted, carefully laying in another bit of techno-creation that was a 'just in case' factor.

Moving further into the lab, Raphael moved with cautious steps that were typically used to approach a skittish animal. "I…" He paused and swallowed hard, darting his eyes down from Donnie's duffle bag and then back up to his face. Once he stood in front of him, he took a calming breath before he leveled a look on his brother and squared his shoulders. "What's going on between you and Mikey?"

"W... what?" Donatello couldn't even stop his jaw from dropping at that question. He laughed suddenly and that only succeeded in making Raph growl in annoyance.

"I'm serious!" Raphael snarled, stepping closer, his hand darting out to grab his elbow. "You two have been all over each other for the past month! What are you guys… do you love him?" He hissed, swallowing hard and hating the fear that iced over his belly.

Frowning, Donnie stared up at Raphael and shook his head, "Raph, now is not the time to be talking about this."

"When is it ever the time!" he shouted, but his voice quivered and Donatello looked away, a small frown falling over his face.

Sighing, Donnie lifted his hand and touched his arm lightly, "We need to focus on Leo right now. We'll talk when we get back." He whispered.

Glaring and hating the fact that Don was right. Raph snatched his arm away and stormed from the lab, "Fine."

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The moment Raphael had pulled Leo from the container; Michelangelo had wanted to run to him. He had wanted to throw himself at him and hold him tight, help him stand, kiss him, cry against him; he just wanted to touch him. But Donnie had gently lifted his arm and held him back, offering a sad smile to him before they both looked back to the scene. Don was right of course; he needed to let Raph and Leo have their moment to apologize in that gruff way of theirs – Raph punching him in the shoulder, Leonardo shaking his head disapprovingly even as he smirked – but he still wanted to run over there and throw his arms about him.

The battle was tough – not as tough as fighting Shredder. Nothing would probably beat the battle against the cheese grater in space. But it was tough simply because those immortal statues were statues… and immortal. But it was a good fight. Got the blood pumping anyway.

They were on their way back to the lair, trekking through the tunnels now that the sun was up above their heads past the asphalt and concrete. Michelangelo stuck close to Leo. Short of taking his hand or jumping him, everyone knew he desperately needed Leonardo close for both reassurance and to sooth his fears away. He needed his blue banded brother solely.

Raph and Donnie walked quietly on either side of Splinter, occasionally helping the aging rat along – which was rather ironic if they had stopped to think about it. That same rat had just gone up against demons from another dimension and thoroughly wiped the floor with them; but here they were helping him walk.

Entering the lair after a hard days work was a nice feeling. Splinter smiled and Mikey trailed after Leo like a puppy

Splinter quietly made his way down the stairs, his staff clicking loudly against the concrete of their home. "My sons," He said suddenly and looked over his shoulder, gazing up at his boys still standing on the stairs above him. "You fought well tonight." He said, turning slowly and laying both hands atop his cane.

The boys stopped, staring down at their master intently.

"You fought smart and you fought strong; but most importantly, you worked as a team and became one with each other in the midst of battle." A playful smile touched the old rat's face as he raised a furry brow slowly and looked directly at his purple banded son, catching his eyes and holding them strongly, "Wouldn't you agree, Donatello?"

Donnie jerked his back a bit straighter as he stared down at his father, his hands trembling just faintly at his sides as his lips parted and his head tilted in a silent question. He managed to nod once, and was reward with a warmer smile and small bow of his father's head.

"It is good that my sons are strong and will stand together despite disagreements they may have from time to time." Another smile played on his lips before he bowed ever so slightly. Splinter raised a brow faintly at Donatello, watching his son bite his lower lip as he looked down at his feet shyly. The elderly rat only smiled before he turned and shuffled across the lair to disappear into his room.

The boys shifted on the stairs, smiling faintly to one another – but now that the battle was over, the awkwardness of their situation jerked at their bellies once again.

Mikey blushed and looked away; poking his toe at the step he was on. Leo frowned and stared straight ahead, his eyes locked on some faraway point on the wall across from them.

Donnie raised his eyes towards Raphael, studying him for a moment. As soon as the purple clad turtle's courage was finally roused to even speak against the heavy silence, Raph growled, breaking it first as he stomped down the stairs.

"Goin' ta blow off some steam." He growled and stormed across the lair, heading for the dojo and his punching bag.

Frowning, Donatello's shoulders drooped and he stared after his brother longingly.

Michelangelo was the next to rouse them. Smiling up at Leo, Mikey suddenly paused and looked away just as suddenly as he had attempted to smile. His stomach twisted in uncertainty about the entire situation and he felt a prickling at the backs of his eyelids. Hurrying down the stairs with a limp skip in his normally bouncy steps, the orange banded turtle ran from his temptation. Jumping over the couch and immediately immersing himself into a video game, the youngest turtle hid himself away blinking his eyes rapidly to keep the searing heat behind his eyelids.

The brothers were quiet for a few minutes longer. But as the video game's music began to play, Donnie took a step down before he paused, thinking over something. Turning, he gazed up at Leonardo and fixed him with such a penetrating look, that the eldest had no choice but to be held by that look.

"Talk to him." Donnie whispered abruptly, his dark eyes holding Leo's for a moment longer, impressing upon him how gravely important it was that he do as he asked. Leo was the one to look away first, and only then did Don move down the stairs and silently make his way across the lair and down the hall, leaving the two turtles alone.

Leonardo studied the floor, mulling his brother's words over in his mind. As his stomach flipped and his body trembled, Leo finally gazed over to the bowed and hunched up shoulders of his baby brother and he could do nothing but stand there, frozen on the stairs as though time had stopped him where he stood.

"I never changed my mind." His voice broke through the music and the metal clashing together in Mikey's game.

'Pause' flashed across the television screen and Michelangelo's shoulders stiffened though he didn't turn around.

The shoji doors opened a sliver.

"I didn't change my mind." Leo repeated, his voice fading slightly, his eyes locked on his brother's form upon the sofa.

"Wh-what are you talkin' about, bro?" Mikey asked shakily, slowly turning around with a fake and scared smile plastered to his face.

Leo could only stare, his hands curling into fists and his warm brown eyes fixed on him with that unwavering gaze of his that made a shiver touch his spine. "I never changed my mind… about us."

Mikey looked away, a bit dazed and frightened, "But then… why did you..."

"I hadn't talked to Splinter yet… about us. I wanted to know what would happen to me, and you, if we went against his wishes and continued what we had." Leo paused, staring at the back of Mikey's neck as his brows curled, "I wanted to know what I had to offer you. If I was going to be banished, I wanted you to know what you would have to look forward too. A life of endless wandering; or a life of having nothing… no more comic books, no more games; no more of anything that you enjoy."

Twisting on the couch and kneeling on the cushions, Mikey leaned over the back of the sofa and stared up at him with a frantic look in his eyes. "I don't are if I live in a cardboard box, dude! If you're there…" Mikey desperately blurted out only to be interrupted by his big brother's simple frown.

Leo looked away for the first time since he started the conversation and he shook his head. "But you don't deserve that. I want to provide for you." He whispered.

Mikey trembled, slowly crawling over the top of the couch and moving closer to him, "Leo…"

"I'm sorry…" Leo whispered, reaching out for the railing to steady himself.

Rushing up the stairs, Mikey threw his arms about Leo's waist, clinging to him tightly as he hid his face against his waist – still standing several steps down. "I love you!" he yelled, squeezing his eyes shut and violently shaking. "That's enough for me! Honest bro!"

Leo smiled weakly but it fell as he laid his free hand atop Mikey's head, "Yeah… I love you too…."

At that moment, the shoji doors opened fully and Splinter stepped out into the open. His eyes landed on Leo and Mikey and he stared for a moment before a grim frown fell over his features as he calmly laid a hand upon the other resting atop his cane. "Leonardo, I'm very disappointed in you."

---------- ----------

He was in rare form tonight. His movements were fast and precise. Every punch was thrown with all his might, and his arm lay square with his body and the punching bag as his fists connected. White particles of dust flew into the air and scattered from the impacts against the patched together canvas and leather, creating a hazy atmosphere that only reinforced the otherworldly being standing before him.

Donatello's fingers twitched against the doorjamb as he watched Raphael throw his fists fast and hard as possible with angry grunts and growls rolling deep in his chest. Donnie caught his breath and his shaking hand lifted to press against his belly and attempt to grip at the plates of his plastron. He was suddenly so scared. Raph was so upset. He knew he was hurt from their words earlier; he hadn't meant to brush him away like that – but Leo had been kidnapped. He had needed Raph to focus on the situation at hand – not something that could wait till they were behind closed doors and they all were locked away and safe once the danger had passed.

"Well? What is it?" Raphael snapped throwing his shoulder into another punch before he turned glowering, fiery eyes onto the purple banded turtle.

Closing his eyes and gripping at his belly once more for courage, Donatello carefully lifted a foot, sliding it past the threshold and slipping himself into the dojo. He clasped his hands together behind him, and he pressed his shell tightly to the brick wall as his head bowed slightly. He was shaking, he realized; and it was a full body tremble as he gazed down at his toes and huddled in on himself.

"Just spit it out. No use tryin' ta make it all nice and pretty." Raphael grunted and looked away, throwing another few rough punches into the bag.

Donnie lifted his face, his eyes glassy in unshed tears that trembled precariously before his dark eyes.

Glancing towards his brother and taking in the frightened appearance, Raph's gut twisted and he looked away, grabbing the punching back to stop it from swaying wildly. "Ya hate me."

Silence reigned in the lofty room for several long heartbeats. Donnie couldn't look at him as he shook his head sharply and sniffling softly. "Never." he whispered, pulling a hand out from behind him so he could quickly brush away the useless tears.

"Then what the shell is it? Huh?" Raphael's voice cracked as he turned sharply, throwing his fist out at his side to hit the side of the punching bag with his curled fist. "'Cause apparently I ain't understandin' what's goin' on. If you an' Mikey have nothin' goin' on, then what is it?" He asked, his voice rising the longer he begged.

Donatello's dark eyes settled upon his brother's anguished face, as he stood before him, trembling. "I was just trying to help…. Mikey was upset." He whispered.

Snorting, Raphael shook his head, "That ain't what I mean." He said roughly. Fixing his gaze upon his hands, he glared at the wrappings around his fingers and knuckles and began tugging the athletic tape from his skin as though enjoying the sting it brought him. "I want ta know what happened to us." Raph whispered.

Shrugging ever so faintly, Donnie shifted against the wall, sheepishly shuffling towards him. "We grew up." He whispered.

Looking away, the red wearing turtle scowled and shook his head, throwing the wadded up tape away from his person and his hands reached out for the punching bag instead as though just needing something to hold onto. He stood that way for several long minutes, gripping tightly at the bag and taking a moment to truly think. "We're old enough ta make our own choices, then." He said suddenly, straightening up as though coming to terms with something. Raphael turned away from the punching bag and began stalking towards Donatello. "We're not kids anymore, Don. We don't have ta listen to Splinter anymore."

"That's why I'm here Raph." Donnie whispered breathlessly. Keeping his eyes locked on the other turtle was hard – he had to resist his natural urges to back down and avert his eyes. "I want to talk."

A pained expression settled upon his face. "Why? Why bother talkin' at all? You've been sayin' the same damn thing for years! Every time I have tried ta talk, you push me away like I ain't worth talkin' too! I already know what you're going to say!"

"No, you don't." Don began but Raphael snarled and stomped forward the last few feet that remained between them.

"I do know! I've been hearin' the same damn thing for _ten years_! And I hate it!" He shoved a finger into Don's chest, stepping into his bubble. "You're gonna tell me we 'can't', and you're gonna tell me to stop as though I'm the only one here who is just as pissed off at the situation we're in! I know you want me just as bad! Why do ya keep actin' like you don't? It's like you want to be miserable." He glared poked at his chest again, sidling closer to him. "Well I'm sick of feelin' like shit every time I look at ya. I want to smell yer coffee breath every morning! _I_ want ta be the one to drag you away from yer computers when you haven't taken a break all day! I_ want_ all those things!" he shouted, against moving forward and forcing Donnie to take a step back, "But yer just as bad as Leo! Ya follow everythin' Splinter says – but he's wrong! He's wrong about us! He's wrong about Leo and Mikey! He doesn't have the right to tell us not to feel like this!" He shouted and stepped forward again, forcing Donatello back another step.

"Raphie…"

"Don't start!" Raph threw his hand out, slicing at the air to silence him. "You roll over way to easy for him. Well I'm sick of it! I'm tired of being told I'm wrong, and I'm tired of bein' told it's for our own good; because it's not!"

Raphael stepped forward again and Donnie stumbled back the way he came. The fire in Raphael's eyes grew and caused his stomach to flip and his heart to jump into his mouth.

"You know what, Don? I'm so completely sick of all these games we play. I really don't think you have any idea how hard it's been the last ten years lookin' in on ya with no way of joinin' you. I've often wondered if Splinter was right – that it was just a kid-thing and that it was wrong to love each other like that.

"But then I watch ya do stuff; like, make coffee in the mornin', lookin' all tired and out of it from another late-night in the lab; or like, in a battle when you do stupid stuff like spinnin' around on your bo like one of them actors in a movie you saw. You're strong, Donnie, Leo and I both see it; you could do better in trainin', sure; but you're confident and it disarms everyone around ya. I only watch over you 'cause I worry. And then there are times like these," He hissed, stepping into his space and backing him up further till Don's shell hit the wall and a gasp jumped down the purple clad turtle's throat, "Lookin' all shy, uncertain." He whispered, bowing his head towards him, his eyes intense as he focused solely on him. "You're so damn determined ta say what you came ta say, that no matter what I do or say, you're stayin' till the end."

Don shivered leaning his head back as Raphael slapped his hand against the wall next to his head and leaned down the vague height difference to stare him directly in the eye while still towering over him. "I'm so damn frustrated with ya. You drive me crazy with everythin' ya do. You work in that lab day and night, you barely eat, and when you do, it's only 'cause Splinter tells you too, or Mikey brings ya stuff. All yer energy and all yer focus goes into inanimate objects, and I'm startin' ta wish I was part cyborg or something – at least then you would touch me." His voice lowered another decibel, becoming rough and rolling across the non-existent distance Donatello suddenly found between them.

Grazing his eyes down Donnie's body quickly, Raphael flicked his eyes up once more and locked his gaze with the purple clad turtle he was leaning heavily into. Shifting against him, Raph raised his arm to rest his elbow upon the wall on the opposite side of Don's head and effectively trapping him in place. "You remember that first year Leo was gone?" He asked, raising a brow slowly, "It was almost two weeks before the anniversary of him leavin'; and then matin' season hit us?"

Donatello blushed and peeked away shyly, but his eyes settled upon Raphael's shoulder and he struggled to keep his hands to himself. "Yes…" He breathed.

A grin curled over Raph's face. "Ya remember how you just lookin' at me for the next month had me runnin' off ta the shower?" At the faint nod and shy look redirected his way, Raphael leaned in, breathing across his ear. "I wanted you so bad, Donnie-boy. You have no idea how much I wanted ta sneak into yer room at night and ravage ya. I wanted ta push ya down or flip ya over every time I saw you. But knowin' you didn't want me killed me." He hissed.

Don trembled as he remembered. His body had been on fire during that time – their first real mating season that wasn't induced because Leo had gone first. All they had to do at the time was glance at each other before those bursts of hormones took over their bodies and they were forced to hide away in their rooms or in the shower to take care of the constantly growing, and hard, problem.

"I wouldn't have turned you away…" Donatello trembled, wide-eyed. "I wanted you just as badly." He admitted in a whisper.

Surprise and even a little bit of shock flittered across Raphael's face at the revelation, but a hard, spiteful look soon replaced the set of his jaw. "Why didn't ya bother tellin' me? Shell, Donnie..!" he shouted, stepping away from his brother as he stared down at him in a mixture of pain and betrayal. "You coulda given' me a sign or a hint or… anything!" his hands flew out at his sides, his fingers curling into fists, and his face contorted as he stared at him.

Anguish advanced upon Donatello, twisting his face up as he pressed his hands more tightly against his plastron. "It was the first time either of us had gone through something that intense! We wouldn't have known what to do…"

"You think yer the only one who does research around here?" Raph snarled and once again pushed into Don's personal space. He smirked at the wary look his younger brother was giving him and that only encouraged him to dip his head the vague two inches. "I would have known what ta do. I've had lube hidden away in my room since I was fifteen."

Flushing a near purple against his olive skin from the abrupt confession, Donatello shyly nodded only to tremble, "Raph, I was scared. Could you blame me?"

Glaring, Raph lifted his face slowly, "The real question there is, who were you afraid of more? Me, or Splinter?"

A defeated expression settled upon him and Don could only stare at him.

"Thought so. You even let him control ya when you're out of yer mind." Disgusted, Raph pushed away from the wall – finally releasing Donnie from between his arms and he turned his back on him.

"Raphie!"

"What? He snarled, turning about sharply. "Are you going to beg me not to go or somethin'? Well there ain't really anywhere for me _to_ go! Maybe it is my turn to leave and travel! It's not like it would interrupt anythin' important. Leo's got his leadership crap to do, Mikey's goal in life is to have fun, and you…" he paused gritting his teeth together before he continued. "You just sit back there in the lab, doin' your little telephone thing and hidin'. I hate you bein' back there, and I hate you talkin' to those bastards on the phone! You shouldn't have to take that shit from them! _You're _the one doing a service for them, and they treat you like scum! Stand up for yourself damnit!" He growled, pounding a fist against the wall at his side. "And I especially hate you ignoring me!" he declared, his eyes widening as he panted; and in that moment, they both realized what part of the problem was.

Surging forward, Donatello wrapped his arms about the red clad turtle's neck and forced a kiss onto his lips. Raphael stumbled backwards a few steps before he caught himself by planting a hand to the wall. Returning the kiss heavily with desperation and eagerness, Raph managed to steady himself and he wrapped an arm about Don's neck while his free hand groped his thigh. He turned quickly, shoving Donnie against the bricks of the wall to his right, and he shuddered as he heard Donatello's shell scraping against the stones roughly as he rung a moan from the quiet turtle's lips. Pressing closer to him as he stroked his leg, Raphael rubbed their lower plastron's together rumbling in delight as Don urged the kiss deeper.

Donnie quickly parted his legs and allowed himself to be lifted from the floor, being drawn up closer to his brother's body and he eagerly churred in delight. Gripping tightly to Raphael's shoulders, Donatello slid his thighs up along Raph's sides and then around his waist.

Pulling his lips away to kiss the side of Don's mouth, Raphael shuddered as Donatello's thighs rubbed slowly across the delicate skin between shell and plastron. He held onto him tightly, again planting a hand upon the wall by Donnie's head as is other hand slid up from his knee to his hip in a slow lingering touch so he could drink in the feel of him surrounding him.

The kisses grew more delicate and Raphael's lips began to flutter across Donatello's face. Heavy breathes passed between them. Donnie tightened his arms and tugged Raph's face closer once again and he pressed an insistent kiss to his mouth, shivering as their tongues momentarily brushed together.

"Raphie…" Finally giving in, Don lowered his eyes, his fists gripping tightly at his shoulders. "I didn't mean too…"

Snorting, Raphael pulled his lips away and he looked away, bowing his head, "Yeah ya did. You were makin' sure to follow Splinter's orders." He mumbled, looking down at Donnie's collarbone

Donatello bit his lower lip to keep it from trembling and setting off a chain reaction. The silence that settled on them helped. Don reined his emotions in and forced himself to analyze himself for a change. "I was scared." He admitted. "I was scared of… of so much. I just wanted you; but I couldn't. I was scared Splinter would send you away…"

"To Japan?" Raph asked weakly.

Donnie nodded and sighed, "Yeah." Slowly lifting his eyes, Don considered his brother, his dark eyes reflecting the trembling and emotional turmoil he felt inside. "I… I thought that just by having you near, it would be enough."

Raphael shifted and averted his eyes. "…Yeah, I know what ya mean." He admitted in a whisper. "It is… but it ain't all at the same time."

Nodding in agreement, Donatello gently tightened his hold about his neck. "I… I want to tell you things; and not be afraid anymore. I want…" A blush blossomed across his cheeks and down along his beak as he reached a shaking hand out, delicately wrapping it around Raphael's wrist that rested near his neck. "I want to touch you, and not be scared all the time of being punished for it."

It was Raph's turn to press a sudden and sharp kiss to Donatello's beak, pulling him closer and exploring his mouth with a desperate and determined tongue. Donnie returned the kiss, his fingers digging into his shoulder as he arched his back and melted into the kiss. When they broke apart with soft pants and a light nuzzle against Don's neck, the two began to relax, enjoying the delicate touches. "I've missed you." Raphael whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth then down to his neck were he hid his face. He reached for Don's face and cupped his cheek, holding him in place as he shivered.

"I've missed you too." Donnie sniffled and clung to him, his fingers digging into his carapace while his legs tightened all the tighter around him.

Raph lost feeling in his knees and he trembled, beginning to drag the two of them to the ground and scraping Don's shell against the bricks. He finally dropped to his knees, Don cradled upon his lap with a hand clawing at the wall above their heads.

"You won't run away if I say I love you?"

"Not this time." Donatello whispered, rubbing Raphael's shoulders slowly as he felt the larger turtle shudder. Soft kisses touched both his throat and shoulder before Raph lifted his head.

Inhaling slowly, Raphael peeked away to wipe his cheek free of tears on the side of his own arm before he sighed, "Really?"

Donnie pressed a delicate and chaste kiss to his lips and he offered a small smile to the watery amber that winked at him in the center of a deep red sea. "I love you too." He breathed, and then very carefully untied Raph's mask, pulling it from his face. He wiped gently at his cheeks with the tail ends of the mask before he dropped it to the side and then removed his own, blushing faintly. "There are still things we need to address and fix… but… no more hiding, and no more running away. I Promise."

Raphael flushed lightly and ran his thumb along Don's cheek. He smiled when the olive colored turtle leaned into his touch and Raph bowed closer, lightly kissing him between the dark, haunting eyes upon his brow, "You really promise? No changin' yer mind tomorrow mornin'?"

He leaned close and pressed a few kisses here and there across his face, his fingertips once again trailing along his shoulders and across the back of his neck. "I won't change my mind." Donatello smiled shyly. "I… I want you to stay with me tonight." He whispered, blushing deeply as he quickly averted his eyes and fidgeted against him.

A faint blush touched Raph's cheeks as well, but a sly, rather smug smirk curled over his beak. "Oh? Lil' Donnie getting naughty thoughts already?"

Donatello squirmed and shook his head quickly, "No! I… just… like when we were little. I… I just want you there in my bed. I want to feel you close to me."

"I really don't think we can get any closer, Donnie-boy." Raphael rumbled, pulling his hand away from the wall so he could slowly run his hand along his thigh, groping at his leg in delight.

"I was just offering…"

"Okay." Raph murmured, kissing his neck and cheeks quickly, "I'll stay with ya tonight." An embarrassed smile spread over Don's face and Raphael felt his heart warm and his insides curl upon seeing that happy look aimed towards him. He was beautiful like this; all flushed and shy, his fingers moving across every inch of him he could reach simply out of nervousness. He was so cute… and he was his.

"What changed your mind?" Raphael asked suddenly, his thumb rubbing his cheek lightly.

Donatello paused as he considered his words, his head tilting into his touch. "It was something Splinter said a while ago... and I didn't want to wait anymore."

Raph chuckled, finding that rather ironic, but he wasn't going to complain, not with that smile and a lap full of Donnie pressed against him. "About damn time." He chuckled and leaned forward, kissing him hard and deep. He had a lot of kisses to make up for; and the little chur of delight from Donnie told him he was going to enjoy every minute of it.

---------- ---------- -----

Mikey kissing Don is so cute XD and funny. At least from my point of view in this story. Heehee. He's always looking for ways to lighten the mood.

And the part about Leonardo reflecting… it almost didn't make it in here. It felt slow and not very useful to me (Still does) but I needed it to set a timeline. And it was also... eh… sweet in a way. So I still have mixed feelings about that particular small section. (I'm glad it was short cause if it were longer it probably would have been kicked out completely, but like I said, it establishes a timeline…. Right before Leo storms out of the lair to find Raph and instead finds Nightwatcher!Raph.) bleh… I'd totally understand if ya'll hated that part. :/ but I guess because Leo IS such a private person, it sorta fits that everything he thinks or does has always been away from his brothers so he can think things over in leader-mode. -(shrugs)-

Then later on, the part where Michelangelo listens in on Raph talking to Splinter – I think I watched that part of the movie about a thousand times, JUST to see how early Mikey showed up and when he disappeared. I mean, I even paused it to study the hallway to get an idea for the layout and how he could have snuck up. I'm such a geek! XD anyway, I like how it turned out cause we all saw that part from Raph and Splinter's POV, but Mikey WAS there, he heard pretty much everything, and he DID disappear pretty fast before the end of their talk was over. So I hope that part seemed believable.

(and seriously, if you watch the part where Donnie is checking Raph over after they head to April's and they find the stone-throwing star thingy in his shell, Raph just lays there watching him; then as soon as Leo heads over, he slaps his hand away and suddenly seems all fine XD I found it cute.)

and then here is the happy I promised you all :D and yes, there is more to come! (I just need to write more of it and edit it, and get the picture colored so I can upload it to my lj site... and so on . a lot of work). I hope this part was well worth the wait:) though I do think Raph is a lil' out of char at the end…. Too sweet and all… but... but... it's just so sweet having him all lovey-dovey! ;.; I had to keep it in! anyway, I hope you enjoyed :D

-Melissa the Damgel


	14. Dreams

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own the Turtles :( how sad!

**Author's Note:** TURTLECEST!!! RaphxDon smex up ahead and even LeoxMikey... or is it MikeyxLeo... i can't decide... anyway, this chapter is a bit more... um... lemony than the others. so as far warning to those who don't enjoy; skip that stuff, cause there are still very important non-lemon stuff in here. hope you enjoy :)

**---------- ----------**

**Dreams**

Splinter's eyes landed on Leo and Mikey and he stared for a moment before a grim frown fell over his features. "Leonardo, I'm very disappointed in you. You didn't speak with me first concerning yourself and Michelangelo." He said, waving his hand slightly in front of himself before his fingers curled slowly and a small and sly smile spread across his face. "And you should have tightly embraced Michelangelo and kissed him; like they do in my stories."

Leo's jaw dropped and Mikey actually lost his balance, dragging the both of them to an abrupt seat on the stairs.

"W-what?" Leonardo dared to ask. The horror of having his father walk out to catch them after having heard everything was still fresh and traumatic in his mind.

"I would have given you both my blessing gladly." Splinter's smile was warm and almost crafty in a way as he watched Leonardo stare at him with a shell shocked expression. Michelangelo beamed down at him and Splinter felt a bit of comforting warmth settle over his old shoulders.

"Father?" Leo dared to ask, his face contorted in confusion.

Shuffling forward with an occasional clicking of his walking stick, Splinter paused at the bottom of the stairs before he sighed and leveled a heavy look upon his sons. "I am sorry for my harsh words before you left, Leonardo. But I have come to understand what it is you two share, and that you both had attempted to explain to me so many years ago." He studied his two sons. Leonardo appeared to be touched yet still uncertain how to handle the sudden blessing he was handed; and Michelangelo beamed down at him with tears in his eyes.

Mikey smiled brighter as he turned to Leo, wiggling against him till he was kneeling at his side. "It's okay…"

Leo nodded faintly, his warm brown eyes looking a bit lost.

Laughing, Mike threw his arms about Leo's neck and he captured his lips, kissing him deeply and wantonly.

Sighing loudly as though Splinter was resigning himself to such antics for the rest of his life, he stepped back before turning his eyes, giving his sons a moment of privacy. As soon as Michelangelo was able to bring his brother back into focus amongst the living, Splinter clicked his cane against the floor and gazed up at them. "Now then, we do need to speak about certain rules if both of you are to continue such a relationship."

"Rules?" Mikey asked, his face twisting up.

Nodding sagely, Splinter lifted a hand and he waved it out in front of him as he began, "First of all, I hope you two will have the respect to keep much of your more playful or sordid actions behind closed doors. And secondly," he paused to waggle a finger at them. "I have watched enough of my shows to understand certain dangers that can occur. I hope you two will pay attention as I speak to you both about the pertinent application of what is called, 'Safe Sex'."

Mikey's jaw dropped and Leo's eyes grew as large as saucers as they both stared at their father; hoping beyond hope that he was joking.

"No… anything but…" Mike began only to have Leo slap a hand over his mouth.

Smiling weakly as he sat up a bit more on the steps, Lenoardo tried not to wince at the idea, "Um, Father, I don't think we really-"

"Nonsense. Now then, first of all…"

Mikey whimpered behind Leo's hand and he clung to his arm, squeezing his eyes shut with several tears gathering along his eyes. This lecture was going to be worst than after he had caught them the first time. He just hoped it would end soon. Very soon.

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_He was doing nothing more than fidgeting with his project. He couldn't see straight, his stomach was twisted, and his heart was numb. He couldn't feel anything, yet everything hurt and his eyes were heavy and hot. He wasn't sure if he should believe what had just happened. He didn't want to, but he couldn't get the image of his hard eyes out his head, and his words were still cutting into his flesh. He hiccupped again and wiped at his eyes; hoping to keep he tears at bay so he could continue his façade of control. _

_Shivering as he felt someone move into his room, Donatello didn't bother turning around. He felt them stop next to him, standing silently by his side. He knew it was his father. Splinter just had this aura that consumed everything when he entered a room. It was soothing, but he felt his stomach tighten once again as he waited for his angry words. Instead, he felt a delicate hand being placed upon his shoulder. _

"_Perhaps we should speak, Donatello."_

_Donnie stifled a sob as he squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head, allowing his father to pull him closer and press his brow to his furry chest. Don turned in his chair and clung to Splinter, hiding against him and finally allowed himself to cry. _

_He hugged him for many countless minutes, and when Donnie had no more tears to spill, he found himself counting the beats of his father's heart just to remind himself he was alive and that his own broken heart was still beating. When the time came that his father prodded him and drew his attention back up to his face, Donatello's face contorted in pain and a hint of fear; he didn't want Raphael to be sent away next. He wasn't sure he could just watch him leave._

_Splinter's smile was soft and sympathetic. He patted Donatello upon his shoulder and then motioned with his hand towards the door. _

_Knowing what he meant, Don listlessly stood and shuffled from his lab and across the lair in a daze of despair. He followed his father to his study and waited for his Sensei to enter first.._

"_Sit, my son." Splinter motioned as he himself moved across the room and then behind his small table. He knelt reverently down upon his pillow and lifted dark eyes to watch his son's every move.. _

_Shifting nervously as he quickly wiped a few stray tears from his cheeks, Donatello quietly entered, closing the shoji screens behind him and then numbly kneeling down before his father. Inhaling deeply and slowly letting it out, Don closed his eyes and waited with tense shoulders and shaking hands that he pressed tightly to his knees. _

"_Raphael made a very compelling argument earlier." Splinter nodded as he very carefully cleaned his ink stained calligraphy pen free of the black residue before setting it aside in a delicate, quiet manner. _

_Peeking up uncertainly with a raised brow, Donnie shifted uncomfortably. "Argument?" he questioned. _

"_Yes, out on the stairs." _

"_Oh…" Don lowered his eyes and frowned. _

"_He said some things that made this old rat think." Splinter explained looking down to his hands clasped in his lap. "Do you still love your brother, Raphael, even after I specifically told the both of you that you were not allowed to continue such feelings?"_

_Donnie glanced up at his father then away, his lips parted, his eyes hooded, and his brows knitted tight as he remembered that day he had put a stop to their relationship. "Yes, Sensei."_

"_I remember specifically telling you such feelings were not to be tolerated. Why would you continue such an act of defiance against me?" he queried, lowering his head an inch as he leveled his eyes upon his son. _

"_I… Sensei, I didn't mean to dishonor your words. I just…" Donnie trailed off, his face contorted in helpless apology. "I just can't stop…. I've honestly _tried_ to make the feelings stop. I even believed that I loved April in an attempt to force my feelings away." He sighed and looked away as his shoulders fell, "And it kinda worked; for a short time. I thought I loved April for while; and I tried… looking… at others. I've felt attraction on a physical level with some of the aliens we've encountered… but… nothing has made my feelings for Raphael go away." Donatello frowned and stared at his hands still tightly gripping his knees. "I understand what love is really just a chemical release in the brain that makes you feel things like euphoria and longing, and it also drives you to feel desire. But, I…I love him too much. I've never met anyone else who has whatever it is Raphael has that causes me to feel the way I do when I'm near him." He whispered and bowed his head in shame._

"_Do you love him more than you love your other brothers?" Splinter asked in a scolding way. _

"_No! No, not more… it's just… different with him." He said, turning his head for a moment as he tried to quell the nervous fluttering of his belly. "I-I love him like how a lover should love. I still care for Leo and Mikey… and I would do anything for them!" He added quickly, his eyes widening in fear that his father wouldn't understand. "But… but Raphie…" he trailed off, his eyes quivering with the emotions he felt stirring inside his body. "He-he's different somehow." He said quietly, his dark eyes closing and his body bowing forward slightly in silent apology. _

"_My son, did you understand my reasoning in the past for wishing you two to never continue the growing relationship that you had begun? Do you understand why I didn't want it progressing any further than it already had??"_

"_Yes Sensei…"Donnie paused, his brows knitting together once more._

"_I sense a 'but' lingering in your heart." Splinter studied his student intently. _

"_But… I did some tests several years ago…" Don began, staring intently down at his hands. "I… We aren't actually brothers – blood-wise."_

"_Oh?"_

_Sighing, Donnie's shoulders drooped, "Though I understand that that doesn't matter. We are your sons and that is enough reason to make it wrong." He whispered. _

_Splinter nodded slowly, rich brown eyes lowering to the table in front of him before he once more lifted his gaze up to his son's face. "Tell me why it is you love your brother in such a fashion." _

_Donatello was silent for quite a while, "Sensei, why is it wrong for us to love?" he asked, raising his eyes and staring at the rat across the table from him beseechingly. _

_Frowning, Splinter shook his head slowly, "There is nothing wrong with loving, my son, but the nature-"_

"_-But we are all we have in this whole world." Donnie whispered, gazing imploringly at him, "I don't mean to be rude, but wouldn't it be better this way? We can't go to the surface and it wouldn't be wise to hope that we'll find a human to love. Wouldn't this option be better? We love each other, and that love is growing amongst us. We don't fear each other or what might happen in the future. We know we are still brothers, but… it's not a literal meaning for us anymore. We are brothers in arms together, and we are brothers in the term of friendship. We will always be a family, but… can't we love too?"_

_Splinter studied his son, watching the desperate look twist his son's face up and his eyes growing stronger with determination as he spoke. "Donatello, I know you belie-" he stopped himself suddenly and he closed his eyes, taking a moment to calm himself and reword his response. Opening his eyes, Splinter frowned as he shook his head slowly, "There is nothing wrong with loving, my son, but the passion that can be created with such love is what worries me."_

"_But isn't there a difference between lust and passion, Sensei?" Donnie asked, his fingers curling into fists upon his knees anxiously. _

_Splinter paused and considered his son, mulling that question over in his head. His whiskers twitched and his ears flattened partly upon his head, "Hmm."_

"_Sensei?" _

"_Tell me, Donatello, how long has it been since I forbade you and Raphael from each other?"_

_Sighing with a hint of defeat, Donnie lowered his eyes respectfully once more, "A little over ten years, Sensei."_

"_And how long ago was it that you and Raphael said that you loved one another?" He asked gently. _

_Peeking at Splinter then looking back down, Donnie licked his lips, doing the math quickly in his head, "A…a little over thirteen years, Sensei."_

_Bobbing his head, Splinter straightened his shoulders a bit further. "Do you still love him?"_

_Donnie's brows knitted together and his fingers twitched. "I-I-"_

"_Even after all these years and all the fights you two have gone through in the last two years; do you still feel the same as you did when you were a child?" He asked, waving a hand in front of him as though he were writing calligraphy in the air before him. _

_Shaking his head, Donnie sniffed and lifted a hand, quickly brushing at his eyes to hide his tears. He took a moment, calming himself with a deep breath, and then lifted his face to stare directly at Splinter. "I love him more than I did as a child. The last two years have been hard, yes, but I still love him." he whispered and then bowed his head once more._

_Sighing deeply and slowly standing to his feet, Splinter moved around the table, making his way towards his son. "Perhaps I was too hasty is assuming my sons did not recognize the difference between lust and passion."_

_Donnie's brow twitched and his fingernails dug into his palms as he turned frightened, hopeful eyes up to his Sensei. He felt like he couldn't breathe as he just stared at the rat._

_Placing his paw on his son's shoulder, Splinter offered a soft, almost sweet smile. "Perhaps I was too caught up in the fear of what might happen to my children should the _lust_ take over, instead of focusing on the _passion_ you two could bring to each other's lives. Though do not misunderstand me, I still stand by my decision years ago to put a stop to your relationship. You both were far too young to be delving into such matters."_

"_Sensei…" Donnie breathed in a quavering voice. _

"_I did not do what I did because I desired you both to be unhappy; quite the contrary. I only wished for you two to grow up as brothers; as the team I have strived to make you four into. I was afraid you might lose focus of your duties." He waved his hand faintly as his finger's curled in front of him before he once again laid his hand carefully atop his other that held his cane. _

_Donatello looked away, his mind easily translating his father's words. "You were afraid we'd favor one brother over another." _

"_No," Splinter said, then paused and nodded after a moment, "and yes." He sighed and looked down. "I knew, and still know, that any one of you would give your own life for your brothers. It never even crossed my mind that any of you would hesitate. But yes, I was uncertain if there would come a time when one of you might favor a _lover_ over your _brothers_." He explained, emphasizing his words forcefully with a wave of his finger. _

_Mulling over that explanation, Don nodded after a moment. He tilted his head a second later and lifted his eyes to his father, studying him as he studied him in return. "Do you still worry we might do such a thing?" _

_Splinter inhaled slowly and sighed out loudly, his brown eyes staring directly into his son's dark eyes. "Yes. I know Raphael would never hesitate for any of you. It is Leonardo I worry for."_

"_You think Leo would favor Mikey?" Don asked, a bit surprised by the revelation. _

"_Perhaps someday he might." Splinter nodded. "I have spoken to him of such, and it might be part of the reason he has been gone on his training mission for so long."_

"_Oh." Don whispered. _

_Pausing to stare down at his son, Splinter leaned toward him slightly as he gently placed his hand upon Donnie's shoulder once again. "I will lift my former words and I grant you tentative permission to continue your relationship with Raphael."_

_Jerking his head upwards, Donnie stared at his father for what felt like years. His brows knitted together and his lips parted. Dark eyes quavered even as they_ _cleared for the first time in years and he could really see his father, standing before him with such warmth and love. It made his stomach flip and his heart to race. A shaky exhale burst from Donnie's mouth and he trembled – he truly felt as though he would break from the joy and relief that flooded him. _

"_But, I do have one request." Splinter interrupted his son's happiness with a small touch of his hand to his cheek. _

"_Sensei?" Don whispered, eyes wide and his fists pressing into his thighs. _

"_I only ask that you wait until your brother, Leonardo, returns home, and for you all to once more be unified as a team before you reveal my words to Raphael. I hope for you all to be united as brothers and are as one in battle, before you come to me to ask for my blessing so you may unite as lovers behind closed doors. Do you understand?"_

_Closing his eyes and bobbing his head, Donatello slowly and weakly lowered himself to the floor, bowing before the rat in front of him. "Yes. Thank you… thank you father." Squeezing his eyes tightly, Donnie bit his lip to try and keep from crying as his fingers dug into the tatami mats at his Master's feet. _

"_Please rise, my son." Splinter whispered, his hand gently stroking his son's shaking shell. "Please stand, Donatello."_

_Biting his lip harder and inhaling slowly to calm himself, Donnie pulled himself up and stood on shaky legs, "Father?"_

_Smiling warming and bowing his head ever so faintly in respect, Splinter took one of Donatello's hands into his and covered it with the other. "I want you to now be happy. No more crying, understand?"_

_A slow, sweet smile lifted his face even as a few remaining tears lingered at the corners of his eyes. "Yes, father."_

_It was so good to see Donatello smile again. Splinter nodded and then gently drew his son in for a hug, his hand patting his shell lightly before he pulled away and motioned for Don to go. _

_Bowing formally to his father once more, Donnie smiled a little brighter, and it finally reached his eyes after so many years of being only a rare treat. Donnie turned and hurried from the room, trembling in delight even as he wiped at his raw and red eyes. _

_Sighing as he watched his son go, Splinter momentarily wondered if his decision was the correct one. But glimpsing Donatello smiling so happily from his doorway as he poured himself a cup of coffee, once more warmed his soul and he smiled. It would take some getting used to with the stigma still very present in his mind, but both his sons had had compelling arguments. _

_Now, he just needed to meditate on the proper actions he should take _when_ Leonardo returned to him, and how he should apologize when the time came that he and Michelangelo came to him to ask for his blessing._

_Closing the shoji doors in front of him, Splinter quietly went about his pre-meditation routine of lighting candles and extinguishing others before he settled to meditate, still feeling uncertain, but more at ease than he had been for the last few years._

---------- ----------

Stirring slowly with a mumble against his warm pillow, Donatello slowly opened his eyes from his comfy position on his belly to gaze at his room that was littered in projects and piles of books sitting on almost every available surface around him.

Shifting, Don stopped suddenly and held perfectly still as he felt something behind him – and that something grunted at him before drawing away part of his warm blanket from his shoulders. Turning his head slowly, Donnie was met with a sleeping and fidgeting Raphael who was rolling to his back with a grunting snore.

Memory was the first thing to rush back at him. Punching bags and talking, and yelling, then kisses; then finally, Raphael dragging him to his room and pinning him to his bed. He remembered Raph had grinned with a rather smug look upon his face before he had bent down and kissed him. Well, making-out would probably be more accurate. Donnie had never been so flushed and turned on in his life – even during mating season. But they had stopped before it went to far… he still had mixed feelings about it. He almost wished Raph hadn't listened to his plea to slow down and had pushed him and 'talked' him into going further.

Shifting in bed, he moved to lie on his side and sidled closer to Raphael's body, sliding a hand along his plastron and lightly playing along the grooves there between each plate. Raph grunted and rolled his head back towards him, and he couldn't help but smile as Raphael responded to the delicate touches playing across his chest and down where his abs would be located on the other side of his plastron.

The dream – or more accurately, a memory – played once more in his head as his thoughts lingered happily upon the turn of events.

He watched Raphael sleep, his eyes fluttering behind his eyes as he responded to the faint touches and caresses he played over his body. He had wanted this for years. He had wanted Raph close to him so he could touch him and feel him, even if it were only simple and nothing more than a loving caress like now. The passionate contact from earlier in the evening was wonderful; but it paled in comparison to this.

Donatello's fingers slowed their lazy circling as he gazed upon Raphael. It was so surreal and it almost didn't feel real at all. The idea that they were – whatever it was they were now – brought his articulate mind a halt. Boyfriend sounded so childish, and lover wasn't accurate – at least not yet.

Blushing delicately, Donnie shyly peeked down at his hand, watching his fingertips sliding across his brother's plastron. There were so many tiny scars dotted across his body. He lightly fingered a long line of lighter scar tissue that ran over Raph's hip and then up into his plastron. He stared at that line of flesh, newly revealed to his eyes and he couldn't help but lean closer, fluttering his lips across the scar.

Donatello paused, closing his eyes as Raphael's scent touched his nose. His scent was so soft when he slept. It was a funny way to think about it, but it was true. Raph smelt of wind and sweat, leather and grease, and he had a spice to him that was exotic to his nose. He didn't know what to call that unique spice – not that he really cared any more, for he suddenly found his lips pressing against the sleeping turtle's plastron. Donnie delicately kissed his way up Raphael's body, his fingertips once again grazing along his body as he shyly touched his lips to the warm plastron he was slowly moving over. He was usually cold when he was in his room, but he felt warm and positively flushed and giddy as his brother's scent seemed to surround him and guide his lips to attempt more bold kisses down the center of his brother's chest, following the trail leading down to the bottom of his plastron.

A shiver ran through Raphael's body and a small mumble escaped his lips as he reached down, tugging the blankets upwards unconsciously and covering Donnie's head in the process.

Flushing deeply, Donatello jerked his head back up and pushed the blanket back over his head as he watched Raph shift slightly in his sleep, his head rolling to the opposite side before he once again settled with a heavy exhale.

Peeking away and fidgeting, Donnie felt the paralyzing power of embarrassment take a hold of him the moment he realized his actions, Don could only stare at the rising and falling collarbone of Raphael's chest, and the occasional movement of his brother's Adam's apple in his throat.

He didn't even register the fleeting scientist in his mind that asked how turtles could possess Adam's apples, but he did register the rush of delight the sight of the flesh brought him.

Donatello's logical and responsible mind died in that moment, and the side he had been suppressing for years shyly reached out to him, asking him what his most hidden desire was in that very moment. Donnie's heart sped up, pounding wildly in his breast as his blood raced through his veins, making his finger's quiver as he reached out to touch Raphael's neck. He shivered as his brother's throat bobbed. He fleetingly ran a fingertip over Raph's jaw before he slid his hand down to the center of his plastron and paused. Even in his sleep Raphael felt so strong and solid as he breathed rhythmically next to him.

Something inside him – maybe the part that he had hidden away for so long – whispered to him, telling him to do it.

Sitting up slowly, Donatello leaned down to kiss Raph's throat as he slipped one thigh over his brother's hips and he settled himself upon his lower plastron, his lips kissing and grazing over the tender flesh that was unconsciously offered to him.

Raphael grunted in his sleep and jolted at the feel of someone climbing atop him. He blurrily blinked his eyes as he reached out and grabbed his assailant by the shoulders. He paused as he felt the kisses trailing along his collarbone. Raph looked down first to see who was holding him down and he grunted softly as he spied Donatello touch a kiss to his chest, he slid his hands down Donnie's shoulders teased along his sides, bringing Don out of his trance and jerking his head away and his body and forcing his back to straighten as he stared down at him with wide eyes and a nearly scarlet blush.

The blankets slid slowly down Donatello's back, but the sheet clung to his shoulder, hugging him and draping down one side of his body in a teasing caress of modesty. It was tantalizing to watch that fabric move with Don's shaking body and heavy breathing. It was so alluring. He wanted to unwrap the sheet from his body and stare at him in this vulnerable moment, free of workout gear and his mask.

But what captured his imagination and stilled both his body and soul, was the physical appearance his brother had right in that moment. He was flushed and embarrassed, straddling him and touching his plastron with stroking and pleading fingers. Raphael basked in the timid hunch of Don's shoulders, and he memorized every line and curve of the male sitting upon him as the shy face gazed upon him with heat and desire.

"Donnie?" he dared to whisper, his hands sliding over Donatello's thighs before one hand gripped his hip and the other stroked the tender flesh between carapace and plastron where he tenderly lingered upon his arm.

The sheet slid from his shoulder, slipping past trembling jade green fingers and down along Don's shaking body as he looked to try and hide in himself as he hunched his shoulders. His face once again warmed like an overheating engine as he offered a shy, almost scared smile. The faintest of nods moved his head several times.

Knitting his brows together, Raphael hesitated, lifting a hand to touch the turtle's cheek. Donatello's eyes fluttered and he leaned into the touch, momentarily trapping the strong hand between his cheek and shoulder. He gazed down at his brother between hooded eyes as his fingers ghosted across the scarred plastron that gulped a heavy breath as the faint brush of skin tickled the surface but inflamed something in the core of his being.

Squeezing the thigh he was stroking, Raphael urged Donnie towards him as he himself also struggled to sit up. He met Don halfway in his decent and he pressed a strong but careful kiss to the trembling lips before him. He moved with the quavering body above him as Donatello began to pull away from the kiss, succeeding in only raising Raph into a sitting position under him.

Sliding his fingertips across the flaming cheek he had been holding, Raphael's palm glided down over muscle and sinew in his arm before he wrapped an arm around about Donnie's waist and followed the treks in his brother's shell with his fingertips.

A strangled gasp escaped Don's throat and he shuddered, gripping at Raph's neck as his back arched slowly towards him, pressing his hips down against Raphael's and bringing their chests together tightly.

The kiss wavered, lips brushing together but not reaching out to the other to start another kiss. Strangled breathes puffed across each other's faces. Raph nudged his beak against Donatello's affectionately while he slid a hand along one of the thighs he found so sensual. He closed his eyes for a moment as he felt Donnie's other leg curl against him, slowly sliding up his side between plastron and shell. He shivered from the feeling of that smooth, warm skin moving against him and he churred in delight.

"I love you Raphie…" Donatello breathed, his fingers finally sliding down his plastron, once again feeling all that he could before he dared to touch his arm, grip at the bicep. He could just feel the tension that was building inside him.

Raphael brushed his lips across Don's, smiling ever so faintly. "Yeah, I love ya too." he murmured against his beak as he feathered kisses along the side of his mouth as he continued to map out the whorls that patterned his shell.

Sliding his thigh higher, Donnie wrung another chur from the slightly larger turtle against him and a scared kiss passed between them. The kiss wasn't just affection, love, or a sign of lust; it was a question, and it was nervous and frightened.

The two turtles paused, panting into each other as though they needed to breath for one another.

Pulling back just enough to look up at the flushed turtle straddling his hips, Raphael scanned over the embarrassed features of his brother as his hand slid along one of the thighs pressed to his sides. A small nod was the only reply he received as Donatello slowly slid both his arms about his shoulders and arched his back, pulling him into another kiss that tickled his core and curled his toes.

Returning the kiss slowly but with a new found surge of passion, Raphael gripped Donnie tight and groped his thigh as his palm rode higher along the limb till he reached out, squeezing the cheek of that delectable rump partially hidden by his shell.

Gasping against his lips, Donatello shuddered and whimpered as Raph's fingers tentatively stroked his tail, sending jolts of pleasure coursing through his body and causing his hips to push forward insistently.

Raphael grunted and churred loudly as Donnie's legs tensed and writhed against his sides. Fiddling with Don's tail for a moment longer, he rumbled in approval as another whimper and a strangled moan worked its way out of Donnie before he rolled to the side, still pressing himself tightly to the olive toned turtle as he settled them both upon the old mattress.

Donatello spread his legs further, inviting him closer as their tongues tangled wildly together, moving from one mouth to another as they explored and tasted everything about the other. Raph's hips pushed insistently against him and Donnie moaned abruptly, gulping air down as Raph moved his kisses down his cheek and along his neck, his hands reaching for his body and urging him closer.

Fire coursed through their veins with every caress, every demanding kiss, and with every delicate touch. One pair of fingers outlined the shapes and lines of hard muscles against a thigh that insistently rubbed and begged for attention at his side, while another set of fingers groped and teased across a wiggling tail that was no longer protecting the puckered ring that was just centimeters away from its base. Daring to graze his fingertip across the hole, Raphael shuddered at the gasping moan Donnie let loose and he felt Don's toes curl against his shell.

He delighted in the writhing form under him. The way Donatello mewled and trembled was both erotic and cute. He watched his face contort and he panted through his mouth, sucking in oxygen as he wiggled his finger a bit more insistently against the opening. He groaned at the silent cry Donnie looked to be giving. But he forced himself still and he kissed across the flushed and dazed face below him. "Donnie… we need-"

"B… bottom drawer; under the book…"

Raphael stared at his brother for a moment, his mind slowly grasping onto the information before he shifted, stretching himself across the bed. He tugged the bottom drawer open roughly and fumbled about inside. He grunted as he lifted the massive physics book out and tossed it away uncaringly before he finally located the liquid gold.

Donatello churred warmly as he planted kisses across the dark skin along Raphael's neck. He kissed and even nibbled faintly; but with a shy churr, he suddenly darted his tongue out to taste the unique flavor of his brother. He smelled so good, and he felt so good, hovering over him, fumbling to uncap the bottle of lubricate. He reached for him, cupping his cheek and tugging him down so he could kiss him once again. He had missed his kisses most of all.

Then a slick finger breached him and Donatello's breath caught in his throat and his back arched sharply. He didn't know what to think at first – it was so odd, it felt so uncomfortable, it hurt like nothing else, and yet, it was so erotic. He whimpered and gripped at Raph's neck, his toes curling and his legs drawing up higher along his sides as he struggled to relax around the intruding digit.

Kissing away the tears, Raphael stilled his finger and massaged the outside slowly. His mouth caught Donnie's trembling lips and he brushed an affectionate kiss upon the olive skin. They were still for many long moments as Donatello tried to relax enough to accept the finger. As they waited, warm lips migrated slowly down an exposed neck, nibbling lightly at the flesh at the base of his neck that rested just above his collarbone. That small flash of teeth upon skin wrung a shaky gasp from the recipient and they slid a thigh upon his side as a sign of their gratitude.

Rumbling deeply and loudly in his chest, Raphael shifted further down, kissing upon the hard, but flexible plastron, his tongue swiping out to taste his brother and tease the few sensitive places that lined his front. When he reached his destination and knelt there between his brother's legs, his finger continued its slow advancement inwards now that the pressure had subsided. Raph turned his head suddenly, wanting to distract Donnie from the work on his ass – as well as do something he had dreamt about in wet dreams for years - he kissed those delectable thighs. He kissed and nibbled, tasting and suckling upon the sensual flesh, as he moved across the length of his Donnie's leg in loving worship.

Donatello shuddered and gripped at his shoulders tightly, his head falling back and his toes curling against Raphael's shell as he arched his back and pushed back upon his finger. He mewled loudly and writhed for a moment against the intrusion, but the rumbling against the tendon just under the skin that connected his leg to body forced a moan past his lips and his fingers to dig into the larger turtle's shoulders.

Soothing Don's worries away with a kiss to the back of his knee, Raphael turned his head to the other thigh and began lavishing just as much affection upon it as he had the other as he began to pump his finger in and out of his ass. Raph raised his eyes, watching Donnie's lips move in a silent mantra as he stroked his insides, feeling the embracing heat tug on his digit as he moved. Watching Donatello lose himself in the pleasure and hearing him coo in delight was more satisfying than he thought it would have been. He felt himself drop down in anticipation, his breathing picking up as he bit at Don's thigh, and rumbled in delight as his lover whimpered and arched his back, pushing against his finger once again.

Reaching for the lube, Raphael slicked his second finger before he began teasing Donnie's entrance and he bowed his head, nipping at the edge of his plastron and smiling at the startled cry Don let loose.

"Drop down, Donnie-boy." He whispered, his face flushing in anticipation.

Licking his lips as he watched the emergence of his brother's erection, Raphael churred in delight. Donnie was releasing himself so slowly – and though it was a turn-on watching every inch appear, he wanted that cock _now_. Bowing his head, Raphael swiped his broad tongue across the leaking head.

Donatello threw his head back and arched his back, crying out in delight as he lost control and dropped completely. His face burned in embarrassment even as he churred and writhed upon the sheets, losing himself in heaven as Raphael's hot mouth took him in and began to suck insistently on him. Donnie cried out again and he lifted a hand, covering his mouth and biting his thumb as Raph slipped a second finger into his ass, moving slowly as he bobbed his head, sliding that broad tongue across his length. It was amazing and he couldn't stop himself as he pushed against the fingers, moving back and forth between Raph's mouth and his hand.

Raphael raised his eyes, taking delight in seeing Donatello enjoying himself. He moved his hand faster, though he paused to scissor his fingers, watching Donnie's mouth drop open behind his hand and his eyes screw up in delight.

It was weird, but it felt incredible. It was like Raphael was stroking everything inside of him. His lungs were prodded to breath more deeply; his heart was tickled to speed up its pace, and his stomach curled in pleasure. The heat that pooled in his lap made him squirm, then it exploded throughout his body abruptly. Mewling loudly, Donatello pushed his hips against Raph's stretching fingers and hot mouth, silently begging him for more as his fingers teased and loosened him.

"Raphie…" He churred and whimpered all in the same breath.

Pulling his fingers free, Raphael gave one last strong suck as he pulled upwards and released his erection, licking the tip for good measure before he shifted upon his knees and moved closer against him. He grunted as he fumbled about for the lube once more, only this time he was struggling to prepare himself, desperate to please the churring turtle he had trapped under his weight.

Inching back, Raphael tore his eyes away from the flushed face of his brother to look down, past Donatello's bobbing cock and to his own as he lined himself up. He paused, biting the inside of his cheek as the head of his erection pressed securely against the opening into Donnie's body. He raised his eyes again, watching Donatello's eyes flutter open and his lips part as his tongue darted out to lick his dry lips.

Raphael had always drowned in those dark eyes; but seeing those haunting depths wanting only him, forced him past his nervousness and he pushed himself into Don's body. His breath caught in his throat as he sunk into the tight, velvety heat that began to surround him and he struggled to keep still for fear of loosing his composure as every inch of his cock was consumed in a rolling wave of hungry acceptance.

Donnie whimpered and arched against him, his head falling backwards as he struggled to breathe. He bit at his hand, keeping himself quiet as he pressed his palm tightly to his mouth. A displeased grunt above him jerked him away from his focus upon the pleasurable pain, and then a hand upon his wrist was tugging his hand away from his lips and caused the groan he had been bottling up inside to escape in a loud and wanton yowl.

"I wanna hear everythin'." Raph whispered against his cheek. His hips then pushed forward sharply.

He clung desperately to his lover as he curled into his touch even as he wriggled against him and gasped as his love's cock moved inside him and rubbed him in places he wasn't expecting. He felt as though he were going to be split in half and die perfectly happy because of it. It was scary as well as wonderful; and through it all, he stared into those smoldering amber eyes, feeling as though he were being devoured from two ends at once.

It was so much better than Raphael ever imagined. He sunk into his brother, down to the hilt and he grew still, trying to regain his self-control and restraint as he was squeezed tight in his own personal embrace that was unlike anything he had ever felt. It was so hard to not just take him right then. But they would have time in the future for wild and passionate nights; for now, they needed to feel every agonizingly brilliant tug and pull of each other as they melded together, mixing and mingling into a new creation that would be strictly their own sanctuary to share.

Raphael began to move again, slowly pulling partially out, watching Donatello's face contort as he whined and tightened his thighs, trying to keep him from pulling out completely, and then he thrust forward and filled his ass once again with a bit more urgency than he meant to use as desire enflamed his body.

Stars, explosions, music, silence, and rapture – every stupid word Donnie had ever heard to describe sex in those cheesy shows Master Splinter watched, they all suddenly happened to him. Donatello kicked his leg out before he brought it back, wrapping it tightly about Raphael's shell as he began to pull away. The larger turtle jerked forward, ramming himself back into him as he tried to establish a rhythm. He caressed his cheek, wiggled his hips, and wrung a moan from Don's lips before he repeated his action, surge forward and filling that tight heat with his throbbing erection.

Donatello groaned and wrapped his arms tightly around Raph's neck as he bucked his hips in return. He met his lover's hips for the next few thrusts, his body sparking and burning as the passion rolled across him in a violent wave of desire.

Gripping at a thigh, Raphael arched his back, bowing towards Don as his lips locked onto the side of his neck and nipped at Donnie's neck as his next thrust hit something inside the olive toned turtle that made him cry out and his insides squeeze his cock as he moved through the tightening ring. Another quiet cry was forced from both their lips as the pressure built, and a deep churring surrounded them as they began to sing together in bliss, moving a bit faster as fingers gripped and lips kissed.

Their movements became a dance. Though inexperienced and hesitant, it was growing in tempo and in ardor, and the two of them lost themselves in the age-old motions that stoked their love, as well as some inner instinct that begged to be fulfilled. Their actions ebbed and flowed, and Raphael groaned loudly through the powerful thrusts he issued.

Raphael's churrs were deep and dominant as he took his mate; plunging his cock back into the sweltering depths of heaven and grinding against his ass as his own legs trembled. He clung and shuddered, hips jerking forward harder with every slow withdrawal that he was beginning to love more and more as he caressed every inch of Donatello's ass. The olive turtle under him made the most erotic of faces as he pulled out.

Trilling noises rose from Donnie's throat as he begged Raphael to come back to him, wanting him so deep inside of him that he felt he could taste him in his mouth alongside their tangling tongues as they continued their desperate kiss. He cried out again, shaking as Raphael harshly thrust into him and lifted his hips from the bed and proceeded to pump into him in shorter thrusts a few times as he groaned and clawed at his legs.

Donatello mewled and arched under his lover, churring as Raph kept his silent promises and returned to him each and every time he pulled back. He would surge forward, occasionally hitting that bundle of nerves inside of him and he'd whimper, riding out the waves of pleasure that rigid cock inside of him forced out of him.

Grunting and moving faster, Raphael loved the noises his Donnie-boy was making. Though he only vaguely knew where that bundle of nerves was located that made Don squeal, he tried his damnedest to find it again. When he finally located that nub, he ruthlessly teased it, groaning in both pleasure and pride as he made Donnie scream out and writhe every time he hit that place.

Raph's thrusts quickened and he cried in delight, arching his back and wrapping his legs more tightly about his brother's waist. Donnie's thighs rubbed and stroked across Raphael's sides. He shuddered and churred, his lips moving silently as they both lost themselves in each other. Lips captured his in a desperate kiss that was messy but warm in all the right ways. The powerful movements inside of his body was wonderful – even when Raph didn't hit his prostate, it was mesmerizing to feel every delicious inch of his brother's thick cock stroking his inner walls, teasing and rubbing in all the right places as he withdrew before he would ram himself back inside.

Cries of pleasure were soon replacing the stifled moaned and controlled groans. Raphael's fingers dug into Don's ass as he panted, bowing himself further over Donatello as his lips and tongue sought his out. He couldn't stop himself anymore, he had to take. The clicking and clacking of their plastrons hitting and scraping together was triggering something in the back of his mind and he let out a deep, throaty churr that was breathy and forceful. Donatello mewled arching his back, writhing against him before he finally reached down between their bodies, grasping himself tightly and jerking fast and hard. Raphael watched though half hooded eyes as Donnie's face contorted and his breathing hitched as he moved his hand faster with the rhythm he had established. He reached for Donnie's wrist and he pulled him away, growling loudly as Donatello fought him at first. Thrust hard and sharp, Raph clouded Don's mind enough for him to bat his hand away and for his own fingers to wrap around the weeping organ and pump it fast and hard.

Hearing the churring-squeal Don let loose after that was more than worth it.

Kissing the side of his mouth, Raphael let a long, groaning sigh rumble in his chest as he pumped his lover's cock and piston his hips against his delightful ass. "Cum for me Donnie." He whispered and thrust forward faster and harder, rocking the bed under them and making the mattress protest loudly.

Parting his lips, a silent cry was all he received as the pressure built till it burst forth, forcing Donnie's body to contort as every cell and every inch of his skin rang with the force of his orgasm, splashing a load of hot and sticky warmth across his plastron; and only after he gasped did a scream rip past his lips and fill the space between them with absolute joy.

Raphael clamped his mouth over Donnie's, trying to quiet the shriek and rolling churrs. He drank down the sound of his pleasure, his hips moving faster as he pushed into the tight ring of muscle that squeezed and tugged hard on his cock.

"Raphie..!" Don gasped and arched sharply, another small shot of cum splattered across his chest.

He cried out into his lover's lips as his cock twitched and released everything. His hips jerked forward several times as he pumped his cum into his lover, emptying himself into the tight depths of his ass while they continued to move together for another minute or so, milking each other of every bit of passion they both possessed. Raphael groaned and moaned, thrusting into Donnie some more before the olive toned turtle collapsed suddenly and gasped for air. He followed after him, collapsing atop him and panting into his neck in a daze.

The two didn't move for a long time, and finally when one did, it was Donatello and all he achieved was dragging his arms out from under Raph and wrapping them about his neck and shoulders, still panting and trembling under him. He rubbed a thigh against Raphael's side slowly, a contented hum vibrating in his chest.

Rumbling back at him, Raph momentarily wondered if the noises they were making were from their turtle side, or if it was simply just because they were happy. A sound similar to a churr vibrated in his chest, again asserting the dominance he had just shone, but with a softer, loving sound to it that he knew was tickling Donnie's insides – and it was confirmed the moment Don shivered under him.

Sudden fear tugged at his belly and Raphael struggled to lift his head and pushed himself up onto his elbows – which was much to the annoyance of Donnie – who even made a growling sound of protest as he left his body.

"I didn't hurt ya, did I?" Raphael asked quickly with wide eyes.

Blinking his eyes open with a little smile that was both goofy and content, Donatello sighed loudly as he shifted against him, his tail wagging under him and stroking the underside of Raphael's cock which was still inside of him.

Raph inhaled sharply and bit the inside of his cheek as he watched Don closely.

After another sensual stretch – that also caused Raph's dick to twitch and swell slowly inside of him – Donnie smiled all the brighter before he purred and relaxed into the mattress once more, his arms stretching out to wrap about his neck and pull him down to him. "Nope," he breathed and lifted his head to kiss at his mouth, his thighs already rubbing and sliding along his sides.

Damn him… he already figured him out and it was only their first time! "D-Donnie…" Raph stuttered against the insistent lips trying to distract him. He almost gave in, but he had to know. "Donatello." He grunted out and pulled his head back.

Tilting his head as a small, real smile settled upon Donnie's face, Don finally nodded as he stroked the sides of Raphael's neck and shoulders, "Yes, I'm fine. I'll be sore, but that was to be expected. You really did do research on this." he teased and leaned up to kiss the blushing turtle above him.

"Yeah, well…" he grumbled before he willingly melted into the offered kiss and settled upon Donnie once again.

The kiss was slow and sensual, each tasting the other's mouth before they in turn nibbled and kissed the other's neck. Their hands moved slowly and lazily against the other as they traced over scutes and carapace, and then traversed the valleys and hills of honed muscles in arms and legs, across shoulders and thighs.

Donnie sighed suddenly as he arched his back, his fingers trailing down over Raph's powerful shoulders. He couldn't resist placing another kiss there, and his fingers on his opposite hand stroked and rubbed soothing circles across the back of his neck.

"Donnie…" Raph whispered, dragging his hand along the thigh at his side for the hundredth time. He nudged at Donatello's beak, catching his attention with a small kiss. "Ya promise no more runnin'? 'Cause after this–"

"Yeah, I'm goin' nowhere." He nuzzled his cheek, his body curling under him and pulling him closer as he seemed to hide himself against Raphael's body.

Smiling and bowing his head to inhale his… their… scent, Raph took a moment to just bask in the presence and wonder that was Donatello. This was so long overdue; but it was worth it.

"R…Raphie..?" A timid voice whispered.

Opening his eyes and lifting his head, Raphael stared down at Don and tilted his head, taking in the flushed and shy expression. He raised a brow and stared at his lover for a moment longer before he blinked in surprise. "Awe, sorry, I'm heavy." He grunted and pushed himself up onto his hands and knees.

Wrapping his arms and legs about Raph as quickly as possible, Donnie shook his head wildly, "No, I like it… I just…." He blushed a bit more, averting his eyes shyly before flicking them back to Raph.

Raising his brow again as he settled carefully upon Donnie once more, Raphael stared directly at him for a long minute as he waited. When nothing came out of that tempting mouth as he watched Don nibble at his lower lip; "Well, what is it?" Raph grunted and lightly tapped at Don's chin, forcing him back into reality.

Shivering at the sound of his voice, Donatello raised his eyes and he felt his face heat up all the more. "I, uh… I-I love you!" He blurted out, his eyes wide and scared.

Snorting with an amused look upon his face, Raphael grinned and kissed at Donnie's flushed cheek. "That's it? I thought you were goin' ta confess something." He chuckled. But the look on Donatello's face sobered his words and he suddenly felt just as nervous. It was odd; he'd said it before; but now he didn't know what to say. It was almost as though saying it really did mean something more this time. Peeking away shyly Raph shrugged a shoulder slightly, "Yeah, I uh… you know… I love you too…" he whispered, peeking at Donnie instantly.

A timid smile spread over his warmed face and Donnie tugged on his neck, hiding his face against Raphael's neck as he held him tight.

Contentment settled over him as he completely relaxed, melting into Donnie's embrace and rumbling in his chest happily because he knew this is where he wanted die when his time was up – here in his arms.

---------- ----------

Michelangelo giggled into Leonardo's kiss as he peeked at the wall of Leo's room.

Lifting up onto his knees as he continued his movements, Leonardo caught Mickey's attention with a hard and insistent thrust. Mike moaned and arched his back in delight, his hands darting out to grasp Leo's hips tightly and bring him down onto his cock once more.

"Yeah…. Oh…" he whispered then giggled again.

Raising a brow in annoyance, Leo stopped all motions, shuddering as he had to settle there atop Mike's hips and attempt to speak normal. "W-why are you laughing?"

Smiling big and bright, Mikey purred and danced his fingers along Leo's thighs before he reached for the weeping erection jutting out at him as though begging for attention. "Because…" He drawled tauntingly.

Leo gasped and closed his eyes, panting for a moment before he caught his control once again. "B-because w-w-why?" He managed out as Mikey began to pump his fist over his leaking head.

Grinning smugly, Michelangelo gazed up at him with a twinkle in his eyes and with hundreds of teasing remarks already being stored away for later use inside of that brain of his. "Raphie just got all sexed up."

Twisting his face up in confusion at first, Leonardo shivered, finding himself already rocking upon Mikey and then up into his hand as his mind slowed and had to take almost a full minute to process his words. Moaning as he thrust back down onto Mike, Leo peeked his eyes open as realization dawned on him, "Don and Raph…"

"Yep!" He giggled and squeezed Leo's cock, grinning all the more as Leo squeaked and threw his head back, trembling and churring loudly as he began his rhythm once again, bouncing upon the younger turtle enthusiastically, "Oooh, they… finally… awe!" He gasped.

Michelangelo moaned and arched his back, bucking his hips up against Leo's. His face flushed more as he felt his own insides tighten in that familiar way that teased him concerning his impending release. "Yeah… 'b-'bout time, too!" He shouted and shifted under Leo, trying to get more leverage to thrust into him even though Leo had more than enough for the both of them as he rose up then fell back upon him fast and hard.

Squeezing the cock in his hand as he teased the tip with his thumb, Mikey watched in delight as Leo cried out, his face flushing so cutely as he bounced upon him several more times as strings of cum shot into the air between them, splattering upon them both as he continued to ride out his orgasm, his insides tightening around Michelangelo and the younger turtle squealed and writhed under him as he bucked against him and emptied himself into his older brother.

Mikey cooed and churred happily as Leo shuddered and hovered over him, gasping for breath upon trembling thighs.

When he felt he had the strength to move without face planting into Mike's chest, Leonardo slowly dismounted his brother and collapsed next to him, his arm flopping about his waist and he nuzzled his neck happily. Four times in one night was definitely tiring – though it most certainly was not their record.

"I missed you, bro." Michelangelo whispered and rolled into his arms, snuggling up against him and hiding his face against his chest.

Leo smiled and wrapped his arms more securely about his lover and rubbed his shell in that soothing way he had picked up on. "I missed you too."

"And it was you I missed, not so much the sex – though I did go crazy a few months ago from sex withdrawal and I tried to rape Nightwatcher – but that's not the point; it was you I missed the most."

His face contorted into confusion then horror as Leo finally absorbed his brother's words, "What? Nightwatcher?" He shouted and found some inner strength he had apparently been suppressing before Leonardo was soon sitting up and gaping at Mikey.

Grinning shyly, Michelangelo shrugged, "I did… I stalked him and everything!"

"But… you know Raph's…" He fumbled, his mind thinking of all the things Raphael could have done to Mike as Nightwatcher –all the places he might have touched….

Snarling, Leonardo struggled to his feet, fully intent on dragging Raph's ass out of bed to confront him.

"Wow, wow! Dude!" Mikey shouted, reaching out for Leonardo's hand and yanking him back onto the futon, grinning silly with a sparkle in his eyes as he jumped onto Leo to keep him sitting.

Michelangelo settled upon his lap and giggled, wrapping his arms about his neck. Leo glared and reached for Mikey, taking his shoulders in hand and shaking him slightly, "What did he do to you? He better not of done-"

"Are you jealous?" Mikey asked suddenly, cocking his head to the side and looking far too innocent.

A flush colored Leonardo's face as soon as the question was asked. He shook his head in denial. "… No…"

A laugh and a rather girlish squeal escaped Mikey as he wrapped his arms about Leo's neck, "You are! Awe, how cute! You're worried about my virtue!" He giggled and wriggled on his lap.

"Well… he better not have done anything!" Leo snapped back, upset and annoyed.

Kissing his cheek, Mikey purred sweetly. "Nope, not at all. In fact, Nightwatcher pushed me away and we talked. 'Course, that was before I knew Raph was Nightwatcher and it was really awkward masturbating to my Nightwatcher scrapbook after that…."

"What?" Leo shouted, his eyes wide.

Snickering, Mikey draped himself over his brother, "Kidding. Shell, dude, you need to loosen up. You've been gone to long." He smiled.

Leo felt a stab of guilt, but then the jealousy was back as he glared at Mike. "And you need to learn not to joke about things that are mine." He growled and threw Michelangelo to the futon suddenly, moving over him and forcing a hard kiss between them.

A purr was all the retort Leo got as Mikey happily allowed him to claim what was his all over again.

---------- ----------

Nothing could be better than this.

The entire day was nothing but a field of flowers – as corny as that sounded, it was true. He felt like he was floating even as he sent knowing looks aimed at Donatello, and then smirking when Donnie blushed from his looks. He loved it. Don would either look away all shy and flustered, or he would smile sheepishly with a bright smile on his face that actually reached those dark eyes that were so intoxicating.

They couldn't even get through breakfast without Donatello blushing. But Donnie wasn't as innocent as he appeared. He had groped him under the table and would have given him a hand job if Mikey hadn't of interrupted.

Practice that morning had been torture. He couldn't touch him the way he wanted too – but then again, it was great foreplay. Splinter had even separated them after Donnie failed to complete another simple defensive counter for the sixth time in a row. He couldn't help but be smug; Donnie seemed to have enjoyed being tackled to the floor.

But later that evening while Mikey was cooking dinner in the kitchen and Leonardo was in the dojo getting in another hour of practice – the show off – Splinter had leveled a look on him and Donatello, and Raphael felt his stomach drop. Okay, maybe it hadn't been a good idea to stroke Don's tail just now after all.

"Raphael, Donatello, would you both please join me in my study? I wish to speak to you both." Splinter said, looking first to Donatello, then to Raphael.

Raph felt like he had just been shot.

Stepping towards Splinter's study was a very daunting thing for Raphael indeed. He wasn't sure what was going to happen – maybe his father overheard them earlier when he was whispering to Donnie about all the things he wanted to try later that night. Hopefully he was just going to lecture them on their shady relationship from suspicion and not from really knowing the truth. His ears still rang from the first time Splinter had told them at ten years old that they were to stop.

Faltering a step, Raphael tried to back away, hoping he could get away with a noisy protest to get out of hearing his father's disapproving tone.

But Donnie's fingers suddenly touched his arm and slid down from his wrist and to his hand where he curled their fingers together and he held him gently. He lifted those dark eyes of his and offered a small, reassuring smile. It was no more than a faint twitch at the corner of his lips, but it was his eyes, those haunting eyes that made him take another step forward with him. That look…

"Don…"

"Just go inside Raphie."

Raph's stomach jumped and for a moment he felt a wave of nostalgic astonishment wash over him. He remembered that look – it was the look Donnie used to give him when he wanted to kiss him later when they were kids. He usually had gotten that look if he was especially good.

Before he knew it, Raph was kneeling on a pad in front of his Sensei. His father hadn't taken a seat behind his table as he usually did. Instead, he was kneeling before them on his own pillow, his hands in his lap and his warm, knowing eyes looking between the two of them.

For a moment, Raph could see that distaste in his eyes, so he steeled himself, preparing himself for the harsh words to follow.

Donnie squeezed his hand – and it was then that Raphael realized Don was still holding it. He peeked sideways at his brother, studying him closely in amazement. Everything felt so dreamlike.

Clearing his throat, Splinter drew his son's attention back towards him and he looked first to Donatello, then to Raphael, forcing his fiery son's eyes to lock with his. The candles flickered and licked at the air surrounding the three ninjas and casting shadows and light from all angles that caused the very room to appear to dance in the twilight effects of the sleeping world around them. Splinter seemed to flicker in and out with the candlelight, his fur blending with both the warm hue of gold and the inkiness of blackened shadow seamlessly. The minutes ticked by before a small inhale and a twitch of his whiskers brought everyone back into the present.

"My sons; Raphael, Donatello; there are things I wish to tell you," He began, keeping his eyes locked with Raph's. "It is something that I have had ten years to ponder over concerning both of your stubbornness towards this love you both seem to hold. And I believe now is the time to tell you both."

Swallowing hard, Raph gripped at Don's hand, his other hand squeezing his knee as he waited – hoping Donnie wouldn't listen to him. He watched Splinter as he inhaled slowly, calming himself before he spoke again.

"My sons," Splinter said, watching them closely before he suddenly bowed forward deeply, his hands out in front and his forehead pressing to his fingertips as his ears laid flat against his head. "I am deeply sorry for what I did to you so many years ago." He whispered, "I did not mean to cause you both such immense pain in your youths. I only loved you and believed I was doing the right thing at the right time." He explained, never raising himself up from his bowed, and humbled, position.

Raph shifted uncomfortably though his eyes never once looked away from his father begging in front of him. A small rush of triumph filled his belly, making him wish to stand up and gloat and mock him for his mistake so long ago. But the other part of him was horrified and he felt as though he was floating numbly in a sea of ice. It was so weird to see his father… his proud Sensei… bowing before him so beaten-like.

"Father…" Donnie whispered, reaching forward, but Raphael snatched his hand.

Looking up at his brother in confusion, Donnie straightened a bit and tugged on his hand, "Raph…"

Raphael growled faintly, his eyes hard and unforgiving as they locked on his father. He ground his teeth together as his hand curled into a white knuckled fist. "No…"

---------- ---------- ----------

Annnnnd, that's where I end it this time. hopefully just one post to go and this story is done :) (I'm an angst puppet, i couldn't help putting one last minute angst-fest in here.) Okay, so here's the long awaited chapter 14... ... I don't think i like it . i'll probably update it later... but it's uh... 6:00 AM right now and i got done editing this thing about half an hour ago. OI...

but there it is! Donnie and Raphie finally did it! XD (i still don't know how i feel about the smex in this one . i kinda don't like it, but it did exactly what I wanted - it felt slow and loving and unrushed with that nervous virgin-feel. but it didn't turn out how I wanted it... then again, it's 5 in the morning, I just got done editing this; so hopefully I'll read it tomorrow and change my mind and applaud my sleep-deprived brain of having awesome ninja-editing skills when I'm not coherent.) anyway, my goal was for it to be hot but still squee worthy because they had to wait forever to finally be together in that most intimate of ways.

bleh

Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long to get out. I actually need to completely re-write the end because it's changed a bit more; but not drastically like this chapter did. anyway, i'm going to bed. I have work in the morning. ((yes, i better get bunches of love for staying up till 6! -(commands)- )) ;) thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy!

(P.S. I drew pictures for this chapter. if you go to my front page on here, in my website, I updated it to my livejournal channel. The pictures are in 'Turtle Story: Dreams Part 2' entry. :) I'm g33kg1rl on livejournal. thought i'd let ya'll know!)

--Melissa the Damgel


	15. Out in the Open

**Author's Note:** Okay; first, this chapter HATED ME with a vengence only because I finished writing it about 2 weeks after I posted the last chapter. the reason it took so long for me to post it at all? Something was missing. I don't know how many times I read through it, but something was off. Luckily Geaven hugs her own personal gaurdian angel helped me figure out some of the Splinter-Raph stuff that goes on in it, but something was just off. Well, I finally figured it out tonight, I fixed it and here it is! Just for you! With lots of love, I hope you enjoy :)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the turtles. I wish I did though. They're fun to play with :)

-- --

**Out in the Open **

**By: Melissa the Damgel**

Donatello's eyes widened and his lips parted. "Raph…"

"You choose now to say you were wrong? What about two years ago… or ten! Why now?" He growled, struggling up from his knees. He managed to get one foot planted onto the mats before Don's hands grabbed his arm and stopped him from standing.

A heavy sigh escaped the old rat's lungs though he never raised himself up from his bowed position, his whiskers twitching slightly with his ears remaining back and his brow tightly touching his fingertips. "For a father to accept that his children long for more than what he is capable of providing them, is a hard thing come to terms with, Raphael." He said softly, the pain that he had begun to feel for his past harshness carrying to his son's ears and caused the red clad turtle to hold extremely still as he listened.

"I had hoped that in the years to come, you and your brothers would be content just being_ together_ for the rest of your lives. But seeing the effects of the emotional separation I had forced upon you and your siblings; and knowing that just being together wouldn't be enough and could even possibly separate you four in the future; _that_ is something I do not wish for far more greatly than to know one might care more for another on the battlefield." He continued, with a small sigh before he lifted his head finally and gazed up at his children, still bowed before them humbly before them. First he looked to Donatello, and then his eyes turned and landed on Raphael, with warm and imploring eyes, hoping for their understanding if not for their forgiveness. "But to know that my children have found love so close to the safety of their home is enough for this old rat to admit his ignorance in the past and beg for forgiveness." He once again bowed his head and touched his brow to his fingertips, his laid back ears twitching slightly when Raphael's breathing picked up.

"W… what are you trying to tell us, huh?" Raph demanded, leaning forward slightly with his hand slapping to the mats a few inches from his father's head. Splinter didn't twitch, but Donnie tightened his grip on his brother's arm. "You sayin' you're sorry will do what? You think it'll fix all the pain we went through? No! This is stupid… I'm outta here." He growled, standing sharply and starting for the door – Donnie being dragged along with him because the purple banded turtle refused to let go of him.

"Raphie!" Donatello shouted, trying to plant his feet against the tatami mats. "He's giving us his blessing, you shell for brains!" he blurted out desperately. He sighed the moment his words stopped Raph in his tracks, but his brows knitted together as his brother stood extremely still.



Turning slowly, Raphael stared at the purple clad turtle in a mixture of amazement and hurt. "You knew." He whispered.

Ice filled his belly. Donnie stared back at him and felt numb as Raphael stared at him with a disbelieving look within those fiery amber eyes. Don forced himself to look away. He could just feel Raphael looking down at him like he didn't know him anymore. His insides burned and jumped like they were in a hot skillet, and his eyes grew warm though he did manage to stop the tears. He hated knowing he had unintentionally hurt Raph.

"Yes… I knew." He whispered back.

"When did he tell ya? Huh? Last night?" Raphael hissed, bending closer and getting right in his face.

Defensiveness reared up across Donnie's face at the accusation, but he bowed his head and sighed heavily with sadness flickering at the corners of his eyes. "Last month." He breathed. Donatello's face contorted and he squeezed his eyes shut – he didn't want to see the betrayal upon Raph's face.

Raphael turned sharply, jerking his arm away from his brother as he marched to the shoji doors. He couldn't speak. He wanted too. He wanted to yell and snarl like a beast – but he couldn't. All he could see were those large, lustful dark eyes staring down at him so scared yet hopeful. Donnie had wanted him. He had seen that in his eyes last night. That part couldn't have been a lie…

"Raphie!"

"I'm outta here." He whispered and walked out the doors.

Donatello stood still, watching Raphael leave with heavy footsteps and a bluster in his growling mumbles. He heard the entrance doors grind shut and a weight thudded into his belly, leaving him weak and with a sudden finality to his situation.

He didn't know what to do. He felt sick and horrified that Raphael had reacted as he did. But another part of him felt like he deserved this… he hadn't ever told him. Would it have been better to tell him, or did he do the right thing and keep silent?

"Donatello."

Turning slightly and peeking at his father with tears beating at the backs of his eyes, the turtle gripped at his elbow pads, digging his nails into the leather to keep from rushing to the rat and burying his face against his robes like a child.

The old rat smoothly stood and padded towards him, his hands behind his back and warm eyes sympathetic as he leveled a look upon his son. "If there is one thing I have learned from my stories, it is to never allow the one you love to walk away."

"But Sensei…" Donnie whispered, feeling the heat rise behind his eyes and causing his hands to tremble.



"Go after him." Splinter insisted, pressing a hand to his son's elbow. "Go to him. Even if he won't speak to you, don't leave his side. That is an order." He smiled warmly, patting his arm before he withdrew his hand and motioned him towards the door.

Donatello bobbed his head and wiped at his eyes, momentarily smiled back wetly.

"Hurry!" Splinter waved his hand away, shooing his child from his room.

Donnie stumbled slightly but he turned and ran – running through the lair and into the sewers like a bat out of hell. He didn't know why he chose the left, but he ran on instinct. His heart pounded wildly in his chest and his eyes were wide as adrenaline drove him faster, hoping to find the one he loved.

He searched every tunnel he came too, becoming desperate as the further he went he still had not even caught a glimpse of his brother. He backtracked and took another side tunnel, praying he was nearby. By some miracle, he finally did find him. He spied his brother leaning upon the safe guard railing and gazing down into the swirling pool below him while water cascaded down around him from all angles. He was in one of the drainage stations that had catwalks all around and pipes where the overflow poured into a large man-made basin in thunderous roars.

Donatello burst onto the catwalk next to him and stopped abruptly, panting for breath and shivering as he felt the faint mist from the waterfalls surrounding them.

Raphael turned only slightly but he looked away just as quickly and his hands gripped the railing all the tighter. "You should have told me!" he blurted out angrily.

Donnie took a small step forward before he rushed him, throwing his arms about his waist and hiding his face against his arm. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But I promised!" he yelled over the sound of crashing water. "I'm sorry!"

"_You should have told me!"_ Raphael cried, bowing his head as he squeezed his eyes shut to block out anything that might soften his heart.

Donnie lowered his eyes, his body slumping slightly as though giving up. "I know…" He whispered, pulling away from Raph's body and reaching out for the railing to steady himself against the chill Raphael seemed to be radiating. "I'm sorry Raph. I just… I don't know." He closed his eyes tightly, biting at his lower lip as his mind battled through his emotions to try and pinpoint exactly why he hadn't ever told him.

"That's bullshit!" Turning sharply, Raphael threw his hand out at his side in exasperation. "You found out Splinter was okay with it, but didn't tell me. What happened last night, huh? Did he give you _permission_ to fuck me?" He scowled.

"Now you're being a hypocrite!" Donatello shot back – he wasn't going to crumble that easily in front of the resident hothead, so he gathered his courage together and found his footing to fight back. "I didn't tell you, and you're mad; and if I had told you, you'd still be mad because you'd think I'm only with you because Splinter said it was okay!"

"And you are!"

"Yeah! I am!" Don snapped, "A month later!" He shook his head, looking down at the metal walkway beneath his feet. "I didn't tell you last month because I thought you hated me. Everything you said and then everything you did later that night… come on Raph; can you blame me for being scared out of my mind? I love you! I've loved you so much through the years that I've been willing to stay away for your sake!"

Raphael snorted and scowled. "You were playing by _his_ rules."

Donnie's brows knitted and his heart dropped away in his chest to hit his stomach in a fiery defeat. "You killed me that day Raph. When you said all those things… I-I really thought you didn't love me." he stared at nothing in particular, recalling those emotions at the time; how he had felt like a shuriken had sunk unto his heart the moment Raphael had muttered the words _'I'm tired of waiting.'_ Having him say such a thing had shattered him on so many levels; but to _hear_ the one person whose opinion did matter to him say he wasn't worth waiting for… it had hurt for weeks. True, Raph had admitted that same night that he hadn't meant what he said earlier, but the damage had been done.

Wincing and gripping tighter at the railing, Raphael turned his head away and he clenched his teeth together, keeping quiet for now.

"I was so happy he finally understood." Donnie continued after the silence had grown as thick as the mist settling upon their skin. "I wanted you there – but you weren't. And when I thought of telling you, the… your words would replay themselves in my brain and I'd hear you say 'I'm tired of waiting' over and over in my head."

"You should have at least said something."

"And told you what exactly? You would have truly hated me if I had given in to you that night." Donatello whispered, shifting slightly to turn his back to the railing.

Raphael snorted. "I don't think I could hate you…"

"Oh yeah? Raph, just pretend for a second that I had slept with you that night, then you found this out today."

With a heavy sigh, Raphael glanced upwards, watching the tumbling of a waterfall above him as it burst from a pipe and rained down towards him. "Okay, I get it. I get you." He sighed loudly and bowed forward, leaning back heavily as he held onto the railing as though stretching before he straightened and finally turned back to look at Donnie, his amber eyes softening.

The gaze lasted for what felt like hours. Raph's muscles relaxed slowly along his shoulders and neck and he allowed himself to exhale slowly as though to release all the negative feelings inside. "I get it. You wanted to make sure we were… that we both were real. I _get_ that." He was silent for a moment, really mulling over his thoughts. "But it's still just a half-assed excuse."

Knitting his brows together, Donatello shook his head, reaching out for his brother's arm with a violently trembling hand. "Can't you just be happy we're together?" he asked quietly.

Growling and jerking his arm away from Don's touch, Raphael forcefully pushed away from the railing and he stalked away several feet. He dug his nails into his palms as he panted, feeling his rage boiling deeply within his chest. Though he was furious, he didn't want to take everything out on Donatello – it wasn't Donnie's fault their father was a bastard. "'Course I'm happy! It's not you I'm angry with, it's Splinter! He… he's screwing with us… again!" he turned sharply, amber eyes flashing. "He's still playing with us, Don! You're stuck under his thumb like always!"

"What?" Don gaped, shaking his head, "I am not! And he's not playing with us! He sent me after you!"

"That's my point! He's manipulating us again! We aren't kids anymore, so he knows we'd all leave eventually to be together anyway. He knew we'd not listen to him in the end, and he knew that something would happen and we'd end up doing exactly what we did last night!" Raph turned sharply, glaring sharply at his brother. "Don't you see it Don? He's saving face!"

"He's not…"

"Get over it, Donnie. Splinter isn't all perfect and as wise as we like to think. If he was, he'd have figured something else out rather than threaten a ten year old kid who was scared his daddy was going to send his brother away for just wanting to love him."

Donatello's eyes flickered in pain and the dark depths revealed his own understanding of just where Raphael was with his reasoning.

"He screwed _us_ up. He messed with what _we _had!" He yelled, throwing a fist out. "How many times have you wanted to talk to me, but stopped because you knew Splinter would get the wrong idea? Huh? Or how many times have you been so scared you wanted to…" He paused and his shoulders fell, "Come on Don. That time Karai broke into the lair and scattered us; and after Leo found me and brought me back to you guys…. I wanted ta just hold onto ya so I knew you were alive; but I had to settle for your hand on my shoulder and then I had ta make up some shitty excuse about being hungry or somethin'. I was terrified those few days you guys were gone. I didn't want any of my bros dead, but least of all you…."

He couldn't look at him. His lip trembled and his eyes grew hot and wet because he was right – they had had to rearrange every instinct they had regarding each other, just so that their Master wouldn't think they still loved one another in that way. But he had admitted he was wrong, they wouldn't have to dodge or dance around each other anymore. They could finally be themselves completely.

Wasn't that enough?

"Okay… but he's trying Ra-"

Raphael scowled and he threw his hand out in a cutting motion to cut him off. "Doesn't matter, Don. I ain't goin' back."

"W-what?" Donatello whispered, his eyes widening and his stomach flipping.

Avoiding his eyes as he turned to once more stare out across the overflow station, Raphael grunted and gripped the railing tightly. "I ain't goin' back. I can't be in the same room with him without wantin' to 

punch him. I don't care if he's tryin'. He messed us up. He messed up our lives 'cause of his fucked up sense of honor."

Shaking his head, Donnie moved closer, grasping his arm tightly as he stared down at their feet. "Raphie…"

"I ain't leavin' you, Donnie." Raph whispered, turning his head away from him even as he reached a hand out to grip his fingers. "I could never leave ya… I love ya too much."

A small nod was all Don gave him as he played slightly with Raph's fingers, just feeling him for a moment.

"Nothin' will change; I just won't live in the lair. I'll get my own place. I'll stay close. And knowin' you, you'll fix it all up and make it geekified and you'll practically live there… I hope you'll live with me." He added under his breath, daring to peek at him.

Donnie didn't answer him; he was trying too hard to keep his brain operating as he slowly began to absorb the fact that Raph was basically saying he was moving out and wanted him to live with him wherever that might be. He blushed lightly at that and shrugged a shoulder shyly despite the fact his stomach was flipping excitedly at the prospect of what Raphael was offering him… a life together.

Grunting as he averted his eyes once again and looked down into the man-made water basin, Raph shrugged and pulled away, walking down the walkway a few yards before he turned back to him, his own cheeks flushed in embarrassment and his eyes wild with nervousness. His hand rubbed the back of his neck as he fidgeted. He hated feeling so uncertain. "Look, if ya don't want-"

"I do… I mean, I just… I just don't want this to change… This is too fast." Donnie looked up at him, hastily wiping at his eyes to clear away the moisture that was blurring his vision.

"Things have to change! How the hell do you expect me to live with that bastard?" He shouted, marching back to him with his arm out behind him indicating he meant Splinter back at the lair. "He's never cared about me Don! Sure, he might love me as a son, but when it comes to me as a ninja, as his little puppet, he doesn't give a shit about me! Every time I head out there alone, he doesn't try to stop me! Leo cares more about my safety than our own father does!"

"You can't tell me you honestly believe that." Donnie gaped. "He loves you Raph! He constantly asked me if you were doing alright for the last two years! He knew you were upset but he didn't know how he could fix it for you!"

"Who says I want him to fix me? He made me this way, he might as well live with the consequences! He dragged us apart and expected us to live the way he wanted. He's a controlling megalomaniac! He thinks he can shape us into whatever the hell he wants us ta be by manipulating everything we think and feel!"

"Stop it!" Don shouted, covering his ears with a small hiccup catching in his throat. "Father isn't like that."

Growling and rubbing at his brow, Raphael breathed deeply several times before he headed back to Donatello, his hands delicately settling upon his shoulders and rubbed at his arms. "Donnie…"

"Don't say those things. He isn't like that. He messed up! He admitted it! But he's trying!" He gripped at his brother's arms, desperate for him to understand.

Leaning forward, Raph nudged Don's beak, grimacing when Donnie hiccupped again. "Look, Donnie… come on…" He whispered, reaching up to cup his face and wipe away the hints of tears. "Donnie-boy… sorry. I just can't… not yet. I can't forgive him yet." He explained in a softer voice.

"I get that… just don't say such mean things." Donatello reached out to grip Raph's obi, wanting to keep him close but to also keep him from pulling away.

Frowning and biting his tongue to keep from upsetting him further, Raphael waited for the anger and annoyance to leave his system before he shifted his head to kiss Donnie's brow. "Sorry." He whispered once he felt he wouldn't blurt out something stupid.

"'Kay." Don whispered.

Raph rubbed his hand across his cheek then down his shoulder and arm.

"I just can't go back in there and not keep from punchin' him. 'Kay? I can't forgive him yet."

"Okay." Donatello sighed, calming somewhat. "Just promise you'll talk w-"

"I ain't-"

"-talk with him _later_. I'm not saying right now, but I hope when you feel like you can, you will. Please just talk to him… eventually."

Grunting, Raph bobbed his head, "Fine."

"And I'm not going to tell him you're moving out. You have to do that one on your own."

Raphael scowled then rolled his eyes at the hard and pointed look Donnie gave him. "Fine. Fine. _I'll _tell him, happy?"

Looking down, Donnie shrugged, "A little. I… I just don't like this." He said, finally unhooking his fingers from Raph's obi so his arms could move up and curl around his neck.

"Things change, Donnie. We'll always be together; all four of us. Even if Leo leaves on some dumbass retreat across the world again, or Mikey goes off to make the biggest pizza ever… and you go off to discover a cure for cancer and how to build those flying cars people talk about… I'll always be right there next to ya." He whispered, leaning forward once again to touch their brows together. Don peeked up at him, and Raphael grinned, drinking in those inky depths happily that had flickers of rich browns and shadowy grays speckled within his eyes. "As long as I get a few skulls ta bash in, and there is an open road ta ride my bike on now and then, I'll be happy."

Donatello smiled faintly and looked away, his arms wrapping tighter about his neck. "Thanks; but I'm not worried about us… I'm worried about you and Splinter."



Raph rolled his eyes and looked away to the side.

Frowning and uncurling one arm from his shoulders, Donnie reached out to him, attempting to cup his cheek and force him to look back at him. "Don't…" Don started then jerked his hand away from Raph's face at the angry look in his lover's eyes.

"Don't push it Donnie! Right now, the way I see it, we're all we need. All four of us will always stay together, and we don't need Splinter anymore. We're all we have. Even if we make friends with humans, or even if we end up in the spotlight and the humans accept us, we'll always stick together. But I can't look at _him_ yet. Just because he apologized all nice-like doesn't warrant forgiveness from me."

Donatello frowned and sighed heavily, his fingers playing lightly against his collarbone.

Grimacing at the lost look upon Donnie's face, Raph patted his shell and then rubbed his arms slowly. "Just give me a few days. You know my temper. It'll deflate soon." He offered as a form of assurance.

"Okay." Don answered stiffly.

The silence was awkward and heavy. It weighed down on them like a ton of bricks, and choked them as surely as a dirt road in August would have. Neither knew what to say. What did one say to the one they loved during an argument when neither was willing to budge?

Raphael solved it with his usual tactful solution – he pulled away forcefully and turned, folding his arms across his broad chest in an attempt to alienate his mate.

"You should get back now."

Donatello dragged himself away from the edge of disappointment and inched towards Raph instead. He touched his shell first, trailing his fingertips across his scarred and battered carapace. He ran his thumb across the deep groove where one of the stone general's throwing stars had gouged his shell so deeply that he suspected that part of the obsidian rock was still inside; and forever would be. He kissed it; chaste and quick. He kissed his scutes and then his shoulder before he carefully slipped his arms about his lover's waist and propped his chin on one of Raph's broad shoulders. Donatello shrugged ever so faintly as he leaned his beak into his neck and sighed heavily as he made his final decision. "I want to stay with you a little longer."

Smirking delicately with more love than amusement, Raphael bowed his head and nodded, quietly telling him he understood. "Okay; but not too long, I gotta cool off here and all."

"Right, got it," Donnie whispered with a smile and placed a light kiss to his neck.

-- --

He spent a good hour out there with Raph. They didn't talk at all; they just stood there in silence as they both _felt_ what the other was thinking.

Raphael couldn't get past his anger; not in any decent amount of time that is, and he sent Donnie away when he hadn't reached that state of calmness he had honestly been trying to find. Perhaps that was 

the irony of his anger; he didn't have control over it, just as Donnie didn't have control over his compulsive need to rewire the toaster, just as Leo's training seemed to be just as ingrained in him as Mikey's compulsive need to eat as much sugar as possible in one day. He grunted in annoyance and disentangled himself from Don's hold, mumbling under his breath about him getting back home before everyone worried. When Donatello leveled his 'tough guy' look on him, he quickly made heavy promises that he would stay safe and he would crash at Casey's for the week so he could think everything over concerning himself and Master Splinter. Don had hesitantly conceded and did as he was told, but only after Raph had sworn he would call when he got to Casey's. But not in the mushy, over-protective way of course… you know, just so he knew Raph hadn't died on the way to the human's apartment.

Raphael sat out at the draining station for another three hours thinking before he even bothered to head towards his bud's house. But as he stood by the ladder leading up to the alley above that was near Casey's apartment, his conviction suddenly became listless and he gazed up the rungs, gripping tightly to the cold, clammy iron in his hand. He didn't want to go home, he was sickened at the very idea that he might see Splinter. But he had never been one to run from a fight.

"Damnit." Raphael snarled and shoved himself away from the ladder as he headed back towards the lair.

Not seeing Splinter was one thing, but not seeing Donnie was another. It wasn't fair to him just because their father and him were having a fight. It was late enough. He could avoid Splinter without any trouble.

The lair was dark and it was quiet – though Raph knew better. Just because there wasn't a soul wandering the main rooms didn't mean that they weren't very much awake behind closed doors.

Raphael moved as silently as his training dictated as he snuck through the lair. It was so easy to do. Though it was simple, it was just extremely nerve-wracking as hell. Who knew who might catch him.

Something in his belly tugged his feet to a stop suddenly, and Raph glanced towards his father's study on his way to the hallway and towards his Donatello's room. He frowned, glancing to the side then back to the shoji doors of his father's study. Looking up to the ceiling, Raphael's jaw tightened as he tried to rein in the anger that had never fully left. With a quick turn and a sharp movement of his arm, Raphael shoved the rice paper door open and stepped inside, slamming the screen shut behind him as he glared at his father kneeling in his customary place across the room.

Without opening his eyes, Splinter's whiskers twitched and his ears laid back towards his head. "Raphael." He said smoothly in his thick accent.

"Listen, you bastard, I ain't goin' to forgive ya."

Frowning and finally lifting his eyes to stare up at his son as he paced by the door with his arms crossed and his face twisted in a harsh scowl, Splinter adopted his customary look of disapproval before speaking to get his son's attention. "Raphael; I ask that you at the very least grant me more respect than what you have just displayed."

Grunting, but in a silently apologetic way, Raphael paused in his pacing and breathed deeply and slowly. "Sorry." He said after a moment before he turned and approached his father. Instead of kneeling in front of the table like usual, Raphael dragged one of the cushions around to the other side so he could 

sit near his father as an equal without the furniture between them. Splinter shifted so he could face his son and the two squared off in a heavily pregnant staring contest. Even the air was oppressive and heavy with unsaid words that were as thick as the misty swamps in the southlands.

Clearing his throat awkwardly with a cough, the red clad turtle inhaled slowly and exhaled before he leveled hard and judging amber eyes upon the rat that had raised him and his brothers like children of his blood. "You know why I'm here?"

"Of course," Splinter nodded, waiting patiently for his son to begin.

Glaring down at his fists that curled upon his knees, Raphael gritted his teeth. He had promised Donnie he would _talk_, not _yell, _but the pressure built, hammering at his chest till it burst past his lips and into the open space between them. "I hate you."

A flicker of hurt and sorrow fluttered across the Master's face. He stared for several long minutes, hoping to see some form of apology that said he hadn't mean it to sound as harsh as it did – but nothing came. One of Splinter's fingers grasped tightly at his robe as though such an action would steel him in preparation for the worst. "As I told you earlier, I'm sorry for all that I did." Splinter said in a voice far more quiet than intended.

Shaking his head, Raphael inhaled slowly, gathering his center with every pull of air his lungs dragged in. "You don't deserve Donnie's love. You don't deserve anything from us. Even Leo and Mikey have suffered because of you… but they don't seem to remember that. They just smile and are happy that you say it's okay now. When was it ever wrong to begin with?"

Splinter just stared at him, his thin, bony hands gripping more tightly together.

"You screwed us up, ya know that?" Raph laughed harshly, his eyes wild as he let it all out to the one man he never thought he would ever raise his voice to in such a manner. "You made us so fuckin' worried about what _you_ thought and what _you _would say, that we lost ourselves along the way. Ya stole part of our identities to mold us the way you wanted." He snarled, pounding a fist against his thigh. "Was _I_ part of your plan for the 'perfect ninja team'? Was _I _what you had always wanted?" He scowled.

Frowning, Splinter shook his head, "Raphael, I told you earlier this evening my feelings-"

"But that doesn't fix me being a cocky and arrogant son of a bitch now does it?" Raph grunted and looked down at his hands. His fingers uncurled and gripped at his knees suddenly; desperately. He took a moment to breathe, not even listening to his father as he tried to explain to him something about ninja training and confidence… it was all bullshit anyway. He wasn't going to listen to that.

"Whatever. I don't even care if there is some oh so divine lesson in this. The fact is," Raphael raised his eyes once more, his shoulders tensing and his jaw tightening a bit more as he prepared himself for what was to come, "you knew you couldn't win, so you told Donnie he could be with me because you knew you could manipulate Don to get to me. That might be true – hell, I'm here talkin' to ya because I promised him I would – but you're goin' ta get squat from me. My only concern right now is takin' care of Donatello. I'll drag Donnie out of here so fast your head will spin if I think you're takin' advantage of his faith in you."



Splinter listened silently, trying not to flinch at his son's hard words.

"For some reason he thinks you've seen the damn light. That ya really do accept us…"

"I do, Raphael. I understand the pain…"

"No you don't!" He shouted, staring wide-eyed at his father, "How the hell could you know how much pain you've caused us? Huh?" Raph shook his head again as he tried to control his temper again. "You threatened a scared kid. What gave you the right to do that?" He asked, contorting his face up in confused pain.

"I am your father." Splinter explained smoothly as he lowered his ears against his head.

Sighing heavily, Raphael nodded, "I know." He was quiet for a while, his insides twisting up and letting go quickly in a wild ride of debating what he would say next. He didn't say anything for a long time and he liked to think that Splinter's wisdom had kept him from speaking just then as well. Raphael blinked his eyes quickly and focused on his breathing while he settled himself. It needed to be said. "I-I do understand why you broke us apart." He admitted, frowning down at his knuckles.

Splinter's ears twitched and perked up quickly as he studied his son's face.

"I _really do_ understand. We _were_ young. We were too young to deal with emotions like that. It was like we were playing 'house' with a pack of matches and a can of gasoline. Who knows what woulda happened if we had been allowed ta do whatever we liked so young. Honestly, one of us might be dead." Raph admitted, his eyes gazing off for a moment as he tried to mentally pinpoint where they might have died before he shook himself out of it and glared once more at his father, but he stayed eerily calm and his voice remained rational and smooth. "But you handled it all wrong. Ya threatened a ten year old kid. You never let _me_ explain whenever something happened. You would always single Donnie out and drag him in here ta 'talk'. But most importantly, ya never _listened_ to us. You didn't bother tryin'." Raphael frowned.

"I was so angry…." He whispered, shaking his head and bowing his head down a bit more. "I'm still angry about it. If anythin', you messed _me_ up the most." He lifted his eyes and stared directly into the warm brown eyes that flickered with hurt. Raph remembered those eyes as being so comforting as a child, but they had changed over the years and the older he'd become. It was just the disillusionment of growing up, but he wished he could be a kid again now and then just so he could look into those eyes and feel like his dad had all the answers and was the smartest guy in the whole world. Sure, he was probably wiser than most of the humans on all of the planet, but he had lost that god-like quality soon after he had turned twelve and had been given their weapons.

"I was so angry all the time." He continued. "I couldn't _like_ you because of everythin' you had done. Ya wouldn't let Donnie come ta me for comfort of any kind. It's like you thought…" He stopped and grunted. "I get that ya didn't want somethin' ta happen – but Donnie and I were more than capable of controllin' ourselves. The few times we did get out of hand with each other we stopped. Either I or Donnie would put a halt to anythin' that might have begun."

Splinter finally shifted. "Past encounters did happen; haven't they?"



Raphael only nodded, not daring to look in his eyes.

Closing his eyes, the elderly rat took a moment to absorb that new bit of information.

"Sensei?" Raphael asked quietly. Amber eyes lifted to stare into his father's alert eyes. "Why didn't you trust me?"

"I do trust you, Raphael." Splinter whispered. "What I didn't trust were your new found teenage emotions. Even as teenagers you were too young to deal with such emotions as well as the new physical changes you were experiencing."

"But it killed me. I had to stay away from him… I don't mean I was horny or nothin' like that." Raph couldn't' stop a small smirk touching his face, but it fell quickly and he continued. "I mean it killed me because I literally had to _stay away_ from him because if I didn't, you would always give me that look," Raphael frowned, watching his father's face flicker in the candlelight and blending in with the rest of the golden warmth and shadows that surrounded him like a natural cloak. "You've always pulled Don farther away from me." Raphael finished with a sigh, his eyes distancing themselves as he looked to the side. "We couldn't even just talk. I lost him after awhile." Raph closed his eyes and bowed his head. "I missed him so much. I guess I'm tryin' ta say, I missed having my friend. I missed havin' my brother… but I mostly missed havin' _him_." He whispered. "He always knew what ta say, and he calmed me… but then I didn't have that; so I got angry."

The room seemed to chill and the two figures shivered in the wake of the icy fingers that tickled across the backs of their necks. Whiskers twitched and frail looking hands curled into fists as the words became a wave of guilt within his heart. Splinter lifted his eyes and the flickering candlelight reflected off the warm brown orbs as he slowly moved forward, his hands inching across the floor as his old body bowed forward, his brow pressing to the floor before he squeezed those eyes closed, his ears laying flat against the shifting colors of his fur in the firelight.

"Don't…" Raphael breathed, shaking his head, his own face twisting in a mixture of despair and disgust.

"I am sorry my son. I never wished to hurt you."

"You can't just apologize and expect it to fix this!" Raph screamed, his shoulders slumping as he pressed his hands to the course tatami mats. He shook his head violently in denial.

"I believed I was protecting you both. I didn't believe I would shatter your souls the way I appear to have done."

"You can't!" Raphael dug his nails into the mat and he trembled slightly as everything he thought and believed began to solidify or crumble with every breath. He wasn't sure what was more shocking – that his father was still asking for forgiveness, or the fact he felt his heart soften enough to hope he could someday give him that.

"I only ever loved you, Raphael. You and your brothers are all I have in this life, and it pains me to know I have caused such pain and such turmoil to your spirits. I understand and accept that forgiveness will need to be earned over time. But I swear to you on the honest life my Master Yoshi led, I _have_ given you my blessing. I only wish for you four to be happy and loved, even after I am gone. I am so proud of you. 

You are strong and skilled in the arts of Ninjustu, but what I am most proud of, is seeing just how devoted you are to both your brothers, and to your chosen mate. It fills me with pride to know my sons will not let even an old, confused rat get in the way of love – because I know love is the greatest strength you hold within, Raphael."

Raphael clenched his teeth as he shook, his head bowing lower as the angry fire within became nothing more than dying ember's flickering within his chest. "I still won't forgive you…" He choked out, his hands quivering all the harder against the floor.

"And I accept that. I only wish for you to know I love you, and I am happy for you and Donatello." Splinter whispered and his older body shook as he waited for the verdict.

A new weakness filled Raphael's chest. He closed his eyes as a bitter smile clawed at his face before his features twisted up and he looked ready to cry. "Really…?" he asked, his voice quavering with urgency; he needed to know.

Splinter slowly raised himself from his bow and fingertips slid across the mats as he nodded reverently. "Yes, my son, I give you and Donatello my blessing to be with each other however you please."

The turtle shook his head, shaking violently despite how determined he was to hide it. Even the moisture in his eyes couldn't be hidden away with the rapid blinking of his eyes. "No, not that… You love me?"

Parting his lips and reaching out to his son, Splinter cupped Raphael's watery cheeks and leaned towards him, "I am wounded that you needed me to say it, my son. But yes, I love you and your brothers very much."

Raph growled slightly in his throat, pulling away from his father as he pressed the heel of his hand to his eye, and he bore his teeth as tears ran in rivers down his cheeks. Shudders traveled down his spine and his stomach twisted into knots. He nodded slightly and bowed forward suddenly, silent for almost a full minute before a choked, "Thank you, Father," tumbled from his throat and said all that was needed to be said.

-- --

(flops over) got it... out... (gasps) oh my...

sorry this took FOREVER!! but I really do blame the characters, for one, they kept telling me it wasn't right yet (which, having just figured it out and fixed it, i totally agree), and also... (coughs) Trucker!Raph took over my brain for awhile. ... yeah.

anyway. Firstly, I'd have to thank Geaven. Sorry I never sent you this chapter like you asked; I really was going too!... ... o.0 yeah. But still, just that one comment 'Don't over think it' seriously fixed half the problems I had with this chapter. you are the best! :)

And secondly, I'd have to thank Lifehouse XD I love Lifehouse! They are the bestest! I bought a new laptop about 2 weeks ago, and while transfering all my iPod stuff over onto it, Lifehouse was the first to 

make its way onto my laptop, so I would listen to them while I was fixing up my new toy. well, alot of their songs are just muse-inspiring for me and it got me writing like crazy. I have about 4 or 5 other TMNT stories written/started because of them, and they helped ease my brain or something to get this chapter figured out and finished. so yes, go listen to a Lifehouse song as a tribute XD maybe 'Breathing' as a recommend; or Sick Cycle Carousel as a fun song!

but oh... man, this chapter was hard; I didn't want Raph to be a ranting, raving anger-machine; so I had to really carefully chose my words or figure out how to get Raph into the right mindset so he wouldn't go off on a yelling spree. Writing the Donnie Raph stuff earlier also helped. I always said in this series that Donnie always knows the right way to calm Raphie down... so I was trying to prove that. sadly though, I made Donnie a sniffling girl -.- sorry. I didn't mean too.

But the ending. That was what fixed this whole thing. i think it clicked in my head that for Raph, it wasn't completely about Splinter splitting them up. he even admits he understands why he did. For him, it's feeling like he isn't the good son. even the first TMNT movie, Splinter seems like he has to reassure Raph that he loves him and is there for him. I think Raph finally slapped me upside the head and said 'duh!' because i at least touched on part of the issues he's holding inside. he's not forgiving Splinter at the end, but he is at least acknowledging that he was scared he was secretly hated. Raphie is a big teddy and I guess I'm feeling like that because he can't be a part of the surface world, and he's been forced to ignore this love he's held for one of his brothers for so long, that now that it's out in the open and he's not giving a damn what his father thinks... that maybe Raph is scared that his father will hate him (though Raph would try and act like it doens't bug him... he would).

bleh, enough babble. i hope you liked it :) I know it's kinda sparse for a 3 month wait of an entry, but it at least moved the characters forward and I'm pleased with it. I feel like I captured something with Raphael so I have no complaints now. I hope you'll leave feedback :) I think maybe only one chapter remains for this series; something to wrap it up for Raph and Donnie... then it's onto Fearless Leader!! :D

-Melissa the Damgel


	16. Vindicated

Title: Vindicated  
Rating: R  
Pairing: Raph/Don  
Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles.  
Summary: He finally has Donnie, but Raph can't let the past go so simply.  
Warnings: Donnie cusses. And fluff. lots of yummy fluff.

* * *

~Vindicated~

Leonardo unfolded himself from his meditation and stood slowly, stepping from the dojo with his ears pricked as he listened to Raphael's voice rise. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, steeling himself to try and calm his volatile brother down. He half expected Mikey to come tearing through the hallway having pulled some prank or done something to piss his brother off. But, there was no one else yelling, no lights, and no other sound in the lair but for the muffled shouts. Frowning, he paused in the entryway of the main room – and he turned abruptly, feeling someone behind him. Glancing up at the balcony, Mikey leaned upon the railing, looking over the edge at him, tense and worried.

"Dude, Raph is, like, letting him have it." he said in a hiss, his eyes wide and his hand gripped the iron guard tight.

Furrowing his brows, Leonardo turned, looking toward Donnie's lab, but the door was open and the light off. Crossing the living area and moving past the kitchen, he halted immediately as he saw Donatello leaning against the wall next to Splinter's study, his arms wrapped around his waist, head bowed and a foot propped up on the bricks behind him comfortably. He didn't look alarmed, just pensive.

"Don?" He approached slowly, the temperature in the lair feeling as if it dropped several degrees as Donnie's dark eyes rose and stabbed him in the gut. His eyes nearly black in the faint light, he looked so….creepy. It was like he saw everything with his eyes while hardly any emotion reflected back to him.

Donatello raised a hand and pressed a finger to his lips, pushing away from the wall with every bit of ninja stealth to move away from the room. Leo glanced at the shoji doors that did little to hide Raphael's angry voice, or the firm but humming voice of their father.

He followed Donnie, glancing back over his shoulder - he wanted to go in there and break it up. It was completely disrespectful of Raph...

"Yes, Leo? What is it?" Don asked so quiet and relaxed that Leonardo again felt so confused.

"What's going on? Why is Raph in there yelling at Sensei?" His shoulders grew stiff and his posture improved immediately feeling his leadership role slide back into place and he readied himself to step in and shut Raphael down the moment Donnie mentioned anything about dishonorable actions.

Donatello frowned, looking over his shoulder, distracted. His mind was focused more on Splinter's study and the raised voices than on Leo. When he pulled himself back and looked to him, Donatello shuttered his emotions again and his eyes seemed a hollow black. "Nothing. They're just talking. That's the important part."

"Nothing? Don, He's screaming at Sensei." he waved back toward the room, "He was raised better than to do that-"

"Leo." Donnie raised a hand, exhaling slowly. "It's between Splinter and Raphael. You don't need to be the leader right now."

Leo trusted Don. He had always looked to him for advice, support, backup, for wisdom. Don had always been his right-hand man. There was a reason Splinter had named Donatello as second in command if something where to happen to him on the battlefield. But it irked him. For some reason he felt himself bristle at the ease of Donatello's dismissal of his questions.

"What's going on, Don. I want to know."

Donatello's eyes flashed and abruptly they transformed from empty and smooth inky depths to a lightning storm. "They are working out issues, Leo. This has nothing to do with the team. This is something between Raphael and Splinter only."

"But-"

"Drop it, Leo." Donatello's arms fell from his waist and he drew himself up, hands forming into fists. "I explained all that you need to know. If Splinter deems their conversation notable for your knowledge, then he'll tell you."

Leonardo held his breath, staring down at Donnie. He heard Michelangelo shifting above, moving closer to them quietly. He could just imagine his blue eyes wide and staring. It took a lot to get Donnie mad like this - and he had barely spoken to him. "What's wrong." he asked, voice dropping an octave.

"Leo, I swear-"

"No, not with them. I mean you. What's wrong? You hardly ever snap at me." He held his ground, inhaling slow and smooth, studying Donatello closely and watching every twitch in his body. He was not going to allow Donatello to slink back into the background if there was something wrong - especially between them.

Donatello's hands gripped his hips, his jaw tight and eyes staring through him as if determined to just ignore him.

"Donnie..."

"Not everything is about you." Don said while holding his ground just as steady as Leo. "I explained the situation as far as you needed to know so you can now excuse yourself to get that stick out of your ass and leave us alone."

Leonardo managed by sheer will power alone not to jump down Don's throat – because that sounded more like Raph than the gentle Donnie he knew. He narrowed his eyes and Donatello stood his ground, though a faint twitch at the corner of his mouth gave him away. At least he was holding back from screaming at him. But what exactly was he holding back? "What did I do?" he asked carefully and the chill in the lair dropped further as something seemed to crack in Donnie.

"Where the hell were you?" He hissed, voice so low and quiet Leo had to lean forward to catch it. "You promised me...Mikey...you promised us one year if not less-" He swallowed hard, his hands shaking. "-we needed you here."

"Me being gone is still going to be an issue?" He shook his head, looking away. If it wasn't for the fact he and Raph had already had this fight, he might have felt differently about it. Yet here he was, in the exact same fight just with a different face and without weapons slicing past one another in the rain.

It was just something he had to do. Why couldn't they understand that?

"I had to come to terms about what I wanted, what was best - what the consequences of my actions were going to cause. I had to make my choice. I had to become a better leader to understand what I might be giving up or what I might be gaining. I had to do this for you, for Mikey, for Raph...I had to do that for me." His hands curled at his sides, his chest heaving.

Donatello looked away, wrapping his arms about his middle again and he stared off to the side. Small and quiet once again. His anger far from having run its course, but he had gotten the majority out – at least, he hoped.

Leo sighed loudly and reached out, clapping a warm hand upon his brother's shoulder. "Donnie, it was my choice to stay."

Donatello shrugged his hand off, taking a step back and stared at Splinter's door, reaching up to touch the place his hand had just been as if his touch left behind slime. "It's not just about extending your training." He whispered and Leonardo held his breath, straining to hear him. "You didn't tell us. Why couldn't you have just said that in a letter? It was like you glossed over everything you actually were thinking and feeling and didn't give us the time to understand you."

Leo refused to look away, though he wanted to look to Mikey so badly – afraid to see the confirmation in his eyes.

Ensnaring his eyes, Don stared him down, his hand shaking till he made a fist. "Then - then your letters petered out till they were non-existent and we didn't know what was going on with you period. For all we knew, you could have died and we would have never known." he swallowed hard, his brow knotting up, his arms hugging himself a little tighter as he hissed, his eyes clawing into Leonardo accusingly. "You just assumed – as you always do – that what you decided would be best for us all without actually talking to us. It made it hard on me because Raph needed an explanation. Mikey deserved that explanation. You might have ultimately decided to stay out there longer for us, but you were completely selfish in how you initiated it."

Well that stung. Leonardo flicked his eyes up to Mikey on the landing; his face down and he gripped the railing tight with tension in his shoulders.

"Do we have to argue over this?" Leo looked back to Donnie, his shoulders falling.

It took a while for him to answer and Leo could see his brain spinning behind his dark eyes as he filed through his emotions, the arguments, the possible outcomes of everything he could say. Donatello shrugged suddenly, his back still stiff. "Nope, not at all." And Leonardo inhaled sharply at the glare that froze him in place. "You're always right after all. My thoughts won't change anything. Goodnight, your highness." He hissed then pushed past Leo and made his way to his lab.

"Dude," Mikey said and Leo flinched.

"Don, I'm sorry."

Donatello paused, tilting his head as he turned, studying him in return. Leo waited and it occurred to him why Donnie was so good with Raph - because that silence of his always gave Raph time to really think about what he did or what to say, it forced Raph to draw his own conclusions about whatever it was they were discussing. Leonardo hated to admit it, but Donnie was right; it was selfish of him to assume - and he assumed a lot about everything and everyone around him. He liked things black and white and never realized when he himself stepped into the gray in-between because he just assumed someone would react the same way that they always did.

"Well that was a half-ass attempt. But, it's a start." Donatello sighed, rubbing his arm then turned, moving around the entertainment center and pausing only momentarily to look at Splinter's study before he disappeared into his own room and closed the door, leaving only a sliver open for the light to peek through.

It hurt like a knee to the stomach. It was only a start? How badly did he mess everything up just because he didn't explain something? It actually seemed petty of Donnie to be holding a grudge over something like this; especially when he had seemed so happy and at ease after he had come home. In a way, by him staying gone for so long it allowed even Master Splinter to come to terms with the overlaying problem - him accepting their relationships. Why would he be angry about that? It all worked out for the best.

Mike's arms slid around his shoulders and he leaned heavily on him - still several steps up. "So...You should probably, like, find Donnie a new computer or something tomorrow so he chills out."

Leo smiled, all that angst and worry washing away with just a few words from Michelangelo. "Yeah, that actually isn't a bad idea." He said.

Mikey sighed and kissed his cheek then tugged on his shoulders. "Come on, I'm so tired I'm ready to pass out right here on you. And actually, that isn't a bad idea. I say I do that anyway, just in bed. What do you say, Captain?" He grinned and Leo chuckled, the last of the tension easing from his shoulders. He shouldn't worry. This was Donatello, he would probably come to him tomorrow and apologize and they would be able to talk this out peaceably and be a solid team, side-by-side, once again.

"I think that's a good idea. A solid night's sleep will do us all good." He turned then, easily molding himself to Mikey as the other turtle slid himself into place against his side and nuzzled at his shoulder on their way up the stairs.

The cuter one did snort though, his warm hands trailing over his plastron plates. "Who said anything about sleeping?"

"But, you just said..."

"Yeah right, like I'd actually pass out without a little nookie first." Mikey snickered, eyes twinkling. "I have a certain Space Hero uniform in my closet and I want my Captain to tuck me in." he purred and tugged a blushing Leo the rest of the way up the stairs and into his bedroom, firmly locking the door.

* * *

Raphael watched him silently from the doorway; studying his lover as he stared at his computer screen, his fingers the only part of him moving as they clicked this or that with the mouse. His hands occasionally reached for his keyboard to type something quickly, but his hand would go back to his mouse and a second later only his finger would click and his wrist would twitch. Leaning back in his chair, his right foot resting on the edge of his seat as though being folded up in a small swivel chair was comfortable, Raphael admired the sight; the stability of this one image. Donnie tilted his head and Raph's eyes grazed over his long neck and shoulders and up to the side of his face to watch those dark eyes flicker back and forth over the screen, staring so intently and focusing all his attention to the task at hand.

And he wanted him to smile. He wanted him to stare at him like he had when they were children and really smile without ever again looking away and remembering what Splinter had told them over ten years ago and become quiet and distant in a snap.

Inching into the lab, Raphael felt his stomach jump and his heart beat faster. He didn't know what he was doing, but he had to do it now in that textbook and electrical smelling room; and it had to be now or it would disappear into the night and he would regret it forever.

He moved quickly to Donatello's computer station, not bothering with stealth. Don turned his head quickly as he felt someone enter his room and he sat up straight and swiveled in his chair, his lips parting to say his name. Raph could just see it in those beautiful and darkly haunting eyes. He was about to say his name….

Raphael reached down and cupped his face, leaning forward even as he tilted Donnie's face upwards, and with a light brush of his beak against his, he pressed a kiss to his Donatello's mouth.

Donnie struggled weakly, his eyes closing as the kiss drew him further into Raph's presence. He laid a hand on his wrist and tugged halfheartedly but gave up a moment later and leaned closer to him, his lips parting and asking for the kiss to be deeper, his tongue fluttering over Raph's.

Dropping to his knees in front of him, Raph slid one hand around to the back of Donnie's head and pressed their lips more firmly together while his other hand reached for the arm of his chair and tugged him forward.

Donnie parted his legs immediately the moment Raph's plastron bumped against his knee, the leg that had been resting on the edge of his seat now trapped between their chests. He inhaled sharply and wound his arm about Raphael's neck just as Raph grasped his trapped leg and ran questing fingers along the length.

Raphael broke the kiss, dipping his head to kiss at his exposed inner thigh. Donnie's face flushed, a hand reaching out shyly to push him away only to stop himself in time and he touched Raph's cheek instead, drawing his attention back to his face. "Raphie?"

He lifted his face but he pressed his cheek to his thigh, his free hand dropping from Don's neck to take his hand in his and kiss his knuckles. "I love you, Donnie-boy."

Donnie's face warmed again and he smiled. Leaning forward, he kissed the top of Raph's head, a little hum in his chest. "I know. You came back."

"I can't leave ya now that I have ya." He said, gazing up at him.

The computers hummed and it cast a glowing radiance across Donatello's face, making his dark eyes shimmer and the light brought out the hints of rich chocolate scattered in their inky depths. Everything about him dug into Raphael and he leaned up, kissing him again, cutting Donatello off, desperate for something that niggled at the back of his brain till he hissed, clinging to Donatello as if he would disappear.

"Raphie, what is it? You're scaring me." Donnie whispered against his lips and cupped his face, forcing Raphael to look at him.

Raphael swallowed hard, his throat closing up and cutting off his words. But right there, that look, he didn't want Donnie to look scared and worried, like he was waiting for a brick to smash his last remaining window any second now. "I don't know. I just don't want ta be away from you right now."

He relaxed and his lips formed a gentle smile. And that's what Raph wanted to look at every day for the rest of his life. That. Relaxed, warm, content, loved, and happy Donnie. That's how he wanted Donatello to feel forever without anything weighing him down and suffocating him.

He kissed Donnie's palm, his fingers still rubbing along his opposite thigh, opening it up just a tad so he could press it against his side as he nuzzled the trapped one against his cheek. "I love yer legs."

Donnie laughed softly. "I've gathered as much." He leaned his head back and relaxed against his chair, gazing down his body at him.

"No, seriously. They are sexy as hell." He said and Don's smile grew, eyes twinkling.  
Raphael grinned back. No cockiness, no mockery, no smug or lecherous smirks; just an honest smile. "I ain't leavin' ya."

He nodded, the purple tails of his mask slipping over his shoulder. "I know. I won't leave you either."

"Ya swear?" He asked, tugging the chair closer and pulling Don's mask of his so he could see his eyes better, so he could rid themselves of another barrier.

Donatello rubbed his warm thumb along his cheek, leaning into him. "Raphie, what is it?"

Raphael shook his head, "I don't know. I just need ta know."

"You'll never get rid of me." Donatello whispered, tracing his lips with his thumb and smiling when Raph pecked the tip.

"Move out with me."

"What?" Donnie pulled back and tilted his head, brows lifting high.

Raph took his shoulder, leaning into him. "We won't go far. Just enough...you know, for us ta be us. No brothers ta walk in on, no Splinter-" His mouth pursed into a thin line and he bit back the nasty comments, "-just us. A place of our own. Close enough ta keep the team together but far enough away so we don't have ta be here all the time." He said, nearly begging him.

Donatello's mouth opened and shut for a moment, stumbling over his thoughts and emotions. Raphael could see it, the gears working in Donnie's head, going over every con and pro, every what-if-factor, and everything Donnie would need to set them both up with even just the basic of commodities that they now had here in the lair.

"Raph..."

"Even if it takes five years, let's do it." He gripped at Don's thigh, holding onto him.

His mouth worked for a moment before his voice fumbled out. "But, it'll take a lot of work. We'd have to find-"

"We'll find it. Whatever it takes, however long-" Raphael trailed off, his heart pounding in his chest.

Donatello was so quiet, so uncertain, his shoulders lifting up toward his ears as if trying to hide. Raph swallowed hard, never looking away from him. This was so important to him; would he be able to leave Splinter? Would he stay with him? Raphael's stomach twisted and he watched every emotion, every idea, and every cog in the Brianiac's head roll around. He knew better than to interrupt him. He had to allow Don time to go over everything. But the suspense was damn near killing him.

"Please, Donnie?" he whispered, watching the light flicker across the side of Donnie's face as the screensaver switched on.

The knot in the center of Don's brow relaxed slowly and Raphael smiled, hope leaping up into his chest. Donnie's head bobbed with a nervous twitch of his lips.

"Yeah?"

Donnie nodded. "Yes." He sighed heavy and resigned. "It'll take a lot of work though. We'll have to constantly be looking for things to build a new lair-"

"Deal!"

"And I'm not going to live without my computers."

"Ain't askin' ya too."

"I'll have to find electrical cables and-" Donatello trailed off and Raphael felt contentment, watching Don's brain run a mile a second, calculating and theorizing, making a mental checklist of essentials with room to add more. Raphael leaned up and captured his lips, breaking Donnie's thoughts through an insistent kiss that left no room for Donatello to argue because list or no list, Donnie was here with him and he wasn't letting that love go. Ever.

"Thank you." Raphael sighed, all the tension in his body easing out of him.

"You're stuck with me too, you know; even if you're in one of your loner-moods." Donnie smirked back and a chuckle bubbled between them.

"What? You goin' ta chase me down now?" He looked so happy and Raph nearly purred in his own delight being there with him and he nuzzled that alluring thigh next to his cheek.

"Yep." Donatello's fingers played along Raphael's arm and up over his shoulder, tracing the muscles, the dips in his skin molded by time and necessity. Raphael kissed his tasty flesh and Don's tail twitched where it lay upon the chair

"You sure ya can keep up?" he teased, waggling his brows. "I run pretty fast."

His eyes sparkled, "I'm certain I can keep up. I have a few tricks up my sleeves."

"Yeah?" Raphael chuckled and peeked down at his tail and dared to run a finger along its length, humming as it curled about his finger reflexively. "Ya mean I ain't see everything yet?"

Donatello's cheeks blushed, but he couldn't stop the sarcasm from rolling off his tongue. "So full of yourself."

"Hey, I gotta right to be." He winked. "I'm getting laid."

He rolled his eyes and Raph snorted, his fingers running along Don's thigh, tracing the wiry strength there, examining the length of skin and muscle that led a path all the way to heaven and a wagging tail...then he chuckled suddenly. Low and rolling, Raphael bowed his head and planted a playful kiss to Donnie's inner thigh, his eyes sparkling in delight as he peeked back up at him.

"What?" Don grinned, tugging Raphael's mask down around his neck so he could see his eyes better.

Raphael leaned up, his fingers dragging slowly along Donnie's thigh and drawing patterns along it playfully. "I think I figured out why I love yer legs."

"Oh?" Donnie tilted his head, his cheek resting against his shoulder. "Do tell." He teased.

Raphael nodded, amber eyes dancing. "We're gettin' married, remember? You were goin' ta wear a garter."

It took a second, but the moment it sunk in, Donatello's cheeks flushed, his eyes shone, and his laugh fell out of him with delight. He leaned forward, unfolding himself from his chair and Raphael welcomed him into his arms, returning the laughing kiss with a chuckle of his own as those delightful thighs wrapped about his waist, and the wheels squealed as the computer chair was shoved backward. They curled together, fitting together like a glove in their mirth.

Raphael leaned back on his heels, staring up at Donatello as he settled high on his lap. "What? Ya sayin' you ain't goin' ta keep yer word?"

"I did promise that, didn't I?"

"Yep, and I can't wait ta see it." He grinned as Donnie slid his arm about his neck, all slinky and with absolute comfort in every unabashed movement made toward him.

"Well then, I'll have to do a bit of shopping," Donnie whispered and gripped the tails of Raph's mask around his neck, pulling them closer together, "can't disappoint my fiancee'."

"Not possible." Raphael whispered against his lips then kissed him. Donatello hummed and it drifted into a churr, shooting warmth and lightning through his nerve endings with the slide of skin on skin, and the puff of their breaths against lips as he pulled back just enough to whisper to him. "Yer my Donnie-boy. You're the real deal; everything else is just frills and bells."

"Mmmm, will you marry me, Raphael?" Donnie grinned as he kissed the corner of his mouth and Raph felt his tail wiggling in his attempt to not giggle as he held him close with a little tug to the red mask around his neck.

Raphael snorted against his mouth and Donatello joined him, the two of them laughing. "Come on, Brainiac, let's get ta bed."

"I still have some wo-"

Raph covered Don's mouth, grinning like a fool, "Huh? What was that? Ya want some sex? Well if you insist-"

"Raph!" Donnie blustered, cheeks warm and then he sighed and melted against him as Raphael leaned forward and kissed him.

That's what it was, Raphael realized as he basked in Donatello's warming presence as he joined him, accepted his touches and kisses with a smile - he had wanted to make certain that all their promises would come to pass. Not simply because he kept his word no matter what, but because it was no longer just a promise to him. His Donnie-boy was his world; them together at the center of a spinning, shining universe layered in darkness and multicolored brilliance. Right here in this moment of humming computers, hammering heartbeats, and little sighs of contentment, he now knew; Donatello still wanted him this much too. After everything they had been through emotionally; after waiting half their lives for each other – this was their promise to each other. Through doubt and desperate certainty, they were here, now, free of restraint and with no need to look over their shoulders. This was happiness. This was what they had waited for. They were finally vindicated.

~End~

* * *

Definition of VINDICATE  
1 obsolete : to set free : DELIVER  
2 : AVENGE  
3 a : to free from allegation or blame  
b (1) : CONFIRM, SUBSTANTIATE (2) : to provide justification or defense for : JUSTIFY  
c : to protect from attack or encroachment : DEFEND  
4 : to maintain a right to

* * *

...I finished it. It's done. I can't quite believe it.

Picture I drew for it - its located on my deviantart account under g33kg1rl-RxD under the title "Vindicated 16 - Marry Me"

sorry it took forever. A lot of stuff happened family wise and I just... writing didn't happen. This last part was also giving me trouble - not the Raph and Don portion, that was the easiest, flowiest part of the whole lot. It was the fact that Leo had a lot of baggage and thus a lot of loose ends still untied - and Donnie refused to allow them to be tied up in a neat package. Donnie was so angry and I had to respect that about his character so I finally found an in-between balance that allowed Donnie to be true to himself, but also gave a sense that yes, everything would be okay eventually.

Part of why this took so long to finish was also because I think I was scared to end it. If I didn't end it, then that meant I could live in this story for a while longer. I could keep it open. I could still bask in it. I would never fail if it wasn't finished because no one could say if it was bad or not because it was still incomplete. But it needed ending and today, that line about "I think I figured out why I love yer legs." came to me and after I re-read everything, I realized I was stalling. It was done. I was just scared to post it.

I really did love writing this story. It also taught me so much about writing. I've gotten better because of this story. I've learned so much about how a book needs to flow because of this work, and it will always hold a special place in my heart.

Thank you to all who have stuck with me through this story. Again, I'm sorry it took so long to finish, I feel really bad that it took 5 years to finally get to the ending; but I kept my word, even if it took a while to get to it.

I finished Vindicated. I finished it. I accomplished something that has left me realizing I can do anything. It's an amazing feeling to go along with the fact that I wrote something that is so close to my heart. Thank you all for reading. It was a pleasure and honor working on this story. I truly hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

~Melissa the Damgel


End file.
